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Author Topic: The Birth of an Artifact  (Read 20207 times)

Heron TSG

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #120 on: May 21, 2010, 10:07:42 pm »

It is very well written, and shows a lot about that aspect of Baromek's childhood. (Being attacked by his coworkers) However, we don't really hear much about what else he does. (Or is it that that's all he does?)
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Est Sularus Oth Mithas
The Artist Formerly Known as Barbarossa TSG

SirHoneyBadger

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #121 on: May 22, 2010, 01:01:33 am »

Well, he certainly doesn't do/hasn't done, a whole lot so far (which is, I think, part of the problem)...I think I'm going to rewrite it, though, and add some content. I'm just not feeling it as a complete work quite yet.

Even moreso than the typical "nothing's ever finished" part of my creative process.
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SirHoneyBadger

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #122 on: May 26, 2010, 03:33:15 am »

SirHoneyBadger Has Constructed a Mighty Work of Editing!

SirHoneyBadger Has Been Struck Down! (...not sure why...probably had something to do with all the tequila I drank...)
« Last Edit: May 26, 2010, 03:37:01 am by SirHoneyBadger »
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Heron TSG

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #123 on: May 26, 2010, 07:56:48 am »

Nice work! It was nice hearing more about the fortress, and I especially liked the part about the statues.

Quote
That played into Baromek's father decided to apprentice him to a metalcrafter
I think you meant 'That played into Baromek's father's decision to apprentice him to a metalcrafter'.
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Est Sularus Oth Mithas
The Artist Formerly Known as Barbarossa TSG

SirHoneyBadger

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #124 on: May 26, 2010, 04:54:13 pm »

Good catch! That was one of the sentences I was modifying, and I must not have finished fiddling with it, before moving on to something else...

I'm going back and doing a little light editing on the earlier stuff, by the way, mostly to connect it better with later additions, and also to figure out what still needs "filling in". There's a ton of side things going on (this story doesn't exactly move from A to Z in a straight line, incase anyone missed that... :P), and that's going to take a little puzzling out.

Some of those are quite important, or atleast have some interesting action going on (action atlast!), so hopefully it'll be worth it. I caught a few cases of confusing/sloppy writing too, so I'm correcting that as I go.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2010, 06:09:42 pm by SirHoneyBadger »
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Heron TSG

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #125 on: May 26, 2010, 11:56:37 pm »

I'm here to help!  ;D

Honestly, I can't wait to see where this goes.
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Corona688

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #126 on: May 27, 2010, 12:37:05 am »

It's going to take me a couple more read-throughs to fit this puzzle together properly, but fortunately the pieces are enjoyable individually as well.  Bravo.
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SirHoneyBadger

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #127 on: May 27, 2010, 01:01:14 am »

It's going to take me a couple more read-throughs to fit this puzzle together properly, but fortunately the pieces are enjoyable individually as well.  Bravo.

There are quite a few pieces missing, but I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it.  8)
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SirHoneyBadger

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Fevre Dream.
« Reply #128 on: September 28, 2010, 12:28:34 am »

Mattock dreamed he was a mountain.

Hot sweat dripped through the molten earth, staining the cracked leather beneath; a dark, unlighted sea. Flames from his heart gushed outward, pumping molten veins beating across the restless peak. He shuddered and turned, startling a restless family of deer on his hip, who ran fearfully down his side.

Angry red condors circled his hair, now sprinkled with snow.

Within the crystal chamber of his brain, a black fog silently rose to obscure and fade the sharp outlines around it.
His fist lashed out in anguish, smashing a nearby village to smithereens and scattering it's screaming inhabitants down his belly. His hot breath woke a family of bears who began to sing a slow, deep, bear-dirge.

More and more bears appeared, to join the singing, as the world became a single, brightly lit cave.
Some of the bears held silver picks, wore blue-grey overalls.
A few of the bears had the faces of men, and one of those bears had the face of his father.
The Fatherbear had suddenly always led the singing, as the world narrowed to a pool of water at the back of the cave. There was never a cave, and the singing bearfather was a singing pool of sparkling sunlit water in the shape of his father's face.
His mother's face.

As the mother pool sang to him, the words of the song, the words that weren't words, became images of fire, and the images of fire became a dream.   

Mattock dreamt of a night before the Tree.

That night, Tolbrek had took him to the old quarry and shown him the great bones that lay scattered across the blue granite pit. They took with them a single candle that had a clever little clay hood over the flame, to protect it from the mild wind. There was a narrow moon in the clear, starry sky, and both men could find their way easily across the worn, but still functional, path.

The big, scarred man, life survivor, ex-gladiator, spoke quietly, spoke nearly to himself: "Et wuz aye bat-tul. Thar foy'nol bat-tul whan thar Bones all but took'ted us all. Whan Attol say'vad us all frum thar Mar'nork 'ave Bones."

It was dimly moonlit within the crumbling, moss-eaten pit. They stood at the top of the path, carved into the stone, but seeming to end in open space. Below them in the quarry glimmered massive, indistinct shapes that nonetheless awoke a quiet dread from within Mattock.

The deep baritone was hushed.
A sad whisper close to Mattock's ear: "All show yoo Attol, and Attol's Bayne," A hand touched Mattock's arm gently. The brief touch seemed strangely sympathetic.
"All show yoo na'ow whut thar win'tar brangs ta' usss..."

Motioning for Mattock to wait, Tolbrek took the hooded candle, placing it between his thick teeth, and then skuttled swiftly and surely across a narrow, nearly invisible rock ledge. He seemed to feel his way across with his gigantic hands, like a squat, grey spider.

An ancient lantern of blackened bronze, fully the height of a man, that had been bolted into the quarry face centuries ago, was found. Was quickly and expertly lit with the candle. Four more were lit across the broad semi-circle, as Tolbrek made his way to the quarry floor. Mattock could see that the beeswax candles inside of each light were atleast as thick around as his own thigh.

The old lights shone brightly despite their age--the backs of them had once been silvered--and that's all he could see for a moment, as he stood blinking. Once his vision began to expand again, what he saw nearly toppled him from the rock.

It was a bone, but it couldn't possibly have been. From the socket--a shoulder socket. In the bright light, in the clear mountain air...that long white boulder looked a little like a shoulder...To where it connected. To where it looked like it might have once connected to that, that other. To that other bone. That bone over there...with that tendon that just laid there like the pale smug grandfather of all snakes...

Mattock turned away and stared back down the darkened path for a long time. He shuddered sharply, and then stared for a moment at his own wrist. Flexed the fingers very. Very. Slowly. And then he shuddered again.

Turned stiffly back to the quarry floor.

It was an arm. It ended at a hand. From which fingers grew, where fingers those fingers fingers ought not to ever grow, EVER.

Clutched in that hand...those fingerbones...held there like a plump plucked mushroom or a robin's egg, held like a little articulated doll, was the entire complete skeleton of a fully grown man, who in turn was holding a rusted battleaxe in his own boney grip.

This then was Attol, still held in the clutches of Attol's Bane.



"Oh, carp."


« Last Edit: September 28, 2010, 02:46:59 am by SirHoneyBadger »
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Xenos

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #129 on: September 28, 2010, 03:19:25 am »

Excellent writing!  :D  I am loving this story so far...

Also, If I may ask, what part of Utah do you live in HoneyBadger?
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SirHoneyBadger

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #130 on: September 28, 2010, 03:27:26 am »

I live in the larger part of Utah.
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skaltum

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #131 on: September 28, 2010, 05:42:15 am »

yay update  :P
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I just realized, after adding the new body parts to the other races, that I have an entire squad of dwarves with a shield in each hand and swinging their axes with their penises. There's nightmare fuel for those goblins, in more ways than one.

Heron TSG

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #132 on: September 28, 2010, 08:18:53 am »

Fantastic!

From which fingers grew, where fingers those fingers fingers ought not to ever grow, EVER.
Uh... does it have fingers on its fingers?
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Aldaris

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #133 on: September 28, 2010, 12:08:27 pm »

This is beautiful, and you should keep going. I don't care how long it takes, this is a story worth making longer.
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magmaholic

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Re: The Birth of an Artifact
« Reply #134 on: September 28, 2010, 12:20:28 pm »

my god,its like reading a novel!
superb story,by the way.
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