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Author Topic: Even more ranting on my mental health suspicions (ADHD and/or ASD; minor update)  (Read 2978 times)

Mesa

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So some months ago I made a thread here about my speculation/concerns/'self-diagnosis' of me being autistic. While I'm more convinced than ever that I have it at this point, the progress on gettin an actual diagnosis has been painfully slow for me.

This might be another one of those semi-pointless threads where I just put up my concerns/speculation so it doesn't grow too hard on me. Similarly to the autism thing, I'm aiming for an actual diagnosis (though it will likely come much later than I'd want it to because patience isn't a virtue I'm particularly renowned for) and getting professional support, and I do realize that at the end of the day I'm the same person with or without such labels, but if it helps me with accepting my identity and those problems as a part of who I am, and just generally makes me feel valid, then I'm for it.

Anyway, enough with that pseudo-disclaimer. The meat of my most recent issue is "I'm pretty sure I have AD(H)D even though I supposedly did not have it".
(I know this might ironically be a difficult read for some people who do have ADHD...Or at least, I know I'd have a difficult time reading through this.)

TL;DR for convenience: I was tested for ADHD when I was 10 and was not given a diagnosis, but now I'm struggling with ADHD-like symptoms (mostly attention deficit) a lot and it's just weird.

Many years ago I was tested for (I believe) 'classic' ADHD (and not a subtype like ADD) and was even medicated for it for allegedly half a year (I don't remember that but that's what my mom told me recently), but neither my parents nor the teachers noticed any change in my behavior so my meds were shelved and the idea just kinda died off until about two years ago when my mental health clearly plummeted down and my mom said that I might in fact have ADD since a lot of my problems (in particular, trouble with concentration/focus/attention) seemed to fall under that umbrella.

And it's true - while my mom was mostly concerned with my extremely poor grades in some 'focus-intensive' classes (math in particular), it's fairly evident that I've been having a lot of trouble persevering with projects of any sort - a lot of you people probably remember all those forum games I've started and was initially very enthusiastic about but then just kinda left them in the dust, as well as a lot more that never even saw the light of the day, for one reason or another (but often my own inabiltiy to really 'stick with them'). Or all those unfinished drawings, digital or otherwise (and even those I did finish were often very messy because I cannot work on a single drawing between multiple sittings - or even during a single sitting for more than an hour at most - how do people spend tens of hours on single art pieces boggles my mind to its very core), and who knows what else.
Hell, I think I had the tab with the text box for this open for a good half an hour before I started to actually write this.

And recently it's been really bad for me to focus on things - maybe it's just burnout, but I can't really concentrate on most games (and it's probably why I never play fortress mode in DF, because I just can't bring myself to dedicate that kind of attention over a long period of time) and my YouTube subbox backlog (even for YTers/series I really genuinely enjoy and have been watching for months/years) is just growing and growing and sometimes watching singular videos feels like a chore.

And it's not even that bad of a problem now because all those things are mostly inconsequential, but I'm worred how it's gonna go once school starts for me again - last year I could not bring myself to read any books for my literature class (all of them are really freaking long, really freaking boring and written in mostly archaic Polish which adds extra overhead to an already difficult task of trying to read those walls of text and trying to understand what I'm actually reading; I had to resort to summaries that used more easily-digestible language but of course that didn't get me very far, especially since my teacher was pretty merciless).

Math was always a pain for me but this last year it's reached a critical point where I learned literally, absolutely nothing for an entire school year. Taking extra classes didn't help at all either. I've failed that school year and have to repeat it and math is one of those classes where I'm basically starting from scratch, and don't really see how I can even get around that because of how draining math is to me. It makes me actively want to zone out and daydream about something else.

I know I'm mostly focusing on the 'attention deficit' part here because that's honestly what I struggle with the most - I'm not particularly compulsive or hyperactive, or at least it doesn't get in the way of things for me daily in the same way struggling to focus on 85% of things does.
I also know that there's quite a huge overlap in symptoms between autism and ADHD (and that they're often co-morbid conditions) so for all I know I have one but not the other (I do also stim/fidget a lot and do have times of being really focused on/invested in things (special interests/hyperfocuses)) or I'm (un)lucky and have both. I'd be okay with it either way (in a way I'd be even 'happy' about that kind of diagnosis), and I might be making this a bigger deal than it needs to, but it's really starting to get in the way for me and it's really damn difficult for me to go through a day sometimes.

I know that online self-tests are a gargantuan crapshoot but all of the ones I have taken seem to point towards ADD/ADHD-PI being fairly likely in my case.

If you've read through this all of this - thank you, but also I'm sorry if it was a waste of your time. >n>'
« Last Edit: November 27, 2016, 02:27:32 pm by Maks »
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Tiruin

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Re: Some (more) ranting on my mental health suspicions (ADD and/or autism)
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2016, 10:47:42 pm »

I know that online self-tests are a gargantuan crapshoot but all of the ones I have taken seem to point towards ADD/ADHD-PI being fairly likely in my case.

If you've read through this all of this - thank you, but also I'm sorry if it was a waste of your time. >n>'
I like that last sentence. The kindliness is very nice. :) (And bop on that superscript :P)
To forward the point--obtain professionals that can help with your concerns as early as possible, they can help you also with characterizing and understanding what impressions you've got based on what knowledge you have, and improve on how you understand what's going on. Basically counseling + further details. :D You can ask all that you're curious about to them, and they can help you with doing so. I do remember that ol' thread, and seeing some characterizations here can also be said or misunderstood as 'within this context', that won't be helped much by personal testing using online tests as a reference, as it mostly may end up with the results merely towards what one is focusing on, which may go over several important factors that narrow down details to a holistic outcome :/ due to the basis not being within a baseline.

Wishing you well with seeking and getting professional aid here!
Also when you get it, do inquire about how to think about it; if you bring up the idea of labels and such, you'll get details about it. Bring up all questions on your mind (or write them down), which can help.
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x2yzh9

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Re: Some (more) ranting on my mental health suspicions (ADD and/or autism)
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2016, 12:12:07 am »

As a person with severe ASD, previously diagnosed with aspergers, from my viewpoint it looks to me like you're going through a lot of things that I too went through. People with autism have a very important aspect of their personality called tunnel-vision which is the only thing that has let me see things with clarity or that has done damage to me through fucking obsessing over it. It's basically to say that what your trying to convey is something that I too faced but only have insofar achieved relief as far as using it to my advantage on a conscious level, because it's either going to work in your favor or against it, this coming from someone who's looking at this stuff and it seems to relate.

   But, keep in mind, this is like completely blown out of proportion in classic literature and sociology and such if that's the appropriate term to use that is. Some people really do only have a minor degree of it so that leads to a lot of comorbid diagnosis of bipolar disorders and such, not to mention seasonal mood disorder. I honestly think these are all labels my friend, I used to self-diagnose too and kindly, it never did me one bit of good. I focused on that too much in a vain attempt to escape labeling by both my family and my friends. It literally is contradictory in and of itself but it can be used to your benefit, but that's just me trying to empathize as someone who feels like they know exactly what you're going through. Not saying that I do.

Ghills

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Re: Some (more) ranting on my mental health suspicions (ADD and/or autism)
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2016, 11:34:29 am »

It could be that your symptoms were not causing significant problems when you were 10, but are now as the demands on you get tougher.  This is fairly common.  Remember, diagnoses are given in part based on how impairing they are. 

Also, psychiatric conditions are not like a missing limb, where anyone can see it.  Doctors often miss them unless they specialize in that disorder. Medicine is like any other field, doctors have specialties.  Even psychiatrists have specialties!  If the doctor you saw was not a psychiatrist trained in diagnosing learning disabilities, you could easily have been misdiagnosed.

I would get a diagnosis from someone recommended for diagnosing ADHD and learning disabilities.  Check out CHADD http://www.chadd.org/, they are huge in the US and may also have resources for other countries.  At the very least, they have good advice on managing ADHD and can give you a support network.  http://www.dodsonadhdcenter.com/ is a famous center for ADHD and may have advice.   I don't know any European doctors, sorry.

Until you get a diagnosis and medication, focus on improvements you can make to keep your life on track academically. You sound like you're still in school, so academics are what you should focus on while you have parents to manage other things.  The most important thing is note what helps you and what keeps you from being productive.  This is different for everyone, so you need to find what works for you.

Here is what worked in my family. It will not solve everything at once, but it helped me (autistic spectrum + ADHD) and my sibling (ADHD) as we stuck with it, so hopefully some of it is useful for you:

Getting enough exercise and sleep is essential. Sometimes it's not possible, but try hard.

Get help making a clean and neat space to study. Do your study there, and don't do other things there.  This is to signal your brain to focus on school work.  Bedrooms are usually a bad place, because they have all your stuff and also your bed. Very distracting.  Try to find a nice balance between not too isolated but also not right underfoot.  Home offices are good, so long as the people in there will not always be bothering you and you have room to move.

Set aside time to study, enough time to get your homework done. The time limit helps you feel motivated, and gives you an end point so that you don't have a whole night of homework stretching out in front of you like a demoralizing wasteland.  This time, and only this time, are for study and school work.  If you find you aren't getting everything done despite trying really hard and focusing for that time period, make it a bit longer until you can get everything done. Don't go over 5 hours in one day, that's just too much. Focus on being more efficient if things take that long.

If you get distracted repeatedly in a short time, get up and run around or do jumping jacks for 5 minutes - DON'T go play a game or some other entertainment.  This is to get your body stimulated and feel more energetic.  Then study again. Repeat as necessary.  Don't stop trying to study until your time is up.  After that, don't worry about it.  Keep doing this, and you will learn to focus on schoolwork in your study area, and to give your brain a rest when you are not studying.  Stressing constantly about schoolwork is very counterproductive.  In general, make sure you are getting a good amount of exercise every day so you can focus better.

Also, sometimes it helps to do things without sitting at a desk. Try solving problems while standing up.  I read most of my literature books while lying on the couch.  The point is to learn, not to look like a picture of someone learning. 

Sometimes my parents read books with me and we talked about them at dinner to help me understand.  Sometimes I just gave up and got the Cliff Notes.  Ask friends for their notes.  Ask your parents for help. Find tutors. Even people without learning disabilities do these things to help when they are struggling. You don't have to, and should not be, doing this all on your own. 

Read advice on study habits, and be prepared to do things a bit out of the ordinary.  For example, I learned algebra using number blocks and chess pawns (to represent variables) on a drawing of a balancing scale.  This worked really well, where writing out equations did not.  Once I knew it I could do the written equations, but I had such a hard time conceptualizing it until I got the scale set. I learned to draw models to solve geometry problems.  You can learn!  But maybe not in the same way as the rest of your class.

Read the textbook, even if you don't understand it, and try to summarize what it says. Repetition is key. The more times you hear or read it, the quicker it sinks in.

Take good notes in class. Needing to write everything down means no time to get distracted, and keeping up with the teacher means you have to think about what you hear and figure out the keywords. This helps you remember better than just hearing it.  Also, tell your teachers you are struggling and ask if they could give you lists of key concepts so you can see if your notes have the important points.  DON'T use this as a reason to not take notes - this is to make sure your notes are getting the important bits. 

DEFINITELY make sure you are progressing on getting a diagnosis from someone trained in diagnosing learning disabilities.  The stuff described above is a stopgap measure to help you learn. If you have ADHD, you almost certainly need medication.  Trying to manage ADHD without medication requires a lot of support and accepting that you will just not be able to do some things.  I have tried it both ways, and medication is nearly essential.  ADHD is not such a problem in kids because kids have fewer responsibilities, but untreated ADHD in adults is the cause of a lot of addiction and other issues.   You and your parents need to figure out what is going on.

All that said, learning disabilities are disabilities for a reason. Some things are just going to be very hard for you. It's crappy, but it's the way life goes.  Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect.  You don't need to get all top grades and do your chores perfectly. Do what you can, focus on your strengths and learn to make your life work for you. 
« Last Edit: August 16, 2016, 11:42:53 am by Ghills »
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Some (more) ranting on my mental health suspicions (ADD and/or autism)
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2016, 04:39:41 pm »

I'm not clinically knowledgeable, but I'm here for moral support. 

Something you could try to do and mitigate symptoms, is break up whatever it is you want to do into bite-sized chunks, and intersperse them.  And then if that's working, maybe slowly start upping the size of the chunk...

I am not a doctor and this is not necessarily backed by any medical knowledge, but yeah.

And, what everyone else said goes too.
« Last Edit: September 08, 2016, 08:43:52 am by TheBiggerFish »
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Re: Some (more) ranting on my mental health suspicions (ADD and/or autism)
« Reply #5 on: August 24, 2016, 04:09:16 pm »

As someone who has been diagnosed with both ADHD and Asperger's/high-functioning autism...

I don't really know what to say, but I understand the "dropping projects you were excited about" part - that's basically every project I've ever done. Unless it was absolutely required, or involved dwarves.

I can't really give any advice, but I can give support. And the knowledge that you aren't alone. That was nice for me, I hope it's nice for you.

*invokes TBF and hugs everyone*
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Mesa

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Re: Some (more) ranting on my mental health suspicions (ADD and/or autism)
« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2016, 08:32:58 am »

After continuing to do as much research as I could without (being) a qualified professional, I guess I'm not as "predominantly inattentive" as I thought.
As in, while I'd still probably lean towards that end of the 'spectrum' more, I still struggle with things like being impatient, frustrated, fidgety (well, that overlaps with stims on the autism end) and whatnot, which are more on the hyperactivity and impulsivity end of things.

I know that this is more or less similar to autism in that the differences are not 'sharp' and conclusive (ie. that a predominantly hyperactive person does not have any symptoms related to the inattention part, or vice versa; or at least, it's not a hard requirement), but still.

And of course, now I have school to worry about again which is where my struggles really pop off. I'm not disruptive in class or anything (quite the opposite even) but my brain has a huge tendency to wander around and focus on stuff that it shouldn't be focusing on, and just getting easily overloaded with info, especially when said info is about something I do not enjoy.

And yet I keep being told (and telling myself even) that I'm just lazy and need to try harder and that I'm just making it up and need to think more and-
I physically cannot sometimes.
« Last Edit: September 08, 2016, 08:38:05 am by Maks »
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TheBiggerFish

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First off, *hugs*

It really sounds like you might want to talk to your doctor about your suspicions, because that really sounds like it's impacting you pretty badly.
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Mesa

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First off, *hugs*

It really sounds like you might want to talk to your doctor about your suspicions, because that really sounds like it's impacting you pretty badly.

*hugs*

My mom and I have briefly mentioned it to my psychiatrist, that I'm suspicious of having both ASD and ADHD and just hoping that it's not "just me" and that I'm not making my problems up.
Sadly, my next appointment is in October, so I won't be getting much done until then.
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TheBiggerFish

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Even if you are making your problems up, which I doubt, talking extensively will probably be helpful.

And if it's seriously impacting your schoolwork, I would talk to the guidance department/insert relevant office name here.
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Grimlocke

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Re: Some (more) ranting on my mental health suspicions (ADD and/or autism)
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2016, 09:30:05 am »

After continuing to do as much research as I could without (being) a qualified professional, I guess I'm not as "predominantly inattentive" as I thought.
As in, while I'd still probably lean towards that end of the 'spectrum' more, I still struggle with things like being impatient, frustrated, fidgety (well, that overlaps with stims on the autism end) and whatnot, which are more on the hyperactivity and impulsivity end of things.

I know that this is more or less similar to autism in that the differences are not 'sharp' and conclusive (ie. that a predominantly hyperactive person does not have any symptoms related to the inattention part, or vice versa; or at least, it's not a hard requirement), but still.

And of course, now I have school to worry about again which is where my struggles really pop off. I'm not disruptive in class or anything (quite the opposite even) but my brain has a huge tendency to wander around and focus on stuff that it shouldn't be focusing on, and just getting easily overloaded with info, especially when said info is about something I do not enjoy.

And yet I keep being told (and telling myself even) that I'm just lazy and need to try harder and that I'm just making it up and need to think more and-
I physically cannot sometimes.

Huh, sounds exactly like my time in high school. I don't have ADHD though.

Your main goal for school should be to learn how to learn. Find a study method that works for you, and keep in mind that concentration is a skill you can exercise (and it does get easier as you grow older). Barely struggling past high school won't do much for you if you haven't found a way to effectively study before then, as the study load in any further education be a lot higher.

Though always keep in mind that with or without education, life goes on. You won't die for dropping out of school, and if you smart you can still go far in life.

And really, don't waste too much time on these self test things. See a professional, see if they can find any problems you might need help with, and learn to live with it.
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Mesa

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Minor update: Went to one psychologist, explained my woes to her, and even though she is not able to diagnose me (it's not a clinic that specialized in that direction enough for her to have the full diagnostic toolset necessary for that sort of diagnosis), she did assure me that whatever it is that I'm struggling with (whether it's ADHD or autism or something else entirely), I am not making it up for attention or as an excuse for my own personal failings.

I also have another appointment scheduled with my 'main' psychologist (ie. the one that can diagnose me, and is incidentally also handling my individualized teaching application to some degree) soon enough (Dec 6), even though I don't expect to get much done during that one visit.

So there is that for progress, at least.
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x2yzh9

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Well, I'm happy to see you've made progress in the area! I know my post was a long time back but I hope it was of some use to you. Honestly I went through similar things, so don't feel discouraged. In fact, knowing is half the battle, so I applaud you on your progress. *hugpats*

TheBiggerFish

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Minor update: Went to one psychologist, explained my woes to her, and even though she is not able to diagnose me (it's not a clinic that specialized in that direction enough for her to have the full diagnostic toolset necessary for that sort of diagnosis), she did assure me that whatever it is that I'm struggling with (whether it's ADHD or autism or something else entirely), I am not making it up for attention or as an excuse for my own personal failings.

I also have another appointment scheduled with my 'main' psychologist (ie. the one that can diagnose me, and is incidentally also handling my individualized teaching application to some degree) soon enough (Dec 6), even though I don't expect to get much done during that one visit.

So there is that for progress, at least.
That's good.  Knowing is better than not.  Then you can start to manage it.
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Tiruin

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Progress is great :3 And hurrah for similar ideas (!= attention grab :P)
Hope you find all the answers to your questions and more there!
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