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[scriver]

_{...I have several times described myself as cool when it's a bit chilly...}

[Catmeat]

Same goes for any positive descriptor though. Who non-ironically calls themselves cool?

* takes bait
I'm cool.
Not even joking. Sure I can be negative and shy, but I can make friends and make people laugh easily.
*hmm should I post this.. am I..

[Sergarr]

Same goes for any positive descriptor though. Who non-ironically calls themselves cool?

What if it can be factually confirmed? *temperature drops*

Although, yes, I usually try to stop flattering myself by occasionally reminding me of my numerous embarrassing failures in the past, as well as the tremendous number of things that I have no idea about.

[Edmus]

Scriver, I think if there's a humorous bent to it, its something you can get away with; people expect a twist, even when it's a painfully obvious pun.

I usually try to stop flattering myself by occasionally reminding me of my numerous embarrassing failures in the past, as well as the tremendous number of things that I have no idea about.

I wish I had this problem. I'm constantly assaulting myself with regrets.

My brother once suggested something he titled "the vanity game." Which is to ironically act as if you are incredible in every aspect; you can imagine the over the top delivery. hehehe
It's remarkably good for the self esteem, and only mildly annoying.
"Hey Brady, you know what's great?"
*sighs* "It wouldn't happen to be you, would it?"   
"I was going to say modern medical advances, but THANK YOU~!"
Not something if your self esteem is already solid, but I recommend it if you're in a deficit.

To round off the sleep deprived rave, I would say that be cool is to be respected.
To feel cool you need self respect/esteem, which is where I'd guess you're coming from Catmeat.

[Catmeat]

Well I just treat people like they actually matter (they dont im a sociopath) and they return respect.
Though my self esteem is still low, Im getting better and so on so forth.

Most the time im day dreaming in my own world and ignore humans, even ones I'm interested in because of my perceived low self worth, but sometimes, I switch to my other personality and it goes for it.

Then they realise Im too much, ahh such is the life for someone who wears their heart on their sleeve.

I dont get it, if I was shown the amount of love I give, I wouldnt run away.
Makes me think im never going to find this 'love' thing, or if it even exisits

[TempAcc]

I treat people however they want to be treated, mostly. One transwoman who actualy consulted with me was pleasantly surprised (or at least it seemed like so) I used female pronous with her, though I did in fact recognize she used to be a man. As long as people are respectful and abide by the basic rules of social interaction, I'm ok with it, even when my inner workings keep telling me that a person I keep calling a woman is actualy a man or whatever, and thats not exactly something any amount of social conditioning can take away, and its not something I can willingly turn off either (I tried it, didn't work).

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

I think that's the most important part when interacting with transpeople anyhow.

I have to choose between what makes me feel whole and what is safe all the fucking time
- skullvomit, tumblr.com, 2014

I don't even need to play the game, it's already hit me in the feels

[Catmeat]

I don't even need to play the game, it's already hit me in the feels

Yeah I hate when I accidently hit my feels, hurts so much.
Such a strange lingering pain... feelings that is..
Ehh hem

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

So since this is the thread where Sergarr posted the Dark Pact:

Seems pretty cool, but I doubt it would work for me - I can't remember any "various good and pretty [things]... that [I] keep separated from myself." However, with the Power of Thought, I think I might be able to modify it.

The feeling that I got from your description was that the "inner-ness" was reversed, with "you" being surrounded by the inner-self, and with a semipermeable membrane between them. (Err, sorry, biology class getting to me.) Is that what you were trying to describe, or did I put my own spin on it?

[Sergarr]

*half-sleeping but, for some reason, unable to go fully to sleep*

Spoiler: some further explanations about Dark Pact (click to show/hide)

Y-yes... and then you make the membrane permeate your inner world stuff in... well, at least some of it at a time. To better get the idea, imagine yourself to be in a big living home with vaguely defined walls, the walls between rooms of this home to be these semi-permeable membranes and each room containing something that you keep separate from both yourself and everything else that's in other rooms...

...then, if you want to embrace a particular aspect of your inner self, you just... sort of concentrate and try to mentally roll through the various room configurations until the room containing something that you want is nearby yours, and then make that wall start to permeate it to you and you to it, the process finally finishing in a bigger room with the sort-of-fusion between you and whatever you decided to fuse together with...

A-also... it may not necessarily feel very s-separated... it just s-should be s-something w-which m-makes y-you d-do and imagine things as if reflexively, by themselves, almost out of conscious control... and w-with enough of those, you can s-sort of chain them together i-in order to do a-and imagine more c-complex t-things, which would still be as-if-they-were-happening-by-themselves...

...and among those ones, there are combinations that will automatically amplify certain combination-dependent kinds of feelings you have a-at the time, and which are, due to their reflexive and purely mental nature, quick and almost naturally repeatable...

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

The awesome part is that I cannot tell whether this

*half-sleeping but, for some reason, unable to go fully to sleep*

refers to you or the pact.

[Sergarr]

lol

that wasn't intentional, I'm just quite sleepy IRL right now

also what would that even mean in regards to the pact

it doesn't feel very sleepy when you do it

rather the opposite of that

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

Hmm. It feels oddly like a juxtaposition of sleep on one side, and something else on the other. It's probably the latter that you are describing.

Also, I've been doing some of my own meddling with my mind, mostly with perception. I'm able to do more when I am in a sort of sleep-like state. Sort of like lucid dreaming. But if I actually fall asleep I can't focus my thoughts enough, so I have to hold myself in the in-between.

Of course I'm also sleepy so I could just be babbling some deepity, who knows.

Edit: Ahahaha this is fun. I'm putting the two together. Now that I can modify things, I've experimented and found two different things. I can't even describe them, but they both are me. I think. Wait, no, there's another. And another. Whoaaaaaaaaa. This is more than gender, this is identity itself.

[Sergarr]

Ehehe~ well yes, yes it is~ hey, do your "me's" like each other?

[TheBiggerFish]

Maybe we should make a thread for Dark Pact stuff :v