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[Ombragon]

Truly nice story, a bit late but can I be Drowed as a cook ? Or alchemist if it is useful with the mods, or maybe both... 

[SQman]

Truly nice story, a bit late but can I be Drowed as a cook ? Or alchemist if it is useful with the mods, or maybe both... 

It's never too late, the more the merrier. Alchemist skill is still useless though.


All drows of Dungeonevened gathered in the Mahogany Hall. A makeshift podium had been erected opposite from the door, and it has been taken by SQ. Scourge and Imic were standing next to each other, facing the house overseer.

Scourge was hardly recognizable as she was: instead of a seemingly random collection of garments she usually wore, she was wearing an elegant midnight blue dress that accentuated the shape of her body rather well, and a new silk scarf of a simillar color. Her normally wild and unkept hair was made into a huge elaborate braid. There was nothing playful, mischievous, smug or even confident in her face - she was trying to appear calm and collected, but everyone could see she couldn't be more nervous.

Imic was wearing full armor, except for the helmet, and a piwafwi for extra effect. While that was probably against drow customs, neither of the priestesses protested. Imic's skin, normally charcoal black, had a strange blue tint to it...

"Breathe! Don't forget about breathing!" SQ signed discretely, or at least as discretely as possible while being stared at by seventy other drows.

"Look who's talking." Imic signed back with shaking hands. He had a point, SQ was constantly switching between hyperventilating and forgetting she needed to air to live. It was hard to tell who was the most stressed by this situation.

SQ was about to start her speech, but words got stuck in her throat, which got even worse when people started talking:
"Can I get back to cleaning mussels? Nothing much is going on anyway."
"Say what you will, but the girl is good at building suspense."
"I think she's broken, does anyone know how to fix her?"
"Have you tried turning her off and then on again?"
"My wife would kill me if I was to go around the town turning on random women..."
"Boss, Melici is stepping on my foot!"
"Would you prefer if I started kicking you on the shin, Biretha?"

---

"Here goes nothing..." SQ finally said out loud, which she wasn't supposed to do. "We've gathered here to witness the entanglement of Imic Lanternfiend in Scourge Profanepoisons's metaphorical spider web. Marriage, an act during which a woman takes a man as her partner, companion, slave, chattel or dinner, if she takes the spider symbolism too literally... What the hell Liceyi!?" SQ shouted, searching for the poet in the crowd.

"You're not gonna eat me after this, are you?" Imic whispered to Scourge.

"Can't promise anything, tee-hee!" Scourge giggled.

"... This ceremony will be slightly unusual, because the bride expressed her desire to pledge the same vows as the groom, which will forbid her from divorcing, starting a harem, and having children with men other than Imic. Are you sure about this, Scourge?" The question wasn't in the script, but SQ was concerned.

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be standing here, would I?" Scourge replied without a shade of hesitation.

"Well then... Nunore wrote some flowery nonsense, and I assume nobody would mind if I skipped it." SQ said, squinting at the script.

"A lot of sweat, tears, and morel firewater went into that!" Nunore's voice rose up from the crowd.

"Ugh, fine, I'll read it! Hope nobody will blame me for the HUGE WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME!" SQ agreed, more than slightly reluctantly, then she started reading the script: "Throughout the history of drowkind, and even earlier, before Lolth had chosen our ancestors from among dark elves of the surface..."

---

"How are you holding up, Imic?" Scourge whispered, taking advantage of the dire situation Nunore got everyone into.

"I'm feeling better than ever, even though my stomach is slowly turning inside-out... How about you?"

"I just can't wait until the vows. I'll be looking into your eyes longingly without breaking eye contact for uncomfortably long time, but you'll actually find it adorable rather than creepy. I'll sense it somehow, and that will make me feel all warm inside. Maybe I'll tear up a little bit too..." The bride shared her oddly specific thought.

"Oh, as if I wasn't nervous enough..." Imic said, but his soon-to-be wife's words actually calmed him down.


---

After about an hour later SQ was finally nearing the end of her speech. Some drows had already fallen asleep, some were still trying not to, Nunore was listening with pride, oblivious to the effect her masterful writing had on the others.

Imic was spacing out, seemingly looking straight at SQ, but actually not even seeing her. As far as anybody was concerned, he might have been traversing the ethereal plane. Scourge was making silly faces at SQ, hoping to make her laugh and disrupt the speech, but the overseer was too preoccupied with reading the script to notice. Scourge's persistence was rewarded by a single eye roll when SQ finally looked up from over her papers.

"...and with that out of the way, the bride will behave with more dignity now, and the groom will stop his astral projection. Imic, there are ethereal slayers in this town, it's dangerous!" SQ warned. "Okay, looks like we're ready for the long awaited vows. Now, look deep into each other's eyes, become one body... wait, that would be one mind in two bodies, actually. Liceyi, you'll have to explain what you meant later... Never mind, just face each other and answer my questions as one."

The young couple turned to look into each other's eyes. Scourge looked completely unlike herself, her smile was gentle, loving and sincere, not cheeky and mischievous. Imic did notice that the woman tried to blink as little as she could, possibly to creep him out. The groom cracked a smile, finding it endearing that no matter the situation, Scourge would always be Scourge.

"Scourge, Imic, Do you pledge to be there for each other in both the best and the darkest of days? That even without branding, you will not take another spouse if one of you were to die a tragic death?  To resist temptations and be loyal to each other no matter what difficulties you'll stumble upon in your potentially eternal lives?"

"We do." Both drows said in unison.

"Disgraceful." Freshcannon whispered under her breath.
"Who would have thought you of all people would be so against a... non-standard wedding like this." Asithi said, having overheard her colleague.
"No, it's not about the ceremony, it's about my best soldier marrying this worthless airhead..."

"Do you pledge to do whatever is in your power that your blooming love never withers? To stop all those who try to get between you?"

"We do."

"Do you pledge you will walk five hundred miles and you will walk five hundred more just to be the one who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your spouse's door? Do you pledge that it's gonna take a lot to take you both away from each other, nothing that a hundred drows and more could ever do? Do you pledge to..."

"SQ..." Scourge said, finally breaking eye contact with Imic to eye the overseer sternly.

SQ got the clue and realized it was high time to move on. "Fine, it's time for the ritual of binding... Asithi, please tell me you brought the sticky spider silk."

---

The house cleric emerged from the crowd holding what looked like a tiny ball of yarn. "About that, overseer... We seem to have no more than three spiders capable of weaving good silk, only one of them is decently sized, and they have all been milked not too long ago. This is all I could gather."

"Oh... This rite is only symbolic anyway..." SQ comforted herself, taking the ball of silk from Asithi.

"No, it's not, it's supposed to keep the groom from escaping while the bride drags him to her den." The priestess explained. "But considering the unusual circumstances, I doubt he will try to run. And it's not like this wedding could go any worse, is it?"

"Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick, all right, if anybody has any objections, questions, or snide remarks, please keep them to yourself, this has been going for far too long already." SQ passed the ball of silk to Scourge. "Do your thing."

"We could always put this off if you..." Scourge began, but stopped to look for words that wouldn't rile SQ up any further. "...If you feel worse for wear. We could do it again without people watching, if you prefer."

"No, we're almost done, and it's your wedding, not mine. Now get wrapping." The overseer refused the offer, but it was obvious that she wanted to run away and hide in her room for indeterminate amount of time.

Scourge quickly threw what little sticky thread she got around Imic, failing to even immobilize his arms, then said "I wouldn't call it done, but... yeah it's technically done."

"I guess I pronounce you wife and husband... You may now go do your thing, I don't care anymore." Most drows were more than happy to leave the tavern. Only a few stayed behind, that included Scourge and Imic. "What, are you waiting for? You still have some work to do."



"We're not leaving you in this state, miss SQ. Besides, Scourge said there would be a reception and a cake OWW! What was that for?" Imic screamed in pain as Scourge pulled his hair.

"I'm so sorry I ruined your wedding." SQ said, hardly holding back her frustration, sitting down on the nearest chair. "I really wanted this to be the happiest day of your lives, but..."

"I gotta admit, it was a disaster, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I knew exactly what I was signing up for by asking you for help, and I'm not disappointed. It was all my fault, really." Scourge decided to take the blame, despite not actually feelng bad about it at all. "I promise, once you finally decide to marry Five, I'll do everything better."

SQ looked at her friend's wide grin, and couldn't help but smile back. "Oh, you'll have a lot of time to plan everything out, maybe eternity. Oh, and, uh... I have a wedding gift for you guys. Imic, as a house overseer of Dungeonevened, I declare you a house weapon master of Dungeonevened. Your new bedroom and office should be done by tomorrow."

"N-no, miss SQ I... I couldn't..." Imic stuttered in shock.

"Of course you could, Imic! We'll have a new room for gods' sake! With an office, and all bells and whistles! Thank you so much, SQ!" Scourge exclaimed excitedly.

"So... what now? I guess you'll go to your room and... you know?" SQ made a suggestive gesture.

"Yeah, we should honor at least this part of the tradition. If we're to have twenty kids eventually, we might as well start working on it now." Scourge shrugged, then grabbed her husband and dragged him out without any further ado. SQ shuddered at the thought of those two actually having children, but didn't say anything.

---

Diary Journal of SQ Hateromanced, the leader house overseer of Dungeonevened

So, today was a big day for Scourge and Imic, but I'm not gonna write too much about it, because honestly, the faster I forget about that the better. Not that I'm not happy for them or anything, but... It was just a hard day.

After the whole ordeal I had to take care of some actual overseeing, which I rarely do these days. A man named Ombragon Ghoulmatched approached me and complained about the smell from the tanner's workshop.



Judging by the grease stains all over him, and his 'kiss the cook' apron, I deduced he's a cook, but it turned out my deduction wasn't necessary. He said he's the leader of the Cook and Brewer Union of Dungeonevened, CBUD for short. Apparently they're unhappy because they have to work in unsanitary conditions, whatever that means, and demanded the creation of a dedicated guildhall, preferably better than the fisherman's guild's. Ombragon said that CBUD may organize a strike if their demands aren't met. I reminded him that I have two squads of armed soldiers, with an option for a third, to my disposal, and I have every right to pacify any unrest.

Talking to him made me realize - the town doesn't work perfectly, some industries are falling behind with production, and some skilled workers complain that unskilled amateurs squat in their workshops for ages, struggling with the most basic tasks. That's obviously not good, so I've decided to play a city planner:



The surface. We probably should just abandon it and start living completely underground, but I grew to like the feeling of wind on my face... except when it carries tons of sand and dust.
We have two shrines in the tower:



One to The Ignited Steam, the fiery god of chaos, one to Nelare Maroonoils, the ruby-eyed god of gems. The construction of the third shrine had been suspended some time ago, and nobody bothered to continue it. Gotta take care of it, because people may think I'm playing favorites.

The walls are fine and dandy,but they require some love too. We could build towers in the corners and connect them with battlements, so that the crossbow (or arbalest, or gun) squad that could eventually be made will have positional advantage. I consider drafting some of the better hunters, and giving them light armor, and just letting them train by shooting at the local fauna.
There's one more thing regarding the walls - each time someone attempts to pave the roads around, something always interrupts them, either bandits, stampeding abrians or mongrelfolk. Maybe it's a curse? I wouldn't be surprised, but that doesn't change the fact that we have to keep trees from growing too close.

What's next? Aboveground farms. Right now we grow whip vines, strawberries, starberries, barley, alfalfa, desert moons (silver dye), sponge stalks and something called weed moss. Weed moss spores look exactly like rat weed seeds, so we have no way of telling which one's which. The point is, we're drowning in food and drinks, so perhaps we should get some more utility plants? I'm thinking cotton, ramie, flax, painter's roses, redroot, blade weed, this sort of things.

And then there's the problem of gold stepladders. It was the worst idea ever.



The entrance tunnel, the bone shell carving area, and the second farm plot. The trade depot should be moved a little deeper, so that rattusites and cave pygmies from the caverns don't harrass the traders. We could also show off some of our bling by constructing the new depot out of gold or something. Mahogany is not cutting it anymore.

The farm plot grows spear mints, ooze blobs, marrow polyps and plump helmets. We should get pig tails, white lichen or dimple cups instead.

I have no idea what to do with the crafting area, if anything. That room is asking for a makeover, but it's just a matter of putting down some wooden panels.



The first floor. The farm is growing silkflowers, underberries, cave sugar beets and shiitake. I'm sick of every single one of those things.

The Mahogany Hall had a good run, but it was made with maybe thirty drows in mind. I'm planning on making another tavern deeper underground. It will be bigger and fancier, and maybe we'll finally attract some visitors.

The hospital is almost out of soap, so I'll have to see to it.



I wonder if spellgaunt soap will have any magical properties, considering they feed on magic.
The hospital should also get a proper floor sooner or later. I doubt any fungi growing there have medical uses.

The cooking/farming area had been neglected for way too long. Chefs complain about tanners, tanners complain about brewers, brewers complain about millers. It's not a pleasant place to work in. The cook's and brewer's guild should help, but I have no idea what to do next.

The one good thing is that we have tons of food and drink stockpiled. Traders should pay good money for that.

Recently I learned about the wonders of terrariums, and I've been thinking, what if we pour water into them and make them into aquariums? That would be an amazing decoration for the fisherman's guild! Sure, they haven't even chosen a guildmistress (or a guildmaster, I guess), and there is no guildy things going on, but I feel like they deserve a lot of credit.

The refuse stockpile is full of things we can't eat, but at least it's no longer filled with shells. Dumping trash into Kaos's 'atom smasher' doesn't seem to be people's favorite pastime, judging by the dead spider that's been lying in the fisherman's guild's door for a couple of months now.



There isn't much to talk about on the second floor. We could use some more working space for masons and possibly carpenters, and I could order to get some gems from the caverns. That's it.



The menagerie level, my pride and joy. It was in the middle of being expanded last time I checked. We have an interesting collection so far, but we're struggling to exhibit everything we buy and catch.
I'm worried about the rothe herd's size. We should probably cull the older and weaker ones, or else we'll have to move them back aboveground.
We also have six cages with mongrelfolk in them. I'm not releasing those annoying creatures no matter what, but we can't keep them in the stockpile forever. I've already started working on getting rid of them, but more about that later.



Bedrooms... honestly, I'm really proud of the setup we've got going, but I admit there's a lot of work to be done. The latest migrants have beds, but nothing else, even though the furniture is ready in the stockpiles, and the corridors are carved out of rough stone, just to name some problems.

Scourge and Imic's new room isn't even smoothed out yet, but it shouldn't take too long. I'll free up their current rooms, move Fred's office to Scourge's room, then expand my own room. I'll get myself a nice new office, maybe a tomb... What? I'm the closest thing this place has to a house matriarch! I'm not looking forward to moving all the statues around, though. Maybe I should get Scourge and Imic a new statue? We'll see about that.



Slave quarters don't require any changes. Currently we have three trolls (male, female and child), a rattusite, and a baby slave-beast. I considered assigning a room for the nimblewright, but then I remembered it's a golem that doesn't even need to sleep.

The troll child will be officially an adult soon, and I have a plan for him already. NO, IT'S NOTHING WEIRD!



The forge level is fine. There are no stockpiles for glass and porcelain goods, but we don't produce a lot of that.

Kaos once tried to explain to me how the crucible works, but I didn't get it. I know my way around animals, metallurgy is like the exact opposite!
(OOC: I think I fucked the diamondium refining reactions even further instead of fixing them. I'll try again, but only when I'm done with this fort.)

Uthimi, the legendary armorer should have her own forge instead of sharing it with scrubs. The nimblewright will get one for itself too, because I love that piece of junk so much. How an assassin construct became a smith will always be a mystery.



I've never been a fan of gladiatorial games, but since we have the caged mongrelfolk on hand, we could make some use of them. Asin's Samurais could use some training after all.

The lead bridge will be linked to a lever to prevent creatures from escaping. The cages will be opened remotely too, all at once.
I'll have the walls replaced with fortifications, so once we have a marksman squad, we can use it to safely dispose of threats if the things get out of hand.



Finally we have caverns. So far we've seen a lot of annoying things coming out of them: rattusites, troglodytes, cave pygmies, leapworms, trolls, deep stalkers... booby trapping the entrance should solve at least a part of the problem. Maybe we'll catch some interesting cavern monsters in the process, maybe we'll have a ton of mince meat without overworking the butchers. Kaos will be delighted when I tell her how many giant serrated discs we're gonna need.


Not much progress has been made, but we've got the wedding out of the way, and some good planning done.

[crazyabe]

PTW.

[ZM5]

Oh man, I don't think I've ever seen a wedding in one of my own forts yet - did you put them in a friendship suite to develop that?

Definitely build some stuff aboveground. Personal opinion but aboveground buildings can make a fortress look really cozy. Plus something like a tower could warn us of potential invaders or ambushers.

[Fleeting Frames]

Pff. Harems?

I guess you could have a lover on the side, and that's about it.

Astral projection...Is that actually included in this mod, or is it raw modifications only?

From the comment on the side, it seems like Scourge is marrying up.

Also, I laughed at the "It's mostly symbolic" "no it's not" section. Building exceptions, then pulling the rug out from under them, nicely done!

"I tried my best, and it was a disaster." - "I wanted a disaster, that's why I asked you." was great as well.

[/hr]

That cook should be a crafter. Good creativity, great spatial sense, , likes boxes and bags and -oho- large serrated discs, make this one a dabbling weaponsmith to have an artifact one that will not break.

Gold stepladders...Briefly, it crosses my mind to suggest aluminium ones, and I twitch. Anachronistic, and simultaneously more valuable and worthless.

Two stills should be good till about 1300 population. Are you already past that?

Very *nice* observation on aquariums, though!

[SQman]

Oh man, I don't think I've ever seen a wedding in one of my own forts yet - did you put them in a friendship suite to develop that?

Friendship room. I locked them in one of the trolls' room.

Pff. Harems?

I guess you could have a lover on the side, and that's about it.

Astral projection...Is that actually included in this mod, or is it raw modifications only?

From the comment on the side, it seems like Scourge is marrying up.

Also, I laughed at the "It's mostly symbolic" "no it's not" section. Building exceptions, then pulling the rug out from under them, nicely done!

"I tried my best, and it was a disaster." - "I wanted a disaster, that's why I asked you." was great as well.

[/hr]

That cook should be a crafter. Good creativity, great spatial sense, , likes boxes and bags and -oho- large serrated discs, make this one a dabbling weaponsmith to have an artifact one that will not break.

Gold stepladders...Briefly, it crosses my mind to suggest aluminium ones, and I twitch. Anachronistic, and simultaneously more valuable and worthless.

Two stills should be good till about 1300 population. Are you already past that?

Very *nice* observation on aquariums, though!

By astral projection I meant that he was spacing out in a major way. RP-wise, psychics and phlegmatic alchemancers might be able to do things like that. Also, some D&D creatures are native to astral and ethereal planes.

Moving stills and kitchens out is also an RP decision. We have food and drink out the wazoo, but did you know that tanning leather in middle ages involved the use of urine and feces? The tanner workshop is currently in the same room as food prepping workshops.

SQ woke up in the morning to a strange sound coming from a corner of the room. It was like tapping tiny claws on the stone surface, accompanied by the faint sound of moving something soft on the floor. SQ immediately knew what was going on.



"SQ3!" She shouted jumping out of the bed. On the floor nearby she saw a small red spider holding something wrapped in silk. "You pest! I'm gonna find a suitable punishment for this transgression! Hmmm... I can't kill you, you won't leave on your own no matter what... Maybe trial by combat against the mongrelfolk? No, I want those freaks dead... Hmm... I think I've got an idea..."

Suddenly someone knocked on the door. The overseer picked up the spider and went to answer. After opening the door she saw none other than Imic. The weapon master looked exhausted after a productive night, but he was unusually twitchy. "M-miss SQ... I... I have something to tell you, but you look kind of... irritated, so maybe later..."

The overseer took a step forward to release the spider outside, while Imic took a step back just in case. SQ shook her head watching the spider scuttle away. "Why couldn't the sacred animals of Lolth be roaches? Much less troublesome, cleaner, eat everything. So, umm... wanna come in and tell me your business? Or maybe I should get you some tea, since you're shaking like there's no tomorrow. Are you cold?"

"NO!" Imic panicked, despite SQ's response being calm and friendly. This must have been a trap, the weapon master just knew it. SQ was not a reasonable person who would calm down that easily. "I... I mean, I just wanted to tell you we shouldn't export floodgates. Bye!"



SQ stood in the doorway, looking at Imic who was walking away with inexplicable haste. What was his problem? And was there a story behind the floodgate export ban? On a second thought, SQ would rather not know.

---

A few moments later SQ was dressed and ready to face the day. She decided the best way to start would be to get some fresh air. She's been starting almost every day lately, she could swear that morning sun was very beneficial in some way she couldn't describe.
When she came out of the entrance corridor, two drows surprised her by bursting out of the barracks. The first one was Biretha, Freshcannon's whipping boy, after him was ZM5.

"Don't tell me you're really throwing a pissy fit over that!" ZM5 shouted after the Helmet Snake. "You wanted to train with me instead of your fierce owlbear cub, Melici, so I thought I would use her methods!"

"It's not the same! When she pushes herself to her limit to deny me a lunch break it's admirable, you're just messing with my head for the sake of bullying me, and that's just not what Melici does!" Biretha explained the most subtle differences. "Now leave me alone, I gotta gather courage to ask her to let me train with her again!"

ZM5 watched the swordsman disappear behind the town walls. "Baby doll, you're the last person I should be asking this, but do you understand what's going on between those two?" The man asked, without any prior indication that he's noticed SQ at all.

"O-oh! I think Melici gave Biretha permanent brain damage a few years back. Care to explain what just happened?" SQ asked.

"No, it's not worth it. Besides, I think you're gonna have some stuff to do really soon..." Both drows looked in the distance. There was someone coming their way, and it wasn't Biretha. "I won't be bothering you at work, then."

"I want you to bother me at work! Please..." SQ asked. "We never spend any time together."

"You know what? Okay, but you'll explain it to Freshcannon."

---

Eleven drows in total and their animals passed through the northern gate. They were led by a tall, lanky woman who was carrying a sleeping toddler in her arms. The woman came up to SQ and ZM5 and asked: "Is this Dungeonevened? I heard it's a good place to raise children."

"Huh? Nobody ever tried raising children in this place, so..." SQ answered with a dose of suspicion.

Okay, nobody told us anything, we're just evading draft. Don't get me wrong, we can fight, but we're NOT dying in the elder crawlers' land. " The stranger admitted." Anyway, I'm Athara, I'm a cleric, but I have some experience with animal training. Fecawi is my husband, he's a mechanic, but if I have to be honest, he's not the best at his job... Those are our daughters, Asithi and Biretha."

"Why are those names so common?" ZM5 wondered. "Everybody seems to be named Biretha, Melici, Weri, Asithi... Weird how it is..."

"Wait for your turn to speak, worthless male! Litheme is my fellow cleric, the other Litheme can operate siege machines pretty well, Liyetha is a cleric too, Mefayo is an accomplished wood burner, but you'll probably be more interested in the fact that he's a talented axeman, Melici knows a lot about fish anatomy, and is also skilled in carpentry, Oquari is just another worthless mechanic, Tharumi is a leatherworker, but he's also a fine crossbowman."

"Most of you are going into the military anyway, it seems. We don't need mechanics or siege operators, but our weapon master is looking for new recruits." SQ wasn't even trying to sound enthusiastic about the new influx of unskilled migrants, but she was more than glad to give Imic some underlings of his own. "Hey, they have some cool animals!"

"Wait, are our animals more interesting to you than us?" Athara exclaimed in surprise.

"Get used to it, sweet freeloader, because SQ will now look for every excuse not to talk to you." ZM5 butted in. Then he noticed that the overseer darted towards the various creatures brought by the migrants." Hey, wait for me!"

---

"Hmm... a beak dog pup, but it's just another male. Shame, I wanted to get a few war-trained." SQ said with disappointment.

"Can't have it all, I guess. That ironhead is also male... I think, and it has a collar." ZM5 pointed at the horned creature. "It's not going into battle either. Sheesh, judging by your reaction, I thought you noticed something interesting."



"Don't tell me this big boy isn't interesting." SQ said, petting the colossal slug, and covering her hand with thick slime. "I don't think we can breed them in captivity, but we could feed the entire town with just this one."

"Yeah, it's pretty useful to have something like this, but again, mottleworms are just as good, and they breed easily." ZM5 noticed that SQ had been moving closer and closer to him, so he quickly grabbed her slime-covered hand, successfully preventing her from getting slug-goo all over his clothes. "Nice try, baby doll, but that's not gonna work on me."

"Aww, Scourge always falls for this!"

"Hey, someone is hauling a cage. Let's go check it out too."



"One of those things..." ZM5 recoiled at the sight of a huge, eight-legged pig with a mane of tentacles. "One of those alerted us when we were attacked by the werekangaroo, so I should be thankful to them, but... They're just such disgusting creatures!"

"Scourge says they're from the moon..."

"She also told you to lick a freezing-cold nether-cap wood pole when you were fifteen. If I remember correctly she said nether-cap tastes like candy."

"It kind of did, though..."

---

Meanwhile, web collectors were searching for cobwebs in the caverns.



Some passages were literally flooded with giant cave lizard blood, but the weavers were prepared for that, they knew the hunters had slain two gigantic lizards somewhere around that area. What they weren't prepared for was the monstrosity that came attracted by the pools of blood:



A lumbering pile of black leeches, squirming and shifting, but staying in a vaguely humanoid shape. There was no doubt that the creature would rather feed on warm blood a living being if it had a chance. Dungeonevened was full of living beings, but none of them was willig to part with their blood.

"Samurais, I have been told we are about to face an enemy most repulsive." Asin instructed his soldiers, slowly leading them through narrow cavern corridors. "I expect nothing but bravery and heroism from you, after all you are the finest warriors of Dungeonevened."



"Got sight on the bastard! What the hell is that!" Melici the axewoman, call sign Tin Samurai, shouted.

"Language, Melici-diri! We are not savage barbar... What the...?" Asin lost his composure for a brief moment, but managed to overcome the shock very quickly.



Efaci, Asin's wife, was the closest level-headed samurai. She cast her spell, and began the fight with a solid punch to the monster's head. Unsurprisingly, that had no effect beyond making a temporary dent where the creature's face should be. The leechwalker retaliated, but it was slow, so it's attack was easily parried.
The Iron Samurai's scourge of fangs bit into the mass of leeches in several places. One of the diamondium snakeheads must have burst an exceptionally large leech, because blood started gushing from that point as if an artery had been opened.



Efaci realized that her bites couldn't seriously harm the leechwalker, but since she wasn't feeling endangered in any way, she decided she would stall until someone more qualified shows up. After a few seconds Vathi, the Zinc Samurai joined the fight. To get a better understanding of the monster's structure she kicked it in the leg, not doing any damage.
Seeing how the mass of leeches reacts to blunt force, the macewoman quickly came up with a plan: hit hard, hope the leeches die. A strike to the arm completely crushed a whole cluster of leeches, but the monster didn't seem to notice. The second blow, a mighty swing to the head, finally fell the leechwalker. Perhaps there was a single leech swarmmaster controling all lesser leeches, or maybe a magical crystal bound them all together, but whatever it was, destroying it caused all leeches to perish almost instantly.



It was not the end of the problems from the caverns. Emura, husband of the albino swordswoman Melici, had been collecting webs on the other side. Suddenly what he thought was a clump of black fungus extended its many tendrils and slithered his way with surprising speed. Emura looked around and noticed a few more identical creatures. Even Emura's brightest faerie fire wasn't enough to repel the creatures. 

The drow was desperately trying to protect himself, but slimy mold was soft and spongy, impossible to break with bare fists. One of the moldspawns finally lashed at Emura with one of its tentacles, hitting his back and breaking his spine, depriving him of any control over his body below the waist.

Emura was ready to be torn apart by the fungal creatures, but that didn't happen. The moldspawns dispersed as fast as they appeared. After the initial shock faded, the man realized what scared off the creatures - the ground was shaking.




Heech Cluadmeckl Hichmervop, the ancient enemy of drowkind, forgotten but not dead. As soon as Emura laid his eyes on the monstrous dinosaur, its name appeared in the minds of all drows of Dungeonevened. It wasn't a pleasant revelation for anyone...

---

"Asin, I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, but we need to move to the caverns, now." Freshcannon expressed her concern in a rather cryptic manner.

"The beast... I feel its presence too, Freshcannon-ithera. Samurais, I trust you know what needs to be done." Asin addressed his soldiers. The Samurais weren't as confident as their commander, and neither were Helmet Snakes for that matter.

Suddenly the door to the barracks slammed open and Imic burst in. "Heech Cluadmeckl has awoken!" He shouted. "We need to stop it!"

"No, you stupid meathead, Asin and I need to stop it. Your job is to protect the matriarch, or in this case the overseer!" The house priestess corrected Imic. "Besides, your rookies don't even have full armor, and you look like an idiot in this suit of yours."

"I... I understand, mistress Freshcannon, but the last remark was unnecessary."

"Whatever. See you, space rotheboy! Snakes out!" The priestess nonchalantly gestured at her soldiers to follow her, leaving Imic alone in the room.

---



The Steel Samurais reached the designated position first, leading the rattusite behind them. The ratman was tasked to recover the wounded, if any were found. This foresight turned out to be very beneficial, because against all odds Emura was still alive. The rattusite picked up the paralyzed drow, but before he could carry Emura to safety, Melici the Silver Samurai stopped him.

"Stop right there, rat! This is my husband!" Melici shouted in shock. "Emura, did... did Heech Cluadmeckl do that to you?"

"M-melici... No, some other monsters attacked me... ugh... But I guess I owe them my life. I think Heech ran after them." The man explained. It was apparent that even the simple act of talking was difficult for him. "We can... we can talk when I get better. I don't even know... don't even know if I'll ever walk again."

"Melici-diri, with all due respect, but your husband needs to be taken away as soon as possible. Helmet Snakes are almost here too." Asin interrupted. The battle was drawing near, there was no time for teary goodbyes.

---

Heech, after all this time, was still furiously attacking the moldspawns. Stepping on the fungal creatures had hardly any effect, and so did smashing them with Heech's tail club. The forgotten beast was only getting more and more furious. Freshcannon couldn't allow the things to get out of control. She gave a simple order: kill Heech Cluadmeckl.



The Nickel Samurai dealt the first blow, a solid hit to the wing. The beast's thick scales deflected the attack almost completely, only a few of them were scratched. The axewoman repeated that action two more times, hoping the first attack was just unlucky, but she couldn't seem to penetrate the dinosaur's armor. She was forced to move back after almost getting crushed by the monster's tail.

The Cobalt Samurai, a spearman, had more luck. His stab went deep into Heech's wing and was only stopped by solid bone. Infuriated forgotten beast tried to strike him down in retaliation, but the spearman dodged easily, and as an ultimate act of cockiness, he punched it on the leg with his fist.

ZM5 didn't want to be outcompeted when it comes to cockiness, so he dropkicked the monster in the throat, actually managing to turn its head around. It ended up looking at the Copper Samurai. Heech moved the rest of its enormous body in preparation for a charge, swiping its tail club just a few inches away from the Cobalt Samurai's face. The lasher managed to dodge the charging dinosaur, and whipped it in the leg, leaving only two tiny wounds where fangs pierced the scales.

The Nickel Samurai was still trying to hack the beast with her axe. She was relentless but uneffective.



Asin himself stepped in and stabbed Heech in the leg. His scimitar cut to the bone, but that in no way bothered the forgotten beast. The Steel Samurai knew he could hurt it, so without any hesitation he slashed directly at the monster's back, making the first deep cut.

ZM5 had been observing Heech from the distance since his display of bravado, and seeing it fight gave him an idea that might have been just crazy enough to work. He ran straight towards the monster, holding his dagger in his hand. He hasn't stopped when he was close, and instead he dove right between its legs, holding the dagger above his head. The diamondium blade slid into Heech's soft underbelly without much resistance, and continued ripping and tearing until the forgotten beast's guts were spilled on the ground.



Asin continued to take advantage of his sword's uncanny power to hurt the monster, and slashed and stabbed without mercy. ZM5 decided it was time to get a memento from this fight, but this enemy didn't have thumbs to cut off. Instead he swiped his dagger right at the monster's maw, causing a hailstorm of small, leaf-shaped teeth. An amulet made of these would surely be a great conversation starter.



The Iron Samurai lashed strategically at the forgotten beast's stumpy foot. As the snakehead of her whip bit into the flesh, a crack of broken bone could be heard very clearly. The fractured bone couldn't support Heech's colossal weight, so the beast fell over. Despite its dire situation, it still struggled.



After about a minute of all-out brutality, it was obvious who would come out of that fight victorious, but the real question was: how long would it take? Fortunately not too long. Freshcannon climbed the forgotten beast's back, raised her heavy axe, and brought it down with incredible force. The dinosaur's bony back armor split in two, and along with it the creature's spine. All struggling stopped immediately.



"That was something..." Freshcannon said, wiping sweat and forgotten beast's cursed blood from her forehead. "I expected more from a bastard this big, but it's another ungodly abomination to my name."

"Come on, spiderling, I deserve this one after that sweet dive." ZM5 joked, but deep inside he was hoping the priestess would agree.

"You can take some of these moldspawns if you want, but better be fast, 'cause I'm going after them too."



"You're going to need bigger blades." Melici was already wiping black slime of a dead moldspawn out of her huge sword.

"Get in line, red-eyed freak, we're trying to avenge your husband... oh."

---

As the awareness of the forgotten beast's existence appeared in every drow's head, so did the knowledge of its death. The soldiers were welcomed as heroes, but before they could even think about resting:



A few of them started rapidly swelling up. All soldiers were rushed to the hospital, where Fred, Nunore and Asithi cleaned off the forgotten beast's putrid blood. Nothing more could have been done at that point.



Vemini, the Copper Samurai, was the left to be brought to bed and the last to leave the hospital. Before Fred finished cleaning him, the swelling turned into rapidly progressing rotting, and it even affected Vemini's bones. There was no time to waste, the most gangrenous tissue had to be removed. Fred was not a real doctor, however, and he failed to excise all of the rot. He panicked for a moment and ran to call an actual doctor.



None was currently availabe, so instead Nunore came back and said everything was fine, but the patient needed to have every joint in his body immobilized for some reason. Fred was in no position to argue with her.
(Vemini's bones and internal organs are still rotting, but apparently that's nothing 20 splints can't fix. At least there's no miasma)



SQ and Darkening Kaos were sitting in SQ's office discussing the overseer's latest project.

"The first lever will raise the bridge, the other will open the spider's cage." SQ explained, showing Kaos the blueprint. "Someone should of course wall the spider in once we put it in a cage."

"The spider is fully tame, why not just pasture it in there?" Kaos inquired. "And what's the point of that anyway? Its silkmilk and egg sacs can both be made into silk. No, don't tell me it's some kind of elaborate revenge scheme."

"But this spider killed SQ3, probably killed SQ2..."

"And that cocoon over there would be..." Kaos directed SQ's attention to something wrapped in spider web lying under the cabinet.

"SQ4! Now this eight-legged murderer will pay! Maybe if I squish it under the bridge I'll be able to convince the priestesses it was an accident. Or am I gonna turn into a drider for this? Oh no! Whatever I do, spiders win! It's too late, I have to...!" The longer SQ talked, the more scared she was getting. Then she realized: "Wait, I haven't done anything yet."

"Right... How about you just get the spider to the enclosure? I'm sure if we put some traps in the caverns, we could eventually catch an ettercap or a giant cave spider." Kaos was getting ready to leave, seeing how the whole project was a waste of time and resources. "Ah, right, M&M tonight, tell ZM5 if you see him."

[SQman]

Part 2



Ombragon stood in the doorway to the newly finished cook's and brewer's guildhall. It was finally ready for the ultimate cooking challenge - a forgotten beast roast.



The meat was ready, it was just a matter of picking one chef brave enough to prepare a meal out of a monster that could have killed Dungeonevened's entire millitary force despite being dead. There was plenty of leapworm offall scattered around the food stockpile, so nobody was in any kind of hurry.

---

SQ went to the barracks to inform ZM5 about the upcoming M&M session. She opened the door expecting to see Snakes bickering with each other, Samurais sparring with perfect discipline, Imic's Blackguards standing around confused while their commander is having his day off, the usual. Instead she witnessed the entire forces of Dungeonevened surrounding a single stranger.



He appeared to be a human, but something about his face and body proportion seemed off, even to drows unaccustomed with the human race. It was obvious this stranger was a soldier, and judging by the way he held his spear, he was not a bearer of good news.

SQ quietly moved up to ZM5 and asked: "Hey, Five, care to fill me in?"

"Neanderthals want to tussle with us. Freshcannon is trying to... negotiate." ZM5 answered. The tone in which he said the word 'negotiate' was mildly concerning. "Listen for yourself."

"You came here, demanded that we surrender, insulted us, our nation, and our gods, and now you think we'll just pack our stuff and skedaddle away? Ridiculous." The priestess had her hand on the handle of her axe the whole time. Perhaps she wasn't sure of her diplomatic skills? "If there's just ten of you, why don't you just stop this charade and go home before we send you to your new home in hell?"

"We did not expect the plague to spread so quickly. A vile force of darkness such as you needs to be destroyed as soon as possible, because with each day you grow stronger. If there is any chance that our small group can exterminate you, we will take it." The neanderthal answered, looking Freshcannon straight in the eyes.

"Admirable. Go tell your men we will defend our town. We will gladly cross swords with a foe who displays such resolve." Asin said to the messenger.

"Asin, you... Those are our enemies, you mix them with mud, not praise them!" Freshcannon lashed out.

"My previous mistress used to say that lack of respect is a dangerous quality to have. That applies to every aspect of life." Asin lectured the house priestess. "For an instance, one of her younger disciples was bitten by a buffalo once. Such a calm animal, you would say, but that's exactly what the foolish girl thought when she let her guard down."

"Did you hear that, Five?" SQ whispered.
"Yeah, and I was hoping you wouldn't catch on to it.

"Snakes out!" Freshcannon ordered.
"Samurais, follow my lead!" Asin called out.

"We have M&M tonight, so don't you dare dying." SQ bid farewell to ZM5.
"Not intending to, baby doll." ZM5 replied before following Freshcannon outside. The overseer's simple words moved him more than any tearful speech would.

---



Both squads were told to wait just outside of the western gate, but apparently Biretha and Oquari had a different idea on how to handle the invasion.



The first neanderthal charged straight at Biretha, which costed him a foot. Oquari joined the fight and began stabbing the axeman with his rapier, but in the end ending up being a nuisance rather than an executioner.



Frustrated with his weapon's ineffectiveness, the duelist turned around and placed a powerful hook on another neanderthal's temple. The stout human dropped his weapon and shield, and fell over.



More neanderthals entered the battle, among them a skilled spearman who managed to land a hit on Biretha, but the orichalcum spear couldn't pierce diamondium. Then the spearman's hand received a stab from Oquari's rapier, then another, more devastating one from Biretha's scimitar.



The Bismuth Samurai reached the battlefield, and was immediately hit on the foot by an axeman. The same axeman then effortlessly removed the samurai's right hand.



From that point it was only worse for poor Rafovi.



Fortunately the rest of the drows caught up and began doing what had to be done. The Silver Samurai's sword fell down on an unsuspecting neanderthal, sending his head flying. A second swing hadn't hit that accurately, so the second axeman's head was only colven asunder, not removed from his shoulders.



The Tin Samurai chose an easy target - a prone, paralyzed neanderthal who had been taken down by Oquari's punch. One less distraction on the battlefield.



Finally the siege has been broken. One drow for ten neanderthals wasn't a satisfying outcome, but the loss could only be attributed to Rafovi's foolish overconfidence. While Biretha and Oquari could back their boldness with actual skills, the same couldn't be said about the Bismuth Samurai.

---

Evening after the battle with neanderthals, five drows gathered around a silver table in Imic's new office.

Spoiler: M&M session (click to show/hide)

Kaos: ZM5, are you sure you're up for it? You've just seen a dead body of your fellow soldier.
ZM5: Don't worry about me, my little cogwheel, if a bone-rotting blood disease couldn't keep me down, death of some cocky rookie won't do it either.
Scourge: Bragging about not caring about death of your brother-in-arms? Shame on you, Five. That's something I would expect from SQ, not you.
SQ: Keep me out of this!
Scourge: Okay, just like you kept yourself out of my sight for the whole day.
SQ: I was busy overseeing and plotting. I can't spend whole days feeding beak dogs and shaving rothe.
Scourge: Right, you're almost a house matriarch after all. Have you at least weaved some sinister plots?
SQ: No, but I almost developed arachnophobia.
Kaos: As good a result as any. Can we start the game now?
Imic: I... I kinda wanted to hear the story...

Kaos: So how about you make characters based of ourselves this time?
SQ: Really? That puts me at a slight disadvantage, don't you think?
Scourge: Come on, it will be fun! Besides, you can make yourself a twenty base strength sorceress for what I care. Only Kaos is gonna judge you.
Kaos: That's true, but you didn't have to tell her that!



SQ: Drow ranger, I guess. I could go for a druid though... Hmm... I ca neither fight, shoot nor cast spells, well besides faerie fire and darkness, in real life, so it doesn't really matter. Maybe I'll go with some exotic prestige class later?
Scourge: Prestige classes are for scrubs, don't bother.
Imic: Each time we played you took a prestige class...
Scourge: Those classes that I take aren't for scrubs.
SQ: Yeah, right...



SQ: Neutral good alignment...
Kaos: Really?
SQ: What do you mean, really?
Kaos: Nothing, nothing.
ZM5: I think Kaos wanted to imply you're a little south of neutral good.
SQ: Am I?
ZM5: It's a flawed system.
Scourge: Nice recovery, Five.



Kaos: Hey, what are you scribbling under 'deity'?
SQ: Nothing!
ZM5: Is there something you want to share with us, baby doll?
SQ: No.
Imic: Now I feel more than a tiny bit uncomfortable being your champion...
SQ: It's just a game, gods in the deep!



Kaos: That's some intelligence. Are you planning to multiclass into a wizard?
SQ: I just want those sweet skill points. Or maybe I will multiclass into a wizard? Either way, I don't really need strength or charisma, since I'm a shooty kind of ranger, so I had some attribute points left.
Kaos: Ability scores...
SQ: Plump helmets, ploomp helmets.
Kaos: Nobody pronounces it 'ploomp helmets'!



SQ: None of these backgrounds describe me, so I'll stick with none.
Imic: I thought confidant could be fitting, but after seeing what you wrote in the 'deity' bracket...
SQ: It's just a game!



SQ: four points into healing, listening, lore, moving silently, searching, spotting, survival and tumbling.
Scourge: You're not good at any of those things in real life.
SQ: Weren't you the one who told me to ignore what I can or cannot do in real life?
ZM5: You know Scourge has very short memory...
Imic: S-Scourge? Do you remember we're married?
Scourge: Hmm? Who are you, and what am I doing here?
Kaos: Why do I even hang out with you, guys?



SQ: I'll take monstrous humanoids as my favored enemy.
Imic: Are you thinking about mongrelfolk, miss SQ?
Kaos: Mongrelfolk are not monstrous humanoids, believe it or not.
SQ: Then what are they?
Kaos: The manual I found them in lists them as just humanoids, but it's a 4e manual, and we're playing 3.5e.
Imic: Why aren't we playing the latest edition then?
Kaos: I couldn't afford 5e stuff after they increased my rent back in Murknightmare, and 4e is an atrocity.
SQ: I'm still staying with monstrous humanoids.



SQ: Point blank shot is required for so many good perks, so I guess I'll take it now.
ZM5: You sure you don't want to take any background or heritage trait? Maybe fey ancestry? Who knows, maybe you have some korred blood in you?
SQ: You could have gone for pixie or sylph, yet you decided to say korred. I thought you're supposed to be a smooth talker?
ZM5: I already have you wrapped around my little finger, so why bother?
Scourge: Please tell me you only said that because it's SQ. You don't say things like that to other women, right?



Imic: So we're not using our birth names?
Scourge: Great question, Weri, why don't we ask Weri about that?
SQ: It's because you and I have the same birth name, Imic.
Scourge: You weren't actually supposed to answer that...



ZM5: My turn. Drow rogue. Hmm...There are so many good prestige classes for rogues: dread pirate, shadowdancer, dark lantern, avenger...
SQ: I think avenger would fit you just fine.
ZM5: Want me to 'shut you up' again?
SQ: I... I wouldn't really mind.
Kaos: Get a room, you two, ugh.



Scourge: True boring, eh?
ZM5: Just because you're bad at roleplaying doesn't mean true neutral characters can't be interesting.
Scourge: Say that again, this time to my face!
ZM5: Easy there, you don't have to feel so strongly about everything.
Scourge: Hmph, typical true boring.



ZM5: I'm not really a religious type.
Kaos: I thought you would be more like SQ, seeing how you were both raised by the same people.
SQ: My class requires me to pick a deity, besides, it's just a game!



SQ: You're even weaker than I am.
ZM5: It's easy to swing a big sword around, fighting with real weapons takes great dexterity.
Imic: Was that a personal attack aimed at me, mister ZM5?
ZM5: Yes.
Kaos: And now you attacked him with your base sixteen charisma, nice. Imic, can you make me a saving throw?



Kaos: Okay.
SQ: Sounds about right.
Scourge: Heh heh, sure...
ZM5: What's so funny, Scourge?
Scourge: Nothing, I guess first impression is what matters the most, so I'll give it a pass. Ladies' man, give me a rest.



ZM5: Four points to bluffing, diplomacy, disabling devices, hiding, intimidating, listening, moving silently, opening locks, searching, spotting and tumbling.
Scourge: At least you can do some of those things in real life.
SQ: Why are you looking at me like that?



Kaos: You're really gonna start with that?
ZM5: Any problem with that?
Kaos: No, it's just... it seems like you have no idea what to do with your character.
ZM5: You're right, I haven't got a faintest clue!



Imic: I've been wondering for a while... if you don't mind me asking, mister ZM5, what does your name stand for?
ZM5: Hell if I know.
Imic: W-what? Miss SQ, what about your name?
SQ: Hell if I know.
Scourge: That's what you get for hanging out with weird kids. Umm... Imic? What does your name mean? I know 'Imici' means 'bite' in old elven, and that would be kinda fitting, but...
Imic: Hell if I know.



Scourge: I love you, Imic, but you can be such a boring guy sometimes.
Imic: But... but I'm a drow fighter in real life. Was I supposed to make a wizard character?
Kaos: Wizard is the favored class for male drows, just so you know.
Imic: But I know nothing about magic. I just fight and carve mussel shells.
ZM5: Too bad there's no shell carver class, huh?



Imic: Lawful neutral sounds about right.
SQ: I thought you would consider yourself lawful good, with all this talking about justice. I'm actually surprised.
Imic: I thought about it, but justice isn't really about what is good and what is evil. A hungry orphan child stealing bread from a house matriarch's opulent table is not on the side of justice, but a guard who catches him and cuts off his hands is. Isn't that what the whole alignment business is about?
SQ: A-at least you realize what you believe in isn't entirely good...
Kaos: I'd like to debate you about that someday, Imic. I always considered you an idealistic idiot, but maybe there is some depth to you.
Imic: Thanks?



Kaos: And yet...
Imic: I'm one hundred fifty, I'm way past my rebellious phase.
Kaos: Why did it hurt so much?
SQ: It's just a game!



Scourge: All you people love dexterity so much. You're a fighter, Imic, a heavily armored warrior. heavy armor caps your dexterity bonus.
Imic: Some good feats use dexterity, like... like... whirlwind attack!
Scourge: And you sacrifice your stats for whirlwind attack? What build relies of whirlwind attack so much?
Imic: Weapon master prestige class needs it, for example.
Scourge: You got me there. Gotta step up my game.



Imic: I think that's quite fitting.
SQ: Is Freshcannon's squad really a militia though?
ZM5: I like to believe we're professional soldiers.
Imic: I like to believe otherwise, for the sake of the game.



Imic: Four points to crafting armor, crafting weapons, parrying and tumbling.
Scourge: Not a lot of skill points, huh?
ZM5: Fighters are very simple people after all.
Scourge: And that's exactly why I married Imic.
ZM5: You had hard time finding someone simpler than you, so you settled down for the soldier boy.
Scourge: That was actually really mean!
ZM5: I'm sorry, Scourge, I went too far.
Scourge: ...What, no more snarky remarks? Could it be that you really meant it?
Kaos: Okay, let's get moving already!



Imic: I'll get long sword focus.
Scourge: See, you didn't need the dexterity!
SQ: Why are you so much against high dexterity?
Scourge: Because my character will be really clumsy compared to yours, and you'll have to carry her in your backpack to move around quickly.
Kaos: Are you making yourself into a svirfneblin?
Scourge: No, and that's the problem! I'm an average-sized woman, so it will be hard to carry me around! No equipment, no loot, just a personified liability!
SQ: If someone else also had low dexterity, we'd have to carry two drows...
Scourge: Yeah, but I wouldn't feel so bad about myself.



Imic: Right, fighters get an extra perk at the first level. Daylight adaptation will be useful.
Kaos: No, the extra perk must be combat-related.
Imic: The first one was the extra perk.
Kaos: I shouldn't really allow that...
Scourge: How is that stick lodged in your ass preventing you from allowing that?
Kaos: Fine, only this time!



ZM5: Lanternfiend... Is a lanternfiend a devil, demon or yugoloth?
Imic: It's just a normal compound name, like Umbrlrelief or Profanepoisons, but it sounds good.
Scourge: Profanepoisons is a kick-ass name. Isn't it, SQ?
SQ: I like 'Hateromanced' better.



Scourge: My turn! I'm a drow favored soul.
SQ: Favored soul?
Scourge: A divine sorceress, more or less.
Kaos: Without cleric's spontaneous casting. It's just inferior cleric, really.
Scourge: Don't you start the 'wizard versus sorcerer' discussion again! Everybody knows that preparing spells is for nerds!
ZM5: Scourge, we're playing M&M...



SQ: You know what? I sorta agree here.
Scourge: Oh, SQ, that's so sweet of you.
ZM5: I should raise an objection, but I can't bring myself to it.
Scourge: Good, mister true boring.
ZM5: You asked for it. Objection! You're definitely not a good person!
Scourge: Do you have any evidence to support that claim? As you know evidence is everything in a court of law, and so it happens that the burden of proof rests on you!
Imic: Am I missing something?
SQ: No, I've known those two all my life, and I have no idea what's going on.



ZM5: Clever, chosing a fictional deity to avoid sparking another religious conversation.
SQ: It's just a game!
Scourge: Exactly.



Kaos: Remember Scourge, charisma has nothing to do with how good you look.
Scourge: Chill out, I need it for spellcasting. Although, if I'm supposed to be playing as myself, I should be getting a lot of bonuses to charisma rolls from my good look...
Kaos: Here we go again...



Scourge: I admit it, I was kind of a brat when I was a kid.
ZM5: Was?
Scourge: Yeah, if you think I'm a real piece of work right now, you would be terrified if you met ten year old me. No wonder auntie hated my guts.



Scourge: Three points to spellcraft and diplomacy, two to bluff and concentration.
Imic: That's even less skill points than me.
Scourge: Five, if you say just a word.
ZM5: I apologized already.
Kaos: Wait, bluff? That's not even your class skill. ZM5 has bluffing covered anyway.
Scourge: Unlike these three chucklenuts, I know what I want to do with my character.



Kaos: Seriously?
Scourge: Yup, seriously.



Scourge: Cure minor wounds, inflict minor wounds, resistance and virtue for cantrips...
Kaos: Cantrips are arcane, orisons are divine.
Scourge: Nobody cares. Bane, cure light wounds and divine favor for level one.
SQ: Don't worry Kaos, I care.
Kaos: No, you don't.
SQ: Damn, she saw right through me.



Scourge: Any more questions about names?
Imic: Yeah, but it's to miss SQ and mister ZM5. Why do you use those names if you don't even know what they mean?
SQ: ...
ZM5: ...
Imic: Huh. I use 'Imic' because 'Weri' sounds girly.
SQ: Okay.

Kaos: I guess we should start from level four, so... let's level up before we start.



SQ: I'll just put all skill points into what I already had, and... archery combat style. I'm tempted to take animal companion speciality, but maybe some other time.
Scourge: Is that because you can't have a cockroach animal companion?
SQ: No, because I already made up my mind. Now for the next level up...
Kaos: Nope, you're a drow so you get a two-level penalty.
SQ: That sucks.



ZM5: I get free evasion, right?
Kaos: Yes, you can jump around your enemies and stab them with your little knives, just like in real life.
ZM5: It's not the size of a tool that matters.



Kaos: I'm officially lost.
Scourge: You will see... heh heh heh...



Imic: I'll be needing that... probably.
Kaos: I know it sounds weird, but I actually like the fact that you don't know what you're doing.
Imic: Miss Kaos, could you be more clear in signaling if you insult or praise me?

ZM5: You know, Kaos, I think we should continue some other day.
Scourge: Not as tough as you thought, huh?
ZM5: Yeah, you could say that. I've been through a lot, and I'm drained.
Scourge: ...What? You were supposed to defend your honor and argue with me!
Imic: Scourge, you won't understand unless you spend two months doing nothing but training and fighting. Working at the loom is nothing compared to that.
Kaos:We're wrapping this up then. At least we have our characters done.

A fighty update this time, with a secret NWN2:Storm of Zehir playthrough. I don't know how far I will go with that, but I just like writing banter between some of my favorite characters in a simpler format.

Some notes:

-Irinus axes are crapoli, they can't pierce FBs scales or any kind of armor. Freshcannon still decimates everything with her heavy steel axe, so maybe it's a matter of weight?

-Giant cave crabs are ethereal, completely untouchable to mortals.

-I thought the troublesome spider was a baby, but it was an adult female. No silk generator yet, then.

-Roaches keep escaping from clear glass terrarium. Am I missing something?

-Heech's blood caused heavy swelling on almost all of the soldiers, but only the Copper Samurai got full body rot. Apparently rotten bones and liver don't bother him too much.

-Neanderthals are boring if they don't bring war animals. Unfortunately I removed most of Scourge's dinosaurs in favor of Saur Fortress. May try to do something about it in the next version.

[scourge728]

-Neanderthals are boring if they don't bring war animals. Unfortunately I removed most of Scourge's dinosaurs in favor of Saur Fortress. May try to do something about it in the next version.

I see how it is, my dinosaurs weren't good enough for you (joke) You could have just added [CREATURE_CLASS:EXTINCT] to them and the neanderthals would have brought them FYI

[ZM5]

I wonder if the Bogdanoff twins are behind the loss of the Grug army.

[Fleeting Frames]

Tanning: Oh. Yes. Thanks for reminding me of it.

Do drows...drink water?

Well, floodgates are more useful than doors or statues as bait buildings.

Hm, wonder if you could actually do brain damage. Maybe by having different blood in the head that on contact with skin decreases skill learning rates and increases rusting rates?


Interesting and unusual value on skills.


I imagined longboar to be something like a chiahuha variant of boar.

Until I read the text after it, anyway.


....I want nether-cap house, in this summer.


That's quite the extrapolation on Heech. What did they do in worldgen?


So, did Melici actually tantrum and attack doctors?


Do the drows of Dungeonevened actually have no sleep/immunity to drowsiness?

[SQman]

I see how it is, my dinosaurs weren't good enough for you (joke) You could have just added [CREATURE_CLASS:EXTINCT] to them and the neanderthals would have brought them FYI

They could have still brought Smilodons and short-faced bears. I'll give them dinosaurs from other mods in the future.

I wonder if the Bogdanoff twins are behind the loss of the Grug army.

If they brought Chadunga along, Dungeonevened would have been leveled to the... destroyed.

Tanning: Oh. Yes. Thanks for reminding me of it.

Do drows...drink water?

Well, floodgates are more useful than doors or statues as bait buildings.

Hm, wonder if you could actually do brain damage. Maybe by having different blood in the head that on contact with skin decreases skill learning rates and increases rusting rates?


Interesting and unusual value on skills.


I imagined longboar to be something like a chiahuha variant of boar.

Until I read the text after it, anyway.


....I want nether-cap house, in this summer.


That's quite the extrapolation on Heech. What did they do in worldgen?


So, did Melici actually tantrum and attack doctors?


Do the drows of Dungeonevened actually have no sleep/immunity to drowsiness?

Drows do drink water, they are filthy elves after all.

About Heech, Ilike to imagine that all forgotten beasts are rooted deeply into people's subconsciousness, but nobody remembers them until they show up. That's why they are forgotten, and that's why they all have names, even if they had no contact with any sentient being.

I have no idea which Melici you had in mind, because every other drow is named Melici. Nobody tantrumed anyway.

Rhenaya's drows do have to sleep, but even if they didn't, I would have modded that out. Making bedrooms is a crucial part of a proper DF experience. I could just write that they meditate like D&D elves, but how would I justify beds?

---

I know it's been almost three weeks, but this update is only plot, no gameplay. I just wanted get this over with, because I really couldn't weave it into the game smoothly.
The next update should be more substantial, and it shouldn't take so long, in fact I know exactly what I want to achieve by then.

Now something actually relevant to the game: I'm really worried that updating to the latest version might have been a mistake. Apparently becoming a barony now depends on the number of subservient hillocks/villages, but we can't get those because I updated from the previous version. I was hoping that once we get a house matriarch, we'll be able to send raiding parties, because right now it's impossible (although this might be a problem with drows).
Also, if we can't get a grand matriarch the right way, we'll have to wait for Murknightmare to bleed itself out completely in their war with elder crawlers, but then I'd have to rethink where I want to go with the plot.

Spoiler: Plot - questioning of Asin (click to show/hide)

Asin was standing in the middle of his room, looking at an anonymous letter in his hand. There was no signature, but the militia captain had some ideas who it could have been from. "Go to your room during training hours, I'll meet you there" the letter instructed, so if it wasn't just a prank, that meant...
The sound of opening door interrupted Asin's thoughts. He put the letter down and said: "ZM5-diri."

"You don't look too surprised to see me, Asin. Maybe I slipped somewhere and revealed my identity in the letter?" ZM5 started with a carefree smile on his face, then he put on a serious, stern look. "Or perhaps you had a reason to expect me?"

"I will be honest with you, ZM5-diri, explaining why I was not surprised by seeing you would be counterproductive, however I would appreciate if you explained the reason for your visit." Asin glared at ZM5 trying to judge his intentions.

"Let's try another line of questioning then: how long ago have you failed miserably at protecting your previous mistress? Fifty-something years? And with all the powerful matrons in Murknightmare looking for protection, why travel all the way here to serve a girl who's technically not even a matriarch of this place?" ZM5 noticed that Asin was getting nervous. It was the time to strike. "If you're not gonna tell me, I believe I can answer for you. Check."

"No, you can not. I do not have any obligations towards you, and if you insist of bringing back painful memories, I will have to challenge you to a duel. To the death." Asin put his hand on the hilt of his scimitar. "Please, understand that it is not personal, but a matter of honor. Check, as you would say."

The two men were staring each other down, neither of them was ready to back down. ZM5 couldn't risk a fight with Asin, while Asin wasn't sure of ZM5's intentions. A draw wouldn't satisfy anyone, neither would killing each other, but was there even a possibility of a different outcome?

"Five, Asin, am I interrupting something?." The mental battle between the two men was cut short by the sudden question. SQ was standing by the door, holding a tiny notebook in one hand, and a pen in the other. "I really need to ask some questions, so if you don't mind..."

"We haven't really started yet, so as an overseer and Asin's mistress, you should take care of your business first." ZM5 said, relieved by SQ's arrival. "I'm pretty sure Asin won't refuse to answer your questions."

"I suggest ZM5-diri leaves the room first." Asin said. "There is no reason for him to listen to our conversation."

"I don't like your tone, Asin. ZM5 will stay, and if he asks you a question, you will answer it." Asin's suggestion obviously rubbed SQ the wrong way. "I need to know who your previous mistress was. Actually I know who she was, I just need you to confirm."

"Ena Shadydevil, the overseer of the royal menagerie and botanical gardens." The Steel Samurai answered looking down, as if ashamed. "I do not deserve to speak her name after my greatest failure."

"Finally a breakthrough." ZM5 said under his breath, then added: "All official sources lists her disappearance as, well, disappearance. If you say you failed to protect her, you probably know more about her death."

Asin hesitated for a while before answering. "I am the reason why everyone thinks she just disappeared. She had just begun investigating corruption in the upper echelons of imperial administration, I knew they would just sweep it under the rug if I revealed the truth to the world." Painful memories started flowing back to Asin. His composure crumbled in seconds. "N-no, this was a horrible idea, what was I thinking? It changed nothing after all!"

"We should give him a minute, baby doll." ZM5 whispered to SQ. The overseer nodded in agreement.

---

On the bedroom level of Dungeonevened, Schmendrick was frantically walking along corridors, reading labels on the doors. At some point she started reading out loud to make sure she hadn't missed the right one.
"Asithi... Biretha... Weri... Ombragon... Wait, haven't I already been here? Ugh, he could have at least give me some directions! Oh, I haven't seen that statue yet... That's it!" She rushed towards the dolomite statue of Asin and his wife. She already put her hand on the handle of the door to Asin's room, when suddenly she felt someone tugging the collar of her dress.

"Shouldn't you be cleaning spider egg sacs right now, Zecalo? As much as I value rothe, you can't turn their wool into silk, and some people like their socks silky smooth." Schmendrick didn't have to turn around to know who that was. Scourge turned her around anyway so they could talk face to face.

"S-Scourge? I was just... Wait, I don't remember telling you my birth name. I should have known... ZM5 was a fool to believe your words." Schmendrick dropped the guise of a clumsy farm hand. "Since you already know what's going on, I don't have to hide anymore. Yes, I'm ZM5's investigation partner... Or is he my partner? I lost track, it's a fluid relationship. Now if you will..." She tried to turn back around, but Scourge pulled her away from the door.

"Schmendrick, Schmendrick... You want to cut such a pleasant conversation short just like that? Come on, there's so much you can tell me." Scourge's voice sounded sincere, but that didn't change the fact that she was holding Schmendrick's arms with disproportionately strong grip. "Start with telling me who you really are."

"Ugh, looks like I have no choice, do I? I'm a private investigator, ZM5 hired me maybe twenty years ago. The case was already cold, but in this day and age you take what you get. My speciality is digging in people's files, but don't think it's the only think I can do."

Scourge didn't look impressed by Schmendrick's presentation. She needed evidence: "Are you any good? Twenty years ago Five was just opening his own pottery shop, so I assume you don't charge too much for your services. That and the fact that you stuck around for so long."

"Am I good? I've gathered some intel on ZM5's closest, wanna hear? Sure you do." Schmendrick said, smiling confidently. Scourge stopped holding on to the detective and started listening somewhat worried about what she might hear. "Okay, you're Fere Profanepoison, daughter of a very minor noblewoman. Your father attempted to run away just before you were born, and was executed for that. Your mother died of an undisclosed illness when you were five years old, and you were taken in by your aunt. Then you were left to fend for your own at the age of twelve. Then you were hired by Ena Shadydevil as an animal caretaker in the royal menagerie. About twenty years later you were a witness in a case concerning the cult of Shub-Niggurath and their so-called 'soul harvests'. That was that streak of murders down in slum district, wasn't it?"

"If you witnessed the summoning of a dark young of Shub-Niggurath, you wouldn't be calling it a streak of murders..." Scourge suddenly went grey. The reminder of those events was much worse than the fact that Schmendrick knew everything about her past. "The sigils painted with blood of the innocent, the chanting, 'Iä! Shub-Niggurath!", the tentacles emerging from the void..."

"Sure... Then you met ZM5 and SQ and brought them to the menagerie." Schmendrick continued, completely unmoved by Scourge's terrified expression. "At some point you had a restraining order filed against you, which I'm not surprised about. Then there's a long, long gap where nothing interesting happened, then you disappeared without telling anyone, and ended up here."

"All checks out, seems like you can walk the walk after all..."

"So... will you let me through now?"

"Huh? Don't be silly, you still need to tell me about what's going on between you and Five."

---

"I... As the captain of Ena-ithera's personal guard, I ordered my people not to tell anyone about her death. They were supposed to feign ignorance, and as I see, they followed my orders exemplarily. I was afraid they would tell you two, Scourge-diri, some other caretakers, even their families, but in the end the truth never saw the faerie light of the day." Asin revealed, still shaken up.

"Okay, fine, you've been hiding truth from the world, but what is this truth? Are you going to..." ZM5 noticed he was getting impatient, so instead of finishing his question, he looked at SQ meaningfully.

"Could you tell me how she died and why you wanted to hide it so badly." The overseer tried her best to sound gentle and patient, but the conversation was keeping her on edge too.

"On that day Ena-ithera... She went into her chamber around the time she would usually go practice swordplay... So that's why I took such liking to Melici-diri. She's also an albino swordswoman..." Asin suddenly noticed ZM5 rolling his eyes in annoyance, so he went back on the topic. "I thought that she might have fallen ill, or breathed in some spores in the botanical gardens, so I told my men not to bother her. I started to worry when she did not come to dinner, so I called the resident healer, and went to see what was wrong."

"Wait, the healer was also a part of your conspiracy?" SQ interrupted.

"She was also a member of Ena-ithera's guard. A young woman talented both in causing and healing injuries. One day I told her she would make a great cleric of Lolth, but she got angry at me... I wonder why?"

"SQ, try not to get him reminiscing again..." ZM5 groaned.

"What's got into you, ZM5?" SQ whispered while giving the man a harsh look.

"We're so close to getting out of a decades-long dead end, but it looks like we'll spend another decade listening to Asin's happy memories! Man, get to the point already, gods in the deep!"

"As you wish, ZM5-diri." Asin agreed reluctantly. "When we entered Ena-ithera's room, she was already... she was impaled on her own sword... as if... as if she took her own life. Crimson blood staining her snow-white skin, the mithral blade lodged deep into her body... There was absolutely no way anyone could have entered or left the room without me knowing, but I am certain it was not a suicide. She seemed so quaint that day..."

"I think I understand. If you confirmed it was suicide, there would be no need for further investigation, if you claimed it was a murder, you would fail to provide evidence anyway. You hoped that someone would take interest in a mysterious disappearance. Someone like me..." ZM5 lightened up a little, much to SQ's relief. That didn't last long, however "But what about the body? If you did anything I wouldn't like, I'll..."

"We paid a gang of rattusites to transport the casket to the Faithless' Cemetery. Nobody questions anything the rat people do at night, so at least that went well. We burried her among other worshippers of Eilistraee. We even had a tombstone carved for her, one with the symbol of a full moon, but without a name. If we had a chance to travel back to Murknightmare, I could show you which grave it is..."

"All this time... She was so close... I could have at least visited her grave... No... It's..." Now it was SQ who was losing control over herself. She stared blankly at her notebook where she had written everything she heard from Asin so far. A few tears landed on the last page, blurring a portion of the text.

ZM5 noticed the overseer's reaction. Hoping to prevent a mental breakdown, he pulled her closer to himself and held her tightly in his arms, letting SQ's tears wet his robe. "Asin, just a few minutes, please. We've got a... situation." ZM5 said to the Steel Samurai, then focused comforting SQ.

---

Scourge was leaning on the door to Asin's room, crushing Schmendrick's hopes for getting in. The detective's frustration brought her great pleasure - teasing SQ or Imic like that was fun, but this time she had no reason to hold back.

"I was desperate for work at that moment, and there was a good reason for that." Schmendrick started, still glancing at the door handle from time to time. "I've had some big cases before: dwarf district drider, murder of the fishery overseer, Rathi Red-boots, arson in Drilledterror brewery... You probably heard about some of them."

"Yeah, they even sent trolls to patrol the slum district in case the drider decided to move higher up. I'm so glad it never did." Scourge confirmed. "But..."

"But after that I hada streak of real stinkers, ending with that one where some noblewoman wanted me to investigate why her new slaves were weak or dying. She didn't want to believe when I told her that she had been sold elderly rattusites that couldn't do any serious work. Is the concept of aging so hard to understand to people? Anyway, she said some nasty stuff about me to some important women, and I've been moved from the market district all the way down to dwarf town."

Scourge wasn't sure if she should have felt bad for Schmendrick or be impressed. At one hand drows avoided the dwarf district for a good reason, but not starving and getting out of there was quite a feat. Then Scourge realized that it didn't really matter, so she remained indifferent. That did raise some questions though:
"Does that mean Five searched for you specifically in the dwarf place? Have you known each other before, then?"

"He must have heard about me and my achievements... and my downfall. He knew I was struggling to make ends meet, and that I wouldn't refuse his offer, no matter how small it was and no matter how stale the case." Schmendrick suddenly realized she shouldn't have told Scourge all the details, but it was already too late, so she continiued. "They even let me out of the dwarf district for as long as I worked for ZM5. Ha, they probably thought we would be done in no time. ZM5 was nice enough to let me live in his shop..."

"How had I never noticed that Five has such a weird taste when it comes to women? You, Freshcannon, SQ..." Scourge interrupted half-jokingly.

"That was an employer-employee relationship, there was nothing romantic going on!" Schmendrick grumbled, deeply offended by the comment. "I can't say it wasn't awkward, though... When ZM5 learned that you and SQ left Murknightmare, he told me to pack my stuff and walk all the way here with him. Apparently he also got in trouble with the law, but what mattered for me was that my only other option was to rot in the dwarf district."

"Wait, you can't be sent back now, Five considers dropping the investigation, and he's not paying you anymore. Why do you still want to do that?"

"I... I really want to repay ZM5 for taking me out of that filthy hole. At the beginning the case meant so much to him, and we've got out of so many dead ends, discovered so many new facts. If we just stopped, he would feel guilty for the rest of his potentially eternal life. He doesn't seem to understand that, but I do." Schmendrick couldn't look Scourge in the eyes while admitting that. She wasn't used to opening up to people, especially not about ZM5.

Scourge was taken aback by the detective's words. She didn't expect any selflessness from Schmendrick, in fact there was still something that bothered her:
"When I heard you talking that night, Five said you have some sort of power over him. Don't get me wrong, I want to believe you, but it's hard when you're still hiding things like this."

"I already told you, I can't let him drop the investigation for his own sake, that's why I told him that if he does, I'll tell the outpost liaison that I was kidnapped. A man kidnapping a woman to the surface would raise some eyebrows, even if I'm the one involved."

"And the part about silencing SQ?" Scourge was slowly realizing that having sympathy for Schmendrick was a mistake after all.

"I just wanted ZM5 to convince her to leave everything to him. You never know what may happen if someone that unpredictable starts meddling." Schmendrick suddenly realized the true meaning of Scourge's question. "O-oh, right, the shanking part... I was just really frustrated... Putting personal feelings over an established plan is asking for trouble. I guess I should be grateful now, because it seems SQ isn't really doing any investigating."

"You know she's in the room with Five and Asin, right?"

"What?"

---

"Couldn't have there been someone hiding in her bedroom? The best assassins can leave absolutely no evidence behind, so discovering it would be impossible." ZM5 suggested, not fully convinced if asking any more questions was even necessary.

"Absolutely not." Asin answered without a shadow of doubt. "There were two guards stationed by the door at all times, at least one of them always being a drow, and always two drows at night. What is more, there were two nimblewrights in the room tasked with Ena-ithera's protection, and they have not moved an inch. Surely, the assassin would have to come out of hiding to strike or leave the room, triggering the golems."

"Poison?"

"Also impossible. The meals were served in such way that if someone was to poison Ena-Ithera, everyone in the mansion would die too, including me. Of course only if the poison somehow passed through multiple food tasters and cupbearers."

"W-what? She had those? I had no idea she was important enough to seriously worry about poisoning." SQ wasn't as shocked as she was disappointed in herself. She has always seen Ena only as a distant yet caring mother figure, not an actual person, but now she realized how childish that was.

"Ena-ithera was serving directly under the grand matriarch, and despite having very little to do with imperial administration, she was an important official." Asin explained . "Although the church of Lolth hated her more than anyone. They said she was a leader of a dangerous cult..."

"She was very open about being a worshipper of Eilisraee, I understand how the priestesses would have had a problem with that." ZM5 added. "The only reason they haven't fed her to their spiders is because the grand matriarch trusted her. I still don't think it was their doing."

"I still believe it's someone related to mmph!" SQ tried to state her opinion, but ZM5 quickly covered her mouth with his hand. The overseer wasn't pleased with that situation, but she just assumed ZM5 had a good reason to do that.

"SQ, this is exactly why I wanted to handle this case on my own! Umm... yeah, Asin, I hope we haven't caused you too much grief by bringing all of this back to you."

Asin didn't respond immediately. Instead he turned around and started looking at a framed document hanging above his bed. After a few seconds he sighed "It is nothing. Every day I look at the contract I signed with her all these years ago, and I think about everything that happened. My wife keeps telling me I should just leave the past behind, but that's one thing I cannot do for her."

"Five, may I ask Asin a question?" SQ asked in a polite manner, yet with a hint of passive-aggressiveness in her voice.

"Yes, but please keep it relevant."

"Could I borrow the contract?" The overseer said to the Steel Samurai's surprise. "I know it has a great value for you, but it's going to confirm your testimony. Oh, and sign here, please."

"W-what? I am in no position to deny, mistress, but... let me read what you have written first." Asin insisted. SQ handed him her notebook and pen. The captain squinted very hard while reading her notes. "SQ-Ithera, have you considered calligraphy lessons? If I did not know that Ena-Ithera took care of your education, I would assume you were illiterate and those were just scribbles."

"Just sign it!"

---

Scourge was running out of topics. She went through Schmendrick's story, her favorite dishes, history of rothe ranching, the weather, M&M, and the possible uses of gremlin tears. She had to keep Schmendrick there to expose her, but what else could she talk about?
"So... umm... what's your favorite... dinosaur?" She blurted out. Then she realized that this was actually something she wondered about.

"Scourge, I told you I wouldn't go anywhere, you don't need to ask such ridiculous questions to keep me from walking away."

"Favorite... dinosaur!" Scourge's couldn't hold back her curiosity any longer, she needed to know.

"Fine, fine... What was that one called, the one with horns..." Schmendrick pretended to think hard to appease Scourge.

"Ceratosaurus, Carnotaurus, Pentaceratops, Einiosaurus, Sinoceratops, Styracosaurus, Kosmoceratops, Torosaurus, Triceratops..." Scourge was trying to jog Schmendrick's memory.

"That's the one, yeah..."

"You're so basic, Schmendrick! Seriously... Anyway, my fvorite is Cryolophosaurus, a large theropod with weird bony flaps above its eyes. It's like aaaAAAGH!" Suddenly the door Scourge was leaning on opened, and the woman fell ito the room.
ZM5 was a man of quick reflexes, with fast eyes and hands, so when he noticed Scourge falling on him, he made a quick step back.
Scourge landed flat on the floor, gaining a few new bruises on her back, and startling SQ.

"Scourge? What are you... never mind. Oh, Schmendrick, I was wondering why you haven't shown up, but now I understand." ZM5 said, stepping over Scourge who had no intention of standing up.

"SQ, aren't you gonna come out too? Just go over me like Five did." Scourge smiled mischievously.

"Maybe if I was wearing pants I would, but in a dress? No way."

"Aww, come on, I've seen you in your underwear more times that I can count! I'm not getting bored of it, but still..." Scourge mumbled while standing up and letting her friend out. She closed the door and giggled. "He-he-he, both Five and Asin at the same time, SQ? I didn't know you had it in you."

While SQ was trying to come up with a response to Scourge's teasing, ZM5 completely ignored it and instead told Shmendrick: "I'm done with skulking in the shadows, Schmendrick. If you still want to help out with the investigation, be my guest, but accept the fact that I have no intention of hiding it anymore. Don't even try any tricks, because there's someone who has every right to bail me out. Speaking of this someone..." ZM5 looked at SQ, smiled gently and gave her a quick peck on the forehead. "Thank you, SQ, I don't know how this would have turned out if you haven't shown up. Turns out it's easier to make people talk if you have real authority. Umm... gotta go, or else Freshcannon will rip my head off!"

Scourge watched ZM5 quickly walk away, with a big grin of excitement on her face. "He was blushing so much! He's so cute when he loses his cool around you, SQ! Anyway, wanna hear all of Schmendrick's dirty secrets?"

"Huh? O-oh, sure. You can tell me everything at the looms, because we have a lot of work to do with the rothe shearing season coming up. Wait, wasn't Schmendrick here with us just a second ago? I wanted to ask her about what Five just said." SQ said, slightly disappointed, but also relieved that she didn't have to have any more difficult conversations with anyone that day.

"Don't you worry, I'll tell you everything she wouldn't want you to know!"

[scourge728]

Every time my drow shows up, I find her more and more amusing

[Fleeting Frames]

Obviously, the Melici I meant is the one you mentioned in the update. Though the naming scheme is unfortunate.

-------------------

Huh. I didn't figure drow to care for the dead and buried after they didn't care too much for the dead. This is surprising. Unless they can resurrect people?

You're putting in quite a lot of effort into backstories, in any case.

What's odd is that SQ didn't do anything after ZM5 so blatantly silenced her and placed demands on her, when ZM5 only stayed in room by SQ's grace.

[SQman]

"I'm so glad you finally found some time for your patient, mistress Asithi." Nunore said, leading the house cleric to the hospital. She was barely hiding her disapproval for the priestess's questionable work ethics. "Have you reviewed the documentation? I had Fred take thorough notes during the whole duration of treatment."

"Yes, it's a simple case, all things considered. Spine damaged by blunt force trauma, paralysis from waist down..."

"It's not this one, mistress." The barkeeper started considering if consulting the cleric was such a good idea after all. "This one's blood started boiling, which caused severe damage to internal organs and bones, all thanks to a certain forgotten beast.

Instead of addressing her mistake, Asithi opened the door to the hospital. Nothing looked out of ordinary, but exactly that was a problem.
"So... where is he? You said you immobilized every joint in his body, so he shouldn't have been able to move." Asithi looked at Nunore suspiciously. Did she have to add 'pathological liar' to the barkeep's profile?




Meanwhile, the broken, blinded Vemini was crawling around the town trying to find some work for himself. Other drows were looking at him with uneasiness bordering on disgust.
Unfortunately for Vemini, Freshcannon almost tripped over him on the way to the Mahogany Hall. Being a thoughtful priestess she decided to remove the troublesome cripple from under people's feet, so she lifted him up by his robe and carried him downstairs.



On the slave dwelling level the priestess came up with a better idea than just dumping the retired Copper Samurai to the caverns and hoping something would eat him. She opened the door to one of the rooms and threw Vemini in, then locked the door tightly. One problem solved, many more to go.

---

Fred the Mitey almost had a mental breakdown when he learned who was waiting for him by the trade depot.



Out of all people he didn't want to talk to, the skeletons were the ones he didn't want to talk to the most. The administrator couldn't tell what was more offputing: their silly jokes or the gruesome appearance of some of them. It didn't help that the one who delivered the news was Weri the fisherman, who was going through a depressive episode. Above all, Fred was getting ready to go digging for diamondium, something that he enjoyed, unlike trading with skeletons.

"OH LOOK, OUR FAVORITE FLESHIE! IT'S SKELETIME FOR SKELETRADING *CLACK CLACK CLACK*!" A deformed, cancerous skeleton exclaimed upon noticing Fred coming their way.



"I HOPE YOU HAVE A LOT OF FOOD FOR US! WE'RE ALL SKIN AND BONES! OH WAIT, WE'RE JUST BONES *CLACK CLACK CLACK*!" A serpentine skeleton cackled.



---




Meanwhile, someone spotted other, more sinister kind of undead in the caverns. Spirits of ancient warriors were looking for living beings to slay, swords and axes swirling in a cloud of dust and spores. The Helmet Snakes were immediately called to guard the staircase.

---



Asin and his wife, Efaci, were helping with carrying food to the depot, when suddenly the Iron samurai dropped a stone pot she was holding. Asin stopped too, worried that his wife might have suddenly felt worse.
"Efaci-larami, what is the matter? Do you need to take a rest?" He asked, putting away his pot.

"AH, NEW VESSEL, AND A NEW WITNESS! THE LAST VESSEL WAS FINE, BUT THE WITNESS WAS LACKING." Efaci said, or rather something said through Efaci. "COME, I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT MIRACLES BEINGS HIGHER THAN YOU CAN PERFORM!"

"Efaci-larami, is this one of your jokes? You certainly are getting... creative."

"JUST FOLLOW ME!"

---



The ragewinds, ethereal spirits carrying steel weaponry, were much less dangerous than they appeared. Obi Werelives easily dispatched both ghosts with two quick thrusts of his rapier. When the rest of the Snakes caught up to him, he just shrugged and headed back to the barracks.

---



"MEAT, EGGS, FLOUR, PREPARED MEALS... AND WHAT'S THIS BIRD THING? IT'S UNCOOKED! WANT US TO GET SALMONELLA, HUH, FLESHIE?" A colossal skeletal abomination asked, which seriously terrified Fred.

"It's... It's an a-a-abrian, o-overseer wanted to... she wanted to get rid of the su-surplus, so I thought..." The administrator stuttered.

"JUST PULLING YOUR FEMUR, WHERE'S YOUR FUNNY BONE? *CLACK CLACK CLACK*!" The skeleton laughed, much to Fred's relief. "WE WILL ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY, THOUGH. LET'S SAY... THOSE BARRELS OF FOOD AND ALL YOUR SUGMA!"

"Sugma?"

"SUGMA BONE, FLESHIE! *CLACK CLACK CLACK*!

---

As usual, SQ and Scourge came up to inspect the purchased animals.



"A duck. We had a lot of these in the menagerie back in Murknightmare." SQ remembered. She suddenly realized that the sheer number of ducks might have been the reason why ZM5 left the aviaries to become a potter back in the day.

"Hey, wanna hear a fun fact about ducks?" Scourge suggested.

"No." SQ already knew which fact it would be.

"Ducks have corkscrew pe..."

"This is a female duck, so it's irrelevant!" The overseer cut in.



"That's a sick joke nature played on this bird. The only place where hair belong is the only hairless place on its body." Scourge seemed to seriously pity the guineafowl.

"Well, technically it doesn't have a single hair on its body, only feathers." SQ corrected.

"I was trying to give some deeper meaning to this creature, sprinkle a little drama into its existence, otherwise it will be just another bird."

"*Sigh* Speaking of birds, we have another loft owl, this time a male I believe. And..."



"...a big seagull?"

"Why are you surprised? There are lice the size of a rothe running around, and a slightly bigger seabird is strange to you?" Scourge asked.

"I guess you're... Nope!" SQ quickly cast darkness spell at the next cage. "Astral fisher, not something you'd like to see."

"You'll have to let me face my fears one day, you know..." Scourge suddenly felt dejected at the mere thought of actually doing that, but then she lightened up and said "Look at all those bags! Looks like consolidated whining of Lunardog and Ombragon convinced Fred to buy in bulk."

"That reminds me, I'll have to speak with Ombragon about filling every single bag in Dungeonevened with flour. In fact, I'm gonna do it now." SQ proclaimed, and without further ado headed to the chef's guildhall.

---

Scourge, left to her own devices, decided she would go to the caverns to pick up some webs for silk. She was walking among underbarks and shadewoods in search of clean webs, when suddenly a grotesque ooze monster sprung out from fungal undergrowth.




The monster shambled towards her, reaching with its slimy arms. Instead of doing the reasonable thing and running away, the woman punched the reason stealer, only covering her hand in its ooze. The slime creature slammed its fist into Scourge's foot, but thanks to her heavy-duty boots, she only got a bruise.
Not discouraged by her previous failure, Scourge performed a few more punches, all with no effect.



The reason stealer swung its arm at Scourge, hitting her squarely on the shoulder. At that moment the woman realized this wasn't a game. A horrible pain of shattered bone piercing muscle caused her to flinch, but she wasn't ready to give up.



Despite the broken shoulder, Scourge still had strength to fight. She charged at the creature knocking it down.



The reason stealer retaliated by efortlessly smashing Scourge's ankle. The woman was no longer able to fight, but she believed there must have been a way to come out of that encounter alive...



She was right to be hopeful. The reason stealer caught a whiff of decaying deep stalker remains and shambled away to devour a new mind.



Scourge was lying on the soft moss, waiting for the monster to go away so she would be able to safely call for help, but that wasn't necessary. The Snakes have arrived! Behind them Asin's Samurais and even Imic's Blackguards, despite being unarmored.



The battle, if it could be called a battle, was quick and one-sided. Biretha Hexbanners the Nickel Samurai came in waving her axe, cutting off the monster's leg and turning the rest of the body into a formless pool of inanimate goo.



Scourge watched in awe as the axewoman destroyed the reason stealer. Sure, she would have prefered if that was Imic or ZM5, but still, her lifespan was prolonged by possibly several centuries, so she had no reason to complain.
Now she was waiting for Imic to show up and carry her to the hospital. Except it wasn't Imic who did that, but Ombragon.

"Huh? Weren't you supposed to be talking with SQ?" Scourge asked the cook, who was indeed supposed to be having a meeting regarding flour.

"I made Lunardog the guild's speaker. Truth be told, I have no patience for long discussions about other people's obligations, especially if the point is that the other side is trying to blame us for the fact they didn't fulfill those obligations. After all overseer SQ is also responsible for making bags for flour... Scourge?" Ombragon noticed that Scourge passed out when he was explaining. It couldn't be helped, not everyone was made for serious guild business.

---



Asin came back to the crafting area to check on his wife. Efaci had already began the construction, and the spirit within her wasn't eager to share its secret. The posessed woman looked at Asin in a strangely meaningful way, and the Steel Samurai immediately knew she wanted him to stay by her.

---



A few hours after Scourge was brought to the hospital, her closest friends and family, that is Imic, SQ, ZM5 and Darkening Kaos gathered by the hospital door and waited until a doctor, or Nunore, lets them in. They were surprised when the one they saw opening the door was Scourge herself.

"What are you staring at? Aren't you glad I'm okay?" She said, even though she was far from okay. Even through the thick layer of silk bandages her shoulder didn't look good, and it was obvious she was in pain despite her trying to hide it.

"Scourge, I... I really think you should stay in bed, I mean, I'm no doctor..." Imic mumbled, still unsure what he should have been feeling at that moment.

"Asithi is a doctor and she said I'll be fine." Scourge assured. "Besides, I'm a lot tougher than you, wimps. I gotta be, with a baby on the way and everything. Anyone else is hungry?"

"Wait, what was that? W-what baby?" Imic turned grey, his legs could barely support his own weight, and his hands were shaking like never before.

"Our baby! Isn't that wonderful? Just nineteen more and we can take it easy." Scourge wanted to come up to Imic and kiss him, but forgot about her broken ankle." Ow! Heh, right... Come over here, Imic, don't make me walk all the way to you!"

While the others were stunned by the sudden news, ZM5 started clapping out of excitement. It's been way too long since he could truly come back to his easy-going self. "To think my older little sister is becoming a mother! Weren't your mother a petty noble of some kind? Then maybe you can rebuild House Profanepoisons from the ground up."

"That would be something, wouldn't it?" Kaos commented. "Oh, and there's so many oportunities for me to shine! You're gonna need furniture for your drowling's room. I always wanted to make a cradle, but never had a chance. Mahogany or wyrmblood? Oh, and I can try making some toys!"

"Five, Kaos, you have no idea how much your support means to me. I would give the two of you a hug, but as I am now I can only hug one person at a time." Scourge chuckled with tears in her eyes. Whether those were tears of joy or pain was anyone's guess. Then she remembered. "SQ, I know this may be a big change, but..."

"O-of course it will be a big change! Now I'm gonna be the weird aunt who sips wine while petting one of her fifty seven spiders, or in my case cockroaches! It's just a matter of time until I develop intense hatred for men and love for tacky porcelain ornaments!" SQ panicked, and as usual nobody could tell if she was serious about it.

Scourge smiled, relieved that the overseer reacted reasonably enough. "Well, you took it better than I expected. So how about those cave lizard steaks? I can't get better if I starve to death, can I?"

---



"NOW MORTAL... I MEAN, ELF... I STILL CAN'T GET USED TO IT... PRAISE ME AND MY MASTERPIECE! RUSTSELLS!" Posessed Efaci shouted, waking up Asin who had fallen asleep waiting.

"Ah! Yes, those are magnificent greaves indeed! Made of ivory! You do not see things like this every day!" Asin praised as he was told.

"What are you talking about, Asin?" Efaci came back to her body, not knowing what was happening. "Are those pants made of bone? Oh, I bet you know how many bad jokes this calls for..."

"Efaci-larami, can I take a closer look?"



"This is undoubtedly the grand matriarch, Yetine-evala, this here is... I believe it is the high matriarch, Necate-ithera, and... Scourge-diri? Why her? I could understand the high priestess, or even SQ-ithera, but Scourge-diri?" Asin was looking at the greaves from every angle hoping to find answers, but he couldn't find anything.

"Wouldn't it be interesting if she turned out to be a runaway princess? Maybe she's next to the throne and the current high matriarch is an usurper? Could you imagine?" The Iron Samurai was getting carried away by her imagination. Asin just smiled, shook his head and gestured at her to go back to the barracks.


Well, some things happened, all right.

-The guy who got the whole package of Heech's blood syndrome has 10 splints on him, and he's spamming the announcement screen with job cancellations, so I locked him up. If he dies he dies.

-Skeletons took most of our food and some spare abrians. Got some useless metals and tons and tons of bags. Apparently the cooks prioritize single paradise nuts and single leapworm spleens instead of freeing up priceless bags.

-Scourge got badly wounded. I was worried the reason stealer would kill her, but once she fell over it left her alone. I'm pretty sure the monster would have gone its own way if she wasn't so insistent on beating it with her bare hands.

-Efaci made an amazing artifact. 69480 urists worth, but not very useful, since it's made of ivory. I should mention that cragtooth boar ivory is handled as both ivory and bone, so that's why it was a viable material. The spirit that possessed Efaci even referenced the one time it possessed Scourge.

-Scourge is expecting a child. I checked with DFhack.

Thoughts:

-Dedicated corpse haulers/dumpers. The drows are getting seriously upset over piles of dead mongrelfolk, troglodytes, cave pygmies, and trolls...



...but SQ is getting her kicks from listening to other drows whine. That's because of the one time she got caught in a sandstorm in 125.

-Cavern safety. Important (read: named) drows shouldn't be walking around looking for webs. Also, the two door entrance makes it harder to predict which way a dangerous monster would take. I plan to build a single entrance with a drawbridge and a trap corridor. I had Kaos churning out chitin serrated discs for that.

-Mahogany Hall sucks We need a new tavern.

-Swordnados aren't nearly as scary as they sound.

[scourge728]

I like the update, but the sugma joke made me so disappointed in you