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[CABL]

Nah, I've got something better.

Spoiler: Gizoogle (click to show/hide)

I be goin ta be reasonable when I should not be. I know straight-up well dat all forumers -- up in fact mah playas -- can do be argue back yo, but, I'ma waste time. This lil topic is goin ta merely be a list. Thatz dat shit. It aint nuthin but what tha fuck no one wants yo, but what tha fuck mah playas needs: A list of commandz -- not a "discussion" where all mah playas can do is rap back ta any suckas, pluggin they ears n' yellin all up in tha top of they lungs like morons. Fuck dat shit, itz up ta you, tha forumer, n' tha pimpers ta smoke or disagree.

There is straight-up intellectually illiterate playas whoz ass think: Da more, tha mo' betta n' shit. This is false. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sometimes what tha fuck cook up a thang phat aint bout what tha fuck it do have yo, but what tha fuck it don't. Da purpose of dis thread is ta post a list which make thangs clear, not just bout Dwarf Fortress yo, but bout gamin up in general. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. I gave up on vizzle game yo, but up in tha back of mah mind I had heard bout Dwarf Fortress, when I had played Dwarf Fortress fo' tha long while, I realized it do have some phat qualitizzles yo, but came round ta have disappointments as well fo' realz. All I can do is state tha real deal, n' itz up ta you ta believe it or not, n' no, it aint mah fault if you don't listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I be also not held responsible cuz you wanna whine bout how tha fuck I "present" what tha fuck I write -- tha content of whatz bein holla'd, n' tha objectizzle purpose thereof, is what tha fuck matters.

A game be a set of functions, n' a cold-ass lil competition. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da earliest game is like when tha wolves race each other across tha taiga. In a cold-ass lil competition/game, yo' adversary is often equal or superior, n' therein is pimped out challenge. Da game is strife, without strife, it aint a game fo' realz. And up in dat strife, there is risk n' reward: Loss n' success. It aint nuthin but not a game if there be a not a god damn thang ta lose n' or no reward.

What a game must never have -- tha cursez of modern gamin dat fuck up games:
Difficulty shiznit (Path of least resistance, shitty gameplay)
Tips, hints, tutorials (Intel, bullshit)
Cutscenes, cinematics (Bullshit)
Maps, compass, GPS (Intel, shitty gameplay)
Radar, displays (Intel)
Stealth meter, awarenizz metas (Intel, shitty gameplay)
'Fast travel' features (Path of least resistance, shitty gameplay)
Predictabilitizzle (Shiznitty gameplay)
Turn-based (Shiznitty gameplay)

Anythang which gives tha playa intel, without dem straight-up havin ta peep it fo' themself, should never be up in a game, period. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! An example is FPS game where fo' some reason, there be a always some "radar" on tha bottom left-hand side of tha screen, showin where all tha enemies are.

Anythang which has ta explain tha game ta tha playa, should never be up in a game. It aint nuthin but not peepin' if one of mah thugs  drops some lyrics ta you how tha fuck ta do dat shit. Da game secrets is also goin ta gotta chizzle everytime, dis way idiots can't just write a wikipage describin away every last muthafuckin secret dat tha game has. Certain gameplay aspects will also gotta chizzle, so dat tha game cannot be explained.

Anythang which allows tha playa ta take tha path of least resistizzle without outright jackin tha game, should never be part of a game.

Da less tha playa knows, tha mo' betta n' shit. Da less dat is explained, tha mo' betta n' shit. Da less dat CAN be explained, even better.

In addition, Dwarf Fortress is remarkably simple. There is no 'high-learnin curve' or anythang which playas have talked about. I have already set out, a long-ass time ago, a gangbangin' flawless system, which would give pimped outa complexitizzle n' depth than tha Dwarf Fortress game wit 1/1000th of tha work output, however I aint a game pimper, n' be not a baller, I merely take tha content dat be bout n' ripe. I would not give away these phat mechanics, as they would just git all up in waste on some game full of tips, hints, tutorials, too much intel, "easy difficulty" (not like tha hardest hang-up be any mo' difficult), cutscenes, fugly charactas (like tha freshly smoked up Elder Scrolls 6 is goin ta be full of...), n' other nonsense. I freestyled all mah slick graphs on paper, however I could also remake dem wit computa image-editin software. Of course fo' a 3D game, not birds-eye-view.

It be a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shame, when I saw such thangs as 'easy start' crap up in tha game start settings, cuz of tha graphics mod, mah mind sank, almost like a phat "depression", though I do not git pissed off. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I knew then dat it happened again: There can never be anythang good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Everythingz just gonna be fucked up bullshit cuz of idiots, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Even mah brother, whoz ass I rarely drop a rhyme to, n' he be avid on "gaming", rarely skits game no mo', cause itz just tha same shiznit over n' over again: Tips, hints, tutorials, easy as fuck  mode, cinematics, rap crap, linear gameplay, et cetera. I saw tha Dwarf Fortress pimper mention bustin a tutorial n' I deleted tha game. I was done. I knew then dat itz hopeless. Only I can cook up a phat game, n' I couldn't give a fuckin shiznit bout makin games. I be bout ta just go play golf or something. Everyone I know is stoppin playin games, n' even playas I peep about, cuz pimpers can't git they shiznit straight, like wit Crysis n' Ghetto of Bullshiznit fo' realz. As if tha straight-up original gangsta Crysis game didn't have enough flaws, tha 2nd n' 3rd gutted every last muthafuckin phat thang dat tha game had. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Ghetto of Bullshiznit just gets worse n' worse, n' I was a top playa whoz ass quit, though I aint shizzle how tha fuck nuff of y'all know bout WoW. Da gamin environment be a wasteland.

This thread is turning into a shitposting ground, like that Strangest Shit Ever thread.

[DG]

I'm dying.

[Egan_BW]

Now this is copypasta!

[King Zultan]

I like this version better than the original.

[Cathar]

There are very intellectually illiterate people who think

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little gorlak ? I'll have you know I graduated top of my squad in the Rough Lovers, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Goblin Civs, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top axeman in the entire dwarven armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this procedurially generated world, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of dancers across the civ and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot man. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of steel masterwork grade weapons and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

[Blastbeard]

There are very intellectually illiterate people who think

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little gorlak ? I'll have you know I graduated top of my squad in the Rough Lovers, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Goblin Civs, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top axeman in the entire dwarven armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this procedurially generated world, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of dancers across the civ and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot man. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of steel masterwork grade weapons and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

What tha elf did you just elfin say bout me, you lil kobold , biatch? I be bout ta have you know I graduated top of mah squad up in tha Rough Lovers, n' I've been involved up in a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shitload of secret raidz on Goblin Civs, n' I have over 300 confirmed kills. I be trained up in gorilla warfare n' I be tha top blowgunner up in tha entire dwarven armed forces. Yo ass aint a god damn thang ta me but just another target. I'ma wipe you tha elf up wit precision tha likez of which has never been peeped before on dis procedurially generated ghetto, mark mah elfin lyrics. Yo ass be thinkin you can git away wit sayin dat shiznit ta me over tha Internet, biatch? Think again, elfer n' shiznit fo' realz fo' realz. As our phat asses drop a rhyme I be contactin mah secret network of breakdancers across tha civ n' yo' location is bein traced right now so you betta prepare fo' tha storm, maggot man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da storm dat wipes up tha pathetic lil thang you call yo' game. Yo ass is elfin dead, kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I can be anywhere, anytime, n' I can bust a cold-ass lil cap up in you up in over seven hundred ways, n' thatz just wit mah bare hands. Not only is I extensively trained up in unarmed combat yo yo, but I have access ta tha entire arsenal of steel masterwork grade weapons n' I'ma use it ta its full extent ta wipe yo' miserable ass off tha grill of tha continent, you lil shit. If only you could have known what tha fuck unholy retribution yo' lil "clever" comment was bout ta brang down upon you, maybe you would have held yo' elfin tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, n' now you payin tha price, you goddamn idiot. I'ma shiznit fury all over you n' yo big-ass booty is ghon drown up in dat shit. Yo ass is elfin dead, kiddo.

[Cathar]

This is the best thread ever

[Reelya]

you know what's also fun? Gizoogling anime synopses

Haruhi Suzimiya Review

Back up in tha day, Kyon wanted ta believe dat aliens, time travelers, n' ESPers was real. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. By tha time his thugged-out lil' punk-ass busted tha fuck outta middle school, he realized these thangs was only ta be found on televizzle, n' not up in tha realm of reality. So Kyon was straight-up prepared ta live a normal, uneventful high school game ... until tha straight-up original gangsta dizzle of school, when she came tha fuck into his ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.

Her name was Suzumiya Haruhi, n' dat biiiiatch was not up in tha least bit horny bout aiiight human beings yo, but rather, sought tha company of aliens, time travelers, n' ESPers, up in order ta find n' solve tha mysteries round her n' shit.

Of course, not a god damn thang of tha sort straight-up exists yo, but Kyon made tha fuck up of humorin her - n' became tha straight-up original gangsta underlin up in tha newest club on campus, tha SOS Brigade, savin tha ghetto one mystery at a time.

Now Kyon was bout ta smoke up just how tha fuck thoroughly Suzumiya Haruhi was goin ta chizzle his bangin realitizzle alllll muthafuckin day.

Death Note Review

Yagami Light be as slick a pimp as you could imagine--slick grades, slick hood record, slick looks--in every last muthafuckin facet, his crazy-ass muthafuckin image is squeaky clean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

This all endz one fateful dizzle when tha Shinigami known as Ryuk drops his Dirtnap Note outta tha realm of tha afterlife, tha fuck into Lightz schoolyard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Light stumblez across it n' readz tha directions: write tha name of tha thug you want dead up in tha Dirtnap Note--with they image up in yo' mind--and they will take a thugged-out dirtnap up in tha manner you have specified up in dis supernatural journal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Otherwise, if tha circumstizzle aint specified up in writing, tha sucka will, within minutes, suffer a gangbangin' fatal ass attack.

Thinkin it a wack prank initially, Light puts it ta tha test when savin a innocent biatch from bein assaulted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. To his horror, it works. Could riddin tha ghetto of criminals be dis easy as fuck , biatch?

Inspired wit a freshly smoked up renewed sense of justice, Light indulges his dirty ass straight-up up in his newfound power, self-righteously declarin his dirty ass tha branger of a new, utopian future--

--one name at a time.

[Blastbeard]

you know what's also fun? Gizoogling anime synopses

Just be shizzle you don't peep a anime lableled boku, playa

Man dis shiznit is so wack up in all kindsa muthafuckin motherfuckin levels yo…I was poppin' off ta one of mah white playaz n' da perved-out muthafucka busted mah crazy ass 3 vizzlez wit tha name only labeled "Boku" I holla'd ta dis dude, Whatz dis shit, biatch? Dude just giggled n' holla'd "Just peep dem n' MAKE SURE NOBODY IS AROUND YOU WHEN WATCHING IT!" Then I thought dat shiznit was some weird porno or some strange shiznit but as I peeped tha straight-up original gangsta vizzle, I was like "Yo…..what tha fuck.." THEN IT CONTINUED n' I was like "Yoooooooooooooooooooooooo……." THEN THEY GOT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING CAR AND THEN I SAID "YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I couldn't fuckin believe what tha fuck I just saw, Dat shiznit was like Satan gave me his thugged-out lil' porno collection, shiznit was so disturbing..YET I COULDN'T STOP WATCHING IT, THEN VIDEO TWO AND IT WAS TWO OF THEM…..THOSE ELVES…YOOOOOOO…….THOSE ELVES….AND THAT GIRL SAW THEM THEN SHE…YYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… THEN THAT ELF TOOK THAT DOG TOY THEN YYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO……..IT WAS LIKE YOUR BIZZNITCH WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU BUT SHE WANTED TO SOMETHING "DIFFERENT" AND IT WAS SO FUCKED UP AND CREEPY, YOU JUST…KEPT WATCHING IT…AND THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING DID!!!!! THEN I SAW VIDEO THREE…THREE ELVES…THRRREEEEE!!!!!! IT…WAS…THHHHHHRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! AND COCO WAS HIS NAME ELF, COCO WAS HIS MOTHERFUCKING NAME!!!!!! OH MY GOD,I AIN'T GOING TO HEAVEN ELVES, I ALREADY SOLD MY SOUL TO LUCIFER!

So I Just wanna rap  all n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do..DON'T WATCH AN ANIME LABELED BOKU, DON'T DO IT ELF, IT'S LIKE SUCCUBUS. REMEMBER WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU ELVES!"

[CABL]

Gizoogle uses N-word all of a sudden? I suggest editing them out, if you don't want to get banned. Just a friendly note to save you from Toady's wrath.

[George_Chickens]

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCLUUUUUUUUUUUNG woooooooooosh...oh yes my dear....woooooooooooooooosh....quite menacing indeed...is that....dare I say....wooooooooooooooosh...spikes I see?......CLANG CLANG....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....CLANG....quite menacing spikes yes very much so .....WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH....ah yes...and also....a glimpse of of....CLANG....hanging rings.....quite dwarven my dear....CLANG...but oh yes...this will do nicely....CLANG.....please my dear....some microcline studs if you please........ WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH

Oh yes...very good!....very high craftsdwarfship my dear....hmmmmm...is that a wafer of adamantine I see in the workshop?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little feel before the hanging rings my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of adamantine....ah yes....let me guess... blood curdling screams ring out from below?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for rings.....CLAAAAAAAAAAAAANG.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well blood curdling screams from below......hmmm....that sound is quite noticeable....yes.....ass brutes and cavy sow horrors i take it?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH

[Imic]

I am quoting these.

I am quoting this.

This is quoting you.

This is quoting myself

I am quoting this as well.

To the OP: If you knew anything at all about this forum before you came here, you would never have posted this. If you had ever seen us react to people like this before, you would never have dona anything. You have not come upon some part of the internet where all that will be done is that people will argue endlessly against your points, or be baited easily, or even gather to discuss how shit you are. You have come across a different place. You have come upon Bay12. And we will never. Ever let you forget that.

Unless we forget first.
[/meme]

[Il Palazzo]

To the OP: If you knew anything at all about this forum before you came here, you would never have posted this. If you had ever seen us react to people like this before, you would never have dona anything. You have not come upon some part of the internet where all that will be done is that people will argue endlessly against your points, or be baited easily, or even gather to discuss how shit you are. You have come across a different place. You have come upon Bay12. And we will never. Ever let you forget that.
[/meme]

Well, I disagree. I think we have been baited into torrential shitposting quite handily.

That's why I like to think it was some disgruntled old grognard, wanting to rekindle their nostalgic memories of endless battlefields of Virtual Nonsense. And, oh, did they play us like a well-tuned guitar.

It's either that, or Donnie Trump thinks we're a constituency, so he sent one of his interns to woo us with his trademark charm and ironclad logic.

[Egan_BW]

Does it matter if the OP's bait was successful or averted? This is our thread now. Death of the author. ;P

[Imic]

To the OP: If you knew anything at all about this forum before you came here, you would never have posted this. If you had ever seen us react to people like this before, you would never have dona anything. You have not come upon some part of the internet where all that will be done is that people will argue endlessly against your points, or be baited easily, or even gather to discuss how shit you are. You have come across a different place. You have come upon Bay12. And we will never. Ever let you forget that.
[/meme]

Well, I disagree. I think we have been baited into torrential shitposting quite handily.

Fuck.