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[nenjin]

Didn't really answer some my question SP. Do you have a job? Are you still in school? Do you have actual opportunities to meet people and get to know them or are you having to invent them all?

I'm a really big introvert. I often feel "different and weird" and awkward compared to people around me. It's easy as an introvert to reduce your chances for social interaction to zero if you let yourself, then feel bad for being isolated.

Truth is, you just have to be out there, be relaxed and hope for the best. A job and/or school (hopefully not high school) are chances to meet people. The secret to meeting people once you're around them is ask about them. Ask about the stuff they're into like you're genuinely interested in the answer (and you should be since you want to meet people.) Just be relaxed and be honest and you'll find people that want to know you will seek you out. Be calm and not self-pitying enough to be funny, smart, gracious. Because if you walk around with a black cloud over your head or surrounded by your own self pity, people see that and they ask "Do I really want to hang out with someone who is this hard on themselves/angry/sad." I'm not saying all that to be mean, it's just truth. If you want people to want to get to know you, you have to show them the best of yourself.

I mean, here's an example.....I've been sitting here asking you questions about yourself and you have.....nothing to say. You haven't really told me or anyone anything other than generalities about how you've tried everything and nothing works and, sorry, but "oh woe is me." Think on that.

[Sam Polson]

Didn't really answer some my question SP. Do you have a job? Are you still in school? Do you have actual opportunities to meet people and get to know them or are you having to invent them all?

I'm a really big introvert. I often feel "different and weird" and awkward compared to people around me. It's easy as an introvert to reduce your chances for social interaction to zero if you let yourself, then feel bad for being isolated.

Truth is, you just have to be out there, be relaxed and hope for the best. A job and/or school (hopefully not high school) are chances to meet people. The secret to meeting people once you're around them is ask about them. Ask about the stuff they're into like you're genuinely interested in the answer (and you should be since you want to meet people.) Just be relaxed and be honest and you'll find people that want to know you will seek you out. Be calm and not self-pitying enough to be funny, smart, gracious. Because if you walk around with a black cloud over your head or surrounded by your own self pity, people see that and they ask "Do I really want to hang out with someone who is this hard on themselves/angry/sad." I'm not saying all that to be mean, it's just truth. If you want people to want to get to know you, you have to show them the best of yourself.

I mean, here's an example.....I've been sitting here asking you questions about yourself and you have.....nothing to say. You haven't really told me or anyone anything other than generalities about how you've tried everything and nothing works and, sorry, but "oh woe is me." Think on that.

I don't need friends in real life, because it won't be something I crave for. And yes, I do have a job.

[Pencil_Art]

Friends in real life can be everywhere

In all seriousness, friends who you can talk to face-to-face are pretty great. I've always managed to get by by talking to people, maybe asking for their help at times and then giving them help in return. Aspiring to get better at things is sometimes a good way to make friends.

People in real life have drastically different lifestyles, purposes, desires, etc. than me. I'm kinda of an odd one around here. So finding people in the web is much more likely.

In addition, you're sort of underestimating the variety of people around you.  Everybody has all kinds of traits nobody ever knew about, and being the odd one out doesn't mean you'll never make friends among your community. Finding people on the web is good, but even it pales in comparison to having somebody you can talk to in person (or so it has always seemed to me). Many of the friends I have now I would never have met if I didn't hang out in certain places and do certain things (like playing an instrument or being a student librarian, or something)

What kind of interests do you have (other than the Interwebs)?

[Sam Polson]

Friends in real life can be everywhere

In all seriousness, friends who you can talk to face-to-face are pretty great. I've always managed to get by by talking to people, maybe asking for their help at times and then giving them help in return. Aspiring to get better at things is sometimes a good way to make friends.

People in real life have drastically different lifestyles, purposes, desires, etc. than me. I'm kinda of an odd one around here. So finding people in the web is much more likely.

In addition, you're sort of underestimating the variety of people around you.  Everybody has all kinds of traits nobody ever knew about, and being the odd one out doesn't mean you'll never make friends among your community. Finding people on the web is good, but even it pales in comparison to having somebody you can talk to in person (or so it has always seemed to me). Many of the friends I have now I would never have met if I didn't hang out in certain places and do certain things (like playing an instrument or being a student librarian, or something)

What kind of interests do you have (other than the Interwebs)?

Roleplaying, video games, talks about good things.

[birdy51]

Food. Food/cofee/tea is your best friend in regards to getting to know people. If there is anyone who you remotely think you might want to know, offer to grab something to eat with them.

It might not solve the base issue immediately, but at the very least it gives you an excuse to hang out.

Alternatively, seek out groups or organizations that have similar interests to you. The main reason that I got out of my own loneliness funk is because I found a fraternity who helped me to break out of my shell, which in turn helped me to be the person who I was arguably meant to be.

[Sam Polson]

Food. Food/cofee/tea is your best friend in regards to getting to know people. If there is anyone who you remotely think you might want to know, offer to grab something to eat with them.

It might not solve the base issue immediately, but at the very least it gives you an excuse to hang out.

Alternatively, seek out groups or organizations that have similar interests to you. The main reason that I got out of my own loneliness funk is because I found a fraternity who helped me to break out of my shell, which in turn helped me to be the person who I was arguably meant to be.

I'm interested in online talks only, actually.

[NRDL]

If that helps you feel less lonely, go for online rpg forums, there are plenty of those.  Forums in general seem like a good fit. 

[Tiruin]

I'm interested in online talks only, actually.

How will that help with loneliness alone?
IRC? Forum work?

I don't need friends in real life, because it won't be something I crave for. And yes, I do have a job.

How do you define a friend? This sounds like you've already a concept to go by, and for you it has something negative to it.

And you could answer other things in nenjin's, and others' posts that you quoted. It helps detail the situation better.

[Orange Wizard]

I'm interested in online talks only, actually.

You could join us over in General Discussion, there's always something happening there.

[Sam Polson]

I'm interested in online talks only, actually.

You could join us over in General Discussion, there's always something happening there.

I actually meant one on one talks, not what you suggest, sorry.

I'm interested in online talks only, actually.

How will that help with loneliness alone?
IRC? Forum work?

I don't need friends in real life, because it won't be something I crave for. And yes, I do have a job.

How do you define a friend? This sounds like you've already a concept to go by, and for you it has something negative to it.

And you could answer other things in nenjin's, and others' posts that you quoted. It helps detail the situation better.

I don't know about IRC or forum work. And I won't define a friend, because it's something not meant for this.

If that helps you feel less lonely, go for online rpg forums, there are plenty of those.  Forums in general seem like a good fit. 

Well... any particular rpg forums? I didn't have the best of luck with them.

[Thief^]

I would recommend finding out if there's a boardgames/roleplaying group nearby. Often independent games shops will host them in their basement, and they are normally very welcoming of newcomers.

One of the best ways to make friends is just by doing something that you like, in a group with others. Video games are often inherently isolating (unfortunately), but boardgames and pen and paper roleplaying games are a lot friendlier, and you might find the liking transfers (a lot of people do).

[ancistrus]

my theory is that men are not meant to have relationships, have you considered that?

[TheBiggerFish]

My theory is that you really shouldn't shitpost in Life Advice...

[Orange Wizard]

My theory is that you really shouldn't shitpost in Life Advice...

Probably a good idea to avoid it

Well... any particular rpg forums? I didn't have the best of luck with them.

Bay12?

Seriously though, if you are feeling lonely, getting involved with an existing community is the way to go. The people here are pretty solid. An IRL club or whatever would be a great idea.
You say you prefer one-to-one, which is completely fair, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect close friendships right off the bat. You need to build up to that, and the first step is simply engaging with people.

[Sam Polson]

Well... any particular rpg forums? I didn't have the best of luck with them.

Bay12?

Seriously though, if you are feeling lonely, getting involved with an existing community is the way to go. The people here are pretty solid. An IRL club or whatever would be a great idea.
You say you prefer one-to-one, which is completely fair, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect close friendships right off the bat. You need to build up to that, and the first step is simply engaging with people.
[/quote]
Well... maybe I should try that, too.