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[Lovefool]

You already know rules, let's just cut to the chase.

Bob the Tomato has gone missing after the unusual death of the late Larry Cucumber. You are to find him and bring him back by any means necessary.

Happy Hunting.

Spoiler: Wanted Poster (click to show/hide)

[Diaper or The Cow]

Start making low quality copies of the wanted poster so that everyone can know that he's missing and join the search!

[SML6]

Wait, so is Death Roller discontinued, or are you doing two RTDs at once?

I buy a pirate ship and look for applicants to join my pirate crew, but don't recruit any tomatoes, lest they be thought to be Bob and murdered by my enemies.



Sidenote: Since sentient food is a thing in this universe, I have decided my species will be bread.

Specifically, this piece of bread

[The_Two_Eternities]

Call a random telephone number and ask if they have any information on where Bob is.

[Screech9791]

>Punch someone in the balls while yelling "PINGAS" really loudly. Preferably whichever NPC that will eventually become Yoink's character.

[Enemy post]

I must play this.


PI Pickle sits in a darkened office, twirling his pistol and contemplating the job before him as a dormant creature buzzed softly on the floor. Larry was dead and Bob was missing. He had to admit, work wasn't usually exciting for a private eye on the Counter. Typically nothing worse than some kid swiping a trinket before learning the value of sharing or truthtelling or somesuch. Still, this wasn't necessarily a business where excitement was welcome.

Pickle took a shot at the faded photograph of Bob on his desk. The picture clattered to the floor as the cork bounced back and dangled on the edge of its string. Pickle loaded the cork back in while considering what the inevitable twist would be. Larry getting bumped off by his longtime best friend was a classic story of fame gone sour, but Pickle had learned enough lessons to know that things were rarely what they seemed.

Pickle lifted himself from the chair, holstered the gun, and took a last shot of 1997 Babylon Sarsaparilla before whistling for his "partner". The locust rose, wagged its wings into readiness, and approached. Pickle tied a leash around its chitinous neck and gave it an affectionate pat on the head while presenting a few of Bob's old song props. Nothing else around could match a locust's hunger for a target once they had a scent. Most called the locust a savage plant-eater. Pickle just called him Number 8.

Use my trained locust to track Bob.

[Lovefool]

Round One!

Start making low quality copies of the wanted poster so that everyone can know that he's missing and join the search!

[6]: Using the local printer at the library, you mass produce the wanted poster to such a high degree that it is entirely impossible to tell who the hell is wanted. Good going there, Mr. Melon. (-1 to your next roll)

Wait, so is Death Roller discontinued, or are you doing two RTDs at once?

I buy a pirate ship and look for applicants to join my pirate crew, but don't recruit any tomatoes, lest they be thought to be Bob and murdered by my enemies.



Sidenote: Since sentient food is a thing in this universe, I have decided my species will be bread.

Specifically, this piece of bread

Death Roller is still on, dw.

You are Detective Gregory Crumb, an angry loaf of bread who has a very nihilistic approach to the world around him.

[6]: You buy a pirate ship, but the cost is so expensive that you can't afford an actual crew to run it. Looks like that's how the cookie crumbles, Crumb. (-1 to your next roll)

[2]: You will put yourself into debt if you gather a crew.

Call a random telephone number and ask if they have any information on where Bob is.

[1]: You call a random telephone number only to come into contact with Mr. Rajesh, a well known Indian Surplus scammer. However, you didn't know that, and proceed to get scammed into losing your kidneys. It's really hard to pee now. (-1 to your next roll)

>Punch someone in the balls while yelling "PINGAS" really loudly. Preferably whichever NPC that will eventually become Yoink's character.

[6]: You attempt to punch Yoink's future character in the balls while yelling, "PINGAS" like you were stuck in the year 2008. However, you wind up tripping down some stairs, face first. You lost several teeth in the process. Ouch. (-1 to your next roll)

I must play this.


PI Pickle sits in a darkened office, twirling his pistol and contemplating the job before him as a dormant creature buzzed softly on the floor. Larry was dead and Bob was missing. He had to admit, work wasn't usually exciting for a private eye on the Counter. Typically nothing worse than some kid swiping a trinket before learning the value of sharing or truthtelling or somesuch. Still, this wasn't necessarily a business where excitement was welcome.

Pickle took a shot at the faded photograph of Bob on his desk. The picture clattered to the floor as the cork bounced back and dangled on the edge of its string. Pickle loaded the cork back in while considering what the inevitable twist would be. Larry getting bumped off by his longtime best friend was a classic story of fame gone sour, but Pickle had learned enough lessons to know that things were rarely what they seemed.

Pickle lifted himself from the chair, holstered the gun, and took a last shot of 1997 Babylon Sarsaparilla before whistling for his "partner". The locust rose, wagged its wings into readiness, and approached. Pickle tied a leash around its chitinous neck and gave it an affectionate pat on the head while presenting a few of Bob's old song props. Nothing else around could match a locust's hunger for a target once they had a scent. Most called the locust a savage plant-eater. Pickle just called him Number 8.

Use my trained locust to track Bob.

[3]: Using Eight's antenna, you are able to pick up a small trail that leads out of the sink, and into the dining room. You proceed to search.

Round Over

Summary: Private Detective Patrick Pickle has found a trail thanks to his trusty locust, Number Eight. The other detectives have been... less than successful.

[SML6]

You are Detective Gregory Crumb,

fuck you i was gonna be Captain Sammy the Bread...
Oh well

I convince a crew of men (and sentient food, but not Tomatoes because Tomato racism) to work for me as pirates, in exchange for part of the reward money for finding Bob.

[Enemy post]

I was trying to think of a good first name. I like Patrick.


Patrick Pickle furrowed his brow as Eight scrabbled around and tugged at the leash. The sink to the dining room? Veggies hardly ever went in the sink, and leaving the Counter was even rarer. There was always the City or Bumblyburg, he supposed, but those were a bit beyond Pickle's usual grounds. It looked like this case would require a bit of a hike. Patrick began morosely hopping to his next lead with Eight's sporadic flight dragging him suddenly forward every time.

Follow the trail to the dining room.

[The_Two_Eternities]

Use telephone hacking to make another scammer scam Mr. Rajesh.

[King Zultan]

Start walking in a random direction and hope bob is where I'm going.

[Diaper or The Cow]

Join SML6's crew and work for free because money ain't for nothing.

[Yoink]

SUMMON PAUL THE PINEAPPLE FROM THAT CLASSIC RTD

[Lovefool]

Round Two!

You are Detective Gregory Crumb,

fuck you i was gonna be Captain Sammy the Bread...
Oh well

I convince a crew of men (and sentient food, but not Tomatoes because Tomato racism) to work for me as pirates, in exchange for part of the reward money for finding Bob.

[4-1=3]: You somehow manage to convince some random kids you found in the neighborhood to become your pirate crew. First there's Samuel Sauerkraut, a very smelly 10 year old with an already developed beard. Then, you have Karl Yamswell, a chunky 15 year old who just lost his job at the local church when he was caught using a bong in the cathedral. Last but not least, you have Oliver Onionson, some 20 year old that was just let out of prison for mass homicide.

"Well... this is quite a crew..."

At least you have one, Detective Crumb.

I was trying to think of a good first name. I like Patrick.


Patrick Pickle furrowed his brow as Eight scrabbled around and tugged at the leash. The sink to the dining room? Veggies hardly ever went in the sink, and leaving the Counter was even rarer. There was always the City or Bumblyburg, he supposed, but those were a bit beyond Pickle's usual grounds. It looked like this case would require a bit of a hike. Patrick began morosely hopping to his next lead with Eight's sporadic flight dragging him suddenly forward every time.

Follow the trail to the dining room.

[3]: You continue following the trail with Eight. However, Eight's wings begin to feel tired, and he lands a few miles (it's really meters, but for a vegetable, I'd assume it's a lot more) away from the destination. Looks like you'll have to walk the rest of the way.

Use telephone hacking to make another scammer scam Mr. Rajesh.

[2-1=1]: You instead call Mr. Rajesh again and wind up losing your pancreas... Enjoy Diabetes. (-1 to your next roll)

Also, you are now Captain Cranberries.

Start walking in a random direction and hope bob is where I'm going.

You are now Potato Jim.

[3]: You start walking randomly, and wind up seeing Private Investigator Pickle following some sort of trail. So out of boredom, you proceed to follow.

Join SML6's crew and work for free because money ain't for nothing.

[2-1=1]: You don't join SML6's crew, and he starts his ship for sailing... which is in your general direction. You must roll to dodge!

[1 for The Ship/4 for Mr. Melon]: You pull your fist, and punch the ship, sending it flying down into the sink, into the Sewage Sea. Looks like Detective Crumb is going to be having a very bad time... and now you can't possibly join his crew because he is nowhere to be found. (-1 to your next roll)

SUMMON PAUL THE PINEAPPLE FROM THAT CLASSIC RTD

[1]: You attempt to summon Paul the Pineapple... but instead give yourself a hemorrhoid from clenching your butt for too long. You are now sobbing in the corner with an immense pain in your butt. Also, your name is Alejandro Avocado. (-1 to your next roll)

Round Over

Summary: Detective Crumb managed to gather a crew of three unorthodox kids for his pirating escapades, before Mr. Melon super-punched Crumb's ship into the Sewer Sea on complete accident. P.I. Pickle has arrived miles to his destination as his locust, Number Eight, has grown tired. This gave Potato Jim enough time to successfully follow their route. Captain Cranberries meanwhile lost another organ to Mr. Rajesh, this time it was his pancreas. Finally, Alejandro Avocado tried to summon Paul the Pineapple, resulting in him getting hemorrhoids. The search for Bob continues!

[Diaper or The Cow]

No way! I have to look for that ship and apologize! Such is the way of the Melon.