Where to even begin....
More friends committing and almost committing suicide:
Well first the actors involved. Friend, friend's new husband, and friend's bother. Friend's brother fatally ODs on Heroin, and because they were close, she understandably doesn't take it well. Did I mention she has prior mental health problems. Her husband splits, just up and leaves her. All indications point to him just ... not coming back. This is far from a nice thing to do as an understatement on his part.... The timing alone, never-mind the deed.
All the freaking while, she goes to mutual friend's house down the street, (understandably freaked out and perhaps a danger to herself). Mutual friend calls me to come from a considerable distance away (thankfully offering me gas money but still). I spend two nights with friend, making sure all the knives and sharp objects are collected along with the pills. I'm not in a good position myself to even really consider dealing with this to say the least, but yeah. Mutual friend knows this but perhaps she's too freaked out to see it or accept that clearly. I don't quite know. All the same, not good, and she keeps insisting even after I say no to helping further (because I can't) after two damn days and part of a 3rd.... She later apologizes but wow.
Under normal circumstances, years ago when I was in a much more stable situation, I would have done this more and had done it quite regularly. It's just an incredible thing to go through and not easy when going through your own shit. She'll be fine and rather supported. I don't think I'd get that kinda support .... It's not a selfish thing, but rather it's self preservation. I did quite a lot of good and more than a lot of people would have, yet I feel like shit still, oddly.
It's quite a thing to strip a knife out of someone's hand when the blade is against their wrist without cutting them, and I've done it a couple times now. Fucked. Up. It's quite a thing to be speaking to somebody who really wants to kill themselves and have them look at you wide eyed in disbelief that you had it worse, and it fucks with your head reliving that for this purpose. They inevitably ask how I got through it, because they are searching for that answer themselves. I've done everything from pleading to screaming "USE IT! Don't let it turn inward." I have become a de facto by experience expert in this shit, but I currently do not have the wherewithal to really practice it/help others.
I am so very tired. I am not able to do this kind of shit anymore. Quite frankly I rather need to help myself.
So that's about the 6th and nearly 7th friend I lost to suicide in the last year.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9748209 times)