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Author Topic: BRAWL-MART: Episode 3: Screech, Rustle, Clang.  (Read 31865 times)

piecewise

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BRAWL-MART: Episode 3: Screech, Rustle, Clang.
« on: August 06, 2020, 01:47:54 pm »

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!
Come on down to your local omniplex and buy a single use viewing of
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWL-MAAAAAAAAAAAAAART
THATS RIGHT, America's favorite Consumer Bloodsport is out of litigation and back on air, WHERE IT BELOOOONGS!
Watch in stupefied amazement as the world's greatest Suburban Slaughterers, Rural Roughhousers, and Trailerpark Titans take to the aisles of AMERICA'S SUPERSTORES for No holds barred BUYING BRUTALITY!
THE FIRST TO REACH THE CHECKOUT WITH 1000 DOLLARS IN GOODS OR THE LAST LEFT STANDING IS THE WINNER!
But Watch out for our SUPER SHOPPERS! They're out for savings. AND BLOOOOOOD!


Each contestant has 15 points and they can put up to 4 of them in any of these CORPERATE SPONSERED STATISTICS!






And for every point left over we will INCREASE THEIR BMI using the patented LARD-O-MATIC, Making them into an ABSOLUTE UNIT that can only be destroyed by HEAAAART DISEAAAAASE.

Each contestant also has a voucher for exactly 100 dollars that they can spend on ANY merchandise found in our WAREHOUSE before appearing on the shoooow!

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE A CONTESTANT ON BRAWL-MART, SEND YOUR NAME, PHOTO, STAT LIST, AND PURCHASED ITEMS TO OUR CORPERATE HEADQUARTERSSSSSS AND ALLOW 4-6 WEEKS FOR PROCESSSSINNNNNNG. THE FIRST 8 CONTESTANTS WILL BE ACCEPTED, GUARANTEED!

Don't Wait!
Don't Delay!
Don't Miss your chance for the best goddamn day of your life.
BEEEE THEEEEERE!

« Last Edit: October 16, 2020, 10:42:42 am by piecewise »
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ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2020, 02:05:03 pm »
PTW
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Coolrune206

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2020, 08:45:18 pm »
Name: Bread Man
Photo:
Spoiler: Bread Man (click to show/hide)
Stats:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 4
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 1

Purchased Items:
Nature's Own® Honey Wheat Bread 20 oz. Loaf x 4 ($2.78 x 4 = $11.12)
Nylon / Poly Tie Down Rope 50 feet x 1/4" Thick (White Fiber) x 1 ($4.95)
Marketside Bake at Home French Baguette, 10 oz x 1 ($1.98)
Kitchenaid Classic Forged 8-Inch Triple Rivet Scalloped Bread Knife x 2 ($19.99 x 2 = $39.98)
King Arthur Flour Unbleached Bread Flour 5 lb. Bag x 1 ($3.92)
Joseph's Bakery Pita Bread, Low Carb, 8 oz. x 1 ($12.95)

Total Price: $74.90
and all of the bread is stale.
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Quote from: IronyOwl on September 27, 2017, 02:20:54 pm
"You are a shameful gaggle of cowards who has made a mockery of the challenge, but you have avoided death. Sit and eat."

Naturegirl1999

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2020, 10:45:58 pm »
I’ll join, question, does the photo have to be from the site you linked, or is it just a suggestion?
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piecewise

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2020, 12:50:35 am »
Quote from: Naturegirl1999 on August 06, 2020, 10:45:58 pm
I’ll join, question, does the photo have to be from the site you linked, or is it just a suggestion?
just a suggestion.
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The Lupanian

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2020, 03:33:36 am »
NAME: Sheauwn-Dagger Smith
PHOTO: Photo
STATS:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 1
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 4

ITEMS:
Hatchets - $22.99
Bow - $33.88
Arrows x4 - $23.92
Matches - $5.49
Lighter Fluid - $4.57
Paracord - $3.94
Bubble Gum - $2.24
Total = 97.03
« Last Edit: August 07, 2020, 03:35:25 am by The Lupanian »
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Quote from: Deus Asmoth on May 09, 2015, 07:05:47 pm
I only ate a few vampire hearts. Like, three tops. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Go check out Shadow of the Void!

Rockeater

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2020, 05:03:06 am »
Ptw
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Quote from: Glass on March 31, 2018, 03:09:12 pm
Damnit people, this is why I said to keep the truce. Because now everyone's ganging up on the cats.
Quote from: CABL on November 20, 2018, 08:27:37 am
Also, don't forget to contact your local Eldritch Being(s), so that they can help with our mission to destroy the universe.

piecewise

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2020, 08:45:19 am »
Quote from: Coolrune206 on August 06, 2020, 08:45:18 pm
Name: Bread Man
Photo:
Spoiler: Bread Man (click to show/hide)
Stats:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 4
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 1

Purchased Items:
Nature's Own® Honey Wheat Bread 20 oz. Loaf x 4 ($2.78 x 4 = $11.12)
Nylon / Poly Tie Down Rope 50 feet x 1/4" Thick (White Fiber) x 1 ($4.95)
Marketside Bake at Home French Baguette, 10 oz x 1 ($1.98)
Kitchenaid Classic Forged 8-Inch Triple Rivet Scalloped Bread Knife x 2 ($19.99 x 2 = $39.98)
King Arthur Flour Unbleached Bread Flour 5 lb. Bag x 1 ($3.92)
Joseph's Bakery Pita Bread, Low Carb, 8 oz. x 1 ($12.95)

Total Price: $74.90
and all of the bread is stale.

Straight from the bakery and into your hearts, He's a staple of the American diet and has walked side by side with mankind for over SIX. THOUSAND. YEARS.  You know him. You love him. You consume physically unhealthy amounts of him, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiits BREAD MAN!

Quote from: The Lupanian on August 07, 2020, 03:33:36 am
NAME: Sheauwn-Dagger Smith
PHOTO: Photo
STATS:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 1
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 4

ITEMS:
Hatchets - $22.99
Bow - $33.88
Arrows x4 - $23.92
Matches - $5.49
Lighter Fluid - $4.57
Paracord - $3.94
Bubble Gum - $2.24
Total = 97.03
From the backwaters of the American south, able to start a fire with nothing but two rocks and a lighter, able to skin an alligator in 12 different ways - 3 of them effective-, he once ate a whole possum just because it insulted his mother! He's Mean, he's lean, he's under thirteen, He's Sheauwn-Dagger Smith!
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Naturegirl1999

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2020, 09:41:14 am »
Oh crap, is it too late now?
Name: Juliana Bullwinkle
Photo: here
Stats:
Strengtho: 2
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 2
Intellectable: 3
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 0
Purchases
Hydrogen Peroxide $4.14
Chain $4.47
100 Scalpel Blades and one scalpel handle $7.95
Aquarium cleaner $5.58
Pool cleaner chlorine tablets $62
Lasso $9
Total money spent: 93.14
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piecewise

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2020, 10:30:44 am »
Quote from: Naturegirl1999 on August 07, 2020, 09:41:14 am
Oh crap, is it too late now?
Name: Juliana Bullwinkle
Photo: here
Stats:
Strengtho: 2
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 2
Intellectable: 3
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 0
Purchases
Hydrogen Peroxide $4.14
Chain $4.47
100 Scalpel Blades and one scalpel handle $7.95
Aquarium cleaner $5.58
Pool cleaner chlorine tablets $62
Lasso $9
Total money spent: 93.14

((nah, we got plenty of slots left. 5 after you. Just doing some intros to show they were accepted. ))

The Silly hat and surgical implement enthusiast from parts unknown, she spent the majority of her 100 dollar voucher on chlorine tablets and restraints, SHEEEEEES Juliana Bullwinkle!
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Screech9791

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2020, 01:05:44 pm »
Wow, I didn't know people are making forum games about everyone's favorite documentary, Idiocracy!

NAME: A raccoon
Spoiler: Photo (click to show/hide)
STATZ:
2 Strengtho
3 Speedize
3 thrustadjust
2 HARDSY
3 intellectable
2 ViewBetter
PURCHASED ITEMS:
Raccoons don't give a shit about material possessions.
Total Price: $0.00
Who let a raccoon into BRAWL-MART?
« Last Edit: August 07, 2020, 02:00:08 pm by 0cra_tr0per »
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Naturegirl1999

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2020, 01:32:46 pm »
Can I mention that raccoons are actually very intelligent and able to pick locks? Also the raccoon in your picture is cute. How did it get into the store?
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Screech9791

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2020, 02:00:57 pm »
Quote from: Naturegirl1999 on August 07, 2020, 01:32:46 pm
Can I mention that raccoons are actually very intelligent and able to pick locks? Also the raccoon in your picture is cute. How did it get into the store?
I don't know facts about raccoons off the top of my head; I only chose to play a raccoon because I somehow found it on https://www.peopleofwalmart.com.
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KitRougard

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2020, 03:24:20 pm »
« Last Edit: August 07, 2020, 05:21:59 pm by KitRougard »
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Scream all you want
They don't understand
Your Comic Sans font
A language of another land

Naturegirl1999

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2020, 05:06:56 pm »
I used to be unable to turn urls into words, here’s how
Code: [Select]
[url=www.boredbutton.com]Click here for a website that takes you to other websites[/url]And here is what that produces
Click here for a website that takes you to other websites
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