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[EuchreJack]

Try the handle.

You jiggle the handle, THE DOOR remains locked.

Count the other doors.  Then count the number of ULTIMATE DOORS.

There are 6 other, lesser doors on this floor.  There is, of course, only one THE DOOR.

On second thought, remoting into THE DOOR sounds too much like work; walk around THE DOOR?

You walk into a wall.  Congrats!

I'm interacting from afar. In which case: use Hackerman powers to run sed -i 's/DOOR/DOOT/g' /dev/DOOR. (Yes, the DOOR is a Unix-style device-file now.)

There is no internet connection to THE DOOR. There is however some shouting nearby about Netflix not working...

Politely ask the DOOR to open.

If that doesn't work, chant "Open Sesame" until the DOOR or my throat gives in.

Observe the colour of the door and its material construction.

THE DOOR, solid wood with lots of cheap brown paint covering it, remains unmoved.

"I'm so tiny! I'm a Yellow Pixel!"

Pass under the door.

You get your foot stuck under THE DOOR talking gibberish.

King Zultan II and A_Curious_Cat set out on a legendary journey to find tools.  Which translates to trying to find an all-night hardware store.  Good luck, and don't get robbed out there!

Kicking and knocking have minimal effect this round on THE DOOR.

[Egan_BW]

Eh. Go make muffins.

[EuchreJack]

Eh. Go make muffins.

THE DOOR suddenly whips open and someone drags Egan_BW into the room.  It closes before anyone else can respond. That funky smell might be slowing your reflexes a bit.

You hear screaming: MUFFINS!  Make us Muffins!

[Superdorf]

OBTAIN FIRE AXE.

[ZBridges]

Pick the lock on the door.

[A_Curious_Cat]

1. Complete legendary journey and obtain drill from hardware store.

2.  Rob King Zultan II of his crown at drillpoint.

3.  Become King of the Cats.

4. ??

5.  PROFIT!!

[Imic]

CONSUME THE DOOR HARDER! LET NO SPLINTER BE LEFT UN-NOMMED!

[Egan_BW]

Butcher the other players and make their parts into muffins.

[methylatedspirit]

Run the fuck away.

[Strik3r]

Become muffins. My purpose fulfilled.
^{and hopefully be taken through the door.}

[AzyWng]

Knock on each of the doors, saying "Pizza delivery!" each time.

[EuchreJack]

Butcher the other players and make their parts into muffins.

Become muffins. My purpose fulfilled.
^{and hopefully be taken through the door.}

Strik3r disappears.  You hear screaming, then smell muffins cooking.  At least it was consensual.

Knock on each of the doors, saying "Pizza delivery!" each time.

This does nothing, as they know you don't have pizza.  Now maybe if you had pizza...

Run the fuck away.

Hm, let me roll my d6....oh my it fell out the window.  I guess that means you've been dragged into THE DOOR.

CONSUME THE DOOR HARDER! LET NO SPLINTER BE LEFT UN-NOMMED!

More splinters and paint chips.  Small gouge in THE DOOR.

OBTAIN FIRE AXE.

And another adventurer goes on a MIGHTY QUEST.  No FIRE AXE on this floor, do you go up or down the stairs?

Pick the lock on the door.

Your lockpick breaks!  Now where is that guy that was going for the drill?

1. Complete legendary journey and obtain drill from hardware store.

2.  Rob King Zultan II of his crown at drillpoint.

3.  Become King of the Cats.

4. ??

5.  PROFIT!!

Unfortunately, the hardware store is closed.
Fortunately, King Zultan II doesn't notice as you shove him to the ground and steal his crown!
Congrats, you are now King of the Cats.  Maybe.  I mean, there is at least one cat looking at you.

[methylatedspirit]

Look around inside THE DOOR.

[Egan_BW]

Distribute muffins among the remaining players. Taunt them distantly yet smugly.

[EuchreJack]

Distribute muffins among the remaining players. Taunt them distantly yet smugly.

Look around inside THE DOOR.

Have a muffin...