I don't remember the number, but there's specifically a skip that does that and has two articles: one redacted as per normal, and one totally uncensored.
835. 2317 has a similar schtick (NOT 231-7, 2317, although the numbering is intentional).
I always thought the don't blink feces doll thing (hehe) was overrated.
(173) I mean probably but it was the actual first one so it has a special spot.
The top-rated thing on the wiki that isn't 173 is
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-j, and it is near and dear to my heart as the bane of my existence. There's another one I really like thats's a joke article while I'm on the topic, but it only works if you have a wikidot account.
interesting thought not covered by the keiter cakes scp...
destruction of the cake results in instant spontaneous creation of another keiter cake at the same location, which likewise exhibit the same qualities of spontaneous matter generation.
the containment mechanism is inappropriate! those are amazing solid spaceship fuel! lightweight at only 280 cakes. very high specific impulse when burned in a proper way! also doubles as food for crew, and creation of biomass for a colony expedition! inexhaustible!! able to be replicated easily! (does not even need combustion when used in space. the pressure of replicating keitercake inside a sealed canister with an extrusion port would force delicious confection from the nozzel with tremendous force, possibly exceeding energy emitted from normal combustion)
what do those tools use it for? making some poor janitor eat cake every day.
sigh.
First: you get no standardization in cake here, so your plans gotta take that into account. Second: what exactly are you doing with the extra cakes produced on this spaceship? It will still produce another cake "nearby" within 24 hours on schedule on a "flat surface" nearby. And three: you realize that every extra cake also replicates forever right? There are 237 according to article. You want to use 280. Let's say you only needed one. One goes in the gas. 24 hours later a cake pops out (we'll assume for your sake that it will actually be in the space ship), and you eat it. 24 hours after that, TWO cakes pop out. Wait what? One cake is the cake in the engine not getting eaten, the other is the replacement for the cake that you ate. Uh-oh. You eat both. 24 hours later there are three. If we scaled this up to your idea: 280 cakes on Day 0 in the engine. 560 Cakes Day 1. 840 cakes Day 2. 1120 cakes Day 3. I hope the crew is hungry.
But while that, alone, is enough to sink your idea, there is a fourth issue that is fatal.
I was wondering: how bad could cakes possibly be? They couldn't, like, fill up the cosmos or anything, right? Space is too big! Let's test.
Now, they give no averages as to what the cakes weigh, only extremes (from 15 g to 22 kg, but for the purpose of this experiment I looked around for average cake weights and found absolutely nothing, so instead I found a "normal" cake and found it to weigh just under 2 kg; so on these grounds I assumed that the average cake produced weighs, on average, 1 kg (really you can make it just 1 g if you like, it only adds a few days; this is just for ease of calculation). So assume that we steal a 1 kg Cake out (it's pound cake redeigned by humorless Europeans) and see what it does. Also, imagine that each cake has exactly one configuration of Chess positions, with no repetitions (this is actually in line with the article, which states the cakes sometimes mutate).
Estimates given by the article state that Cakes totaling over 10,000 would be impossible to contain; this is surpassed by the two-week mark at Day 14. Misplace the cake on the wrong planet? Two weeks until it's uncontainable. The Foundation also estimated that Earth would become uninhabitable by Day 80 given a containment breach; by Day 80 our single solitary cake has produced 1.2089 x 1024 Kg (that's 24 zeroes) worth of cake matter. This is a lot of cake matter, as the Earth only weighs 9.9455 × 1024, so this is a significant fraction of the earth's total mass; and, in fact, our cake mass exceeds the total weight of the Earth three days later on a momentous Day 83 (*light confetti*). So now we have a planet of cake, right? WRONG. Space is big, but not that big. One earth becomes two. Two becomes four. Do you remember how many Earths it takes to fill up a Jupiter? 100 right? Well, it'll take only until Day 91 to reach 1.898 × 1027. Where now? The sun, apparently. How long until we reach that, sitting on the cake to end all cakes? Amusingly, Day 100-101 marks the "less-than/more-than" boundary. I don't know, and there exist no calculations on when a cake reaches nuclear fusion under its weight, but give that the cake is just doubling in size endlessly at this point it's more or less inevitable, so let's say it would happen roughly now.
But NO. Here we run into a problem: cakes are not stars.[citation needed] Since being consumed by the sun makes each cake infinitely regenerate mass, it's unclear to me whether this would just instantly break physics forever since this is a lot of infinities that are about to head our way. Ultimately I decided that the properties of the cake wouldn't allow them to form a Sun in the first place. This means they (by which I mean the actual cakes, rather than the pieces of cake, or the burned out and caked ashes of civilization) would eventually start losing (and then instnatly regainging, and losing, etc) mass due to the weight of gravity and pressure of a fuck-load of cake,, bu since "rate of cake regeneration" is not only unknown and unknowable, but actually imaginary, we'll "imagine" that this doesn't happen so I can actually apply math to it instead of sobbing in the corner; just remember that at around this point *in reality* it would actually start increasing a LOT more IN ADDITION to all this. Now I'll be talking about two different things: our cake mound (actual), and the mass it would devolve into on any given day if we turned off the regeneration (modeled). Eitherway, sun. Mass of Sun. Mass of twice sun, etc. So what else interesting? Well on Day 109 it reaches the mass of the most massive star in the sky, R136a1, which clocks in at roughly 6.2639 × 1032; beyond this it's unclear what our star would even look like, or when it would progress to a black hole. Projected mass of Sagittarius A* (the supermassive blackhole at the center of the galaxy) is 7.3576 × 1036, and that huge number is reached on... Day 123. Only 43 days after the total extinction of all human life, cake moves on. Mass of total Milky way is 2.2868×1042 (bear in mind I'm throwing you huge margins of error as I show you these leviathan numbers, but this is just to put a face on them as we pass them by), which we surpass on... Day 141. Marvelous.
What is even the size of all this? How big is this Cakestrosity? To figure that out, we'll assume that this cake is exactly 0.5x0.5x.5 meters or 5x5x5 decimeters (those humorless scientists took years to mutate the perfect cake for their satellites to measure long after they destroyed the world with cake) meaning roughly a radius of 6.96 x 1042 m, which is "just" under the size of the Tiny Sting Ray Nebula. I want to say less than a space month, but not by much I don't think. Clearly this would have been a black hole a million times over at this point (which would cause it to grow infinitely more infinitely faster?). All that mass in that itty bitty space? It's got the mass of the galaxy in a space that's at least 10 times smaller than the Oort Cloud? Come on now. (I swear to god an hour just flew by where I did nothing but remember how density, volume, and length worked and apply it to absurd numbers, save me)
But the show must go on. Where does the Cakeological singularity go from here? Doubling the galaxy dare I say? Yes. On Day 141 we eclipsed the galaxy to great fanfare, on Day 142 we pass it by. What other things exist that are heavy? Fuck this slow shit, let's aim higher. ESO 146-5 is the largest galaxy ever observed, being four other galaxies that are together. Mass: 30×1012 solar suns, meaning a mass of 5.96565×1043 kg. When is that surpassed? Day 144... Shit. Um, I'm skipping clusters. Shapely Supercluster is the largest gravitationally bound anything in observable space. It was also known as the Great Attractor. Mass 3.5913213×1046 kg. Day? 155. But 54 days have passed since this was the size of the sun and now we are gods. Fuck it. At a mass of 1.2130155×10^49, the Huge Large Quasar Group is the biggest ANYTHING ever. Day 164 is the day that stops being true. Incidentally, Day 165 is the day where there are almost as many cakes as possible chess moves (.89), and Day 166 is when the cakes have to pick up checkers or something.
So no really fuck it the mass of the entire observable universe. 6×10^52 kg. Literally everything, upper estimate *I'm just throwing estimates at the wall here, none of it really matters; Cake is God and Cake overcomes All.* Day 176 is the day Cake usurped reality. 1800 times the number of Chess positions. 3.85×1017 m radius; there are still fucking nebula out there that are bigger than Cake-god. It's not even dense cake. God damn it. I was worried it would be the opposite, but apparently, cake is too perfect for that. You know I'm pretty sure Cake also will start adding increases in radius where the difference is greater than a single light-day, meaning that eventually, Cake will get there before the light from the Cakes got there, so if you were hoping that the satelites observing this would survive because the gravity didn't have time to catch up, you hoped wrongHope is an emotion, and Emotions are for being weaker than Cake God.. At this point, the Cake will start having unpredictable effects on space time, causality, the flow of the universe, and other universe/multiverses. It seems reasonable to predict a Big Crunch (crunchy cake??), but that depends on factors I don't fully understand and I doubt anyone else does. This is another way of saying that at this point The Cake rules reality. The Cake God is ruler of all that has ever been and all that will be. I HATE? YOU, YOU EVIL CAKE GOD! shh, it'll hear you. You let Cake win. Your foolishness has not only destroyed yourself, but has destroyed everything. You fool. Did you think you could ignore it? You could hide from it? Did you in your arrogance think that you could try to tame it? HA! Cake is God. Cake merely waits. Waits for an oppurtunity to break out and sing the song the ends the world, and than ALL. YOU CANNOT CONTROL CAKE. Cake cannot be destroyed, it can only be delayed. DELAYED YOU ULTIMATE FOOL. You played with fire and thought yourself a Prometheus, but you were an Icarus! The God watched, the Cake laughed, and now we are all sons of cake. Even if your pitiful scheme had worked, what then? All that was needed was one, single, mistake. One crash, one incident. Only one cake was necessary to end the universe.
I spent four fucking hours writing what could have been summed up as 'it's geometric dumbass so damn if some people read it. Also I'm hungry now.
I'm particularly fond of the static tower and the red sea object. There's some good ones in the later hundreds, but they don't spring to mind as immediately, and there's well over a thousand I still haven't pored over.
Yeah, plenty of them aren't super intriguing, but it's pretty easy to crawl the list and enjoy some blood-drinking grass or whatever happens to be on the next page.
Everything became better when I noticed the Top-Rated Pages button. There are some I enjoy that aren't on there, but not many. Going through the main list is for nerds with more time on their hands; I gotta save my time to make text-based sacrifices to The Cake That Is God apparently.
The best ones don't try to be scary honestly. The keter cakes are probably my favorite SCP ever.
after writing the above i would like to say that the keter cakes are no fucking laughing matter. thems is some spooky shit. also while i'm on the topic of funny food SCPs,
504 was actually my first SCP (tv tropes), and it's probably my favorite still; actually I think my favorite is still probably ronald reagan or the WW1 battlefield or the WW2 goliath mine, but it's definitely my favorite funny article.
I think many of the SCPs would be better if about 90% of the 'redacted' stuff were alternately removed or expanded upon. The 'SECRET TERRIBLE STUFF' gimmick works less the more it's used.
While i think that's true I think the way it's supposed to work is they leave the reader with a decent idea of what it is, but doesn't actually answer it. something like the spooky staircase (also fuck that staircase while we are on the topic) makes it work wonders because they've already been so very, very explicit in what they've given you until that the expungement hits iike a ton of bricks; but not only are you already spooked, but you realize the article also already gave details and hints and implications (and the implications are actually spooky). 231 loses punch as soon as you imagine procedure montauk being bed time stories; it tells you it's bad. spooky staircase implied the final exploration went down there, got a lot further then before, and
something happened, and since the expungement comes right after the second-to-last one's spooky ending (instead of
before the spooky ending), it kicks you. shit I'm spooking myself just thinking of that fucking staircase.
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Topic: SCP - Secure. Contain. Protect. (Read 6659 times)