.
Unfortunately, no English captions are available for the video uploaded.
Show host:
Ok, let's get this straight, everything was honest and to the point: [La-La-Land] is not worthy of Best Picture title. It was /this/ close, and that thing was this: the film opens with an upbeat musical number, where people are enjoying a new sunny day in an LA traffic jam, despite trump-, er, transportation problems. It's LA, y'know. It's like, this scene, it's built upon the dissociation of content and form, and that's why it doesn't work - 'cause it's easy to dance in a traffic jam when you're in LA, it's 30 degrees [Celsius, ~86 F], you're in a convertible, going from Malibu to Santa-Monica for a cocktail; ocean is nearby, the sea salt is in the air, all that; everyone gets this, the Academy does, we do -- this should've been filmed in Moscow, the queen of traffic jams. We did what these Hollywood hacks didn't - we now present a true opening for motion picture La-La-Land, go...
Female on radio:
Good morning, everyone! The day is just getting started, and Moscow is already ridden with heavy traffic
[que the music]
[cars honking]
Show host:
Why are you honking at me?
It's like if I will roll centimeter further
Everyone will become closer to their destination
Cease this ringing noise
You nervous transvestite!
Some guy:
My sweet winter sleep
Oh, so nice it was; it has been shot down
By the beam of morning light
Then a light breakfast:
A litre of coffee and a roll
Now nature whispers in my ear:
"There is no bathroom here"
Guys in suits:
It's pleasant to breathe in the exhaust gasses
We're not afraid of running late
Our boss isn't going to be mad -
He's also here
[guy in a cap opens door, spits on road]
Guys in suits:
- Why do you smear the asphalt?
Guy in cap:
- Well I'm not spitting in my car
Guys in suits:
- We will despise you - you immigrated here
Show host & others:
On the radio are Gazmanov and Maxsim,
Monatik, Krid and Piekha Stas -- [Russian mainstream artists - transcriptor's note]
Cheerful DJ
The terror on the news
Confusion in our heads
It's a new day in Moscow!
Guy in a red hoodie:
Oh, if only I could,
Like Moses split the sea,
Split this stream of cars...
[red sticker is placed on his windshield; sticker reads: "I don't give a shit about anyone, I park where I want" -- a social movement in Russia places these on cars of people who repeatedly violate parking regulations - transcriptors note]
Hey, who told you you can touch
my property?!
Bearded guy:
- Your boorish parking is awaited on YouTube!
Guy in a red hoodie:
- I'm standing in a jam here!
[camera jumps]
Lady in furs:
Here the doctor, the witch, the [WWII] veteran
And prosecutor's sister
On evenings and mornings
Spend their lives
Couple:
We become a family here
There is no need to hurry
From ambulance the patient will sing:
"Inject the morphium!"
People:
Slag-concrete and branches of heating pipelines
Accompany us on our way
The faces of the lamps
The arteries of cables
In noise and shuffle
This is a new day in Moscow
[a wedding procession has stopped in the middle of traffic; young people are dancing an ethnic dance]
Show host, on some car's hood:
Again, the light of a smile
Will bring us all...
People:
That's a new day in Moscow (repeated)
That's a wonderful day in Moscow
That's a bright day in Moscow
It's a clean day in Moscow
It's a new day in Moscow!
[everyone dances]
Please enjoy.
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Topic: [MILK] There were 12 eggs here what did you do with them? (Happy thread?!) (Read 16266266 times)