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[Mephisto]

Watching ChristopherOdd play Half-Life: Alyx.

Spoiler: headcrab and Jeff - no story spoilers (click to show/hide)

Big lols when the headcrab in the Jeff section basically mocks you while knocking vodka bottles off the catwalk, which you then have to try to catch.

[Folly]

Today a talking bear in a poster told me that only I can prevent forest fires.

That's pretty cool, I guess. But also a lot of responsibility. I mean, stopping forest fires before they even happen sounds like a lot of work. I would probably need like water, and sand, and the forests are really really big, so I might need like a firefighting helicopter or something. Are other people allowed to help me prevent forest fires? The poster did say ONLY me...

Well, I guess God can also prevent forest fires. I mean God can do anything, so he can probably stop forest fires before they even start. But then, does that mean that God could create a forest fire so hot that even he couldn't stop it? I wonder what he does then? Is there like, a Firefighter God who who specializes in fire prevention who steps in and puts out the-
Wait a second...could I be Firefighter God? Is that why ONLY I can prevent forest fires? WOW! I always knew that I was special, but I never suspected...wait, why don't I remember being Firefighter God? Could...Could regular god have erased my memory, because he's afraid of my fire preventing powers? Holy carp you guys! What do I do now?

I guess there's only one thing I can do. I must go deep into the forests to train my fire preventing powers in secret, gradually getting a little bit stronger every day, until I have restored the full divinity of my godhood. Only then, when I am mighty enough to finally confront Regular God and his impossibly hot flame, then I shall extinguish him once and for all! This is my destiny! For the forests!

[Bumber]

[Eric Blank]

The light of heaven is supposedly seven times as bright as the sun. So the impossibly hot flame is described in scripture.

Which I've never actually read, so I don't know where I heard that tbh

[Egan_BW]

Huh, that could mean that certain natural phenomena like supernovas are canonically brighter than heaven.

[Il Palazzo]

snip

No, Folly. It's a lie that you're the only one who can save the forest. You're the only one trying, but you'll never succeed. It's god, you see. God is starting all the fires and all you have is a bucketful of sand. Your fate is to forever toil at your task, forever failing, forever helplessly watching baby koalas run aflame, screaming; forever to swelter in the heat that burns but doesn't kill.
You're in hell, Folly.

[Reelya]

The light of heaven is supposedly seven times as bright as the sun. So the impossibly hot flame is described in scripture.

Which I've never actually read, so I don't know where I heard that tbh

Nah, it's not heaven's light. It's a passage about all the non-Jews being slaughtered to make way for the chosen people.

7
    to Egypt, whose help is utterly useless. Therefore I call her Rahab the Do-Nothing.
8
    Go now, write it on a tablet for them, inscribe it on a scroll, that for the days to come it may be an everlasting witness.
9
    These are rebellious people, deceitful children, children unwilling to listen to the LORD's instruction.
...
25
   In the day of great slaughter, when the towers fall, streams of water will flow on every high mountain and every lofty hill.
26
    The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the LORD binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted.
27
    See, the Name of the LORD comes from afar, with burning anger and dense clouds of smoke; his lips are full of wrath, and his tongue is a consuming fire.
28
    His breath is like a rushing torrent, rising up to the neck. He shakes the nations in the sieve of destruction; he places in the jaws of the peoples a bit that leads them astray.
29
    And you will sing as on the night you celebrate a holy festival; your hearts will rejoice as when people go up with flutes to the mountain of the LORD, to the Rock of Israel.
30
    The LORD will cause men to hear his majestic voice and will make them see his arm coming down with raging anger and consuming fire, with cloudburst, thunderstorm and hail.
31
    The voice of the LORD will shatter Assyria; with his scepter he will strike them down.
32
    Every stroke the LORD lays on them with his punishing rod will be to the music of tambourines and harps, as he fights them in battle with the blows of his arm.
33
    Topheth has long been prepared; it has been made ready for the king. Its fire pit has been made deep and wide, with an abundance of fire and wood; the breath of the LORD, like a stream of burning sulfur, sets it ablaze.

It's old testament. This isn't about basking in the light of heaven after you die, it's about God coming down and killing every other nationality except his chosen buddies with his burning light, and super-bad-breath.

Especially in the old testament, they clearly took the physicality of all this pretty literally: when people go to heaven, they literally ascend into the sky in these books. Hell was an actual place, where the magma comes from. And the description of the day of judgement is literally that corpses rise out of the ground and are judged.

[pisskop]

Old Testament God is honestly the best.  The pantheons are cool, but OG God has real appeal.

[Reelya]

Old Testament God is honestly the best.  The pantheons are cool, but OG God has real appeal.

This stuff actually adds a lot of credence to the idea that JHVH started as a volcano god.

the LORD comes from afar, with burning anger and dense clouds of smoke; his lips are full of wrath, and his tongue is a consuming fire.

with flutes to the mountain of the LORD

The LORD will cause men to hear his majestic voice and will make them see his arm coming down with raging anger and consuming fire, with cloudburst, thunderstorm and hail.

fire pit has been made deep and wide, with an abundance of fire and wood; the breath of the LORD, like a stream of burning sulfur, sets it ablaze.

There's also the exodus stuff where god appears before them as a pillar of fire at night and a pillar of smoke by day (good description of what an active volcano looks like at day and night), and they get to the mountain and:

On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled. 17 Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain. 18 Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the Lord descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, and the whole mountain trembled violently. As the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder, Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him.

So, I'm guessing he roared with his sulfur-breath here.

Moses said to the Lord, “The people cannot come up Mount Sinai, because you yourself warned us, ‘Put limits around the mountain and set it apart as holy.’”

When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die.”
Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.”
The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.

When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the Lord settled on Mount Sinai. For six days the cloud covered the mountain, and on the seventh day the Lord called to Moses from within the cloud. To the Israelites the glory of the Lord looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain.

Yeah, so JHVH, totally a volcano.

[Kagus]

That's a pretty hot take

[Reelya]

That's a pretty hot take

Either it was a volcano, or God just happened to enjoy doing Volcano Cosplay. XD

(EDIT: which makes you wonder why he never manifests like that ever again. Apparently, none of that was actually required, God just felt like appearing in a way which when you describe it could be a description of primitive people awed by a volcano. We just have Moses' word that God was there in the "thick darkness" of a cloud of smoke on top of a mountain that was on fire and rumbling. Which was totally not a volcano).

[pisskop]

jehovah does love his fire.

Fire swords, fire chariots, fire from the sky, brimstone and fire, muslum version of hell, christain hell, earthquakes swallowing up the unclean, the list goes on and on too.

[TamerVirus]

Old Testament God came down and got into a wrestling match with Jacob "til daybreak"
I assume there were many powerbombs and chokeslams

Honor thy smackdown!

[Iduno]

http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=3575

Agreed. I live life to 20% of the fullest, on a good day.

[Frumple]

That's a pretty hot take

Either it was a volcano, or God just happened to enjoy doing Volcano Cosplay. XD

To be fair, volcano cosplay sounds like something Zeus would get up to. Dude doing that and knocking up some chick as a sentient pile of flaming geological ejecta sounds like something right up his alley. There's rough precedent for the cosplay angle is all I'm saying.