what acrint? uh, i get club
1
You grab the nearest club-like object, which happens to be a heavily decorated gold staff held by an octogenarian bishop. The venerable old man falls over and moans feebly.
Four members of the Swiss guard surround you, pikes levelled. They seem rather upset.
Develop awesome singing voice.
2
You enter your cell and start practising scales. By the end of the day, your voice is completely hoarse.
Be a secret dark master of scientific aethiest communist statanism! Corrupt the minds of the holy in order to force them to realize god (aka THE DEMIURGE TYRANT) is badddd, and join in further shadowy schemes.
5
You're a secret master of that thing you just said. You lurk in your anchorite's cell, twisting the minds of the priests that come to you for advice, eventually turning several against the Lord. You now have a handful of agents scattered through the vatican, ready to do your nefarious bidding.
WHIP OUT SMARTPHONE, GOOGLE WTF IS ANCHORITE
4
You learn that an anchorite is someone who withdraws from the world to live an intensely religious life, often locking themselves into a tiny cell in a holy place and never leaving for the rest of their life.
Ok then.
Your cell door slams shut behind you as some monks finish locking you in.
START WRITTING 9500 THESES. IT'S TIME FOR THEM TO LEARN WHY CRUSADES ARE NOTHING BUT PAPAL BULL.
2
There's no paper in your cell! Damn! You start writing in mud on the wall.
BUILD A CHEMISTRY LAB IN MY CELL SO I CAN MAKE METH SOMETHING HELPFUL.
1
You're locked in a tiny, lightless cell with only a bed, a loaf of bread and a jug of water. It's pretty hard to build a chemistry lab, but you give it a shot.
After an hour's work, you somehow set fire to the bed.
I'M THE GOOSE FROM THAT GAME EVERYONE MEMES!
HONK AT THE POPE!
4
You are an annoying goose.
You honk at the pope! He almost falls off his balcony from shock, and has to spend the rest of the day in bed.
Devestator, Yoink, Angry Demon Noises and King Zultan have found
Solitude.