I take it ye like it then? Jack beamed.
"Oh yes, Thanks!" Dixie replied, continuing to play with the oddly glowing orb. She had the kind of forced smile and demeanor that a person ready to fall down has, when being visited by relatives in a sick bed. He decided to leave her to recover then he smiled again, shot her a thumbs up, and shuffled his way back over to Mama, who was still laying down lazily on the floor, gazing out into the darkness of the room.
He was in a much happier mood, having felt he had done a good deed, and having found a safe path through the damnably darkened room. Chipper, but careful not to convey unintentionally hostile body language to her, set the bag down, then lied down next to mama and snuggled up close.
"Hello(beautiful)" he beamed at her.
The thoughts that were whirling around in her mind confused him terribly though, throwing off the mood. They did not make sense to him. Curious notions of how she would be with him... in the winter? Without even realizing, his confusion leaked through. Her thoughts calmed a moment, as she rolled her head over straight into his face. She snorted in through her nose, then licked the salt of the linger sweat of his face. A momentary thought of "interesting" flashed through her, before she grabbed him with a paw and rolled him onto her tummy, holding him close.
How?(Do your kind stay together?)
All those confusing and contradictory thoughts were bubbling and swirling through the question. He got the feeling she had been struggling with this thought for the entire time he was away. He couldnt help himself, he impulsively radiated concern, confusion and sympathy for her. Slowly, the bits fell into place as she held the question to his mind, intent on an answer from him.
He felt a little self-conscious, sprawled out on top of her like that, but the way he had him, he did not have much of a choice. As best he could determine, she was asking how humans handle long term relationships and child-rearing partnerships, trying to reconcile the idea against every instinct she had, shouting at her that it was a bad idea. There were undercurrents that she wanted to try it... With him.. and she was trying to consider how it could all work out, and coming away with more questions than answers. The concept frightened him. He really did love mama, but that was a two-edged sword; Deep down, he knew he was not good for her, and the sooner she got tired of him, and got on with her life, the healthier and happier she would be. He just wanted her to have a good, safe, and happy place for her to go when she did, and he hoped she would stay with him until he could assure that for her; That was the shape of his love for her--- A more... Permanent relationship?
His thoughts reeled at the idea. Worries and concerns piled on top of each other. How would male bears consider him? Neutral, like he had always presented himself-- or a rival? The latter shocked and scared him; A bear could kill him in literal seconds if it felt he was not friendly... Then his thoughts wandered to a mother with her cubs... Instincts ran deep. VERY deep. Was it even possible for Mama to tolerate him being close like she was suggesting? He did not know-- Then there were the cubs themselves. He knew for a certainty that Mama would find other males to pal around with; that as just natural for bears, and so there would definitely be cubs every 3 to 4 years, for certainty--- but the adorable, playful little things were so very impressionable, and learned through imitation. If they saw him with mama, they would not learn to avoid humans for the dangerous things they are, and the very thought of them being killed for their skins by greedy hunters, because they considered them harmless and got close to be friendly or curious, made him feel sick. Everything about her question was causing him pain.
Suddenly, he realized he was inadvertently leaking his emotions and reactions to her question. She held him closer, practically squeezing the air out of him.
HOW?
she demanded, reflecting all his own misgivings back at him, along with the swirling collage of her own. There was a bit of desperation and wildness in the demand; She had decided she wanted something, and was seeking him for answers and support-- She did not want his concerns or worries, she wanted to know exactly what she was asking--- how .. CAN... it work?
He wanted to cry. He squeezed her back, and admitted to her, deeply, that he did not know. She rolled over onto him, pinning him down. He thoughts became almost nonsensically hysterical, demanding and pleading at the same time-- a deluge of thoughts about a number of things and confusing feelings. He fought back tears; He struggled under the strain she was putting him under, trying to make sense of the terrible urgency and potency of her emotions, as they threatened to flatten him just as much as her weight was. It was hard to understand, but the overriding theme was.. She felt it was terribly unfair. That was it. Unfair. He had introduced her to a radical, and wonderful concept she had never before considered, and demonstrated behaviors and qualities she had never before seen or imagined. To her, he was a small and curious thing of wonder and unbridled love she had never before encountered. She had never shared her feelings like this ever before, and the thought of never doing it again was terrifying to her. She did not WANT to be alone again. She did not WANT to leave.
She wanted him to stay. Stay with her forever... and that want was conflicting with her nature terribly. She was begging, pleading with him to help her find a solution-- any solution. Instead, he had just erupted into an endless fountain of additional worries and concerns-- the exact opposite of what she wanted-- what she needed from him. She was NOT letting him go, until she got something more constructive from him; This problem was beyond her-- she NEEDED that crazy, convoluted mind of his to find the answer that eluded her. Needed it desperately. Terribly.
He felt like he was going to break apart. Everything he knew told him this was a terrible idea. Absolutely terrible. Bad for him. Bad for her. Bad for her cubs. But his heart.. He felt like it was being ripped apart. Truthfully, and honestly, he did not have an answer for her. He loved this bear, so very much, and it was cutting him in every direction it possibly could at once. He regretted ever confiding the concept of permanent habitation with her, not because he himself did not secretly long for it-- He admitted that he did.. Perhaps more-so than she did, but he had calloused himself against that, at least to him, unavoidable and completely necessary separation that had to come, through a hard and unyielding wall of reasons and rationality-- What was "Best". Now? That callous was pulling on that tender spot in ways that hurt more than anything before.
He clutched her body close, and shivered. He bared it all to her-- and decided.
Honestly, he did not know. But he would do the best he could, and learn as they went along. If they could not make it work, they could face it --Together.
The connection was suddenly interrupted by an outside interjection. His thoughts rebounded as his mind snapped back into being like that of a man's, as it tried to register the sounds that were being directed at him.
"Are you alright? She's not hurting you is she?"
It was clever girl. He was suddenly aware of the fact that he was sobbing, and that mama was squeezing him very very tightly as she continued pinning him to the floor. Mama made a deep, but barely audible grumble at her, and settled her weight on him, clearly annoyed at the interruption and not understanding its nature at all. He did not have words right then, but he tried anyway.
It's Complicated... he wheezed, patting mama on the hump of her back, to which she just squeezed him tighter, and bumped his face with her nuzzle, making an agitated grunt. She clearly was not done talking to him yet, and wanted him back.
"I can.. See that... Are you SURE this is OK?" asked Dixie, tilting her head at him in the gloom. The old goat was stroking his beard pencively with a hint of a wicked smile. Jack's cheeks flushed uncontrollably. How to answer? 'no, this was not OK, not OK at all!'?? Maybe "You try being put on the spot for an impossible riddle with a 500lb bear on your chest!'-- Yeah, that's what he WANTED to say. ... But it wouldn't do. Not at all.
Yeah.. Fine! ....Mama.. She Just missed me, 'ats all... he huffed, feeling the air being squeezed out of him with every word.
"We're going upstairs with everyone else---" dixie continued apprehensively, looking down at him with looks of curiosity, concern, and more than a bit of fear, given the gruff and seemingly hostile intent of Mama's grunts toward her.
Jack looked back into mama's face. She really DID look a little angry. Impatient, jealous, and frustrated.
.... Go on... Ahead... We'll.... Catch up....
Clever-girl walked to the old goat, turned her head with confused concern, then continued away. He wrapped a hand around her shoulder, and the two walked into the gloom along the wall, following the path he had taken to come back that way.
He opened up to the beating on his mind Mama was making.
WHAT!(did SHE want!?)
mama demanded, frustration, jealousy, and animosity in her sending.
Jack did the best to reply, calmly, lovingly. Clever girl was just concerned about his safety-- Mama kinda was-- hurting him, and he shared that reality with her.
The realization of what she was doing, not being careful with her fragile treasure, shot through her like fire through dry hot grass in a stiff breeze. All at once that animosity and jealously was replaced with shock, concern, and worry. The arms relaxed, but her heavy weight still bore down on him.
HOW!?
she pleaded, repeating the question she had asked of him before.
He responded like before, Earnestly, honestly, and full of forgiveness, acceptance, and love.
"We will have to learn how-- Together."
Mama was bittersweet with the answer, but had no real option but to accept it. A bit ashamed, she stood up, lifting her weight off of him. He hugged her. He wasn't sure he wanted to go upstairs, but he knew they needed to. A half hour ago, he would have given anything to leave this room. Now he wanted to stay. He had no idea how to handle this. He was just as shaken up, confused, and fearful of the future as Mama was. He resolved to FIND and answer for her. By hook or by crook... He just had no idea where to start.
He nudged her, then slid out from beneath where she was standing, grabbed his bag, and stood up, leaning against the wall for support. His ribs hurt-- She had squeezed him very hard. He wondered if he had bruises. His head spun as his blood pressure tried to equalize. It took several seconds for him to get his feet steady.
C'mon mama.. They're waitin' fer us.. he said, trying to sound cheerful. He rubbed the wetness from around his eye, then rubbed Mama's head reassuringly. She seemed to love it, and rubbed her whole body back at him, nearly knocking him over again.
Two impossible tasks in one day-- he thought to himself wryly-- Getting this forest out of danger--- And finding a way to live with mama on the long-term, and have it work out for the right.... He wondered if he really could accomplish either one, let alone both. He pushed the thoughts from his mind. The only way to find out was to keep trying, and push forward.
He gave her pat, and the two walked into the gloom, hugging the wall, toward the stairs.
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Topic: Mystville [Game Thread] (Read 119866 times)