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[helmacon]

I don't often stray into life advice, but, well, I kinda need some help here.

Here's the situation.
I'm a manager at a Dominos. She is a manager at a different Dominos. We only met once before, very briefly. I thought she was cute, but then I never saw her again and nothing came of it. Until yesterday. She was helping at our store for a particularly large order in the morning. We were working together on line for a few hours and she was very cute and we were getting along well enough so before she left I asked her if she would like to get lunch sometime and she said yes. We traded phone numbers, smiles, ect. Ect. And she left.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I realize re reading this it could sound like just a friendly thing, but I had it from an outside source that she was interested and had said she was willing to go on a date with me at one point. I'm fairly sure she knew that I knew this to, so I think the general assumption between us was that it was to be a lunch date.

Here's where the problem starts. I'm slightly ashamed to admit it, but at 20 years old, this is the first formal* date I have ever been on. Growing up, my parents had a pretty not so great dynamic that involved more holes in the walls than open displays of affection. As such, I've never really had a model for how to display affection or interest, or what a relationship is supposed to look like. (I suppose the latter isn't that relative for a first date, but, ya know, context and all that.) I've actually been pretty bad at it in the past too. For example, I wouldn't even hug close family members until just a few years ago because it made me so uncomfortable/anxious. I preferred handshakes. heh.
I guess what I'm trying to say with that long tanget on my upbringing is that, I have no idea what form this interaction is supposed to take.

What are the implied social norms/expected interactions on a first date? What is the accepted range of conversation? Is there anything specific to dating I should be aware of, or is a first date typically platonic enough that it's functionally no different than hanging out with a new friend for the first time? What is expected attire? Is jeans and a t-shirt ok? Am I over thinking things? (Ok, that one I suspect I already know the answer to...) If it goes well, how do I ask for a second date at the end? Do I even ask, or would it be implied? Assume I know nothing, because, well, I really do know nothing.


While I'm asking, what do think would be a good first date/lunch date? My sister said I should take her to get sushi, and before that I was thinking something classy casual, like McAlisters or Potbelly sandwich shop. Location is Texas in the summer, so bear that in mind.
((I'm posting this before I go to sleep, so I might not reply to you guys for a while here. Sry!!))

[martinuzz]

I'd think your classy casual idea is better than sushi.
For the rest, just be the same yourself you were when you were working together with her earlier and getting along well enough, just leave out any work related stuff.

[Avarice]

Yes you are over thinking things. Thats normal.
Just be yourself cause lies don't stand over time.
Best way to tackle it is by saying your a little nervous and have fun.
There is no social norm or expectations for a first 'date' except getting to know eachother.
Its a simple formula really, be yourself and if the other person likes you (easy to see if you aren't mentally challenged or different) then you ask for another date.
You seem normal so just do it.
Have fun man
But just in case you need these silly little questions answered I'll try nail it for yah.
There aren't solid social norms but the obvious apply like dont hurt the person and dont be weirder than you normally are, the range of conversation depends on the both of you and thats why you are going on a date, there is no specific rule to dating that is magical in any way, its just two or more people getting to know each other for better or worse and you are right its just like hanging with a new friend for the first time. There is no special attire to wear as long as you eear clothes.
So how to ask for a second date if its gone well, just ask something like. Tonight/today/eternity/pizza/overwatch was fun we should do it again soon.
Its stupid easy how people are to talk to if you have confidence.
Have fun have fun have fun have fun.

Texas in summer. Go buy some ice and stuff it down your clothes that sounds like the perfect date. Jokes aside why not ask her what she wants to eat/do whist adding your own suggestions.
I can tell you aren't socially inept so just be you mate and have fun.

Why does no one here ask me on a date... fucking cheapskates

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Avarice you want to go on a date?

For reals though. Chillax. The most important part is go somewhere where you feel comfortable. Hit up a sports bar or something else both fun and fairly classy. (I mean as far as sushi goes, it depends on the place. I for one, eat sushi embarrassingly quick and the waiter usually interrupts us anyways, so, eh.)

Now lets continue that theme. Dress comfortably--whatever that is for you. Dress how you would normally dress when going out with a group friends or family.

As far as conversation goes. Speak... comfortably. Talk about whatever you normally talk about with friends, coworkers. Do you guys have shared interests?

As it goes, just be yourself. Things will always work out best when you're not forcing yourself to act in a certain way.

[TheBiggerFish]

Don't put on a mask, don't stress, don't worry.  Just be.  Be you and have fun.

And take a couple deep breaths when you can, they're really good at breaking out of nerves.

Good luck!

[DFNewb]

You invited her for lunch and she said yes. Let's not put labels on it. Enjoy lunch with her, if you guys get along keep hanging out.

As for things to talk about, whatever you want to talk about. You live in America, you got free speech protected you can say whatever you want. Just keep the mood fun and not serious. No one wants a serious first date.

[helmacon]

Update: ITS HAPPENING!!!

Thanks for all the advice guys. It was some good insight, and really just helped calm my nerves more than anything else just hearing people think this was a reasonable situation for me. Anyways, I texted with her a bit tonight. We both have pretty busy schedules, but we set up a thing to get coffee on thursday morning. (Since thats her day off, and my first class isn't until 11 on Thursdays.)  Somehow the whole morning coffee/tea thing just seems more relaxed to me anyways. It just seems kind of surreal to have that secondary contact, and it was still all real and happening. (plus she's super pretty and I kinda feel like she is out of my league) Anyways, ill update again on friday or something to let you guys know how it went. Thanks again for all the advice and words of support!

[Mephansteras]

Don't worry about the 'out of your league' nonsense. You don't decide that, she does. And for most non-shallow people in this world (i.e. actually worth dating) looks are only one part of a much larger selection of things they find interesting/attractive.

Basically, if she decides to date you, you're in her league. Plain and simple.

And the easiest way to get a second date is to end with 'this was fun, want to try getting dinner (or whatever) sometime?'. Follow up on that and work it out from there.

And remember, if it doesn't work out that's fine. Not everyone who seems like a fit will be and that's not a poor reflection of either person. Worst case you will now have been on a first date and can use that experience in the future.

[helmacon]

So, update.

It... uh... didn't happen.

The morning of when it was supposed to happen she texted me a couple of hours prior saying she got called in to open at work and all that and that she was super sorry. It kinda threw up some red flags because I knew it was her day off, and yea, you get called in all the time on your day off (especially if you're a manager) but ultimately she dosent have to go in, so she chose that over the date. ...but she was very nice about it and suggested that we reschedule and do something that night, so i figured she was being genuine and I agreed. We decided we should meet up around 7 after my last classes ended and we would just do something casual. Anyways, 7 rolls around, and she dosent show. I text her, no response. I left pretty soon. I texted her again around 10, still no response.

Haven't heard from her since. I really don't know what happened, but I got stood up twice in the same day by her. Kinda sucks.

That was yesterday. I haven't texted her since, and she hasn't texted me since. idk, should I text her? I kinda feel like the ball is in her court here. She was the one who didn't show. Should I just forget it, even if she does text?

This kinda sucks.

[Mephansteras]

You've already texted her a few times. I'd say wait and see if she follows up. If she does, you can decide what to do based on what she says. If not, then write it off and move on.

[DFNewb]

Average female behavior in 2017.

Welcome to the dating game, it's a numbers game where guys have to play 1000 times and girls only need to play as much as they want.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

A person who no-shows someone else is utterly lacking in social value. Abolish her from your mind.

[helmacon]

Updet

She just texted me with the spoilered thing, so that happened. I don't really know how to proceed from here.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

  Hey, I'm sorry. I was going to hang out Thursday night but I kinda got nervous bc I just got out of a little over a year long relationship and I kinda got scared to go hang out with you. If you totally meant it as a friend thing I'm really sorry for the confusion.
But yeah, I'm sorry. 

I really don't think it was malicious, so I'm gonna text her back and stuff. Idk, I'll see how it goes.

[ChairmanPoo]

I'd quit. That's a standard "it's not you, it's me"

[Mephansteras]

My suggestion is to text her back. Be honest that you were, in fact, looking to date and not just 'hang out'. Tell her you understand, but that if she would like to do a proper date with you sometime to let you know.

And, unless she does come back and want a proper date, I suggest you give up on it. You don't want to pressure her into dating before she is ready (that generally goes poorly) and it's not fair to expect someone still dealing with the emotions of a broken relationship to be ready for a new one anyway.

For now, you've asked her out and she's not in a place to really date yet. No harm done and hopefully the next time you ask a girl out it'll be easier.