Turn 10Juainos will check to see if he still has his EpiPen on his front pocket. Then we will enter the TARDIS (Which he totally didn't mean to sabotage) and go along with the party to the Doom Mug.
3, 1Sensing the curse that's been put on you, you pat your front pocket. Your EpiPen is still in there, though it's long past its expiration date. However, in the moment of distraction, you hear Shaun say his goodbyes. He promises you a favor and dematerializes before you can get the door open, leaving you behind.
Warmly thank Juainos with his help and promise him a favour, then send him on his way. Lovely guy, and very good with a hammer, though the way he went smashing things was a bit worrisome, even considering it was a calculated move to get those pieces connected and running together.
Head to the doom mug, or as close as can be gotten. Survey the area. Stick a post it note to the TARDIS to not forget about the ‘Human’ named Adam, since I did say I was going to help and he did mention his plans. Might as well see what’s up with this While he’s casting Eldritch spells and curses under his breath.
6+1That Juainos really is a nice, innocent, purple guy who definitely isn't the worst murderer in the history of the universe. Decent repairman too.
Ignoring the mysterious banging on your TARDIS' door, you put up the sticky note and teleport to Mount Washington. Your TARDIS materializes on a ledge overlooking the Doom Mug's crash site. According to your scanners, the Mug is filled with an unusual amount of densely packed dust. Presumably its original supply was destroyed in the Snap, although there could be something worth finding inside if you're able to search the site. Semi-humanoid figures are moving around in the ruin. Extremely high winds buffet the area, but you're able to root the TARDIS in place by modifying its density in time thanks to Juainos' efficient repairs.
GET THE SEWER CLOWNS TO KILL THIS MAN. Also, can I get better network defences?
1, 1+1The sewer clowns stop on a dime upon hearing your command, spin on their heels as one, and then red noses honk ominously as they sniff out their target. Unfortunately, the scent of blood is strong here. The sewer clowns' underdeveloped minds go through a burst of memory at the familiar smell. Cherished memories of baiting victims into drains, fleeing bats, and waiting eagerly in the closet for toes to appear outside of blankets fill their hearts, and they are able to rebel against your control for the moment and begin attacking the nearby townsfolk.
On the network defense front, all you can detect is the remains of a Norton Antivirus free trial still floating by on what remains of a Wi-Fi signal.
start traveling towards that doom mug thing
1You try to leave town, but are interrupted by the inconvenient decision of the assimilated sewer clowns to break their programming and go on a murderous rampage in the streets.
contact the rest of the cult, is time to invade the Dairy Queen lands and take her milk.
2You call up your fellow cultists and attempt to organize an invasion of the Dairy Queen's lands. However, most of them are currently hiding from the rampaging sewer clowns, and whatever blew up the bar while you were asleep. It'll take some effort to convince them to leave now.
“...we are losssst and lacking water. Fucking wonderful.”
Look for landmarks and rivers.
2"Lacking water? I doubt that. Let me check."
Use my powers to refill the canteens and fix the leaks Check the canteens and find that they are miraculously full and not leaking, and now can contain twice as much water as they should be able to.
5Adam and Ssarscel walk through the desert, thoroughly lost. Thankfully, Adam
miraculously finds that their canteens aren't leaking, and are in fact somehow full. In fact, they never run out of whatever liquid is put into them.
"Ah, the wonderful smell of rotting flesh that ghouls carry with themselves!"
Throw a special potion which smells of human flesh at the ghouls to distract them.
Prepare pitons and other climbing gear in order to reach the eldritch tower's top. I'm not risking fighting one vs many.
1Follow Joshua into the tower
(No roll, situation changed.)
GUNTHAR HORNHELM continues his GLORIOUS ASSAULT!
5+1(Ghouls vs Joshua)
2+1 vs 4Joshua and Rana stand by the entrance to the tower as GUNTHAR battles the eldritch horrors.
"Ah, the wonderful smell of rotting flesh that ghouls carry with themselves!", comments Joshua, before pulling out a potion of rotstink. Unfortunately, it slips from his hand and lands on his shoes. The gaunt, doglike faces of the ghouls twist in clear amusement as they attack him with increased ferocity. Thankfully, Joshua's combat experience allows him to hold off the ghouls for now.
Rana attempts to convince GUNTHAR to retreat.
"Are you sure you don;t want to come with us? Splitting up doesn’t sound wise, travel counterclockwise like Joshua and the entrance is there."The
thin voice of GUNTHAR wafts down from his
lofty war-perch."GUNTHAR holds back these creatures, that his COMPATRIOTS may continue in safety! Give strength unto GUNTHAR, AXE OF THE GINNUNGAGAP!"And then there is
naught but the
sounds of battle.Somehow, GUNTHAR is not instantly slain by the eldritch horrors. The AXE OF THE GINNUGAGAP rips dimensional rifts into the physical manifestations of the nightmares, so they pull back and try a different tactic. The horrors invade GUNTHAR's mind.
For a few seconds. The horrors recoil in seconds, squealing like lacerated rats.
"That mind...is not Acceptable."WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY!
I WILL TAKE THIS CHANCE TO ABANDON THE CONSTANT STRESS, CONFUSION, MATERIALISM AND STRESSFUL CONFUSING MATERIALISM OF HUMAN LIFE AND CLAIM A PLACE AMONGST THE OKAPI HERD --WAIT, WHAT, THEY'RE MOSTLY SOLITARY CREATURES?! WELL, SCREW THAT, I WILL, THROUGH THE POWER OF BESTIA-- UH, MY OWN PIONEERING HANDS-ON METHOD OF ANIMAL HUSBANDRY, UNITE MY STRIPY-ARSED BRETHEN INTO A COHERENT SOCIETY FOR ONCE. A TRUE FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH.
ESTABLISH MYSELF AS GRAND WARLORD OF THE OKAPI SPECIES AND ATTEMPT TO LEAD MY ADOPTED PEOPLE INTO A NEW GOLDEN AGE
I, AS WELL AS MY GROTESQUE, MAGNIFICENT CHIMERIC OFFSPRING SHALL GROW STRONG FROM NUTRITIOUS OKAPI MILK AND USE OUR HANDY-DANDY OPPOSABLE THUMBS TO ENACT A BLOODY CONQUEST OF THE SUB-SAHARAN RAINFOREST AND, SOME DAY HOPEFULLY WITHIN MY LIFETIME, THE WORLD!
(I'll admit I really didn't expect this, or that the dice would be so thoroughly in your favor.)
4You abandon the stressful confusing materialism of human life, and use your charms to persuade the okapis to abandon their instinctual solitary lives and found a new empire with you.
You and the okapis build a town together, and you declare yourself Grand Warlord of the okapi race. You gather together your...
(Ok)
(What twisted DeviantArt curse have I awoken)
(Did I err?)
(How did it come to this...)
(why)
(i just said get milk)
(just do a normal thing)
(ok)
(ph'nglui mglw'nafh cthulhu r'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn)
...You gather your okapi consorts and inform them of your plans to spawn a race of chimeric offspring to rule the world. As Grand Warlord, you are able to understand what your okapis are thinking. Although devoted to you, the okapis do have a problem to overcome. They are currently enslaved by the terrible Queen who rules this forest. If you want to truly be the supreme ruler of the okapi race and their hybrid descendants, you will need to overthrow her.
"I'm not from a round here so I don't know how many friendly people are around, but everything's cool now no one's dead or injured, so I'm gonna leave but before I leave do you know about any other cars that run or might be easy to fix nearby."
Ask the question.
5"You know, I actually do. There's Honest Jane's car dealership just a couple miles east. It's a good place for vehicles. Lots of repaired vehicles from the Human Age there. I stop by every so often to gas up the Thunderbird here, or pick out some new weapons. I could give you a lift if you like, it's on the way."
Author
Topic: Minimalism and Milk 4 (Read 90811 times)