Turn 23A blue portal mysteriously appears and sends the vermin to the deepest depths of the case, almost as it was like a miracle or a disruption in the space-time continuum caused by a dearie of infinite potential which was recently inserted into an Unlimited hand accessory of sorts. Probably a miracle tho
3+1In a completely random and unexplainable miracle, the vacuum vermin are suddenly pulled into a random portal into space when Juainos waves his hand. They're space creatures anyway, so it's really a win-win. After that, Juainos suddenly begins to glow with a bright light, for similarly unknown reasons not related to Infinity Dairies.
Why not. Head back and save Abraham Lincoln again. If he asks what’s going on, tell him that the evil Thainos is going to destroy the world, and that there’s only so much time. Then, mime being oulled into the TARDIS by an invisible force whilst bagging him for his hat. Then, head to 1916 and save James Connoly from being shot, try to acquire his uniform and see what happens.
5+1 for experience, 1+2You take back control of your TARDIS and set the coordinates for 1865, Ford's Theater. Maybe it'll be nice to no longer be in an apocalypse.
As you check your scanners, 1865 doesn't look much like you remember it. A roughly 21st century level of technology is present, and several banners depicting the Holy Grail hang from the buildings. You're in the Holy Grail's society now. Still, perhaps some things are always the same. With a practiced hand, you locate President Lincoln and easily save his life by punching out a far-right terrorist who was about to shoot him for his recent harsh criticism of the pro-slavery rebels who attempted to resist the Grail Regime's global abolishment of slavery centuries earlier. Lincoln is surprised by your apparent familiarity with him, and you easily persuade him to hand over his hat before pretending to be dragged away. Once again, you have the Lincoln Hat and its corresponding +1 to everything. After that, you return to your TARDIS and travel to Ireland, 1916.
Ireland too looks different than how you left it. The technology is noticeably more advanced than the new 1865's, and there are no signs of the Easter Rising. The biggest story of the day appears to be a recently launched expedition to Mars. You track down James Connolly and find him working in his cobber's shop. In a very indirect way, you have saved him from being shot, though getting him to part with his uniform may be difficult.
Look for a terminal, or any machinery that seems to still be functioning. There has to be somewhere where I can get access to all this data that’s stored away.
5Looking around the room, you find a computer that still seems to be functional. You plug it in, hook it up to another computer's monitor, and download the Infinity Dairy scans onto a holopad. As you collect the files, you get the strange sense that something else has awoken within the ship.
Also, you suddenly begin to glow brightly.
"My apocolypse sensor is tingling. Also my b string is acting up."
Adam began strumming the b (space) string on his guitar to disrupt whatever Thainos Juainos was up to.
6, 76For some reason, you feel like strumming your guitar. Maybe Juainos deserves to hear it for what a good friend he's been. The chaos magic is unleashed and causes you, Juainos, Ssarscel, and possibly other beings in the area to glow with a bright light.
"Why does this place hate me so much, why won't it let me have weapons of mass destruction?"
Get behind some cover and tell the turrets I'm the president, if that doesn't do anything shoot the turrets with my rifle.
5You leap behind the chair and scream out that you're the President as bullets rip into the chair behind you. The turret's program halts for a moment as it scans through the Presidential line of succession. It first scans for the (long dead) actual president. Not finding him, it scans for the vice president. So on and so forth until it realizes that you're the person who defeated Mitch McConnell. Under the terms of the 28th Amendment, you have just become President of the United States of America. Congratulations!
The turrets retreat into the ceiling and the computer helpfully logs you into the ion cannon's controls.
SCREAM ROUSING, OKAPI-THEMED WAR CRY AND TACKLE MY OPPONENT BEFORE HE CAN FIRE OFF ANY MORE MAGICKS, JAM THUMBS INTO HIS EYES AND HOPE FOR THE BEST
AFTER (HOPEFULLY) INCAPACITATING HIM, GO SNAP OFF GOAT HORNS FROM DEAD CHIMERA, DUAL-WIELD THOSE* AND CHARGE AT UNICORN!
COME UP WITH ANOTHER WAR CRY AS I GO, I GUESS
* MAYBE FASHION INTO MAKESHIFT SPEAR/WARHAMMER USING OTHER MONSTER BITS IF I HAVE TIME
These Okapi Hybrids are a abomination against nature and thus T'zzz.
Charge my lance with Eldricht Energy and launch it to the sky calling an Eldritch Storm to Remove their existence through Lighting Strikes.
Yoink vs Adam:5 vs 6Yoink's mount vs Adam:4 vs 5Adam Smith vs Okapis:5Okapis vs Dairy Queen Forces:4-1 vs 3Yoink recovers from the fireball and charges Adam alongside his mount. Before they can reach their target, Adam stabs his lance toward the sky and unleashes a blast of eldritch lightning. Yoink and his mount are forced to their knees by the blast, which continues into the okapi army. The okapi's charge is halted, lightning blasts stabbing into their ranks as the fairy tale creatures recover. The unicorn forces them forward, chewing off bits of flesh from whichever creatures find themselves at the back of the line.
Sweet! Set up a little kingdom/nation based in Genricville. Have my network only attack the monsters once they decide to come out of the library.
6, 2Using the existing infrastructure, you build a basic society in Genericville. However, there are problems to deal with. Anyone who's left in the surrounding area knows who you are and plans to either avoid you or seek revenge, and the monsters at the library are performing quick raids to pick off your minions whenever they get the chance.
Fight the attackers
3Shoot down a stalactite, so that it kills one of the creatures or two.
4
A brief, broken confusion--
--and then madness.
The AXE of GINNUNGAGAP gives NO QUARTER.
3+1(Creatures:Attack Gunthar:5)Rana pounces forward, clawing apart the downed Eldritch creature. John shoots down a stalactite and crushes another. Gunthar is gripped by the throat by the claw of the last creature and briefly strangled before his allies can pull the creature away. Once freed, the
AXE of GINNUNGAGAP hacks the last survivor into pieces. A last
"...Unacceptable." is muttered, and then silence for a moment.
The black blood of the first killings flows from the broken corpses, heading toward the pool. The walls begin to shake and crack, as if something is crawling in through the walls.
Start finding people to rip there skeletons out of there body and add them to the collective pile that is me
2Sadly, you can't find anyone to murder. You crawl through several abandoned towns, but it looks like John's Network has abducted nearly all the people in the area.