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[Haspen]

Most of Old Towns in Poland are like that.

If there was anything noteworthy in the past outside[/u] Old Towns, it was probably destroyed/bombed by Nazis or Soviets during the war, or dismantled by our Glorious Russian Friends during the communist rule ;v

[Il Palazzo]

Are you staying long?

[Kagus]

Are you staying long?

Nope, leaving again on Friday, so just a few days. The tickets were ordered way back at a time when I thought I had a group to align them with, and by the time that turned out to not be the case they were already set and unhappy with being budged (had to tweak the one ticket already just so I could make it to the hotel on time).

My mobile provider is apparently "working really hard" on figuring out why some of their customers are "having issues" with the cellular network. "Issues", as in "absolutely nothing is connecting". Hmm.

[Il Palazzo]

Ah. I'll be visiting friends in Krakow, but about a week after you leave. No risk of a meetup then.
You enjoy yourself. I'd say don't get hung up on tourist attractions too much, and maybe focus on absorbing the bohemian atmosphere of the city. It's great for aimless rambling between random cafes and pubs.

[Kagus]

That definitely sounds like my kind of deal, I just need to get over my own awkwardness about the language barrier so I actually spend time out and about. I feel really bad about speaking English to people, but I don't exactly have many other options... Just feel like an idiot tourist pushing his one language on everyone else (I mean, I could try seeing how far I could get with Norwegian, but you get the idea).

And yeah, due to a variety of things it ended up being a pretty short trip this time around. Got a fair amount of stuff happening on the home front, so invading Poland had to be quick and to the point.


On a positive note, my mobile provider has apparently managed to pull the cell tower out of its ass and I now have a functional piece of technology again! It was a bit late to the party of potentially letting me join the natives for dinner, but at least I've got tomorrow to work with!

[Yoink]

Dude, while you're there could you find out what "lech" means in Polish?
I was drinking this Polish beer called Lech lager a while back and naturally took the opportunity to make various lecherous puns, but I can't help but wonder what it actually meant.

[Haspen]

It's a polish male name, Lech (or 'Leszek' for diminutive), that's all.

[Il Palazzo]

But since we're talking Krakow and Lech, let us share a story of one morbid boobery.
So in 2010 there was that plane crash, which killed a whole lot of government higher-ups, including the then-president - Lech Kaczynski. His remains were interred in the Wawel castle catacombs in Krakow.
Now, Lech is also a brewery, with its flagship eponymous beer. Some couple months after the burial, they placed a fuckhuge advert on a building that's starkly visible for anyone visiting Wawel (it's that concave wall-like structure on the other side of the river).
The banner read 'Thirsty for thrills? - Cold Lech'.

[Kagus]

morbid boobery.

Y'know, this reminds me... Considering I'm visiting Poland in summer (and a fairly warm summer at that, as my sweat-drenched clothes from yesterday can attest), I was kinda hoping to see some more automatic sprinkler systems installed in convenient locations.


I'm fairly pleased with myself! Finally gutsed up enough to go out and get some breakfast... The milkbar I'd originally planned on hitting up was stuffed to the brim though, so I ended up at the slightly snobbier restaurant just down the street.

Afterwards I was wandering around a little bit, when I suddenly remembered one of my to-do items for while I'm here!

...and I found it! I've got my walnut nalewka now! I'm sure I looked like a right dandy carrying a single bottle through town on my way back to the hotel, but hey.

And yeah, the entire 500ml bottle cost less than a single bottled beer at a pub back in Norway.

[Il Palazzo]

I'm trying to remember some good pubs and cafes that you could aim for, but I was never terribly into pub crawling myself. For what it's worth:
In the Old Town (street name in brackets):
- Piwnica pod Baranami (main square, entrance through a gate near the S-W corner) - one of the better-known pubs in Krakow, made famous by its more-or-less regularly hosted and once-televised high-brow gigs of sung poetry and the like. Oft-visited by snobbish students and ageing academics. There are two disconnected venues - one on ground level, more modern, on your left as you enter the gate; the other in the cellar, with stairs to your right as you exit into the courtyard. There's a small cinema accessible from the same courtyard, if you care. There's also an unrelated restaurant there, so don't get confused.
- Nowa Prowincja (Bracka, just off the main square) - one of those weird layout cafes, that look like they were squeezed into a a bunch of rooms that were never meant to serve this purpose. There's a second 'wing' for lack of a better word, through a poorly-visible corridor next to the bar, but it's not always made available. Ask the bartender if in doubt. They (at least used to) serve super tasty freshly-squeezed lemonade, and hot chocolate. Bear in mind, though - tight spaces and no air conditioning.
- Philo cafe (św. Tomasza) - not much to look at, but it's an extremely chill place if you need to rest your arse in an old armchair. The owner, who hangs around the place semi-permanently, is a 70-something philosophy graduate that likes to fuck with people and hosts philosophy discussions every Sunday. No idea if he speaks English, but should you get pestered by an old geezer with a goatee and a spark in his eye - you'll know that's the guy. You'll need cash to pay for your beer, because reasons.
Also, there's another pub just next door, on the corner of the street, with nice selection of craft beers.
- Pijalnia Wódki i Piwa (Floriańska, there's another one in Kazimierz), Bania-Luka (św. Tomasza), Wódka Cafe-Bar (Mikołajska) - those are just some of the places that aim for the pre-transformation, 'real socialism' vibe. Hardly cosy, spacious or quiet, but good if you want a couple quick shots of vodka with some larded bread or a steak tartare.

In Kazimierz - in case you don't know, that's like a second old town, in the old Jewish quarter, just 10-20 minutes walk south from the Wawel area:
- Absynt (Miodowa) - would be the quintessential bohemian spot, if it weren't so clean and neat. Heavy drapes, dark wood, shaded and quiet. As per the name, they do serve absinthe - flame, sugar, the whole silly ritual.
- Pub pod Ziemią (Miodowa, near the junction with Starowiślna) - for something a bit different. A place frequented by nerdy metal-heads and punk-rock kids (of various biological ages). Oft-times there's some local metal band doing a gig. At least one similar pub in the city centre is on Grodzka, but I can't figure out what it's called nowadays.

I'm sure there's more fine places in the square around the old shambles, but I somehow never managed to explore them.
The shambles are now hosting booths selling zapiekanki, word of mouth is best in the city, but that's arguable.


Again, they're not necessarily exceptional, just what I remember liking enough to keep going back to over the years. Truth be told, there's only so much one can do to make their pub stand out, and after stumbling into maybe a dozen - even randomly - you've seen most of them.

[Kagus]

Also, there's another pub just next door, on the corner of the street, with nice selection of craft beers.

That's where I am right now, House of Beer! I still think it's pretty silly that I can get four good-sized glasses of craft beer for the same price as a single pint in Norway...

I looked at Philo Cafe before coming here, but I turned away thinking it was jazz-oriented... Sad to know that I missed out on getting styled upon by a philosopher! I'll have to head over there some other time to see if we manage to communicate with each other somehow.

I also tried the pigwowa nalewka from Soplica, and... Jesus Christ that thing's sweet! The kind that itches your teeth afterwards... Think I'll stick with my walnut for now, thanks. I'll also have to remind myself of the hazelnut one at some point.

Breakfast today was fairly standard, just some eggs and sausage with a Polish name tied to it and some tasty mustard. I got some more interesting articles for lunch, but I had the misfortune of my eyes being hungrier than my stomach, so I had to walk away from a good amount of leftovers... Made me sad.

While lunch was at a more upscale establishment, complete with some poor sap standing outside trying to call people into the building, lunch was had at a much more "practical" establishment that was probably just the one step up from a milk bar in fanciness (pickles and barszcz as decor? I can dig it)... Much as I like fatty foods, the golonka soundly defeated and humbled me with its knuckle strength. The zurek was awesome though, I was kinda worried it'd be some sort of super-sour acquired taste, but it was just very nice and an excellent accompaniment for the bread.

Fixing to have my first proper pierogi ruskie tonight, see what all the fuss is about!

[Yoink]

The banner read 'Thirsty for thrills? - Cold Lech'.

Damn, dude. That is cold.
I can't help but be impressed by such ruthless marketing! I'm going to crush a tin of lech as soon as I am able - I can sure imagine the dude's family would have been less than pleased, though.

[Il Palazzo]

To be fair to the company, IIRC they had had the advertising campaign prepared and pretty much ready to launch when the plane crashed. They put it on hold for as long as they thought was appropriate. Reportedly lost a whole lot of money.
But that one gigantic banner, right outside the exit from the crypt was clearly in poor taste.

[Kagus]

What an absolute and total clusterfuck.

Massive rant to follow at a later time.

[Kagus]

Fucking cockshit assbangles, may all these snot-skinned twatmuffins boil in a vat of their own god damned ineptitude.

So, I've gotten to spend a little more time getting to know the "group" that I "traveled here with".

First of all, they're all petty little cunts. Most are also cartoonishly racist. Also incapable of planning ahead or taking others into consideration.

So they set up transportation out to Katowice for the concert, and in the defense of my primary contact, she did end up asking if there was room for me as well. Unfortunately, she asked this late the evening before, so no. Everything was booked.

Okay, fine... I can handle the Polish bus system by myself and get my own damn transportation! And despite it being 20 minutes late, I still end up in Katowice before 13:00, which was when they were supposed to arrive. I send a message stating as much, so we can meet up afterwards.

Due to cell net fuckery, it didn't send properly until shortly after 13:00, at which point they'd already sat down at a restaurant and were waiting on their food. Okay, nice.

When I got there, they'd already been waiting quite a while, so I opted not to order anything since it'd just delay everything (especially seeing as the establishment was entirely unprepared for the rush of people going to see Rammstein). It didn't take very long before the group devolved into drama and bitching about each other.

Then we all sat down together at a different cafe for some drinks. This lasted a few hours, and when we started getting closer to the concert the concept of return transport was brought up.

"Hmmm, hmm hmm" was the general consensus... Note that when my contact asked me if I'd already organized a return trip and I said no, she said "Good! Don't! We'll all group up and go back together!". She talked in Polish with the other Polish people (3/7 of the group), and the matter seemed to be settled since it wasn't being talked about anymore. Then we all made our way over to the concert.

First of all, not only was the rest of the town not prepared for the concert, the fucking concert wasn't prepared for the concert. First they checked to see if you had tickets, then the next checkpoint checked your tickets, then a third checkpoint at the very end checked your tickets a second time and gave you a wristband, which let you enter the concert hall itself and the toilet area, which was outside the concert hall. Before this point, there were a whole three (3) port-a-pottys servicing everyone.

We decided we wanted some refreshment. Too bad for us. The two (2) Coca-Cola refreshment stands ran out of stock almost instantly and started selling lukewarm tapwater for 7 zlotys.

Then we got inside the concert hall, saw the big awesome stage Rammstein had set up, and the rest of the group promptly positioned themselves safely away from any of the action and off to the side. Wouldn't want to catch any excitement or feeling now would you?

Or anything of the stage either, for that matter, because there were no screens set up except for the little one Incorporated into the stage that the band used for their logo and special effects. Want to see what's actually happening on stage? Better get close enough to smell the bass, or else get fucked.

Oh, did I mention that the powers that be had apparently decided to ban alcohol from the concert and that all the beer offered was non-alcoholic? Mhm.


The show was nice enough, Rammstein was Rammstein, and they had some pretty sick pyrotechnics and the stage light show was also pretty wicked. Not a lot of stage antics, but that's fine because, again, no screens. They didn't play my favorite though.

Then we got out, met up at the agreed meeting spot (I'd broken away from the group fairly early on. Like hell I was gonna stay on the sidelines for a whole metal concert, come on), and then the question was asked: "How do we get back to Kraków?"

...what? You're shitting me...

But no, I was not being shat. They legitimately hadn't solved a God damn thing. They figured Uber was the way to go, but we were five people (the last two were staying in Katowice, and didn't need the ride), which meant two cars, which meant two accounts, which meant some more griping at each other, and finally a lengthy discussion of the bill and how the fuck we were supposed to shell out 1200 zlotys for a car ride.

Much back and forth and whining and hemming and hawing and I finally just said fuck it, I'll take the 3:16 AM train, you dorks find a taximan willing to take a bribe to drive you all to Kraków off-the-meter in the middle of the night.

...but it wouldn't be that easy, would it? Guess what else wasn't ready for Rammstein? That's right: the public transit system!

Hundreds of people trying to get home, and not much available to take them! Can you buy a ticket from the one single machine? No! It has crashed. Can you buy a ticket from the five teller windows? No! Only one is being actively manned, the other one working is on his break.

I stood in line for over an hour. It snaked and zig-zagged its way around and through the station before terminating at the two open windows. It was a good thing the train left at 3:16, because at 1 am that was cutting it close for a lot of people in line.


So, I should be back in Kraków some time after 5. Just in time to go to bed!


Fuck these dawdling bigoted fuckwits and their wasting time all the God damned way. They're probably not going to make their flight tomorrow morning (the morning after a late-night concert!). I do not feel a great sadness.