Alright, what I'm gonna do is do the turns of the first six people who post, regardless of whether they were in the starting six or not. Mallos, since you posted initially, you're in for this turn, at the end. It'll be first come first served for six players, each turn.FUCK YEAH BITCHES
Use my new Elder God powers and my magic to trap the soul of the being I just bodyjacked in a crystal that happens to be completely psychically inert so the thing can't whisper its way out of it.
[3] The powers of your new form are mighty indeed. In the material realm, you manifest as a multitude of eldritch tentacles ( for now ) and in the Plane of Horrors, which is where the portal opens to you're...something else. It's really difficult to explain. Suffice to say, in the dimension your "body" is from, it's malleable.
That being said, you decide to knock the Elder God even further to the curb. Reaching out with your tentacles, you conjure up a crystal out of thin air. You attempt to grab the Ethereal Elder God with your appendages, but upon feeling the touch of its former body,
it fights back. Elder God is
pissed, something it hasn't had to feel in a very long time, and is currently stalemating your attempts to grab ahold of it.
Summon an ambulance
[4] You don't summon an ambulance itself, but you do manage to transport a modern day paramedic crew with equipment to your location. They're very confused, but upon seeing the car wreckage as well as your injuries, they get to work.
You are no longer about to die. Still quite injured though, according to your paramedics mostly due to shrapnel near your organs. For now, you're stabilised.
Get that Elder God spirit inside me. ASAP!
Seeing the tattered and forlorn essence of the Elder God swirling above you, you open your
body being in order to welcome it, so that it may materialise in the physical realm, and share its knowledge and power with you.
Unfortunately, [3] the actions of the Tentacles coming out of the portal are currently locking the Ethereal God in a state of "combat", and so it cannot hear your psychic cries for fusion.
Summon a magical spirit of assembly, then force it to assemble the coffeeshop. After that, it can do whatever it likes so long as it doesn't act against me.
[6] Opening a channel to the shadow realm, you contract out an assembler spirit. He materialises in a puff of smoke, calling himself Job the Builder. In a literal blink of an eye, Job possesses the various coffeeshop parts and assembles them lickety split.
Your coffeeshop is built!"Now, sir, that'll just be one immortal soul."
What? This wasn't part of the contract! you say.
"Shoulda read the fine print buddy. If you don't cough up, we're taking your soul AND the shop."
Vanishing once again, you see Job enter your mint condition Coffeeshop, and to your horror,
the building grows legs and arms!You are now fighting the Coffee Shop monster.
RAISE MY SCOWLING FACE FROM THE FLOOR AND TELEKINETICALLY GLASS THE BARTENDER WITH HIS OWN GRUBBY GLASSWARE. THEN, STAND AND DUST MYSELF OFF BEFORE GRACEFULLY VAULTING THE BAR TO AVAIL MYSELF OF THE NOW-UNTENDED LIQUOR
[4] Smoke practically coming out of your ears, you pick yourself and
fling the glass straight into the bartender's face. It doesn't break, but its definitely enough to knock the man off his feet, and you can hear him moaning in pain behind the counter.
[3] You are about to vault over said counter and claim your hard won liquor when a patron near you grabs your arm.
"Buddy, he didn't mean nothing by that, we're all friends here right? Let's not take this out of hand, okay?"
A shimmer of light. "I, THE GREAT GOATSBY, HAVE... oh. WHERE AM I?"
Summon Ouroborous. I need a mount to get the fuck out of here, after all.
[1] You try and summon the serpent that eats itself. Unfortunately, as a paradoxical creature, it can only exist in the theoretical realm, and upon coming into contact with this reality it shudders and dies.
"HE WASSSS MY FRIEND. HOW DARE YOUUUUUU."Oh dear. Out of the portal you plucked the Ouroboros from,
the Midgard Serpent Jormungander has appeared. Specifically, it's face. Which is as large as a mountain. Welp.