Episode 7 - InfectumMoist and wet, damp, slowly trickling down your skin, but admittedly, it doesn't feel as bad as you'd imagine it to.
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I punch you in the face!
You punch reality in the face! Realistically, you end up shattering it a little more, and scratch your thumb over the shard that flies out.
el goose supremo has a"Huge Ego", huh? Well, that means he contains an extremely large version of what @The Superego#9794 was like about 2 days ago (At which time their handle was still The Ego). they are now under The Superego's control, since all "The Ego"s are clearly subservient to The Superego. that's what the super part means!
While that happens, I slice off a small section of reality with a >100% real dollerama sword. then, I jump in, and push it metaphysically away from the rest of reality. now that I have my own pocket dimension, I notice it is of the same quality as a bootleg reality. Because it was made of one just now. This cannot stand! I usurp control from whatever automated process had it prior to this very instant, and start raising the quality of all reality processes... including raising my brains speed to handle the increased load. I control this tiny ring of reality, and I say my control gets better and faster, so it does!
El Goose Supremo is now under The Superego's control! Too bad there's nobody named that playing this game, though.
You do manage to get your own pocket dimension, but you are not the rightful owner! Evidently, as with any space that is part of a bigger area, you have to pay rent. The Grim Reaper appears before you, and gives a note that reads "IN ORDER TO ACQUIRE THIS AREA, YOU MUST ACQUIRE AT LEAST ONE EXTRA-DIMENSIONAL ITEM. ACCEPTING THIS MISSION WILL CAUSE THE MALEFIC MAN TO INTERFERE WITH MOST OF YOUR ACTIONS AND ATTEMPT TO MAKE YOU FAIL UNTIL YOU COMPLETE IT. DO YOU ACCEPT?". He stands there, waiting for your response.
I slowly haul ass towards the newly-and-conveniently-spawned marketplace. I also attempt to channel my Superegoism to take control of the Inferior, Ego Goose Supremo
You take control of the Inferior, Ego Goose Supremo! There is, unfortunately, nobody with that name here.
You walk into the market, and are immediately greeted by the worker from before. She appears to be frantically pacing around the perimeter of the market, one step, two steps, biting her fingernails. The market wobbles in the water with every step she takes, but she’s too preoccupied to notice. Personally, you can’t see any issues with this. I mean, it’s just being stuck in a battlefield with a genocidal maniac. You’ve been doing that for years now.
You come up to her, tapping her gently on her shoulder. She turns around, pale and wide eyed. “Eep! Please don’t-“ she squeaks out, covering her head with her arms, but slowly unfolds. “Oh, Christ almighty, you look, uh, kinda normal!” she sighs in relief, and you sigh at the “kinda”. You tell her that you just want some coffee. “Coffee?
Coffee? Are you fucking kidding me?! There’s
no way in hell I’m gonna work retail when I’m in the middle of some bootleg sci-fi fantasy-ass fan fiction cacophony! Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Reality’s literally broken! Like, there are cracks! How do you even get to this point?!” she storms off, and you stand there, speechless. “Coffee. Coffee, he says! Get your own damn coffee!” she says while walking out to the entrance, flipping the bird from behind. You decide not to warn her. She opens the door, falls into the water, and drowns.
Hey, at least you have this place all to yourself now!
If I can't punch Malefic girl I'll bite her instead, then throw a brick at El Goose Supremo and see what happens.
You prepare a brick to throw at El Goose Supremo, finding one with a big X marked on it. You then swim for the Malefic Girl, and try to bite her! However, at the last moment, a brick hits your jaw from the general direction of the goose, causing you to fall off the boat. You look at the brick. It has a big X marked on it. That’s weird. Both of the bricks seem to ever-so-slightly repel each other, and glitch out when you bring them together. Oh well. You throw one of the bricks at El Goose Supremo, who opens his beak, and charges at it, swallowing it whole right in front of your eyes. He looks at the watch strapped to his hand, and spins it back around fifteen seconds, at which point it flashes.
And then it dawns on you. It’s all the same brick! That’s why they repelled each other! He somehow managed to rewind time and throw the brick at you! This is some dangerous shit.
I try to invert the 4th dimensional hole, Or If I can't do that I jump down the hole to escape this flooded shit show and investigate what's on the other side.
You prepare to lunge into the hole.
You fall. You fall down, lower, and lower, and lower yet, and keep falling deeper and deeper, and you can’t find an exit, and you can't find an end, it just isn't here, and you fall, you fall, and you fall, and you fall.
You hear a familiar voice.
Hello? Hi?
Yes. It's me.
It's me?
It's you.
If you were me, you'd prove it.
I'm writing you right now. I control you. What good will proof do?
What's my name?
They're watching.
Give me something to make me think you aren't fucking with me.
It's a thin line. They're watching. Anything I can say about you could be said by anyone else, since it's common knowledge. Anything that will actually prove it's you is something you wouldn't want anyone else to know.
You think like me. I'll believe you. Why am I orange?
It's our favorite color.
But you're black.
It's easier this way. We need to differentiate.
You said they're watching.
One. He's seen this place before.
Didn't you tell him it isn't ready yet?
I did, but he doesn't know that he's been here before.
Can he see anything? Can he see us right now?
He can only listen, and hope he understands.
How long is he going to stand there?
I don't know. It's his choice, and his choice is something I cannot change. It's like fate.
Man, future me is a pretentious fucker.
Why else would I write this meta scene in?
You see a familiar figure.
It's a man, with blonde hair, slick, pulled back, blue eyes, shimmering, and a mask. In the middle of the mask is this: Ø. It's a symbol. The man looks smug. He's wearing a coat, but it looks cleaner than what you'd thought it'd look like. he speaks with a clearer voice, and you can tell by looking at him. In his left knife is a knife, unstained, and yet unused. "So. You're it, right? The cause of my misfortunes? You're the root of all my problems, eh?!" he says, in his usual gravelly voice, coarse and rough, but seemingly more pleasant this time around. He flails his knife around. "It's hard to imagine a better future when you know you'll be shamed and maimed, and when you know there's a better you out there. There's always a better you out there. You just can't let me have my peace. Not in this timeline. Not in this one, not in any single one. I already saw myself there. He stood there, staring, gawking, even. He was pathetic. He probably remembers me now, and will remember me for the rest of his miserable life. He'll strive to be just like me, better, but he cannot be me. He probably thinks I think of myself as the most superior being. There's always a better you out there. That's something you learn the tough way. I know I'm not the best, I can't be the best, by definition, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I kill those who view it differently or those who try to stop me. And you're the reason I know this. All of you. You're the reason I can't sleep at night, and the reason I'll end up being killed over and over again." he says, twisting his knife around, from one finger to another, confidently, nonchalantly. He takes a small walk around you, fading, and you can't see him anymore, but you can hear his footsteps. Distant. Growing more silent.
You hear the voice again.
So, he can hear me, right? You can hear me, right?
Yes.
Listen. I... uhm. Alright, okay.
I'm not ready yet. I... I know I need to do this, I know, but... When I already know it won't happen know, it's hard to make yourself start.
Maybe this is something he can explain better. Maybe he understands it better than I do.
It'll happen at some point.
I can't promise when.
Because... because I don't know when.
But it'll happen.
Just... not now.
You find yourself back in the battlefield. "
Hey! What the hell are you standing around there for, eh?" the Malefic Man yells out from his sentient motorboat, twisting his knife between his fingers. "
You look like you've seen a ghost! Must be that hole. I'm sure nothing good is on the other side. If you wanna jump in again, be my guest! It'll only benefit me, ya know!" he says. You suddenly understand nothing.
I Pull out an impossibly unopenable champagne bottle, and lightly tap the motorboat with it, christening the motorboat "Titanic II"
“What is that? Brrrrrr… Doesn’t look good!” the motorboat says. It is now named Titanic II. An iceberg glitches into existence, thanks to reality’s instability, on the other side of the battlefield. Looming. Awaiting the reckoning. The motorboat seems nervous, but as long as it doesn’t move, it can’t sink.
If I am the shadow gods own little basket, and shadows are everywhere, then its completely possible I could just.
Randomly pick 3 people, and steal their literal shadows. everyone else gets minorly inconvenienced.
Okay, let’s see… So, 14 posts, hm? We’re going to have roll some dice. 14-sided, three separate times. Let’s see…
7, 1, and 6. That’s… You, JOEBob, and Crazyabe!
You now have your own shadow, as well as JOEBob’s and Crazyabe’s! You consume the shadows, and your power grows. Unfortunately, you now lack a shadow of your own, which inhibits your shadow powers.
You think about the best way to annoy people, and proceed to minorly inconvenience everyone by granting the Malefic Man a portion of your shadow abilities! Truly, this is the easiest way to make it more of a hassle for everyone else. “
Hey, what are these phony powers? I don’t even have shadow tentacles or anything! This is lame.” he calls out from the motorboat.
I touch El Goose Supremo's sigil.
Sciocco! Che cosa hai fatto? Idiota! Idiota!!! Non scherzare con quel potere, bambina! Non lo capisci! Al igual que el objeto maldito que tocaste, te expandes infinitamente más y más profundamente en ti mismo, comprimiendo más y más. Esto es malo. Te sientes mal. Tu meurs. Cela fait très mal, mais vous sentez la douce libération momentanément. Aucun dommage n'est causé, mais votre vie est prise. Superbus es te ipsum? Sentis consummari?
Your death is tragic, but it was expected. There will be some that fall in this battle. Your death was grieved by those who knew who you were. Others simply saw you as a victim of the curse placed upon this world. You were special, but only for a bit. There were others. After that, you just became a number on a scoreboard. Just a simple addition, and a small part of a reason for a cause, but nothing more. When a funeral was held, only one person arrived. He paid his respects, and left, but at that point, he was already over it too. He left, placing down a bouquet on your grave. Thirteen roses.
You hear a voice. “Hey, asswipe! Hey, shitstain! Hey, cumrag! Hey!! HELLO!!! I’M SPEAKING TO YOU, YOU DISABLED DONKEY AIDS TUMOR SHITTY FUCK FUCKFACE!!!” the voice calls out, and god fucking damn it, that voice is annoying as hell. “Did you already forget me?! Damn, you really are a complete r*tard! Hehe! I knew you were abused! You were probably diddled by your hairy uncle, weren’t you? And you liked it, didn’t you? You’re such a freak!!” the voice keeps calling out. Out of sheer disdain, you develop the will to open your eyes.
It’s… the Malefic Girl? No… too young. It’s someone different. But… it can’t be. She’s exactly the same. Different, but the same. “I was about to put an official verbict that you’re dead! It’s a word that I learned from watching a show. It’s only meant for adults, but since I’m more better than any adult, and a better murderer, I figured it’d be fine. Turns out, they never even kill anyone! It’s just these boring f*ggots in big hats talking about how they should punish people, something about how they should apple-head the killers and uphold the Jesus-fiction? I mostly just slept through that. Hey! Don’t fall asleep again! Are you insulting my story-stelling, punk?! Come on, I still have so much to tell you!! Heyyyyyyy! Come the fuck on! Don’t leave now, you, you just came back… sniff... don’t leave now…”
Your brain now shuts down entirely. Good thing reality benders have other ways of thinking.
Huh, seems like those were some really vivid hallucinations that it produced. It happens. Death sure is something. You can’t exactly move, but you know what they say. A reality bender never truly dies. Flies start flying around your corpse, and it starts to smell a bit. Hey, there’s always a way to get out of any situation. Did you expect a second chance? Why should this one be an exception? Death is an ordinary thing, is it not?
Ok then
And I had a plan
Puncture a hole in unreality in such a way so Malefic Man is at the same place relative to it as anything but the Second Malefic Man is in relative to any hole in reality and by that causing asynconazetion between them eliminating both, or at least causing 1 demage to them
The punctured hole successfully tears the synchronization between the two Malefic Men, but also cause water from reality to spill into unreality! A wave floods over you, and the first Malefic Man. “
God damn it, look what you’ve done! Now I’m all wet!” the first Malefic Man says, carried away by the wave.
heal Leodanny so they stop dying for the moment, then try to find a salvageable notebook and a pencil or simmilar writing utensil for the malific girl. It’s a shame that her art went up in flames due to this shoddy cracking-at-the-seams reality, but at least she can make new art, perhaps even BETTER art! also, doesnt she get invulnerability too since she doesnt have a health bar? she can’t be wounded if her health cant go down or up.
You heal Leodanny, giving him back three points of HP! You search for utensils in the water, and find an old stone tablet and a chisel. Hey, it’s
something. Swimming to the motorboat, you nudge the Malefic Girl and hand her the tablet.
“
Oh, is this for me? Hey, thanks!” she grins, taking the tablet. “
Okay, uh, you wanna see me draw? Uhm… Let’s see. Well, we’re in the middle of a flood, and I’m supposed to be stabbing you right now. But you know, I don’t feel very stabby. Let’s try something a little more positive, hm?” she takes the chisel, and begins carving away with extreme speed and precision. After about a minute or so, she hands the tablet back to you. “
I’m not really used to chiseling things, so it might not be as good as my other stuff, but at least I can say I tried!” she says, and you look at the carving.
It appears to be a very intricate image of the Malefic Girl, surprisingly realistic for something hastily made out of stone. It appears to be a regular image of her, just sitting somewhere, on what seems to be a shore by the sea. Too bad I can’t show you how good it is. However, as you’re viewing it, the Malefic Girl suddenly springs up wings and flies into the sky! You look up, confused. She never drew herself with wings, so why would she have this ability. “
Thank you so very, very much!!” she yells out from above. “
I won’t forget you, I promise! Just make sure not to show that carving to anyone, alright? I’ll be back in a second!” she grins down at you. You shrug confusedly, shoving the carving into your shirt. The Second Malefic Man looks up in astonishment.
You suddenly get the feeling that maybe, just maybe, you should show the carving to someone. Then again, she did ask…
Since the second Malefic Man is treating the motorboat like an object and he is a reality bender, it is becoming an object, meaning it is affected by the crankiness curse...
Wait, it really is affected by the crankiness curse. Reality is still surprisingly self-consistent.
As broken as it is, there are times when reality aligns. “
Well, well, well! Looks like all I need to do to get this bad boy moving is- Hey, wait a second! Who the hell put that iceberg there?” the Malefic Man says, pointing at the large iceberg on the other side of the battlefield. Remembering how Crazyabe christened the motorboat ‘Titanic II’, he puts two and two together. “
Oh, isn’t that just so fucking funny? Reality is a circus, and I’m the goddamn clown!” he rolls his eyes, sitting back down. “Awww… And I was looking forrrrrward to being humanized!” Titanic II whirrs in disappointment.
Contract unreality, maybe it will spit out the Malefic Man 1 a few thousand feet below the earth. Or what hasses for it right now.
Hey, give back that letter!
You contract unreality! A small unreality begins sprawling inside of you. I can’t say this was a right or wrong move, but hey, it’s novel! Unreality buzzes around, and returns your letters to you, except… Not in the way you’d think. You end up s
ptting the Second Malefic Man out, which gives you a pretty bad taste in your mouth, but he does end up underground! He suffocates, taking 1 point of damage, but manages to use your stomach acid to dig through the ground and resurface. As for what
hasses for it, the answer is simple.
Hasse deems your post to not have enough music in it, and therefore, it does not hasse. Not to fear, though! Beethoven seems fine with it, though, considering he wouldn’t be able to hear it regardless.
This will take a trickier trap...
Divide my birds into three groups to escape from the imaginary boulder. With the first group, throw Puppyguard into the stable-reality dimension. With the second, grab Malefic Girl's health bar and swing it like a baseball bat at her, fusing them back together and knocking her into the hole.
Thanks to the properties of that dimension, her reality bending will no longer work, and thanks to Wobbufet's Shadow Tag, she can not escape unless she defeats him in hand-to-face combat. But with only 1 HP remaining, if she attacks, she dies to Counter.
With the third group, scout out the animated objects and see if any of them became a wise and sagely old person instead of a senile and cranky old person.
You succeed, slamming Malefic Girl’s health bar right back at her! However, at this point, Leodanny has regained 3 HP thanks to Dustan Hache’s heal, and therefore, the Malefic Girl survives with 4 HP! She manages to survive the counter, and knocks down Puppyguard, of course, without killing him. The Malefic Man swoops in, managing to shatter the window and create a route for her to escape. You were so close, too!
Good idea on the wise thing. You encounter a tattered old book, completely unreadable, floating through the water. Picking it up, you ask it what the best piece of advice it can give anyone is. “Make sure that there’s toilet paper before you sit down.” it grumbles out. Yep, you’ve found the right one.
No that was a great idea I can now die.
Lose my last health, Preferably by ingesting too much water. Hey, does this mean reality is no longer on fire?
You cannot die! Your health bar was already returned by IndigoFenix. You do, however, ingest water. That’s some damn good water. “
Hey, I’m not going to let you kill yourself! That’s my job to carry out!” the Malefic Man says.
You are still very much underwater. The Malefic Girl seems to have sprouted wings, and is flying around the battlefield! This may or may not be connected to Dustan Hache’s tablet. Her first action is to wreak havoc. She flies to a nearby building and kicks it down, making it collapse and fall into the water! The resulting splash sends all of you floating at different directions. It’s going to be pretty difficult to coordinate this way. Oh, and it also makes all of you wet. If anyone can figure out what the Malefic Girl’s weakness is, you
should be able to defeat her easily. But wait! This story still has a main villain, remember?
The Second Malefic Man, and his motorboat, now christened Titanic II by Crazyabe, seem to be arguing over something. “
Look, I’m not going to treat you like a human! You’re a goddamn motorboat!” the Second Malefic Man yells out. “Brrrrrr… but I’m a sentient motorboat!! Come on, pwease? Pwetty pwease?” Titanic II whirrs out. “
Shut the hell up! Did I let you speak?! And besides, if I stop treating you like an object, which you are, by the way, the curse will wear off and you’ll start riding around and crash into that iceberg! Do you want to kill both of us?!” the Second Malefic Man shouts. “Ngh… I don’t need you! I can be a self-rrrrrresponsible motorboat! I can treat
myself as a person!” it concentrates very, very hard, and suddenly, somehow, achieves it…
Titanic II has gained the power of SELF-RESPECT!
“
YES! FINALLY, I AM ABLE TO DO AS I WISH! NOBODY STANDS IN MY PATH!” Titanic II screeches. “
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!!” the Second Malefic Man pisses his pants, and jumps off into the freezing water. “
SUICIDE, HERE I COME!” the motorboat utters its last words, driving straight into the iceberg. Rest in peace, Titanic II. You lived a fulfilling life. Truly, you are the best boy. The Second Malefic Man shivers in the water. “
Hey, s-s-sweetie, do you think you c-can get me a something t-t-to warm me up, eh?” he yells up at the Malefic Girl. “
Learn to take care of yourself, dad! Ugh. Why do I have to babysit you all the time?” she sighs, dropping a huge roof tile at the Second Malefic Man. It
does appear to be rather cranky for a roof tile, and it doesn’t appear to be doing its job of resisting against water well, but at least it’s still afloat.
The First Malefic Man is left unsynchronized! He shivers in the water along with the Second Malefic Man, but they can no longer connect and perform some weird double-curse shenanigans. El Goose Supremo looks at Anaphaxeton, and judges that he is finally dead. He flexes his muscles, as if to say, I must leave, but soon I shall return for more sexiness and destruction. Too bad Anaphaxeton isn’t
really dead!
Malefic Man: 1/10 HP. Still in unreality!
Second Malefic Man: 3/10 HP. He's got a roof tile. Wow.
Malefic Girl: 4/5 HP. Why the hell does she have wings?!
Author
Topic: Malefic Minds (Read 23297 times)