Landlord calls, wants legal advice on what to do when his commercial tenant enters bankruptcy. He goes into long, drawn out facts and asks an absolute ton of questions including wanting to know in detail exactly how he can get "his money." Does not wait for answers and just continues right along.... This goes on for over 30 minutes at least. After telling me a crap ton of stuff and wanting me to represent him/get the $500,000 left on the commercial lease for him, he says and I fucking quote: "But don't do anything billable." He is dead serious by the way. I know the property he's talking about. This man is, without the slightest exaggeration, a god damn millionaire and wants me to work for him for free and get it all done.....
Me: "Excuse me...?"
Him: "Don't do anything billable."
Me: "You do want me to do those things we talked about though.... don't you?" [We had just talked about full legal representation to get him paid as much as the bankruptcy court will allow]
Him: "That's right, but nothing billable"
Me: "Ok...." [dead, purposeful silence on my part]
Him: "Hello?"
Me: "Yes sir."
Him: "Well?"
Me: "Sir we're happy to provide you with legal counsel but you do realize this is a business and that we both can't and won't operate for free."
Him: "Let me speak to your manager."
Me: "I'm an attorney and I don't have a "manger...." If you'd like to speak to the firm's owner, also an attorney, and attempt to convince him to work for free, then I'd be all too happy to transfer you to him. Good luck."
[he ends conversation]
God damn I love not working retail anymore. "But don't do anything billable?" Ok, I won't, jackass. Basically you want my time, legal services, and for me to stand behind them/be liable for it but it seems you don't wanna pay for it. Funny how you would like tenant to pay you, but you don't want to pay me.... Go fuck yourself. This is not a drive through and it certainly isn't a charity. No, I don't have to be nice; no one forces me to fucking smile and take your bullshit. Even if the customer is always right, you're not paying and have no intention of ever paying so you're not a god damn customer. Unbelievable. Yeah I just went to law school to fix all your $500,000 problems for free you over-entitled rich prick..... I enjoyed pissing you off.
Boss thought it was funny as hell.