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[martinuzz]

Last tuesday, I have been spiked. (Spiked means, someone put drugs in my drink without my knowledge or consent.)
Under the influence of whatever the fuck this drugs was, I abused a handful of women.
That's so not who I am.
For all my life, I've been the friendly, gentle guy that never even touches women who are not okay with me touching them, and they guy who women turn to if they want a safe escort home. No =  no is what I stand for.

Now I am known to some as 'the pervert that touches women in places they don't want to be touched'.

I barely remeber anything of what happened. I woke up the next day with feverish chills (but no fever), and pain all over my body for 12+ hours. I don't remember touching women's asses. I don't feel guilty, or responsible. The idiot who spiked my drink is responsible for my hands touching women in places they don't want to be touched.
I am not the only one. Multiple people were spiked, and some women woke up with bruises everywhere.
I feel crappy, but I know this is not my fault, responsibility, nor am I guilty of anything. The person who put this crazy drugs in my drink is responsible for my assault on women.
But it's scary as fuck, that there are drugs that completely shut down all higher mental functions. My body was present, but 'I', who I am, what I stand for wasn't there.

[nenjin]

If you know who did it, what they did is a criminal offense and can be prosecuted. If it's an actual establishment where it happened, that's actionable too.

Pretty much since Day 1 of party culture, I've always tried to keep a firm hold on my inhibitions. From getting too drunk to trying to be aware of what I'm taking, never wanted to get so fucked up I was doing anything without being mentally present. I don't really want to know who the completely unfiltered me is. I clearly remember the night I went to my first keg party, at the forefront of my mind was "you don't know how much you can drink so don't go apeshit." I think I still got sick eventually but at least I was in full control of my behavior.

Not much you can do when someone spikes your drink though. The sense of violation/alienation must be pretty real. All I can say is who you are on X, Y or Z doesn't really reflect the core of who you are unless you choose to go there of your own volition. And from a guy to a guy, I've seen the same behavior out of women sometimes too. It doesn't make you a pervert, it makes you a human not in control of their behavior, and gender is irrelevant in those moments. I've had women get too messed up on something and get just as handsy without permission as guys are pilloried for being. It doesn't necessarily make either better or worse, just that you shouldn't beat yourself up about it "as a guy." Political context is giving you anxiety, and if people are throwing you shade over this, then they probably aren't worth associating with either. You're pretty much a victim like everyone else that had their drinks spiked.

Gotta remember the cardinal rules of safe partying too:

-Never let anyone fix you a drink. If you didn't bring it for yourself, and it doesn't come in a sealed can or bottle, you can't fully trust it.
-Never let your drink out of your hand or your sight. Some people even bring lids for their drinks or bottles for expressly this purpose. Sometimes it's just as casual as someone walking up to refill your drink for you.
-Never take anything you haven't previously vetted. Which is really just the summation of the two above. It gets even stickier with other drugs.
-Consume slowly. It can be hard to do when everyone is racing to see who can get wild the fastest. But it gives you time to evaluate. For me not having a high alcohol tolerance, and usually mixing some additional, ah, party favors, I take a "sip and see" approach. Not only does it help me pace myself, it gives me the time to notice if something doesn't feel right.

TBH, it's things like this that really soured me on party culture. I just sorta had this talk with a 24 year old from Czechoslovakia who's been going to college here, about avoiding frat parties and to keep their eyes open when partying in general.

Anyways, sorry you went through that man. I hope your relationships don't suffer too much for it.

[martinuzz]

If you know who did it, what they did is a criminal offense and can be prosecuted. If it's an actual establishment where it happened, that's actionable too.

I have no idea who. I got spiked in the afternoon, while just playing a game of pool billiards in one of my old time hang-outs. I have informed them what happened and told them to be on the lookout for someone spiking drinks.

Pretty much since Day 1 of party culture, I've always tried to keep a firm hold on my inhibitions. From getting too drunk to trying to be aware of what I'm taking, never wanted to get so fucked up I was doing anything without being mentally present. I don't really want to know who the completely unfiltered me is. I clearly remember the night I went to my first keg party, at the forefront of my mind was "you don't know how much you can drink so don't go apeshit." I think I still got sick eventually but at least I was in full control of my behavior.

Same. I am 43, I worked in pubs and music venues for nearly 20 years. Last time I drank so much that the evening was blurry is about 25 years ago. I always want to be accountable for what I do. I don't do any drugs except an occasional whiff of a joint.

Not much you can do when someone spikes your drink though. The sense of violation/alienation must be pretty real. All I can say is who you are on X, Y or Z doesn't really reflect the core of who you are unless you choose to go there of your own volition. And from a guy to a guy, I've seen the same behavior out of women sometimes too. It doesn't make you a pervert, it makes you a human not in control of their behavior, and gender is irrelevant in those moments. I've had women get too messed up on something and get just as handsy without permission as guys are pilloried for being. It doesn't necessarily make either better or worse, just that you shouldn't beat yourself up about it "as a guy." Political context is giving you anxiety, and if people are throwing you shade over this, then they probably aren't worth associating with either. You're pretty much a victim like everyone else that had their drinks spiked.

thanks, that is how I should feel about it indeed.

Gotta remember the cardinal rules of safe partying too:

-Never let anyone fix you a drink. If you didn't bring it for yourself, and it doesn't come in a sealed can or bottle, you can't fully trust it.

I never accept drinks except from friends.

-Never let your drink out of your hand or your sight. Some people even bring lids for their drinks or bottles for expressly this purpose.

I am and have always been very well aware. This one is not as easy to do though. I do always try to mind my drink.
But it only takes a split second of looking the other way for someone intent on spiking drinks to pour something in, I now learned the hard way. I really didn't expect this to happen on a tuesday afternoon in a place I considered safe.

TBH, it's things like this that really soured me on party culture. I just sorta had this talk with a 24 year old from Czechoslovakia who's been going to college here, about avoiding frat parties and to keep their eyes open when partying in general.

This is the weird part which makes me convinced I was already spiked while playing pool. I ended up at some frat party at a place I don't know with mostly people I don't know. Which is where I started grabbing asses.
I *never* go to frat parties / afterparties. I don't like them and I'm too old for that shite. I must have already been really far gone for people to drag me there.

Anyways, sorry you went through that man. I hope your relationships don't suffer too much for it.

Thanks

[nenjin]

I think you have enough evidence to figure out who did it, if for nothing else to avoid them in the future.

You've got your regular place, with your regular hangouts. Who was new to that group? Maybe it wasn't a new acquaintance, maybe it's an old acquaintance you didn't know as well as you thought.

Secondly, it's most likely the spiker was among the people you ended up at the party with. Otherwise, how would you have ended up there in the first place if you're not the type to seek out those kinds of parties? Someone had to lead you there, in your state, or do the bare minimum to convince you to go. What was the point of spiking your drink and then just leaving you alone? That's not typically how it goes, the spiker tends to want to hang around for the aftermath. Your memory is probably shot but if it were me, I'd ask around to fill in the details after playing pool, who left the pool hall with you, so you can establish who among your circle betrayed your trust. With that knowledge, personally, I'd kick someone's ass. The biggest taboo in drug culture to me is giving someone something they didn't ask for or weren't expecting, and it's punishable by a severe beating. People have died from ending up on a drug they didn't know they were taking. It's dangerous in addition to being sleazy.

I feel you though. At 40, I'd be pretty weirded out if this happened to me too. In your teens, 20s and 30s I guess I'd seem more "normal." But who spikes an adult man's drink?

[Vector]

This was a while ago. You doing OK?

[martinuzz]

Yeah, I guess. It took me a while to feel completely sober again, and to wrap my head around what the hell happened.
It helps that I was not the only one that evening who had this happen to them.

Sadly, we have no idea who did it. Some suspicions, but not solid enough to accuse anyone.

One of the women who also got spiked had a urine test done slightly over 24h later. Nothing turned up, so it was either a known drugs that dissipates from the blood really fast, or some new unknown designer drug that the tests don't test for yet.

[nenjin]

May or may not have been Rohypnol, which is the most common drug that gets used for this. Internet says the half life is between 16 and 36 hours, but a urine test up to 60 days later can detect it. I'm not sure about those #'s to be honest, and I'm worried about my google search history trying to find other examples.

[Vector]

If I remember correctly Rohypnol also has an after-effect of a strange colored urine, which would be highly noticeable. (I had a student who got dosed with it).

[ChairmanPoo]

They'd test for that as SOP.

[martinuzz]

Yeah, that would have surely shown up in the urine test.


I'm still baffled with how this drug completely took away all inhibitions and self control.
I was not the only one.
Women on that party kissed random strangers, grabbed guys by the crotch, and even came on to guys shouting "fuck me, fuck me!".
One girl was fucked on the toilet by someone, she does't remember who but she woke up with bruises everywhere.

We suspect one of the bartender girls of the pub I was spiked at to be responsible for spiking me, and the people I was with. Probably more active spikers, because people at that frat party who also got spiked never were at the place I was spiked at.

The barkeeper girl is 'a girlfriend' of the owner of the place the frat party was at. The girl who was fucked on the toilet *thinks* it was him who did that but isn't sure.

When I went to the pub to tell them what happened, the owner asked me, "who was working at that time, maybe they saw something?"

I told him, "you yourself was working behind the bar, and this girl. He then went with me to this barkeeper girl, and told her someone got spiked. Instead of saying "how terrible, let me think if I saw something", she shouted at me angrily... "Are you accusing me of that?".
I'm like... "Uh, no? Your boss just asked me who was working when it happened?"

That was a very odd and uncalled for defensive reaction which I thought kinda suspicious.

I think this guy who owns the place the frat party was at wanted to test his nw designer drugs, and handed it out to his girls to slip them to random people, and then make sure those people get to that frat party so they can be observed.

It's just speculation, but it's the scenario that makes most sense.

[nenjin]

Sounds like the kind of place to not go back to.

[martinuzz]

Old time hang-out, new unknown barkeep. It's not my regular pub, but it is my place to go when I like to play a game of pool billiards, since my regular pub doesn't have a pool table.

[nenjin]

I dunno if you know the owner but it seems like something to bring to their attention. If it could actually be tied back to them, that's criminal liability.

[Vector]

I would also say that therapy and making sure you talk about this IRL with friends that you trust, as well as us, is a good idea. It will help you to understand the event and to get any help that you need as it works its way through your system.

You, along with many other people, were clearly sexually taken advantage of, and should be cared for and protected by your community in the aftermath.

[Caz]

nothing to do but rebuild your relationships and watch your drinks in future. and wouldn't trust anyone that was in that company again, esp that bar. some people get off on that kinda thing.

 i got spiked once and mostly couldn't walk, luckily i had a friend (who was gonna call me an ambulance before ye olde babysitter showed up)

idk how much you remember about the night but it's a horrible feeling being not in control of yourself. on the upside you didn't eat a tyre or kill anyone. being sexually agressive to people under the influence is something people will get over in awhile. especially if they understand you were spiked (and the people that matter will understand that)

live and learn, you'll get bruises on the way but it will lead you to better understanding of the thing.