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Author Topic: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess  (Read 12096 times)

Mlamlah

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #90 on: January 22, 2017, 06:36:11 am »

I'm okay with interrogating the elf, but let's not put the cart before the horse here.
Mr Hyena has motivations that we can readily understand, and he is offering us assets which we can immediately note as useful in rather significant ways. Meanwhile, we have *no* idea as to the motivations of this elf beyond some really vague possibilities that have been bandied about due to very lightly informed guesswork. Everything that the other characters involved have suggested seems to indicate that this woman is *dangerous* to have around, with a local leader in government not even willing to have her nearby his domicile. Meanwhile, we already have two (potential) druid characters in our pack, we don't necessarily need a third when that third is a major unknown.
Treating her as a trade good will confer to us immediate and measurable benefits of a rather significant degree, while attempting to recruit her is entirely possible to work *against* us. So my vote is currently leaning rather heavily towards trading her off, at least until further notice.

On that note, Diamondloins represents a lot of pack utility, so i could be convinced towards trading our druid for them, though i'm currently leaning towards Jackson. We'd have to keep an eye on them, as another potential player in the politics of our pack, but i'm rather interested in the utility another entire field of magic might bring to the pack. Clearly he's talented.

I'm not terribly on board with sacrificing members of our pack right now. We're just beginning to build up a degree of genuine familial loyalty in the pack, and i'm not sure i want to weaken that so soon by inadvertently communicating that we consider our pack members expendable. Not yet at least. That unfortunately leaves the problem of how/wether to strengthen our ties with our current host. Suddenly i'm thinking that maybe we *could* stay here for a little longer, or at least choose to pledge any of the girlchildren that might currently be coming to term in our current beta females. Maybe we could even pledge a certain number of girlchildren over the course of a period of time.
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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #91 on: January 22, 2017, 08:11:12 am »

I'm okay with interrogating the elf, but let's not put the cart before the horse here.
My vote is currently leaning rather heavily towards trading her off, at least until further notice.

I'm not terribly on board with sacrificing members of our pack right now.
Maybe we could even pledge a certain number of girlchildren over the course of a period of time.

+1

I currently don't favour any of the three much (they all would have their own charm. or something) but agree with the shortened sentiments above.

Loosing Zit, seems like a bad idea. Besides, our little prophet already told us that the sphinx would come to good term with the elves, which could cause problems. And now you want her taught by one as well? Once off the drugs and other fetters, that elven druid has literally no reason to obey us, and plenty motivation to kill us instead. Why do we even seriously contemplate "hiring" her?
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IronyOwl

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #92 on: January 22, 2017, 10:05:53 am »

Maybe we could even pledge a certain number of girlchildren over the course of a period of time.
Given that any but the very best are to be killed anyway, I see no particular reason not to give them all of our girlchildren once they've reached a sufficient age to determine their (lack of) worth. Other than that individual betas might be sad about rendering them into goblins rather than selling them to kobolds or something, anyway. For the record, gnolls reach "minimum adult" size at around 6-7 months.

The problem with this idea as it relates to our current situation is that Hyena appears to be in a hurry for whatever reason, so he's probably not going to want to wait 9-11 months (pregnancy lasts 3.5) for full adult gnolls or several years for a full trickle of puppies.


Why do we even seriously contemplate "hiring" her?
Best case scenario speculation, in large part. The other elves have seemed fairly honest and outspoken about their unbridled contempt for us and preference to being smelted down into goblins over serving as our pet, and the exceptions have seemed plausibly sincere. If she gives us the usual speech, presumably we'll be in complete agreement about selling her to the highest bidder. If she sings a different song, presumably we'll have a different discussion over the merits of our new options.
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Mlamlah

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #93 on: January 22, 2017, 10:40:17 am »

Gonna briefly point out before i pass out that even the elves we've kind of already decided to keep as "pets" have done nothing to prove themselves genuine besides suffer a beating. They themselves might sing a different tune a soon as they are put in a position with any freedom.
I'm just saying that under circumstances like this where there is a choice between a really compelling option that we *know* will probably have a high payout, and comparing it to a much shakier option that *might* have a payout at all(not to mention the real possibility of fallout), the former just makes way more sense from a perspective of both gain and safety.
This kind of holds true even if our prisoner decides to start trying to sweet-talk us.

Edit: The reason i'm on board with keeping the other two around but much more hesitant in regards to the druid is the degree of risk. There is a potentially vast gulf between keeping around a couple of toadies and trying to stockholm syndrome a spellcaster that everyone seems nervous to even have around.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2017, 10:45:42 am by Mlamlah »
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hachnslay

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #94 on: January 23, 2017, 11:56:50 am »

The Best case is that we got the elf shaman addicted to drugs and reward her for her services and servicing(of our gnolls).
Maybe make a few gnelfs(or whatever gnoll elf hybrids are called) then sloooowly get her down from her drugs, and the social attachment she has to her children will keep her here, as part of the pack.
Indoctrination through addiction.
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Weirdsound

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #95 on: January 24, 2017, 04:05:51 am »

(Sorry for another shorty. Next update should carry us through the elf interrogation... assuming the hivemind dosn't throw anything too distracting at me.)

Chieftess Venomclaw of the Wicked Song:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Now leaning towards sticking around the town and selling some girlchildren to Hyena, but by no means sure of either your travel arrangements or dealings with House Brontosaur, you end negoiations for the night and retire to your chamber, a well furnished room that you share with the beta females. Echo slips out shortly after you arrive to find Bone-Saw-Saw, as she is supposed to fall pregnant tonight.

---

The following morning, you don your goblin toga once more, and travel with your host to the slave market. You spend a good chunk of the day exploring the various holding cells and auction blocks as Hyena goes about purchasing every affordable male gnoll he can find for your pack. By the time he concludes, your pack has taken on seventeen new, mostly smaller males.

Several hours into your day, your existing pack joins you. They are now easily identified by a uniform consisting of copper caps and laminated chitin plate armor. Hyena explains that he has set them up at The Raging Yeti, an inn his family owns in town. The gnolls bring with them the five remaining elves that are neither druid nor potential pet, and you put Glowshine in charge of selling them. The beta-female eventually returns with 1600 Silver, which she hands to you. You owe Thumbscrews a 10% cut, but he isn't around, and dosn't know how much he is entitled to. The heavy sack of coins is too large to carry around yourself, so you have it hitched to Slowdeath's saddlebag in the meantime.

Following the trip to the slave market, Hyena leads the entire pack into the shop of a weaponsmith, and instructs each member who does not already own a metal weapon to tell the smith what they would prefer to wield in battle. It takes the better part of an hour for the goblin smith to take notes on each weapon requested by the pack, and another thirty minutes for him to negotiate payment with Hyena.

The Bugbear informs you that it will take about a week for the smith to produce copper and silver weapons for your whole pack. Cra-Crawler quietly adds that Silentkiss should be back in town by then as well, so it looks like you are stuck in town for at least seven more days. You could spend most of this time hanging with your pack and practicing elfish, but you have a whole city to explore and money burning a hole in your pocket... Perhaps there are better uses for your newly discovered free time?



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hachnslay

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #96 on: January 24, 2017, 04:15:22 pm »

... time for interrogation then?
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omada

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #97 on: January 24, 2017, 05:54:54 pm »

... time for interrogation then?

And see the local petshop?

or maybe try to give an armor to some of our pets with our own money(?)
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Eric Blank

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #98 on: January 24, 2017, 06:28:45 pm »

Probably in our best interest not to cheat Thumbscrews. If he somehow learns from the traders the actual price we were paid, it could hurt our reputation. Being reliable and trustworthy is important to finding work.

The money can be spent on equipment for ourselves and our highest pack members. Maybe we can find a chainmail coif and cap or something for head and neck protection, a small shield or buckler, and similarly thick layered leather hoods for the others to wear under their caps to protect their neck and throat. Oh, and look for tower shields appropriate for the trolls.

It would be good to study elvish in part while enjoying the city
« Last Edit: January 24, 2017, 06:30:42 pm by Eric Blank »
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IronyOwl

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #99 on: January 24, 2017, 09:14:23 pm »

Probably in our best interest not to cheat Thumbscrews. If he somehow learns from the traders the actual price we were paid, it could hurt our reputation. Being reliable and trustworthy is important to finding work.
I'll second this. Plus, a lot of being a good business partner is the final result, not the honesty; regardless of whether we cheat him or not, getting less money makes dealing with us less reliable.


I will of course second petshop/stables. At a bare minimum, unless we're dazzled by something else (like every other time we've had a store/option list), we'll want gear for capturing and taming our own beasts. Whether we want any fuzzy companions at this time will depend on their selection. it's also not too late to go back for that sorceror scorpion

Little more lukewarm on gear, though I agree we need to outfit our trolls. For that matter, we might need masonry/mining tools for them, and we'll definitely need to look into the cost of smithing gear for Waters of Purity.


We still need a plan for the week, though.

I say we look for some good old-fashioned entertainment: This city's gotta have some kind of fight club or pit fighting ring or something. Getting whatever members of our pack are with us into a slugging match with other lowlifes will be good for morale and might make us some interesting friends. If we're better at this than the goblins, it might even make us some money from wagers! Of course, the inverse is also true.

On that note: Cockfighting! A week is probably not enough time to get established as a participant, but there is no doubt a place to watch animals maul each other, and we'll no doubt be better at guessing the outcome for monetary gain than many of the city's other denizens.

Finally, we should make some social calls. House Plague will no doubt love "the prophet Cra-Crawler and her chieftess" coming over for dinner (or whatever time doesn't make it look like we're snubbing our official host), and Gorgtooth will likely want to introduce us to All-Killer's sisters.
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The kitchenette mold free, you move on to the pantry. it's nasty in there. The bacon is grazing on the lettuce. The ham is having an illicit affair with the prime rib, The potatoes see all, know all. A rat in boxer shorts smoking a foul smelling cigar is banging on a cabinet shouting about rent money.

Weirdsound

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #100 on: January 25, 2017, 04:34:34 am »

Chieftess Venomclaw of the Wicked Song:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You spend much of the next week splitting time between studying the elfish language with a private tutor provided by Hyena at his mansion and socializing with your pack at their lodgings at The Raging Yeti. The former endeavor goes well enough, as although you won't be having any proper conversations with elves anytime soon, you can at least ask a few basic questions and understand the likely answers. Things with your pack, on the other hand, are a bit rough. A good number of the gnolls Hyena purchased for you were raised in captivity and cannot speak a word of gnollish. This lack of communication leads to high tension, and things only get worse when the Sphinx Writhewomb pounces one of the newcombers in 'friendly sport' while you are not around, injuring him so bad that a handful of your original males lead by Dingo decide to put the poor gnoll out of its misery. Things are a bit better while you, Gorgtooth, or Glowshine, the speakers of the goblin language, are around, but you have the feeling that regular exposure to the hormones and authority of an Alpha Female are the only things keeping your original males and the newcomers from turning on each other.

Trips to other locations are kept fairly brief; The scent of girlchildren wafts over the poorer districts of the city. You do manage, however, to get quite a bit of pet shopping in. The main attraction here is a larger and more sturdy breed of Saurian Kangaroo, which any member of your pack could ride. Beakdogs, a smaller yet far more fierce breed reptilian mount with a mean set of teeth, are also sold with some frequency. Most impressive, of course, are the large dinosaurs, but you doubt your supply of silver is enough to earn a breeding pair of either, which is a shame; Brontosaurs, or Saurian Titans, are the largest species of domestic animal to live on or below land, while Tyrannosaurs, or False Saurian Dragons, are terrifying carnivores that stand several times the size of Slowdeath. As there are multiple shops selling all these creatures, you would likely be best served sending Glowshine to shop for the best price if any of them strike your fancy.

Most pet shops and stables also sell dire ants or dire wasps. Gorgtooth would be the one training and leading such creatures into combat if you purchased any, so if you desire to add more hive insects to your pack, it might be wise to give your Gift Brother a budget and let him shop.

On your third day of exploration, you stumble upon a specialty shop that deals in magical creatures. Although the store only deals in gold, meaning you would have to either sell the druid or find a money changer to buy anything, some of the beasts in stock strike your fancy.

Goblin sized statue spiders sell for 400 gold a male or 600 a female. These fairly docile arachnids eat mainly sand, and weave strands of green glass to line their borrows, but their true value lies in their venom; Used mainly in self defense, and rarely to suppliment their diet, the bite of a statue spider can turn organic tissue into marble, a substance of value to both smiths and mages. Their exoskeletons are also made from glossy marble, rendering the spiders a bit too fancy looking for gnollish tastes, but the utility they bring may make them worth purchasing in spite of their appearance.

Also for sale in the arachnid department are three sorcerer scorpions, each priced based on their abilities and history. Dublin has a translucent green-blue carapace, and is advertised as a master air and water elementalist. Dublin sells for three thousand gold as she is already quite tame; She was apparently the pampered pet of an Orcish pirate lord. Verona is an older ruby red specimen missing one of her right middle legs, and is actually a multitallented wizard with over a century's experience in the magical arts. Although she is capable of reading and writing in many languages, Verona does not suffer servitude well and has killed at least four previous owners, and for that reason is only selling for eight hundred gold. Belfast, a brilliant emerald colored specimen is an enchanter who has to be kept in a metal box as he knows a growth spell that allows him to shatter through glass. A young male plucked straight from the wilds, Belfast may be a handful to try and tame, but as the only male for sale, you need him if you want to someday produce mule scorpions. Belfast sells for 1500 gold.

The specialty shop of course stocks several interesting creatures that are not creepy crawlies. Male and female surface hyenas, marketed to goblin slave owners brave enough to try and breed gnollish worgs, sell for 150 gold a piece. For 1900 gold you could purchase a greater saurian phoenix, a rideable fire breathing dinosaur slightly larger than Slowdeath with powerful regenerative bodily fluids and the ability to resurrect from its own ashes. Male and female vampire cobras sell for 1100 gold a piece. These eight foot long ambush predators feed on memories; Prey is disabled with a fast acting and frequently lethal paralytic venom, and if the snake is not removed quickly the victim will suffer severe amnesia it it survives the encounter. Although not sentient, vampire cobras are intelegent and trainable if one can get past the fact that humanoids are their preferred prey. Their are several other interesting looking species for sale as well, but they are all surface dwellers you know little about, and you are not comfortable taking the fast talking shopkeeper on his word for what they might be.

---

You and Gorgtooth find an arena together, and your gift-brother promptly 'convinces' the gatekeeper to allow you free entry to watch some fights. It quickly becomes apparent that all the combatants are unpaid slaves, so entering yourself would be neither worth your time nor godly status, but the action is still fun to watch. The third fight on the card catches your eye in particular, as it features a gnollish Alpha Female named Spine-Rend-Rend in the early stages of pregnancy doing battle with an ogre four times her size. The match is a short and one sided affair, but not in the way you expected; Spine-Rend-Rend brandishes some kind of holy symbol, mutters and incantation, and her opponent drops to his knees in pain and imobolized. The enslaved alpha then proceeds to castrate her opponent and stab it in the stomach until the fight is called in her favor.

After all the matches are over, a meet and greet with the victorious gladiators and their owners is held just outside the arena. Unlike some enslaved gnolls you have met, Spine-Rend-Rend speaks perfect gnollish. She explains that she lives on a plantation two weeks down Saurian Path, and that she prefers the life of a slave to that of a pack chieftess, as her current status allows her the freedom to mate and nurse whenever she sees fit, and as her master's arena meal ticket and occasional mistress her life is one of comfort.

Spine-Rend-Rend's master is a well dressed goblin named Spike, who quickly takes an interest in you, as he is both a die-hard supporter of the rebellion and infatuated by female Alpha-Gnolls. It doesn't take long for him to give your an open invitation to stay at his invitation whenever you are ready to go into heat; He notes that he is been breeding and looking after gnolls for a century, and it would be his honor to aid the rebellion by doing whatever he can for your pack. He also tells you that even if you don't stay with him, he would be willing to raise some of your pack's offspring on the milk of one of his several alpha females and teach the lucky children the divine magic of the rebel dragon gods if they have the skill to learn.

---

You and Cra-Crawler spend an afternoon at the manor of House Plague. Whereas house Brontosaur dumped you on the court of Hyena, the lord who stands to gain the most from your actions, at Plauge Manor you are ushered to the highest floor and given an audience with the local patriarch himself: Lord Malaria Plague. The goblin lord, dressed in the black silks of a wicked cleric, kneels before the two of you, and humbly receives a blessing from Cra-Crawler.

In the profound conversation that follows, you find yourself largely in the role of listener. Cra-Crawler shares some prophecy with the cleric in the divine language of Serephic, and then the pair discuss the revelation in goblin, allowing you to pick up much of it. Cra-Crawler plans to give a sermon in town just before the pack leaves, publicly throwing her support behind the rebel cause, and this defection of a significant prophet will be the spark that lights a full blown civil war among the goblin pantheon that will eventually drag in the dieties of other subterranian races as well. Your beta-female foresees the dawn of an underground age of myth, an era when gods often touch the mortal realm directly with their frightening power.

On a more personal note, Cra-Crawler brags to the goblin about conceiving an impressive litter of six children the next time she mates. Cra-Crawler claims that she is more a being of death than she is a being of life, however, and as such she will only ever birth doomed girlchildren unworthy of your teat. The beta-female seem, if anything, existed by this, explaining that she relishes the opportunity to teach her daughters to meet their deaths at your jaws with joy and anticipation. Your host seems taken aback by this, and prods a bit, prompting Cra-Crawler to admit that she wouldn't mind eventually finding some way to ensure the survival of one of her daughters so as to continue her mother's bloodline, and that someday she hopes to make one of her offspring 'like me' as well. She is adamant, however, that her first litter be used as a proper offering to her new goddess.

Cra-Crawler then moves on to business. She explains the pack's present travel/pregnancy situation to Lord Plague, and tells him that if he truly wants to honor her, he will send some of his house guard to retrieve your other gift brother and scout out Blackpool Shaft should you choose to stay in town for a few months. Lord Plague agrees to do this, and also offers Cra-Crawler three hundred silver a week to deliver daily sermons at one of the local temples.

---

Six days after your trip to market, word reaches the pack that Silentkiss is back in town. The drow wishes to save her first meeting with you for a banquet at Redfeather Manor tonight, but has already appraised the druid for you. The bride will be worth twelve thousand gold if you choose to sell her to Silentkiss for experimental seeding purposes. Per your request she is also making an assistant avaible this afternoon to help you interrogate the poor elf at her lab.

---

You find your prisoner chained to a lead table in sterile room made of iron. Silentkiss' assistant Cactus, an apprentice seeder and veteran torment master, stands by with a box full of painful looking implements, and Glowshine is present to translate. The first thing you ask is why she went off to mate with Dingo, and sadly the bride lets you down by talking right away, denying you a show. In her particular tribe, it is considered proper bridal retreat protocol to partake in acts bestiality should the opportunity present itself, and the bride makes no distinction between gnolls and any other wild beast of the caverns.

You wrack your brain, trying to figure out if that answer gives you enough to consider sparing the bride (to call a gnoll a savage animal is a great compliment), and what other questions you might have her answer while she is at your mercy.
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hachnslay

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #101 on: January 25, 2017, 12:06:00 pm »

Say The following - one after the other and wait for the answers. Closely watch her eyes and never break eye contact.

"Do not be alarmed. You will only be in the hands of the goblin if you lie to us, at which point you might as well be a lost cause and will likely meet your end here. This is a chance if anything to you, now, please answer the following questions truthfully:

You find a wounded animal in the forest, you don't think you can save it. What do you do?"
Wait for answer one.
"Imagine you are young again - you spend your money buying sweets from a local store. A bully you dislike confronts you in the street and demands the sweets from you. He is stronger than you. What do you do?"
Wait for answer two.
"A friend of yours has insulted you, but isn't aware of it. What do you do?"
Wait for answer three.
"A large group of people is raiding your village. You are with two friends. You could escape, but the other ones would be caught by them. Do you escape?"
Wait for answer four.
"What if they were your precious family?"
Wait for answer five.
"Who were you marrying and will he come looking for you?"
Wait for answer six.
"Tell me the first thing that comes to mind about your past."
Wait for answer seven.
After the last question ... wait for player input.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2017, 12:27:43 pm by hachnslay »
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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #102 on: January 25, 2017, 12:35:17 pm »

Male and female surface hyenas, marketed to goblin slave owners brave enough to try and breed gnollish worgs, sell for 150 gold a piece.

On a more personal note, Cra-Crawler brags to the goblin about conceiving an impressive litter of six children the next time she mates.

Oh Weirdsound, why must you tempt us so?
Gorgtooth won't particular like that one, for sure, but if we decree as much~
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hachnslay

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #103 on: January 25, 2017, 02:11:46 pm »

Male and female surface hyenas, marketed to goblin slave owners brave enough to try and breed gnollish worgs, sell for 150 gold a piece.

On a more personal note, Cra-Crawler brags to the goblin about conceiving an impressive litter of six children the next time she mates.

Oh Weirdsound, why must you tempt us so?
Gorgtooth won't particular like that one, for sure, but if we decree as much~
That one will be Gorgtooth's - he deserves it, and there is a good chance they will be strong.
On a totally different note, what happens when a young hyena is nursed with gnoll milk?
« Last Edit: January 25, 2017, 02:15:47 pm by hachnslay »
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IronyOwl

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Re: (SG) Gnoll Chieftess
« Reply #104 on: January 25, 2017, 05:26:14 pm »

Male and female surface hyenas, marketed to goblin slave owners brave enough to try and breed gnollish worgs, sell for 150 gold a piece.
Oh Weirdsound, why must you tempt us so?
I know, right? A handful of females and we'll be swimming in abominations we can't control in no time!

As a reminder, the current exchange rate for gold to silver is 1.7. Optimistically assuming the opposite holds true, that's 255 silver apiece. We could totally afford a few for our higher ranking males.

Speaking of which, we might talk to Spike the alpha gnoll fetishist about that. He claims to have been breeding gnolls for a century and is willing to nurse our packlings on alpha milk and teach them divine magic. He might have some insights into gnollish worgs and general pack strengthening.

Quote
Cra-Crawler shares some prophecy with the cleric in the divine language of Serephic, and then the pair discuss the revelation in goblin, allowing you to pick up much of it. Cra-Crawler plans to give a sermon in town just before the pack leaves, publicly throwing her support behind the rebel cause, and this defection of a significant prophet will be the spark that lights a full blown civil war among the goblin pantheon that will eventually drag in the dieties of other subterranian races as well. Your beta-female foresees the dawn of an underground age of myth, an era when gods often touch the mortal realm directly with their frightening power.
Did... did we just accidentally cause an apocalypse?


So... elf. She's started off with flattery, intentional or not, but she's also worth absurd amounts of money. Also absurdly dangerous, on our side or otherwise.

You know, I think I'm just gonna go ahead and vote for giving her a gloating, self-aggrandizing villain speech. We're an alpha female gnoll, things are looking up, and we have a prisoner who knows we're a literal animal and can do anything we want to her. If this isn't the time to act like we're trying to convince a scrappy young hero somewhere to bring us down, I don't know what would be.

In terms of actual content, I think we really just need to explain the situation to her: She's worth 12,000 gold pieces to a deranged seeder, or whatever we decide she's worth to us. If she's of a similar opinion to the majority of the elves in her group, there won't be a lot we can do for recruitment purposes unless we want to try to keep a rebellious druid around purely through pain and fear. Which I'd sort of be down for, but I'm down for a lot of objectively poor decisions.

If she's leaning more towards the disposition of our mercenary or Waters of Purity, or far more likely if she's willing to assure us she's worth waaaaaay more than 12,000 gold coins to somebody who's totally going to pay us in gold and not barbed stabbings, and we for some reason believe her, then we can get into the particulars of what she can do and who she knows.

Otherwise, I assume we'll just want to torture information about the surface from her, assuming that won't hurt her sale price. Knowing a bit more about elves, the canyon, or other foreign features of note should be handy.
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Quote from: Radio Controlled (Discord)
A hand, a hand, my kingdom for a hot hand!
The kitchenette mold free, you move on to the pantry. it's nasty in there. The bacon is grazing on the lettuce. The ham is having an illicit affair with the prime rib, The potatoes see all, know all. A rat in boxer shorts smoking a foul smelling cigar is banging on a cabinet shouting about rent money.
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