Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Devling]

Isn't there some bright side to being an attorney, surely?

If you're a completely amoral douchebag you can be moderately financially successful.

That's just unfair. Lawyers provide a necessary service to the public, and it's an admirable job to work in.

Except copyright lawyers because fuck those guys 70% of the time

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Isn't there some bright side to being an attorney, surely?

If you're a completely amoral douchebag you can be moderately financially successful.

That's just unfair. Lawyers provide a necessary service to the public, and it's an admirable job to work in.

Except copyright lawyers because fuck those guys 70% of the time

What he means is that financial success as a lawyer requires amoral behavior. Truean has posted many a time on how trying to do the right thing as a lawyer can be very, very disadvantageous.

[Frumple]

That. Also, you're apparently pretty much never going to be working with the people that think lawyerin' is an admirable job. Those ones seem to not get in much trouble or need much help on the contract front.

Kinda' like teaching only you're dealing entirely with irate parents.

[RedKing]

And now I didn't get into the math summer research program I applied for and was very much looking forward to.

*shrug*

Okay.

*Internet hug*

Just means there's something else really cool that you're going to do this summer that you otherwise wouldn't have gotten to if you had gotten into this program.

[Vector]

I hope that scooping ice cream counts as "really cool," as opposed to "life continuing its excellent 'shit-down-Vector's-neck' combo."

I realize I've been complaining here a lot, but I'm not exactly establishing the half of it.  For example, I've gone from a horrible backache (from moving stuff home) to persistent chest pains.  Cool!

I'm probably complaining too much.  I honestly don't have it all that bad.

[RedKing]

I hope that scooping ice cream counts as "really cool," as opposed to "life continuing its excellent 'shit-down-Vector's-neck' combo."

Well, if the ice cream leads to meeting someone new that you like, then yeah. Or it could be some totally random thing that occurs during free time that you otherwise wouldn't have had because of obligations. Not saying it will happen, just that there's the potential there.

Last few months (and a deep reflection on my religious beliefs) have turned me into some kind of optimist. Shit hit the fan from every single direction in a very short span of time, and yet here I am. And I'm happier than I've been in decades.

[Vector]

Yeah, I know.

I'm just honestly feeling sort of numb right now.  I know that I'm going to have a really good time on Sunday with my friends (Easter dinner + RP!  That's fantastic!), and I've spent a lot of time laboring over making origami boxes filled with candy for some people who have treated me better in recent days.  And I've been playing fun computer games, which is great, and I've got a job interview and my wonderful parents are falling all over themselves trying to take care of my sadsack pieceofshit self.  And I'm making experimental desserts and getting some work done at last.

But god, it's the combination of this guy killing himself and so many friends I've put so much energy into flaking on me all at once.  It makes me sick.

[kaijyuu]

Yeah, it's the people with good luck in their lives that are often optimistic like that. I admittedly have been very, very lucky recently, and as such I'm pretty damn optimistic. Apologies to ya if that mindset tastes bitter to you.

Good luck to you.

[Vector]

It's not that it's bitter to me, it's that trying not to be sad when I should be is one of the things that I've noticed persistently moves me in the mentally ill direction.  I am really a fantastically lucky person.  Good stuff just happens and happens to me.  As such, I think I am generally actually a pretty happy person, given the amount of bad stuff that just so happens to also happen and happen to me.  Usually I can just ignore it.

Sometimes, however, my attempts to ignore things just result in physical signs that Something Is Wrong.  As one of my friends say, when a lizard is sick it doesn't give much outward detail.  You have to look through the lizard shit to figure out exactly what's going on with it.  People who, like me, prefer to ignore things have to learn to look through their own shit.

Anyway, all diagnostic signs are pointing to Something Very Wrong so I'm trying to talk about my feelings more in hopes that that magically somehow resurrects my pal out of the grave he dug himself in my chest.

[Pnx]

Definitely something I could get behind, I've had a lot of success talking with myself and others about how I feel and working through it that way.

So... In that spirit, how do you feel? Guilty? Morose? Any thoughts?

[Vector]

I feel like my self-esteem is standing on a ledge and is already imagining having fallen.  I also feel like friends you've loved and cared for to your own detriment for 5+ years (10+ in the case of two, but one I've only known for 5) have an obligation not to throw you in the wood chipper.  Furthermore, I feel like ex-boyfriends who are cheating on their new girlfriend should not fucking treat you like a second-class citizen, jesus, how fucking narcissistic do you have to be, the shit.  My heart aches, literally and figuratively, because when my generation from this town is down low in life it doesn't go out in a blaze of glory, oh no, it quietly steps in front of a fucking commuter train.  That is where all our beloved dear darlings go to die and impale themselves on the 6-o-clock morning lamplights.  And finally, I have this poem stuck in my head, which is just embarrassing to me because I feel like a whiny 13-year-old version of myself that never existed:

Darkling I listen; and, for many a time   
  I have been half in love with easeful Death,   
Call'd him soft names in many a musèd rhyme,   
  To take into the air my quiet breath;   
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,     55
  To cease upon the midnight with no pain,   
    While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad   
          In such an ecstasy!   
  Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain—   
    To thy high requiem become a sod.

I'm feeling vengeful.

[Lysabild]

I'm feeling vengeful.

Towards whom, though?

[Putnam]

Sick! Everybody's sick. Weekend of a meetup, week before spring break, everyone's either sick or dripping blood through a tube.

[gman8181]

Sick! Everybody's sick. Weekend of a meetup, week before spring break, everyone's either sick or dripping blood through a tube.

Have lots of vitamin C and water?  Maybe "daily multiples" or whatever they're called.  I've heard getting some extra magnesium in is helpful as well, although I've never tried it myself.

[Vector]

I'm feeling vengeful.

Towards whom, though?

Mostly towards the supposed pals who are treating me like something either evil or expendable.