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[Tack]

the movie, or the graphic Nov... comic?

[Vector]

the movie, or the graphic Nov... comic?

Comic.  I finished the first book and a half or so and just couldn't get into it.



Also feel very out of place.  I looked back at photographs of myself and realized that somewhere down the line I stopped looking like what I perceive as myself.  I stopped dressing like myself, walking like myself, and behaving like myself--because I know me, and somehow, I am not it.

I don't even know what happened, but slowly there's been this creep from me (started fading in eighth grade) to not-me (really obvious right now).  I stopped working, stopped thinking, stopped focusing, stopped innovating... hell, I even stopped dressing like myself, and eating like myself, but at least I still write like myself.  Maybe.  Yes, I think I write more like myself than I ever did before, at least in terms of handwriting.  I definitely cook like myself, goodness knows.

I cuss more, eat worse, study less, care less, worry less about important things, worry more about unimportant things, waste my time, speak in hideously malformed run-on sentences (case in point), don't do anything worth doing, have lost my sense of curiosity, fail to make reasonable observations, and wear these horrible shorts with striped stockings.

What happened to that little, intense wisp of a girl with the hundred-yard stare and skirts to the floor?  Have I crushed her with my decadence?  Her favorite food was cold lentils, for goodness' sake.  That was a person who could endure, who walked around in short skirts and tanktops in the winter and hardly noticed, who could feel the cold's boneless fingers and hardly cared.  She studied long hours for night after night, fighting past whatever sleepiness she felt.  She went out and did things, and neither complained nor feared for her future.  When there was an opportunity, she took it and more.  I used to have perfect posture.  I want it back.  I used to be able to keep my temper.  I want that back, too.

Forget normal!  Forget fitting in with everyone else, and forget what's "easy."  Forget brainless enjoyments and time wiled away to no purpose.  I am done with this.  Done.  Forever.  Now is the time to reclaim the good things I threw away in favor of what made me feel good for a few moments.  No more slippery slope, and no more stupid senseless life.  I've had enough.

[Tack]

Does this mean you're not coming back?

Because, unfortunately, it's likely us that made you into a more easygoing person.

[Vector]

Does this mean you're not coming back?

Because, unfortunately, it's likely us that made you into a more easygoing person.

No, it means that the strict and silly sides of my personality went out of balance due to buckling under what I considered entirely too much pressure.  I like the silly, but it needs to be counteracted by a little bit more strictness.

In other words, I don't mind being a silly person.  I don't necessarily want to be somber--and heck, I don't consider the real me all that "solemn," just a bit more focused on the things I purportedly care about.  I just don't like some things that I started doing at school to fit in, and which in retrospect feel like I started undermining myself.

You guys really had nothing to do with most of the things that bother me, and most of the things that annoy me really wouldn't be visible to you over the internet.  They're just little things that feel like I've sold out and lost my groove in life.

[Tack]

Like wearing the clothes the other girls wear?

[Vector]

Like wearing the clothes the other girls wear?

Yes.  You guys had nothing to do with that; I started in high school because I was lazy and scared of what other people would think of me if I showed up wearing a Mao suit too frequently.  I was frightened by the people asking if I was a furriner, and by the people who inevitably asked where I bought things (to which I had to answer "Goodwill," every time--and back then, I took it as a mark of shame).

Hmph.  Mainstream society, it is time to duel.  You may have driven me off once, but I shall return, over and over again.  This is serious business.

[Medicine Man]

Wait...You want to change yourself to be more Mainstream societyish?

[Vector]

Wait...You want to change yourself to be more Mainstream societyish?

No.  I realized that if I'm going to be a temperamental oddball, I might as well do it right.  That is, keep my newly-sprouted sense of humor, but go back to dressing like something out of the 1700s if I darn well feel like it.  I stopped because I felt rejected from society, but now that I've relented a little and reaped the benefits, I think that it's time to return to my surrealistic, nerdtacular roots.

[Medicine Man]

Wait...You want to change yourself to be more Mainstream societyish?

No.  I realized that if I'm going to be a temperamental oddball, I might as well do it right.  That is, keep my newly-sprouted sense of humor, but go back to dressing like something out of the 1700s if I darn well feel like it.  I stopped because I felt rejected from society, but now that I've relented a little and reaped the benefits, I think that it's time to return to my surrealistic, nerdtacular roots.

Good for you! Be yourself, don't let society judge you by how you look or the things that you do.

[Tack]

I tend to conform to my fellow who'sits.

[dragnar]

The one thing I'm most proud of about myself: I don't care what others think of me. I can't even understand the concept of peer pressure.

Though I still really need to work on my work ethic... I never get anything done in a reasonable timeframe.

[Realmfighter]

The one thing I'm most proud of about myself: I don't care what others think of me. I can't even understand the concept of peer pressure.

Pride five man

[Heron TSG]

Welcome back to the ranks of people who don't mind what society thinks. If you care too much, you will never dance free.

Spoiler: my new signature (click to show/hide)

[Mindmaker]

No.  I realized that if I'm going to be a temperamental oddball, I might as well do it right.  That is, keep my newly-sprouted sense of humor, but go back to dressing like something out of the 1700s if I darn well feel like it.  I stopped because I felt rejected from society, but now that I've relented a little and reaped the benefits, I think that it's time to return to my surrealistic, nerdtacular roots.

The League of Lovable Oddballs welcomes you back.

Looks like you made the same realization, that I discribed in that post some time ago, which you probably never read, about when I had it.

[Solifuge]

I'm a bit concerned by this:

Also feel very out of place.  I looked back at photographs of myself and realized that somewhere down the line I stopped looking like what I perceive as myself.  I stopped dressing like myself, walking like myself, and behaving like myself--because I know me, and somehow, I am not it.

I don't even know what happened, but slowly there's been this creep from me (started fading in eighth grade) to not-me (really obvious right now).  I stopped working, stopped thinking, stopped focusing, stopped innovating... hell, I even stopped dressing like myself, and eating like myself, but at least I still write like myself.  Maybe.  Yes, I think I write more like myself than I ever did before, at least in terms of handwriting.  I definitely cook like myself, goodness knows.

I cuss more, eat worse, study less, care less, worry less about important things, worry more about unimportant things, waste my time, speak in hideously malformed run-on sentences (case in point), don't do anything worth doing, have lost my sense of curiosity, fail to make reasonable observations, and wear these horrible shorts with striped stockings.

What happened to that little, intense wisp of a girl with the hundred-yard stare and skirts to the floor?  Have I crushed her with my decadence?  Her favorite food was cold lentils, for goodness' sake.  That was a person who could endure, who walked around in short skirts and tanktops in the winter and hardly noticed, who could feel the cold's boneless fingers and hardly cared.  She studied long hours for night after night, fighting past whatever sleepiness she felt.  She went out and did things, and neither complained nor feared for her future.  When there was an opportunity, she took it and more.  I used to have perfect posture.  I want it back.  I used to be able to keep my temper.  I want that back, too.

Forget normal!  Forget fitting in with everyone else, and forget what's "easy."  Forget brainless enjoyments and time wiled away to no purpose.  I am done with this.  Done.  Forever.  Now is the time to reclaim the good things I threw away in favor of what made me feel good for a few moments.  No more slippery slope, and no more stupid senseless life.  I've had enough.

The grass is always greener, even chronologically speaking. When we look back at our childhood, and who we were, we tend to idealize them in the extreme. However, all the traits that make you You are still here, they've just grown into something new and more complex; what you're looking at are the formative aspects of who you are now... and thinking about how, if you knew then what you know now, it could have been different. You'd not be able to see the things that you want to change now, though, if you hadn't learned them in the first place. And some day, the things you see in your personality today will be formative parts of an older you, who made decisions and grew based on these things... and you'll probably end up idealizing the present-day you then.

Reforming your life choices is great; I'm all about being true to who you are, and what you want in life. However, don't get too caught up in the fantasy that you "were" a better person, and that the Vector we all know and love is somehow a pale reflection of this... this kind of thinking leads to self-doubt and self-loathing. Accept you to be exactly what you should be now, but identify and change the things you want to change, based on the experience you've since gained. I would like to draw attention to your own words for a second:

She went out and did things, and neither complained nor feared for her future.

So go out and be honest with what you want, and who you are. Use the maturity and information you've since acquired, and relearn the things that bring you to your ideal life. Cliche that it is, Carpe Diem.

And one of these days, I'm going to cave and just sell this old soapbox... renting it out for all these speeches is getting pricey.