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[MetalHead]

Just happened 5 minutes ago:

For some reason a couple years ago my mayor with pretty decent social skills was ousted by a random immigrant with no other skills except Novice Liar and Dabbling Macedwarf.  I didn't notice the change until the clever bastard put in a request for obsidian crafts; as I'm pretty sure everyone knows by now replacing an offending noble isnt enough to remove the mandate, and so a random glassmaker was blamed a couple months later.  I thought 'no big deal'.

Fast forward to just now: my latest dwarven caravan arrived and was about to my gates when my puppy sentries reported 3 squads of ambushers at my borders.  I sent my mid-sized military (24 for a 95-dwarf fortress) to stand just beyond the fort-side entrance to my entryway slaughterhouse and wait despite several members complaining of long patrol duties, minor cave adaptation, and the rain.  The goblins never got in, with the last weapon trap jamming up with the last goblin who wasn't crawling away with his legs cut off (Large Serrated Discs are a Dwarf's Best Friend > and the merchants had brought along everything I wanted especially after my broker did his usual 'imma go take a hike for no reason until the caravan leaves' business last year.  In other words, I was loving the sudden influx of goodies, bloodshed, and a handful of caged goblins for "Live Fire Exercises".

Then I get the message that the supposedly offensive glassmaker from before got gutted by my pissed-off captain of the guard who can't tell the difference between a beating and a stabbing.

Moral of the Story: Regardless of who has the highest military skill in your fort or who actually DESERVES the title, DO NOT put a Speardwarf in that office... unless of course you like senseless bloodshed coating your hallways with gore.

Worst Part: the bastard who made the crazy mandate is friends with nearly everyone in the fort, so I can't toss him outside for the elephants to go Boatmurdered on his ass.

[Reudh]

The young farmer failed his mood and went melancholy.

Our wounded miner has been found dead... I suspect a vampire.

Massive population surge, bringing our population from 27 to 61.

[rtg593]

I embark at the meeting point of 3 rivers, 1 having a nice waterfall.

Well, one of the turkeys I took along ended up at the bottom, so I think, oh dear... best take care of this... I designate restricted on the river waaaay back, high traffic along the river waaay back, hoping they get the hint and not jump in...

My fisher and mason drown at the bottom.

Ok, I'll build a bridge a bit back.

5 more drown at the bottom.

Guess everyone needs to savescum sometime:p

[Flying Dice]

Gen more than 50 worlds to find a 4x4 embark with flux, a sedimentary layer at the surface, and a major river. Start digging. Realize that you forgot to remove [AQUIFER] tag from sandstone. Use dfreveal, discover that ~12 z levels are solid sandstone.


FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Looks like you got some fun digging/pumping ahead of you:p at least it can be done, but ya, that sucks.

Yeah, not going to bother doing a breach that extensive for my first fortress after a fairly substantial break. 

[Azure Sepulchre]

One of my dwarves (a cheese maker, I believe, that I was grooming for a military position) turned out to be a necromancer, of all bloody things. Who knew? I mean, hell, I figured I'd occasionally have to deal with a vampire at best. Well, anyway, trade caravan showed up and filled him fulla arrows when he tried to start shit. Hit him so many times, his body was propelled into my moat. If it ended here, I'd have no problem. But, since he was still technically a member of my fortress, things started getting silly. Then annoyingly silly. Then hilariously silly.

See, since I couldn't get into the moat to fetch his corpse for burial, his evil necromancer ghost came back in a little bit of a bad mood. Kept bringing back his old corpse under the water. This was more or less harmless since the poor zombie was trapped down there - me having pre-emptively removed all but two of the ramps leading out of it and those two impossible to access - and the necro-ghost seemed rather obsessed with hanging out with its bloated zombie corpse, scaring the Armok out of any fisherdwarves that passed by on their way to work. Eventually the corpse would 'drown' (I know, right?) and the ghost would bring it back. This cycle continued for quite some time.

Until the corpse was reduced to nothing more than a decayed skeleton. Then the necro-ghost got fuckin' serious, in the most amusing way possible. He went to the fishery (which had been actively working for half a decade, bringing in mussels) and brought back as many mussel shells as he possibly could, numbering into the hundreds. These ZOMBIE MUSSEL SHELLS then went on a total rampage throughout my fortress (fishery was built inside the walls of my fort), slaughtering every single living thing they encountered, including my 10 expert-level militia-men equipped in steel plate and similar weapons, and 40 other dwarves enlisted as wrestlers. My fort laid low by a single-minded mass of undead crustaceans and their necro-ghost master who guides them from my moat.

Honestly, not even mad. How can I possibly get mad at such an amazingly insane defeat?

[bukitodinos]

One of my dwarves (a cheese maker, I believe, that I was grooming for a military position) turned out to be a necromancer, of all bloody things. Who knew? I mean, hell, I figured I'd occasionally have to deal with a vampire at best. Well, anyway, trade caravan showed up and filled him fulla arrows when he tried to start shit. Hit him so many times, his body was propelled into my moat. If it ended here, I'd have no problem. But, since he was still technically a member of my fortress, things started getting silly. Then annoyingly silly. Then hilariously silly.

See, since I couldn't get into the moat to fetch his corpse for burial, his evil necromancer ghost came back in a little bit of a bad mood. Kept bringing back his old corpse under the water. This was more or less harmless since the poor zombie was trapped down there - me having pre-emptively removed all but two of the ramps leading out of it and those two impossible to access - and the necro-ghost seemed rather obsessed with hanging out with its bloated zombie corpse, scaring the Armok out of any fisherdwarves that passed by on their way to work. Eventually the corpse would 'drown' (I know, right?) and the ghost would bring it back. This cycle continued for quite some time.

Until the corpse was reduced to nothing more than a decayed skeleton. Then the necro-ghost got fuckin' serious, in the most amusing way possible. He went to the fishery (which had been actively working for half a decade, bringing in mussels) and brought back as many mussel shells as he possibly could, numbering into the hundreds. These ZOMBIE MUSSEL SHELLS then went on a total rampage throughout my fortress (fishery was built inside the walls of my fort), slaughtering every single living thing they encountered, including my 10 expert-level militia-men equipped in steel plate and similar weapons, and 40 other dwarves enlisted as wrestlers. My fort laid low by a single-minded mass of undead crustaceans and their necro-ghost master who guides them from my moat.

Honestly, not even mad. How can I possibly get mad at such an amazingly insane defeat?

*clap...clap...clap*

that is one of the funniest things iv heard in a long time

[FrisianDude]

One of my militia captains just lost his hand to a goblin master thief with a silver dagger who was unreasonably more skilled in fighting than I anticipated. I should have just left him as target practice, but I decided to speed it up due to a collapse elsewhere.

[rtg593]

One of my dwarves (a cheese maker, I believe, that I was grooming for a military position) turned out to be a necromancer, of all bloody things. Who knew? I mean, hell, I figured I'd occasionally have to deal with a vampire at best. Well, anyway, trade caravan showed up and filled him fulla arrows when he tried to start shit. Hit him so many times, his body was propelled into my moat. If it ended here, I'd have no problem. But, since he was still technically a member of my fortress, things started getting silly. Then annoyingly silly. Then hilariously silly.

See, since I couldn't get into the moat to fetch his corpse for burial, his evil necromancer ghost came back in a little bit of a bad mood. Kept bringing back his old corpse under the water. This was more or less harmless since the poor zombie was trapped down there - me having pre-emptively removed all but two of the ramps leading out of it and those two impossible to access - and the necro-ghost seemed rather obsessed with hanging out with its bloated zombie corpse, scaring the Armok out of any fisherdwarves that passed by on their way to work. Eventually the corpse would 'drown' (I know, right?) and the ghost would bring it back. This cycle continued for quite some time.

Until the corpse was reduced to nothing more than a decayed skeleton. Then the necro-ghost got fuckin' serious, in the most amusing way possible. He went to the fishery (which had been actively working for half a decade, bringing in mussels) and brought back as many mussel shells as he possibly could, numbering into the hundreds. These ZOMBIE MUSSEL SHELLS then went on a total rampage throughout my fortress (fishery was built inside the walls of my fort), slaughtering every single living thing they encountered, including my 10 expert-level militia-men equipped in steel plate and similar weapons, and 40 other dwarves enlisted as wrestlers. My fort laid low by a single-minded mass of undead crustaceans and their necro-ghost master who guides them from my moat.

Honestly, not even mad. How can I possibly get mad at such an amazingly insane defeat?

*clap...clap...clap*

that is one of the funniest things iv heard in a long time

^^^ this. Lol, that is so awesome. 

[Vehudur]

I had a recruit pass out due to pain on a weapon trap containing 10 masterwork adamantine serrated discs.

Picture how that ended.

[werty892]

One of my dwarves (a cheese maker, I believe, that I was grooming for a military position) turned out to be a necromancer, of all bloody things. Who knew? I mean, hell, I figured I'd occasionally have to deal with a vampire at best. Well, anyway, trade caravan showed up and filled him fulla arrows when he tried to start shit. Hit him so many times, his body was propelled into my moat. If it ended here, I'd have no problem. But, since he was still technically a member of my fortress, things started getting silly. Then annoyingly silly. Then hilariously silly.

See, since I couldn't get into the moat to fetch his corpse for burial, his evil necromancer ghost came back in a little bit of a bad mood. Kept bringing back his old corpse under the water. This was more or less harmless since the poor zombie was trapped down there - me having pre-emptively removed all but two of the ramps leading out of it and those two impossible to access - and the necro-ghost seemed rather obsessed with hanging out with its bloated zombie corpse, scaring the Armok out of any fisherdwarves that passed by on their way to work. Eventually the corpse would 'drown' (I know, right?) and the ghost would bring it back. This cycle continued for quite some time.

Until the corpse was reduced to nothing more than a decayed skeleton. Then the necro-ghost got fuckin' serious, in the most amusing way possible. He went to the fishery (which had been actively working for half a decade, bringing in mussels) and brought back as many mussel shells as he possibly could, numbering into the hundreds. These ZOMBIE MUSSEL SHELLS then went on a total rampage throughout my fortress (fishery was built inside the walls of my fort), slaughtering every single living thing they encountered, including my 10 expert-level militia-men equipped in steel plate and similar weapons, and 40 other dwarves enlisted as wrestlers. My fort laid low by a single-minded mass of undead crustaceans and their necro-ghost master who guides them from my moat.

Honestly, not even mad. How can I possibly get mad at such an amazingly insane defeat?

Totally sigging this

[MaximumZero]

One of my dwarves (a cheese maker, I believe, that I was grooming for a military position) turned out to be a necromancer, of all bloody things. Who knew? I mean, hell, I figured I'd occasionally have to deal with a vampire at best. Well, anyway, trade caravan showed up and filled him fulla arrows when he tried to start shit. Hit him so many times, his body was propelled into my moat. If it ended here, I'd have no problem. But, since he was still technically a member of my fortress, things started getting silly. Then annoyingly silly. Then hilariously silly.

See, since I couldn't get into the moat to fetch his corpse for burial, his evil necromancer ghost came back in a little bit of a bad mood. Kept bringing back his old corpse under the water. This was more or less harmless since the poor zombie was trapped down there - me having pre-emptively removed all but two of the ramps leading out of it and those two impossible to access - and the necro-ghost seemed rather obsessed with hanging out with its bloated zombie corpse, scaring the Armok out of any fisherdwarves that passed by on their way to work. Eventually the corpse would 'drown' (I know, right?) and the ghost would bring it back. This cycle continued for quite some time.

Until the corpse was reduced to nothing more than a decayed skeleton. Then the necro-ghost got fuckin' serious, in the most amusing way possible. He went to the fishery (which had been actively working for half a decade, bringing in mussels) and brought back as many mussel shells as he possibly could, numbering into the hundreds. These ZOMBIE MUSSEL SHELLS then went on a total rampage throughout my fortress (fishery was built inside the walls of my fort), slaughtering every single living thing they encountered, including my 10 expert-level militia-men equipped in steel plate and similar weapons, and 40 other dwarves enlisted as wrestlers. My fort laid low by a single-minded mass of undead crustaceans and their necro-ghost master who guides them from my moat.

Honestly, not even mad. How can I possibly get mad at such an amazingly insane defeat?

That's amazing. Truly amazing.

[Flying Dice]

First migrant wave, includes 2 large families. 12 migrants, 7 of whom are children. One of the adults has no skills beyond basic military ones (macedwarf, at that), another is a low-skill military dwarf, but is a great carpenter, bowyer, and woodcutter to make up for it. One is a glazer, but makes up for it by being a fairly good marksdwarf. The others are completely useless hauler bait.


So yeah, large family WTF now. At least the brats can gather food, and if I'm lucky, one of them might mood.


Edit: Wave 2: 4/7 are children. -_________________________________________________________-

11/26 of my dwarves are useless children. Crap, but these early years are going to be hell. Funnily enough, the three adults were a cook and a pair of fishery workers.

[FrisianDude]

I had a recruit pass out due to pain on a weapon trap containing 10 masterwork adamantine serrated discs.

Picture how that ended.

Mince. Poor bugger. In my latest cave-in one of my Dwarfs was LUCKY though. Only got dusted onto a cage trap (and caught), no wounds at all.

[Vehudur]

I had a recruit pass out due to pain on a weapon trap containing 10 masterwork adamantine serrated discs.

Picture how that ended.

Mince. Poor bugger. In my latest cave-in one of my Dwarfs was LUCKY though. Only got dusted onto a cage trap (and caught), no wounds at all.

I wish he'd fallen onto a cage trap instead.

Mince doesn't even begin to describe it, part of one of his legs ended up 10z up on a ledge.

The good news is the row of 10 weapon traps each containing 10 ☼Large, Adamantine Serrated Disc☼ do just as much damage against ambushes.

I have roofed that passage over in the meantime so that body parts would stop landing across half the fortress.  Originally it was designed for archers to shoot down into it also, but it's become pretty clear that is...  not needed.

[WillowLuman]

Accidentally threw my ≡*Adamantine Battle Axe*≡ into magma in adventure.