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[brotundbutter]

Less a reaction to something the game did and more a reaction to myself. Setting up my first fortress ever, I've heard horror stories from other players about goblins rushing in and slaughtering everyone before they could get their military or defenses set up. Naturally I tried to make getting my fortress fortified priority one, but things kept getting in the way. Werebeasts keep showing up, my first moody dwarf goes berserk because I can't figure out what he wants, and I miss my first caravan because I didn't get my trading depot set up in time. The years tick by without any substantial progress on defending my fortress and I start getting more and more nervous about goblins descending upon my poor dwarves. I finally get around to setting up my military, but I worry that it won't be enough since I have no idea what I'm up against.

Eventually I accidentally happen upon the civilizations tab (again, very new to this game!). Fascinated by all the information that I didn't know existed, I spend a few minutes getting more familiar with the races and civilizations of my world. Guess what civilization isn't present.

There are no goblins whatsoever in my entire world. I've been worrying myself sick over nothing this whole time. 

[Saiko Kila]

No goblins at all? That means some genocide. I wonder who did it - humans or elves.

Anyway, the most dangerous goblins are those past their expiration date. They may still be there somewhere.

[Bralbaard]

I embarked on a volcano only to find out that the volcano crater is already occupied by a kobold colony (probably my most interesting embark site ever). There are kobold tunnels and structures both in and above the magma, and while some are flooded most of the submerged tunnels are fine and inhabited by kobolds. As a result the crater has a number of "floating" platforms that are part of the kobold colony. The kobold colony is cut of from the outside world by magma, and most kobolds hide deep in their fortress. The platforms are not accessible to me and there is no threat of immediate conflict. I manage to set up a starting fortress in a separate kobold tunnel that is accessible to me, but not too the kobolds, allowing me to quickly move my food underground.

This is when the face palm happens. Three purified goblins show up only weeks after embark (goblin spellcasters, lands of duality mod). They attack my kobold neighbours but out of precaution I order my dwarves underground in a safe burrow. Do they obey their orders, and hide in safety in the designated area?

No, of course not! Three dwarves immediately run into the volcanic caldera and start climbing the volcano walls from the inside, right above the boiling magma. A few kobolds meanwhile have emerged from their fortress and are now on the platforms fighting the purified goblins. I try to calm down, thinking that the goblins and kobolds will kill eachother and that my dwarves will come to their senses, and will head for the burrow eventually. Obviously that will happen, right?

No. Instead of being sensible all three dwarves climb the caldera walls until they are near the platforms, then jump over several tiles of magma right into the middle of the kobold fortress. They are completely unarmed and now find themselves battling two enemy forces, on a narrow ledge right in the middle of a boiling lava lake.



I do not have to explain that this ended very poorly.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yes, that yellow blob near the goblin is magma mist, caused by one of my dwarves failing to make the jump.
No, the other two didn't survive either..

[Silverlock]

That is amazing.  You must -- must! -- become a Bond supervillain and create your lair in this most supervillain-lairish of places. 

"No, Mr. Urist.  I expect you to die."

[brotundbutter]

Edit: doubleposting on a different thread entirely? Amazing.

[Bralbaard]

That is amazing.  You must -- must! -- become a Bond supervillain and create your lair in this most supervillain-lairish of places. 

"No, Mr. Urist.  I expect you to die."

Yes. I indeed have plans for this location. First plan is a tavern in the crater, with a dance floor made out of either glass or grates, so that the magma is clearly visible. Might include a secret trapdoor as well. Then when that is finished I want a multi-level magma-fall in the tavern. I'll  test it when the tavern is only accessible to outside visitors, and am greatly looking forward to that.

[Bralbaard]

Still the same fortress, first year, but a new facepalm. I had not expected the site to be completely devoid of trees or other plant life.
I did not prepare for such a situation either: I brought no seeds or wood. For some mysterious reason my wagon also deconstructed on embark without leaving any wood. I do not want to breach the caverns yet because I've got the "what lurks below" mod installed, and frankly, the caverns scare me.
I'll manage but my dwarves are throwing tantrums for not having beds to sleep in, and the whole situation is kind of tense, so a solution would be welcome.

Imagine my surprise when I boot up stonesense and see a rather large green area between the dry sand on one of the steep mountains in a corner of the map that I had not noticed before. I immediately scroll to the area in DF, already making plans about what I'll do with the food and plants that I'll harvest..... only to find the mountainside is covered in vomit instead of plants.

[Dunamisdeos]

1) Work gets new internet backup
2) Need to test it after everyone has left
3) Call the company that does it, tell them to shut off regular internet for test
4) Was calling them on my desk phone. Desk phone needs internet to work.
5) beep beep beep beep

[Dutrius]

I once discovered a volcano next to a large lake and decided to embark on it. Upon embark, I un-pause and the game instantly pauses to inform me of a cave-in.

Turns out the volcano wasn't actually next to the lake. It was one layer directly underneath the lake. "A section of the cavern has collapsed." x1000.

[therahedwig]

So... the first hour of this fort is spent by you playing solitaire while df sorts itself out?

[Dutrius]

More like an hour of hitting the space bar to unpause the game after each tick.

[therahedwig]

Yikes.

You can actually modify the pause behaviour by modifying the announcement.txt(just remove the :R from Cave Collapse), but maybe you've gotten through it already...?

[bloop_bleep]

I think the cave collapse on repeat is being caused by the water from the river flowing into the volcano, making obsidian, which then collapses to the bottom of the volcano. I don't think it will stop unless you manage to plug the hole somehow. I would really suggest doing what therahedwig suggested, in that case.

[Dutrius]

Yeah, it eventually plugged itself up and I was able to actually get stuff done.

[OmahaMH]

Excavated an expansive dining hall ~20x20 tiles, two barracks at 10x10, a 10x10 hospital, and a separate 20x20 area to move future workshops to a more organized place.  Spent months constructing rock blocks of a certain type so that I could have nice floors and walls that all matched.  Spent tons of construction time...  only to realize I had forgotten about smoothing, which could be done for free, immediately after excavation because the entire layer is one type of rock anyway.