I'm a software dev by profession. But I've managed as an administrator for 8+ years in a group home for adults with mental disabilities (levels 1 to 3 as regulated by
California Title 22)
Drama as you describe it seems like it will fit in the Behavior Management that I use to documents "incidents" with my "clients".
I google "
ABC Behavior Management"
A = antecedent is the event that triggers the behavior.
B = behavior or the "drama" in this case.
C = consequence is the result of A leading to B and how it is handled, or coped.
The idea is to document these in a calendar to see how frequent the issue is.
And, as "avoiding" the many social events in your case to avoid the drama.
It can help you then assign degrees to the drama over time, instead of complete avoidance.
Consequences also can be from the reaction of the "fight or flight" from stress produces when experiencing the drama unfold.
With it documented, you are in "safer" environment to quantify of judge it, as well as consider other healthier options or coping mechanisms.
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Anyway, I've also used the same process in dealing with some of my early childhood experiences.
The ABC process can be applied to thinking back on those also.
A = I think back on when I got spanked and hit with a leather belt because I failed on class in school; or did some stupid thing kids do but got spanked for it.
B = My behavior to, not just feel angry about it, but brood and be in a bad mood all day that affects how I interact in the present with my wife and kids.
C = I'm just a shitty person to my own family out of the blue.
My results / solutions / conclusions:
I came up with a mantra: "I am ok just as I am. I am an adult, and choose what I want in my life. The past can no longer hurt me. I am ok. I choose to be ok."
The process can lead to a spiral of self-pity, yet at the same time, I have the power all along to choose not to be in the shit hole and do something more worthwhile in my finite resources: time and energy.
Parenting is not taught, it is learned, and influenced by the behaviors from where and how I was raised. I can read, I can search for opinions, or studies by those who are interested in this topic. And I can choose what will work for my own parenting skills or methods.
At the same time, my resentment of the past is merely an acknowledgement that it happened to me. But it no longer affects me because I am choosing it will not decide for me moving forward for the rest of my life. "I have the right to feel this way, because this is how I feel. And I am tired of feeling this now, so I am choosing to feel something better than this. I choose to do something productive because I feel good about it"