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[steel jackal]

for a person who couldent even figure out how to make a farm for the first month (irl month) ive had a lot of facepalm moments

my most recent was with reclaiming a fort, all this time when a wearbeast or megabeast had killed my fortress in the PERFECT location (sand, clay, deep soil, flux stone, shallow metals, deep metals, no aquifer, 100% flat land, ton of trees to murder in the name of pissing off elves) before the first caravan even arrived, i could have just abandoned the fort and reclaimed it

would still have that epic embark site and even some free stuff left by the last batch of beastfodder dwarves

there was the slight issue of the ghost of some human who apparently crawled onto the land and died in the short time between the first attempt and the second, but one engraved slab later and he was gone

ive been playing DF for maby 2 years now, had plenty of facepalms and bound to have a lot more

heres a quick summary of other BASIC things that ive only recently figured out

dimple cups are not food and are only used for dye
you need a farmers workshop to refine pig tails into thread
strange mood dwarves requesting thread/cloth do not always define whether they want plant, silk, or yarn and they are not interchangeable
ARMOK: oh you got an entire wall of fortifications and glass surrounding your fort? tell me more about how you think your safe from outside threats *sends flying megabeast*
urist MChammerdwarf attacks coral megabeast in the wing with *copper warhammer* and chips it, urist MCchucknorristheplanter punches the coral megabeast in the wing, the part explodes
megabeast blood causes dwarves guts to rot out and should be cleaned immediately
children who survive a wearbeast attack that have their arteries torn, their legs ripped off, and are unconscious can and will spontaneously make a full recovery upon a full moon and will do far more damage than the first wearbeast did
dwarves dont care about nudity and will get naked then streak though the halls in full view of children, all across the fortress to get new clothes if their old ones were slightly worn
dwarf+river+draining said river=dwarves trying to path over 2 high water and then being sucked into the swirling vortex of the draining river

[Camulus]

1....2....3....4

Like... lemmings.

First a baby, then a macedwarve and now the two spearwielders.
I have lost four dwarves to gravity in two separate barracks within the same tower.

 




My expert speardwarf is drowning next to the baby corpse as I type this.



Well then you midgets, descend into the earth and train there before the axelord, one of two survivors of the Blackspire Sentinels, also tries to defy gravity.

Dwarves, sadly, will never fly.

Not sure if this wall phasing sparring bug is documented, but it took out three of my best warriors withouth them ever facing any notable enemies.
How...... anticlimactic.

[PyroTechno]

1....2....3....4

Like... lemmings.

First a baby, then a macedwarve and now the two spearwielders.
I have lost four dwarves to gravity in two separate barracks within the same tower.

 




My expert speardwarf is drowning next to the baby corpse as I type this.



Well then you midgets, descend into the earth and train there before the axelord, one of two survivors of the Blackspire Sentinels, also tries to defy gravity.

Dwarves, sadly, will never fly.

Not sure if this wall phasing sparring bug is documented, but it took out three of my best warriors withouth them ever facing any notable enemies.
How...... anticlimactic.

Dodging through walls is, indeed, a known bug. That's why training towers are generally a bad idea. Make them on ground level or underground - in general, wherever random teleporting dodging won't get your dwarves in trouble.

[ThatZommy]

About five seconds ago when after building a complicated, time consuming and important sewer system...
But I used wall grates instead of doors/whatever you should use. So all the bits that are supposed to stop water or toggle water's passage were ignored. No fortress flooding, but I've no idea how to fix this.

[Amperzand]

Shut off the water, go through and replace everything.

[PyroTechno]

The mayor of my fortress has prohibited the export of barrels.

In a fortress that relies on the export of food and drink to pay for critical leather supplies (this world has no pig tails or any other textile plants).

  At least I have large pots.

[cochramd]

The mayor of my fortress has prohibited the export of barrels.

In a fortress that relies on the export of food and drink to pay for critical leather supplies (this world has no pig tails or any other textile plants).

  At least I have large pots.

Wait, you mean that you actually make barrels and don't use large wooden pots for all food storage purposes beyond the barrels you get from embark and trade?

Do people actually do this?

[Dirst]

Wait, you mean that you actually make barrels and don't use large wooden pots for all food storage purposes beyond the barrels you get from embark and trade?

Do people actually do this?

How else do you reproduce one of the dumbest scenes from the dumbest screen adaptation of The Hobbit ever?

[PyroTechno]

The mayor of my fortress has prohibited the export of barrels.

In a fortress that relies on the export of food and drink to pay for critical leather supplies (this world has no pig tails or any other textile plants).

  At least I have large pots.

Wait, you mean that you actually make barrels and don't use large wooden pots for all food storage purposes beyond the barrels you get from embark and trade?

Do people actually do this?

I usually embark on low-to-no forestation embarks to avoid lag and make large stone pots. Some jobs, however, explicitly require barrels for some reason - Process Plant (to barrel) and the like. From then on, you have barrels floating around, so some of them are always going to end up in food and drink storage.

[ThatZommy]

Shut off the water, go through and replace everything.

I- I can't, my shutoff valve was a grate.
 

[Rockphed]

Shut off the water, go through and replace everything.

I- I can't, my shutoff valve was a grate.
 

Looks like you need to dig down to the magma sea, build a magma-proof cart, and use said cart to dump some lava so it falls onto the water, creating obsidian and blocking off your water supply.  Easy-peasy.

[gunpowdertea]

Shut off the water, go through and replace everything.

I- I can't, my shutoff valve was a grate.
 

Brilliant!
I locked in my dorfs when experimenting with flood gates... did not know they can only be moved with levers

Your best bet would be to try and reroute the water, might need to sacrifice a miner. Dig the alternative route one level below the intended intercept point, and all the way to the map boundary. There, you carve a fortification into the wall. Then, dig an up ramp or a stair from below into the current duct. Cross your fingers that the miner escapes the pressurised water... Careful to put doors into the access tunnel to the new water pipe You might also want to put in a lever operated door or floodgate into the new pipe.

[Bumber]

Shut off the water, go through and replace everything.

I- I can't, my shutoff valve was a grate.
 

Looks like you need to dig down to the magma sea, build a magma-proof cart, and use said cart to dump some lava so it falls onto the water, creating obsidian and blocking off your water supply.  Easy-peasy.

Or just cause a cave-in.

[Amperzand]

Also worth noting; If you include an escape route and retask him fast enough, the miner used for water redirection might escape, liquids flow really quite slowly unless they've been pressurized.

[Elderon]

After 2 days of frustration about my military dwarves not wearing armor i discover that replace clothes/over clothing has to be set for every dwarf individually...