Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

Take a wisely-recommended pre-made loadout. Thank you kindly.

2 (20%)

We can do better by ourselves! Get in the wagon loser, we're going SHOPPING.

8 (80%)

Total Members Voted: 10

[Dunamisdeos]

It seems that the "dump no whiskey whatsoever" vote has won out.

We double-teamed and went straight up the mountain with no difficulty. This was exceedingly surprising to me.

Spoiler: Ironically though (click to show/hide)

It seems the act of carrying all that whiskey up there has tired out the oxen, or least someone's horses judging by the picture.

We rested for a day on account of how losing oxen is basically game over.

After that, we came across a new and exciting health problem.

Spoiler: Mr. Dabber joins the party (click to show/hide)

I'm not sure how he did it (1500 miles of dabbing will do that to you) but I think we should just blame Cholera. It's basically the "It's Lupus" of our little family.

Also, I'm not sure how one soaks a shoulder by itself in saltwater (using what is presumably a bucket since we're in the middle of nowhere) without doing a handstand.

Anyway since every other options sounded insane I had them immobilize the shoulder before you lot could kill him by soaking his head in whiskey.

Now let me tell you about rocks. Rocks are immobile. They do not move under their own power. They are quite heavy, so even if they were inclined to to move themselves, it is unlikely that they would be able to do so. Also they lack legs.

Spoiler: That said, we had ourselves an obstruction (click to show/hide)

First, we attempted to clear the path. We were unable to clear the path.

Second, we attempted to find another path. We were unable to find another path.

Third, we attempted to continue over the obstruction. We were unable to continue over the obstruction.

Finally, we clicked what amounts to the "Wait for erosion to take its natural course, I guess. This is now a generational wagon." option.

We were on our way in a day.

Onward towards Oregon.

[hector13]

Soak the joint in alcohol, man. If it doesn’t work, at least he’d be drunk.

[Dunamisdeos]

Soak the joint in alcohol, man. If it doesn’t work, at least he’d be drunk.

Apologies, I quick-edited it to preclude drowning our teammates to death in whiskey.

What a glorious way to go that would be, though. Better than Cholera.

[Dunamisdeos]

We ran into a fork in the road, but it was sort of a non-decision. We had the option to head up to fort Walla Walla, which is literally nothing more than a long-ass loop that puts us basically back where we started, but let's you make a trip to Fort Walla Walla. As we have no money, I figured we could just move on.

Also, the temperature has been in the 50's/60's during the day, so at least we are not freezing for now. It's still early January so that's a nice break.

Spoiler: Oh_no.wav (click to show/hide)

God dammit Twelvebay.

This time, however, we DID have the ability to treat with an astringent to stop the bleeding (not sure why it's greyed out there, it let us do it), having some leftovers from the last time someone accidentally shot him in the back while hunting by himself with no witnesses.

Immediately afterwards, the temperature dropped back down to nine degrees. Also we have somehow eaten every single goddam pickle out of 150lb of pickles. We ate 150 lb of pickles in two weeks. What the hell are we.

That means we're out of fruits and veggies. Hopefully we can make it to the river before having to trade for healthy foods, since we have very little to trade that isn't essential.

Spoiler: We were able to cross rivers in the ice. (click to show/hide)

That one wasn't a typo. Goodbye, James Fever Powder and the banjo we've traveled over 1700 miles with. You will be missed dearly.

Note: Urist Twelvebay has completely recovered within about two days. Sort of anticlimactic, but I choose to believe he's developed a resistance to injury via firearm.

Spoiler: The time has come (click to show/hide)

We have reached the Columbia River. Our compatriots speak of both routes in hushed tones, terrified of the horrors waiting for us upon either path.

It seems our fate is decided regardless. It costs 5 dollars to take the toll road.

Down the river we go, where we stop, Cholera knows.

[Enemy post]

I look forward to the results of sailing down the river. This will be fun.

[Pavellius]

Dunamisdeos, I love your funny commentary on these bleak situations. I hope for more good material down the river.

[King Zultan]

We'll be fine, we're THE RIVER MASTER!

[Egan_BW]

Hmm. The so called "dwarf" leading our party has developed a resistance to gunshot wounds. Most likely a combination of hardened bone structures and redundant organs. The creature was briefly wounded, but recovered fully after only a few days. Several barrels of pickles mysteriously disappeared, probably to replace lost biomass. I fear that attempting purification through traditional means is no longer possible.
Tomorrow we begin rafting down the Columbia. I will attempt to drown the dwarves...

[Dunamisdeos]

Hmm. The so called "dwarf" leading our party has developed a resistance to gunshot wounds. Most likely a combination of hardened bone structures and redundant organs. The creature was briefly wounded, but recovered fully after only a few days. Several barrels of pickles mysteriously disappeared, probably to replace lost biomass. I fear that attempting purification through traditional means is no longer possible.
Tomorrow we begin rafting down the Columbia. I will attempt to drown the dwarves...

"He declared in a cholera-crazed speech to the rest of the wagon train. And that's how we learned how many rocks it takes to-"

"Oh hello."

We are on the river now. Here's what our journey was like.

Spoiler: Peaceful and serene, as expected (click to show/hide)

click photo for ambient music.

The whole experience can be described as if Huckleberry Finn was just going through class five rapids the whole time. You're blazing along faster than any river on earth actually flows, and sometimes rocks charge at you with murderous intent. Your turning speed is approximately that of a two-wheeled tricycle. You have maybe just under two seconds to react before you slam into it or get sucked into an eight-foot wide whirlpool and flip over, whereupon you have to do that section of river over.

The river is broken up into segments, with rests on the bank in between. On the first segment I managed to careen into two rocks, and we lost some supplies. It was fairly tame, and I got used to keeping the raft on an angle to make it easier to dodge.



Not too bad, all said and done. Not like anyone drowned yet.

After each segment there was a rest on the shore, and one of them even had a fort with a shop that sold wagon wheels for almost 23$. That's like 300% inflation. It's like a concession stand at a theme park.

Spoiler: Fort Vancouver (click to show/hide)

Getcha 5$ water bottles hea. Real Rolex for like 6$ or somethin cmaaaan

Anyway the second part of the river was a bit more challenging.

Spoiler: It contained narrow bits and more rapids. (click to show/hide)

click photo for updated ambiance.

Some of the narrower parts were about the width of 1.25 wagons. Please note that the raft is in fact sideways. This is by intent, and definitely not a panic reaction. At this time, please also imagine the reaction of the six whole-ass oxen we apparently have on this thing along with 5 human adults, one child, and 50+ gallons of hard liquor cruising along at 60mph or so on a raft hand-built out of free materials by a group that cannot repair a wagon tongue.

We in fact hit no rocks or rapid or whirlpools or sudden riverbanks during this segment.

The fort was after the second segment, mind you. We came then to the third, and final river segment.

Spoiler: It was a little different than the rest (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: And contained an increased ratio of hazards (click to show/hide)

click photo for newly updated ambient music.

OH MY GODDDDDDDD

OH NO OH NOOO



We made it past all this without hitting a single rock, no joke. I'm a little proud of myself. I also admit it took took like 15m to unclench myself, because after a month of play and the entire game coming down to this, an ancient MS-Paint bullshit river sequence was more harrowing than every Dark Souls game combined.

But then, at the end of it all, we made it past the Columbia River. And as we exit the boat, around 20 year older for our experience, a unexpected sight greeted us.

Spoiler: As we landed on the shores (click to show/hide)

OF OREGON FUKKIN CITY?

WHAT.

It took us the whole way, gents!

We made it. We made it with no deaths. We completed our adventure mode like true dwarves, having sustained multiple certain mortal injuries and suffered an indeterminate number of fatal diseases or conditions while being drunk off our asses for 7-8 months straight.

It gives you a final score and an ending epilogue for your character. Bask in the glory and change your trousers from that river trip, and I'll post that stuff in a while.




I'm glad you're here with us, Nick. Here, at the end of all things.

Dunamisdeos, I love your funny commentary on these bleak situations. I hope for more good material down the river.

This sort of thing makes these sorts of things worth it, thank you.

[hector13]

I have enjoyed reading this all, thank you for doing it.

Also, we should get those playing cards, I miss my James Fever Powder and Daffys Elixir or whatever it was called.

[Enemy post]

How...?

[Dunamisdeos]

How...?

Twelvebay can outsmart bullet.

[heydude6]

In your opinion, how does the sequel compare to the original? Would you say it's better or do you think they made it too easy?

[mightymushroom]

Great job! Both the game and the reporting!

[Dunamisdeos]

In your opinion, how does the sequel compare to the original? Would you say it's better or do you think they made it too easy?

I think we made it through via very careful consideration and sort of a lot of luck. I was extremely careful to give us the best possible chance of everyone making it, even outside of vote choices. For instance, I routinely traded for fruits and veggies, since you can catch scurvy without. That said, even the original game wasn't impossible if you were really determined to win.

It's easier than the original though, for sure. The original would simply kill you instantly for a large number of it's events. This one has options for medicines and the like, for instance. I went back and played forward a few times to see what possible events could occur, since I made a few save files at towns and forts. For example I went back and played from winter onwards with no blankets at all, and had trouble making it more then 5m without 1-2 people freezing to death. I also intentionally chose poor options for things like hills and rivers, and this resulted in drownings and broken hips.

Basically the guide will help you know what to do, and ignoring it results in certain disaster. It's mechanics are less opaque is probably the biggest difference in difficulty.

All in all this is definitely more fun than the original to me.