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OOOOOOH, BEEF HAS EXPIRED! AUUUOOH, IT GOT PARASITES!

2 (28.6%)

HOW MANY BREADS HAVE YOU EATEN IN YOUR LIFE?!

0 (0%)

I. LIKE. JUICE!

0 (0%)

HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YER MEAT?!

1 (14.3%)

PINGAS!

4 (57.1%)

Total Members Voted: 7

Voting closed: August 18, 2018, 03:36:57 am

[CABL]

IT'S THE YEAR OF 2034! THE MEGACORPS HAVE BECOME INSANELY INFLUENTIAL AND POWERFUL, WHICH RESULTED IN THE EVENTUAL WORLDWIDE CORPORATE AUTHORITARIAN NIGHTMARE! ONE OF THESE MEGACORPS IS COMCAST, WHICH HOLDS WORLDWIDE MONOPOLY ON THE INTERNET, AND IS ALSO YOUR INTERNET PROVIDER! COMCAST CHARGES INSANE SUM OF 145 USB MONTHLY FOR 75/MBPS, EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD 1.9MB DOWNLOAD SPEED AT BEST! AND NOW, JUST WHEN YOU WANTED TO WATCH SOMETHING, THE INTERNET PROVIDER SAID THAT THEY HAVE TECHNICAL ISSUES, AND THE INTERNET WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE FOR 2 WEEKS!

ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! TODAY, COMCAST WILL SMELL NAPALM AND TASTE LEAD, AND YOU SHALL BE THE ONES WHO'LL BRING THESE THINGS TO COMCAST!

Spoiler: THE FUCK IS THIS, AND WHAT ARE THE RULES?! (click to show/hide)

THIS IS YET ANOTHER SHITTY ARRGH TEE DEE BROUGHT TO YOU BY YOURS TRULY! IT'LL BE LARGELY MINIMALIST, WITH THE ONLY RESTRICTIONS BEING THAT YOU CAN'T JUST BE A POWERFUL GOD, OR OWN A DEATH SATELLITE FROM THE START OF THE GAME!
WE'LL USE STANDARD RTD DICE RULES, D6!
FOR THE RESTRICTIONS, LOOK INTO THE RESTRICTIONS SPOILERS! NOTE THAT NOTHING STOPS YOU FROM OBTAINING IT LATER IN THE GAME AS A LOOT!
THE HEALTH SYSTEM IS CHUNKY SALSA!

Spoiler: RESTRICTIONS (click to show/hide)

NO PLANETKILLERS!
NO DEATH SATELLITES!
NO WMD!
NO DIRTY/VIRUS BOMBS!
NO SUMMONING OF THE THINGS FROM THE ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE!
NO STARTING AS DIVINE/INFERNAL/WHATEVER BEING!
NO STARTING AS DRAGONS OR THE OTHER POWERFUL CREATURES, EITHER!

ANYONE CAN JOIN, AND THERE ARE NO WAITLISTS!

THE STARTING LOCATION IS EITHER STREETS OR A HOUSE (YES, YOU ALL SHARE A SINGLE HOUSE! IT'S ALSO IN A PRETTY SHITTY CONDITION, REGARDING THE RESILIENCE OF THE WALLS AND FLOORS!)

Spoiler: CHARACTER SHEET! (click to show/hide)

NAME:
APPEARANCE:
GENDER:
WOUNDS: NONE

[CABL]

Name: 0cra
Appearance: Typical early 21st century civilian. Has green eyes.
Gender: Male
Wounds: Bandaged leg, burned lung (Very vulnerable to choking and strangle grips), Broken arm (-1 to actions requiring two hands).
Other: Has a M249 light machine gun with an underbarrel shotgun and flashlight.

NAME: Yoink
APPEARANCE: n/a
GENDER: MALE
WOUNDS: Pain from broken balls (-1 to all actions)

NAME: Billy Bob
APPEARANCE: Looks like a homeless man.
GENDER: Male
WOUNDS: Drunk (-1 to all finesse-related actions and ranged combat. +1 in close combat brawls)

NAME:Sally Secretary
APPEARANCE:Secretarial
GENDER:Female
WOUNDS: Second-degree burns across the body (-1 to all physical actions), Strong pain (-1 to all physical actions)

Name: Bob.
Appearance: Looks like a regular ol' Bob.
Gender: Bob.
Wounds: None.

Name: Sword
Appearance: Sentient internet-connected sword.
Gender: Sword
Wounds: NONE

NAME: Cat Jobs
APPEARANCE:

GENDER: Tom
WOUNDS: Broken tail, slight pain.

NAME: Igor
APPEARANCE: The kebab remover guy from my profile pic
GENDER: Male
WOUNDS: Bandaged torso, Wounded leg (-1 to movement)

NAME:Jane Adams
APPEARANCE:Human rights activist
GENDER: Female
WOUNDS: Choking in a gas cloud (-1 to all actions until the cloud is diffused or the person escapes it), Burnt eyeballs (-2 to almost all actions, will require eye replacement or special ear training for eliminating the malus) DEAD!

Francis Monogram is DEAD!

SHAGGY IS DEAD!

Phil Swift is dead!

NAME:Sarge
APPEARANCE: guy in a shirt and jeans with a shotgun
GENDER: attack helicopter (what an original joke...)
WOUNDS: NONE

NAME: BROTHER BRIOCHE
APPEARANCE: A CRAZY LOOKING FELLAH IN A BEIGE CULTIST ROBE WITH A SWORD, DAGGER, GUN, LARGE EXPLOSION-PROOF BAG OF EXPLOSIVES AND SEVERAL OTHER WEAPONS
GENDER: MALE
WOUNDS: NONE

NAME: Steve Burns
APPEARANCE:

Spoiler: Here, this image (click to show/hide)

GENDER: Male
WOUNDS: NONE

[Screech9791]

Name: 0cra
Appearance: Typical early 21st century civilian. Has green eyes.
Gender: Male
Wounds: None
Other: Managed to obtain a Saiga-12 automatic shotgun.

[Yoink]

STUMBLE DRUNKENLY INTO ANOTHER CBL RTD

UNPLUG MY ROUTER AND EAT ALL THE HOMMUS I CAN GET MY GRUBBY HANDS ON   

[King Zultan]

NAME: Judge Harold Goldstein
APPEARANCE: A man in judges robes because he's a judge.
GENDER: Male
WOUNDS: NONE

[CABL]

TURN 1

SPAWNS (FOR THOSE WHO DIDN'T CHOOSE SPAWNING LOCATIONS): 1, 2

Name: 0cra
Appearance: Typical early 21st century civilian. Has green eyes.
Gender: Male
Wounds: None
Other: Managed to obtain a Saiga-12 automatic shotgun.

STUMBLE DRUNKENLY INTO ANOTHER CBL RTD

UNPLUG MY ROUTER AND EAT ALL THE HOMMUS I CAN GET MY GRUBBY HANDS ON   

2
0CRA GOES OUTSIDE, CARRYING SAIGA-12! HIS INTENTION IS TO FIGHT COMCAST AND THE OTHER CORPORATE BASTARDS, BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY! UNFORTUNATELY, HE HAS NO IDEA WHERE TO FIND THE LOCAL COMCAST OFFICE, NOR THERE ANY PARAMILITARY DEATH SQUADS TO SHOOT AT NEARBY!

STUMBLE DRUNKENLY INTO ANOTHER CBL RTD

UNPLUG MY ROUTER AND EAT ALL THE HOMMUS I CAN GET MY GRUBBY HANDS ON   

5, 2, 1
YOU STUMBLE IN MY RTD!
THE DONGLE OF THE ROUTER REFUSES TO COME OUT, DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORTS!
THERE'S NO HOMMUS, SO YOU ATE EXPIRED, STINKY TACOS INSTEAD! LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL NEED TO VISIT A TOILET!

NAME: Judge Harold Goldstein
APPEARANCE: A man in judges robes because he's a judge.
GENDER: Male
WOUNDS: NONE

YOU WORK AS A JUDGE! AFTER YET ANOTHER CASE OF LOITERING, WHICH ENDED WITH THE DEATH ROW FOR THE DEFENDANT, YOU GO BACK TO YOUR HOME AND DISCOVER THAT THE INTERNET IS DOWN FOR 2 WEEKS! THAT'S UNACCEPTABLE FOR YOU, AND YOU DECIDE TO FINALLY SHOW THE MIDDLE FINGER TO THE CORPORATE AMERICA AND FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO HAVE 24/7 INTERNET!

[Screech9791]

>FIND A MAP OF THE AREA, THEN SHOOT UP THE NEAREST COMCAST OFFICE

[Ozarck]

Spoiler: CHARACTER SHEET! (click to show/hide)

NAME:Sally Secretary
APPEARANCE:Secretarial
GENDER:Female
WOUNDS: NONE

Spawn Sally in the corporate office, holding a large mug of hot coffee (poisoned), intended for the CEO or other BigWig at my Insidious Place of Employ: Comcast International HQ!

[Yoink]

DEFECATE EXPLOSIVELY UPON MY INTERNET-BRINGING MACHINE! THAT'LL TEACH 'EM!

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, I NOT LIKELY TO COME BACK FROM MISSION OF REVENGE ANYWAY. SO NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT CLEAN UP.      

[King Zultan]

DEFECATE EXPLOSIVELY UPON MY INTERNET-BRINGING MACHINE! THAT'LL TEACH 'EM!     

This is why we can't have nice things.

Go and find a weapon, then go and get a phone book and look up the address for the Comcast HQ.

[Screech9791]

DEFECATE EXPLOSIVELY UPON MY INTERNET-BRINGING MACHINE! THAT'LL TEACH 'EM!     

Sigtext'd.

[HugeNerdAndProudOfIt]

Name: Bob.
Appearance: Looks like a regular ol' Bob.
Gender: Bob.
Wounds: None.

DIVIDE INTO TWO BOBS!!!!

[Doomblade187]

Name: Sword
Appearance: Sentient internet-connected sword.
Spawn: my home
Action: Hack Comcast

[CABL]

TURN 2

>FIND A MAP OF THE AREA, THEN SHOOT UP THE NEAREST COMCAST OFFICE

1
YOU'VE FAILED TO FIND ANY MAPS, SO YOU DECIDED TO FIND IT AT YOUR OWN! YOU FALL DOWN THROUGH THE OPEN MANHOLE, FALLING IN THE STREAM OF PISS AND SHIT!

Spoiler: CHARACTER SHEET! (click to show/hide)

NAME:Sally Secretary
APPEARANCE:Secretarial
GENDER:Female
WOUNDS: NONE

Spawn Sally in the corporate office, holding a large mug of hot coffee (poisoned), intended for the CEO or other BigWig at my Insidious Place of Employ: Comcast International HQ!

2
THE LOCAL BRANCH OFFICER OF COMCAST SAYS THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE SMELL OF THE COFFEE, AND ASKS TO MAKE A BETTER ONE!

DEFECATE EXPLOSIVELY UPON MY INTERNET-BRINGING MACHINE! THAT'LL TEACH 'EM!

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, I NOT LIKELY TO COME BACK FROM MISSION OF REVENGE ANYWAY. SO NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT CLEAN UP.      

1
YOUR EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA SPRINKLES THE ROOM, LIKE A SHOWER! UNFORTUNATELY, THE DIARRHEA STOPS ONCE YOU'VE SPRAYED THE CEILING WITH LIQUID SHIT! OH, AND THE ROUTER IS STILL CLEAN!

Go and find a weapon, then go and get a phone book and look up the address for the Comcast HQ.

1, 4
YOU HAVE FOUND NO WEAPONS WHATSOEVER, AND IT'S EXTREMELY UNLIKELY THAT THE HOUSE HAS ANY!
THANKFULLY, YOU'VE FOUND A PHONE BOOK! THE LOCAL COMCAST OFFICE SHOULD BE 5 BUS STOPS AWAY, SO GO AND TAKE A RIDE!

Name: Bob.
Appearance: Looks like a regular ol' Bob.
Gender: Bob.
Wounds: None.

DIVIDE INTO TWO BOBS!!!!

3
YOU DIVIDE INTO TWO BOBS! HOWEVER, THEY AREN'T EVEN WHEN IT COMES TO THE SIZE AND MUSCLE MASS!

Name: Sword
Appearance: Sentient internet-connected sword.
Spawn: my home
Action: Hack Comcast

1
THE WHOLE CITY HAS NO INTERNET, YOU DUMBASS! ALSO, YOU GET A FATAL ERROR AND SET YOURSELF ON FIRE!

[Ozarck]

wow. Four ones, a two a three and a four.

Take the coffee out of the room and microwave it for thirty seconds, then return it to the Comcast Branch Manager.