Alright, lets "roll":
Nuke:
Eat North wall, revealing the infinite plain of air beyond.
[5!]
You bite into the north wall, and remembering to CHEW before you swallow, you have the northern wall for dinner, opening a way out of the nondescript mail room. You have revealed another room, which only has a single bag, a rack of newspapers, and a door. You have gained EPIC eating skills. Which is better than eating skills. Yes, you need a skill to eat.
Helmaroc:
Turns the red flag on the mailbox so it points up.
[6!]You fly up to the mailbox using power you didn't even know you had and turn the mailboxes red flag up. Which means you actually tuned it down, since up for the mailbox is down for everyone else. Which means you technically never put it up. But you did put it up, its just not up.The paradox confuses you to the point where you suffer a stroke, and fall to the ground, twitching and unable to rise... You are incapacitated!
Floirt:
I become the god of Unknowledge.
[4]You focus all of your unknown self into becoming unknowable, thus creating an almighty paradox that fuses your essence into yourself and makes you a GOD. However, since you are unknown, your powers are unknowable as well, so it is hard to define what you are and what you can do as a GOD. You have gained the skill GOD.
alfie275:
I make everyone laugh then make a roflcopter out of their rofls.
[4]You tell a joke so hilarious, everyone in the room bursts into spontaneous laughter, and you note that you have the odd ability to see their laughter in the form of leetspeak. You quickly use this to your advantage, capturing the escaping leetlols and bending them into a (literal) ROFLcopter. The ROFLcopter is now in the room. You have gained the skill leetspeak sight.
SHADOWdump:
Action:start summoning mischievous fire imps.
[6!]You speak in a freakish demonic tongue and successfully summon several fire imps from nothing at all into the hand of your palm. You will them to be mischievous. They agree and eagerly set forth to do mischief. Unfortunately for everyone in the room, they decide to perform mischief upon YOU! They launch a fireball apeice before vanishing with laughs, meanwhile, the fire has consumed the western wall of the room and is spreading!
Nirur Torir:
Sounds fun, I'd like to join
I shall unlock the arcane secrets of healing, by healing Nuke. I don't care if he is fully healed, I want to learn Cure.
[3]You summon holy energy from the GODS and focus your power upon the nearby Bob. The energy is released as a fine green mist, and positive energy washes over him. You are pleased with your success. That is, until Bob starts running into the adjacent room, arms flailing. In horror, you realize that instead of healing Bob, you somehow cast Turn Undead on Bob instead! You aren't sure how exactly that worked on Bob, but it did somehow. Instead of learning Cure, you have learned Turn Undead!?!
Frelock:
I fill out an order form, put it in the mailbox, and wait for my ACME shipment to arrive.
[3]You fill out an order for overly complex traps and mail it to ACME, hoping to get overly complex traps. You are able to put the order in the mailbox, but you realize upon putting it in that you had it mailed to Bay12Games instead! You try to grab the letter back, but it has vanished from the mailbox. In its place is a pressure plate and MAGMA. You are unsure of what you can do with any of this, but at least you've learned to address and seal letters! Letter-maker skill acquired.
Penguinofhonor:
Oh, my action. I pull a knife out of the mailbox.
[2]You reach into the mailbox for a knife. However, at the exact moment you reach in, Fre's shipment from Bay12Games arrives, melting your knife with MAGMA. You sit there as your knife hilt burns. You do nothing.
sir diesalot:
I lick a wall.
[1!]You wander around the room, trying to find a wall to lick for some unexplained reason. You walk over to the nearest one, and without paying attention to the wall, you lick the wall. However, you seem to have chosen unwisely, to lick the wall that Kiki's imps just immolated! You feel a strange burning sensation on your lounge, and decide to investigate. Your !!tongue!! is on fire!!!
Vaiolis:
Action: determine what the name of the mailbox is.
[5!]You use your searching ability to find the name of the mailbox, carved into the joint where its flag is affixed to the mail holder. You ascertain that its name is "The Steelsprings of Life", and that it was built in -307 by Cog Cog. You are now an EPIC searcher, and have the corresponding skills.
-The room is on FIRE, at the west wall.
-New area:Other room, with one bag, rack of newspapers, and door.
Character Stats:Nuke:
Name:Bob
Gender:Bob
Age:Bob
Description:Bob
Skills:EPIC eater (+1 to eat rolls)
Helmaroc:
Name: Hobart
Gender: MANLY
Age: Young
Description: Short, fluffy, mustached.
Injury:Incapacitated (Chance of losing action next turn)
Floirt:
Name: Unknown
Age: Unknown
Gender: Unknown
Description: Unknown
Skills:GOD of Unknowing, undefined.
alfie275:
Name:Alfie
Age:20
Gender:Male
Desription:Clever
Inventory:ROFLcoptor. (Needs piloting skill.)
SHADOWdump:
Name:Kiki Sunflower
Age:8
Gender:Female
Discription:She is a freaking demon-spawn!
Nirur Tiror:
Name: Nirur Torir
Age: 82
Gender: Male
Description: A mysterious looking old man with a long, white beard.
Spells:Turn Undead
Frelock:
Name: Fre
Age: -5
Gender: Male
Description: Coyote-like
Skills:Letter Maker
penguinofhonor:
Name: Whatever you want it to be, baby.
Age: Whatever you want it to be, baby.
Gender: Whatever you want it to be, baby.
Description: Whatever you want it to be, baby.
sir diesalot:
Name: Diesalot
Age: potato
Gender: male
Discription: Enjoys hitting things with other things. Also prefers to lick walls other than eat things.
Injury:!!tongue!! (Fire!!)
Vaiolis:
Name: Yes, I have one
Age: Yes
Gender: Yes...
Description: No, I'm nondescript. Of course I have one, why do you ask this?
Skills:EPIC searcher. (+1 to search rolls)
Mkay... as a
bonus (+1 to roll)...
Try to identify the anime opening song that I parody in my siggy. Hint, its the first eight lines of the song. Oh, and if your not an anime-tard, you are unlikely to get this. So that pretty much covers all of you. I think... Try and prove me wrong.