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[hector13]

Yeah I don't like it when strangers talk to me. Chances are it was them not wanting to talk to someone rather than anything specific to you.

[MrRoboto75]

alright, fine.  how do I meet people.

Because apparently I'm such a fucking freak and a loser I don't understand how to do anything.  At this point I'm tired of even trying anyway because life is nothing but borders and walls blocking me from any progress much less happiness.

[hector13]

Do a class on something you’re interested in. Join a club. Take up a (team) sport.

[Uthimienure]

Reelya and methylatedspirit ... well said.

We're all made from the same stuff... basically dirt.
Anyone that thinks they are better than anyone else, by thinking that, becomes worse than the target of that thought.

You're wrong and also worse than all of us for formulating this idea.

Therefore you'll be the first one into the hamburguer factory 🍔

Hold the mayo... and extra mustard on me please!

[MrRoboto75]

Do a class on something you’re interested in. Join a club. Take up a (team) sport.

There.  Are.  None.

We've been over this.  They hate me within like three weeks anyway because I'm not human enough, so what's even the point anymore.

[LordBaal]

Hector is rigth. Lets say you are into astronomy, find an astronomy club, there you will find people with something in common with you which makes it easier to interact and eventually some of those acquitances would grow into companionship and friendship, at which point the interaction with those people would widen beyond mere astronomy.

Also, sundrop. Sundrop in a bottle?

Anyway, you can do it roboto and you are not a freak or loser. Just a shy guy

[MrRoboto75]

I will never fit in and be alienated.  The subject doesn't matter.  The hobby doesn't matter.  The situation doesn't matter.  Its already happend a hundred times and I literally don't understand why you think yet another pathetic attempt to hide in a human suit is going to make a single god forsaken difference.  You want to pretend the world is just and the only problem is I simply didn't slam my head into the solid brick wall to break through while I'm already covered in my own blood from head slammage.  The fish is never going to climb the tree.

And guess what?  Being a shy guy is pathetic, it will make you a loser, it will make you mocked.  It isn't valuable in any definition of the word, value.

[hector13]

Do a class on something you’re interested in. Join a club. Take up a (team) sport.

There.  Are.  None.

We've been over this.  They hate me within like three weeks anyway because I'm not human enough, so what's even the point anymore.

Unless you are actively engaging in insults to the most important things they care about, a reasonable person won’t hate you within three weeks.

These things you think they’re judging you for are your issues. You don’t think you’re good enough at being human so you avoid situations in which that might become obvious to someone else.

PPE: that post being a good example of what I’m talking about. If all you’re looking for is a problem or reason it won’t work, everything looks like a nail. Or something.

[MrRoboto75]

That's what happened to me in the past.  Once the novelty wears off the constant sense of something being wrong will inevitably force them away and abandon me or drive them to hostility to get rid of me.

If you want to believe people are somehow better than that that's fine, but my entire life simply never reflected that and I have been disappointed time and time again.  No amount of "buts" are going to change the past twenty years.

[Reelya]

alright, fine.  how do I meet people.

Because apparently I'm such a fucking freak and a loser I don't understand how to do anything.  At this point I'm tired of even trying anyway because life is nothing but borders and walls blocking me from any progress much less happiness.

If you're really that stumped maybe read on the topic. It's not like there's a shortage of writing about this very topic since it's a thing everyone does. There's a whole classic book "how to win friends and influence people" and I'm pretty sure that the general advice in that would be pretty timeless. Basic stuff is to remember someone's name, ask them about stuff they're interested in, and be a good listener. If you have no information about the other person then of course it's hard to know where to start, hence the number of cliched openings such as complaining about the weather or generic sports cliches such as "how about dem <insert regional sportsball team>" cliches. That's not because someone wants to talk about the team it's because it's a generic opening the refers to something the other person would have a frame of reference for.


Avoid politics and religion, definitely, and ask open questions, hence the kinds of ones such as "so, are you into gaming" or asking them what sort of music they're into. However, I've got caught on the music one occasionally with people with zero music interest apparently get confused on how to answer that, which I really don't get myself, and then it gets awkward as they try and grasp for some definition of what they like. This was a conversation killer the few times I've experienced it, so the takeaway is to not assume someone has opinions / favorite on music or anything just because you assume it's something everyone does, so always start with the closed question of whether they have an interest in music/gaming/movies etc before asking them their favorite movie. There's nothing more awkward than making chit chat with someone about their favorite movie, and they're not into movies but they feel they must come up with something to respond so you're standing there while a stuttering person who knows jack shit about movies tries to come up with a list of ones they like.

[LordBaal]

No buts, no cuts, no coconuts... (sorry, I had to write that).

Life is not just, trust that I know that too fucking well. Im a shy guy in a lot of aspects on my life. After metting and being love struck at first sigth of the girl that would become my wife I spent 6 fucking months without being able to speak to her and only after the death of a relative I had the courage and oportunity to aproach and speak to her. I dont consider myself a loser despite people in the past, (my wife included, that was the only one that did hutt btw) specifically telling me that. Fuck 'em. Im a live and kicking and plan to keep it going as long as I can.m for all the reasons you can think off.

However is not healthy to revel in spite and you my good man need to be a little less harder on youself. It is a self fulfiling professy, you believe you will be hated anysecond, you will act in a way that reflects this and eventually people would be weirded out. By all accounts most people wont be prone to hate you as more being either weirded or annoyed by your selfhloathing (if is appatent). But I think mostly is in your head.

I have "known" you for years in this forum and have seen plenty of your posts. You seem like a regular guy next to anyone of us. Only that you seem to be really hard on yourself and have a inferiority complex that from what I can see is baseles.

[MrRoboto75]

alright, fine.  how do I meet people.

Because apparently I'm such a fucking freak and a loser I don't understand how to do anything.  At this point I'm tired of even trying anyway because life is nothing but borders and walls blocking me from any progress much less happiness.

If you're really that stumped maybe read on the topic. It's not like there's a shortage of writing about this very topic since it's a thing everyone does. There's a whole classic book "how to win friends and influence people" and I'm pretty sure that the general advice in that would be pretty timeless. Basic stuff is to remember someone's name, ask them about stuff they're interested in, and be a good listener. If you have no information about the other person then of course it's hard to know where to start, hence the number of cliched openings such as complaining about the weather or generic sports cliches such as "how about dem <insert regional sportsball team>" cliches. That's not because someone wants to talk about the team it's because it's a generic opening the refers to something the other person would have a frame of reference for.

Avoid politics and religion, definitely, and ask open questions, hence the kinds of ones such as "so, are you into gaming" or asking them what sort of music they're into. However, I've got caught on the music one occasionally with people with zero music interest apparently get confused on how to answer that, which I really don't get myself, and then it gets awkward as they try and grasp for some definition of what they like. This was a conversation killer the few times I've experienced it, so the takeaway is to not assume someone has opinions / favorite on music or anything just because you assume it's something everyone does, so always start with the closed question of whether they have an interest in music/gaming/movies etc before asking them their favorite movie. There's nothing more awkward than making chit chat with someone about their favorite movie, and they're not into movies but they feel they must come up with something to respond so you're standing there while a stuttering person who knows jack shit about movies tries to come up with a list of ones they like.

That's literally what I did today.  I tried to talk to someone about manga at a bloody bookstore.  It didn't work.

No buts, no cuts, no coconuts... (sorry, I had to write that).

Life is not just, trust that I know that too fucking well. Im a shy guy in a lot of aspects on my life. After metting and being love struck at first sigth of the girl that would become my wife I spent 6 fucking months without being able to speak to her and only after the death of a relative I had the courage and oportunity to aproach and speak to her. I dont consider myself a loser despite people in the past, (my wife included, that was the only one that did hutt btw) specifically telling me that. Fuck 'em. Im a live and kicking and plan to keep it going as long as I can.m for all the reasons you can think off.

However is not healthy to revel in spite and you my good man need to be a little less harder on youself. It is a self fulfiling professy, you believe you will be hated anysecond, you will act in a way that reflects this and eventually people would be weirded out. By all accounts most people wont be prone to hate you as more being either weirded or annoyed by your selfhloathing (if is appatent). But I think mostly is in your head.

I have "known" you for years in this forum and have seen plenty of your posts. You seem like a regular guy next to anyone of us. Only that you seem to be really hard on yourself and have a inferiority complex that from what I can see is baseles.

You think its baseless because every time I give you an example you don't want to believe it.  You keep trying to tell me what I've seen isn't real because you assume the world shouldn't work that way.

[LordBaal]

Oh no, or yes. At least in my experience. Reality has a big chunk of subjetivity on this matters.

What it seems is that if you keep failing at making friends is either you have really bad luck, try on very few people or you are doing something wrong, or a combination of this things.

For the first and second points, well just keep trying. You have to understand not everyone is looking for a conversation all the time. Other people are even more introvert than you and shy away from any aproach. Maybe is a bad time or whatever. Just keep trying.

For the third point, as we already told you there are resources in books to help out with this. Maybe you are doing something wrong without realizing. What could it be? Humala migth know, it is hard to tell over a phone screen, but what you must know, and I have been trying to convey perhaps in the wrong ways due language barriers is that while you could be DOING something wrong that DOES NOT mean you HAVE something wrong with you.

At any rate please, I tell you again, you can consider me your friend.

[Reelya]

That's literally what I did today.  I tried to talk to someone about manga at a bloody bookstore.  It didn't work.

I have done that before myself, but standing in an aisle of a bookstore talking to a random person about books isn't the ideal social situation unless stars align and you have perfectly aligned taste or something. General manga is way to broad a topic and involves too many genres for that to go well. There are so many series that you can say "series X is so cool" and maybe it is cool but the listener is going to be skeptical if they don't already know it because of the sheer glut of series out there and the fact that for any terrible series, at least some people will claim it's really cool, so why should they take Mr Rando's word for that?

Hell, it wouldn't go that well even if they were into Marvel and you were into DC Comics. Basically you have to be enthusing over the same series for a conversation like that to work.

EDIT: just talking about manga is far to broad as an opening in a manga shop. For example say you were down the street, talk to a random person and discover you both have a love of sci-fi novels. At that point you could probably have a conversation about it. However, say you were standing in the aisle at the bookstore for sci-fi novels and discover that the other person browsing has a love of sci-fi novels, you can't really go "wow I love sci-fi novels and I see you do too" because the correct response to that is "no fucking shit, we're both looking at the sci-fi novel shelf". So it's far less organic. In that scenario the opening needs to change to match the social situation. Something like "hey, Philip K Dick is really cool" if they pick up one of his novels or something would be more appropriate. Because it's not an interesting coincidence that you both like sci-fi novels if you're both standing there looking at the fucking novels. But having the same favorite author or something is more interesting.

[LordBaal]

That is why a "club" or group of people with a common interest makes this far easier.