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[Dozebôm Lolumzalěs]

So I have this grandpa, I'll call him Charles. Grandpa Charles is... extremely conservative and reactionary, and tends to view things with anger, fear, or hatred.

But that's not the issue. His wife - I'll call her Katrina - may have similar political leanings, but I don't know about them. She doesn't discuss them with her family. She knows that my nuclear family is strongly liberal, and most of the time manages to ignore it so that she can spend time with us. When I'm talking with her and it starts to get a little political, I feel this unspoken agreement to move to a different topic or find something we can agree about.

But Grandpa Charles is the polar opposite. When anything is discussed that could be vaguely related to something political - hell, if there's less than ten degrees of separation between a political topic - he drives the conversation there and then rants and rants and rants a very angry rant. Last time I argued with him, he was angrily ranting about "those damn demonstrating gays rubbing poop all over doors". Yeah. And I tried to convince him that there was little to no correlation between "being sexually attracted to the same gender as oneself" and "having a tendency to rub one's feces on door handles," but he wouldn't listen. He saw one of those people do it, he says. I haven't see it happen, he says. I don't get to say that the majority of homosexual people don't rub feces on door handles, he says. Was I there? I now know not to confront him when he's angrily ranting, but it makes it really hard to talk about anything with him. For instance:

Last month I competed in the Science Olympiad Nationals for Wisconsin. Grandpa Charles was interested in that, and asked questions. At some point in the discussion, I mentioned the many speakers who presented things before the award ceremony. Presented topics were: X, Y, this kid having designed a tidal generator for her friend in Africa, Z, W... And he took that "tidal generator" and ran with it. It's renewable energy, and he managed to turn the conversation to how the whole climate change thing was a hoax, just bribed scientists and such, and how we won't run out of coal and oil for millennia. Millennia, my foot. I could see civilization collapse from lack of energy if we don't have backup power sources. But despite my urge to rant back at him, I stopped. But the problem is that I literally cannot remember a day I've talked with him and he hasn't started talking politics. It's impossible to talk with him.

I've talked with my mother (he's my maternal grandfather, btw) about this, and I might have a plan: ask him to stop. Lay out how his tendencies are detrimental to our relationship. Suggest that politics are too charged for a discussion with a politically-opposite family member. But my mother said that just flat-out saying "your words are detrimental to our relationship" would be like a knife to his heart. In addition, she says he is likely to stop listening after the first few seconds of me confronting his rants, and that he could view this as an offensive accusation.

So how should I go about trying to fix this? Does it need fixing (I really feel like it does)? Would trying to fix it do more harm than good?

[Sonlirain]

I'd suggest ignoring his rants. He's old so he has every right to be "old fashioned" maybe tell him to stop talking about gays and poop because you "ate recently" and he will probably stop making disgusting remarks.
My uncle is kinda similar in this regard except instead of having a crazy right leaning he's a conspiracy theorist and i found joy in baiting him into talking about russian superweapon quadcopters aliens and Jewish Illuminati.

Confronting him head on won't change anything because once someone goes full left or right there's no saving him as far as i can tell and worst case he will start seeing you as an enemy.

So yeah don't confront him.
Deflect him instead and put the discussion back on track or at least derail his political rant into something else.
For example you could derail his "global warming" hoax by talking about the little ice age and explain that global warming is indeed a well documented thing and we currently live in the warm period where temperatures are rising until the next ice age.

[Dozebôm Lolumzalěs]

Um.

First of all, perhaps I did not adequately stress his masterful ability to drive a conversation wherever the hell he wants it to go. Or the frequency with which he does so.

I don't mind his political leaning. Well, I do, but he's my grandpa. I'm already cutting him some slack. If he weren't my grandpa, I'd probably stop interacting with him.

And we are actually in a "cool" period, or we would be if not for carbon emissions. When it gets to a "warm" period (based off the patterns noticed in the Sun's spots and the temperature of the Earth) - I hope I don't live to see that. It will be awful.

I think I will change my request: unless you know of a good way to deflect a master's conversation-driving, as well as some way of convincing me that it's fine to never get to talk with him about anything but politics, don't suggest that I just let it be. I have let it be. That's what I've done so far, and it's woefully inadequate. I can't really convince anyone that it's bad. You haven't lived through his rants.

Spoiler: not really relevant, but somewhat funny (click to show/hide)

OH GOD I JUST APPEALED TO "I SAW IT AND YOU DIDN'T"! I'M BECOMING LIKE HIM

[Sonlirain]

Hmm... i was quite sure we're in the warm period. The small ice age ended in 1850 (there were documented instances of people sleding over the baltic).
The real question would be if CO2 emissions will actually prevent the next ice age and what effects that might have.
But that's a loaded topic anyway so we better shut up and pretend it's not there.

As for your granddad... maybe just roll with it?
See how far his right attitude goes? I remember being stuck with 2 right wing bible thumping crazies for a whole month when i was working abroad and amused myself by echoboxing and trying to outradicalize them to see how far would they go. I think we got to castrating gays and expelling non Christians from the country.

Other than that... well i got nothing. Maybe some other B12er will have a better idea.
Good luck.

[Tawa]

Try to look a few steps ahead when talking to him. Don't just avoid topics that could lead to a political debate, but try to avoid topics that could lead to topics that could lead to a political debate. e.g., Don't just avoid talking about evolution, avoid talking about biology; don't just avoid talking about climate change, avoid talking about the weather.

This doesn't always work, but if this sort of thing starts to come up, try to dismiss it as "a matter of opinion" and move on to something else. Some people just can't agree to disagree, but you might be surprised.

As an absolute last resort--like, if you can see absolutely no other way of escape--ask for print sources for his most outrageous allegations. That shuts a lot of these types down hard at the danger of potentially worsening your relationship. Nah you know what don't do that, make an excuse like having to go to the bathroom or something.

[Trapezohedron]

I personally think he won't be convinced of his views so easily.

Ergo, no fixing possible and needed.

As for avoiding the topic in particular, you said how every single topic that could have a political meaning, he'd drive it that direction and hard. The extreme options would be to stop talking to your grandpa, which is very possibly infeasible if you 1. live with him and 2. still care about him.

If it grates you, you'll just have to internalize an 'exception', in which you'll just ignore their political rants and nod to what they're saying.

[Strife26]

Don't argue with old people unless you really feel like cutting ties. You're looking at better than 90% odds of causing a serious spat, which is just a royal pain in the ass for everyone involved. Nod and make polite conversation while telling yourself that blood is thicker than water.


And for the love of all that is holy, don't try to write and source a persuasive essay, then present it to him. That way lies annoyances and unpleasantness for nothing but your pride and annoyance at listening to family rant.

[Blargityblarg]

Address it directly; point out his habit of turning conversations to politics, and inform him that every time he does so from thereon, you'll exit the conversation. The somewhat difficult part of that is sticking to it.

[martinuzz]

Sorry to say this about your grandpa, but to be quite honest, gays smearing poop on doorknobs doesn't really sound like political talk, more like drunk talk on the intellectual level of a toddler. I suggest trying to avoid getting into a conversation with drunk conservatives. Pointless.

[feelotraveller]

Humour.  Seriously. 

Well actually not seriously, but in obvious lightheartedness.  Say the most Alice in Wonderland-like thing possible. Absurdist.

And repeat. Every time he gets political start blabbering something bizarre and slightly comical.  Talk like you are on acid.  (If he drops the political spin go normal again.)

Be warned I am generally quite bad with people but this should at least change the playing field.  It is hard to know how he will react... 

[birdy51]

Humor can help to defuse a situation, yes. At this point, he might not wish to change his views on the gay community, no matter how absurd they are. But at the very least it is easier on you.

[Strife26]

Enjoy your disownment

[gimlet]

To sidetrack these kinds of things, maybe try turning it into questions about his life/experiences.  For one thing I think it'd be kind of interesting to hear some stories, and even if he keeps telling the same ones, pick out some detail that sounds interesting and then ask him about that.

Think up some topics you'd like to hear about, and see if even simple stuff works.   "Global warming is bs", "Didn't you guys worry about climate or pollution in the (whatever decade)?" - if that doesn't do it something like "What did you guys worry about?", could at least get you new rants on Commie Infiltration, fear of nuclear war,  inflation, damn hippies, whatever

[nenjin]

I guess I can't especially relate. Most of my family was/is pretty good about avoiding controversial political topics. Except for one guy. He'd occasionally go on political rants but had plenty of good moments too.

You could just try leveling with him. It probably won't help but then, it's not really for him. It's for you, so you can say you tried before you more or less write him off. If he's literally nothing but a political hate machine when you spend time with him, there's not much there to love anymore.

[Plex]

Sounds like the stereotypical conservative grandfather.

I have one similar to this, and I know a few others that do as well. Usually I find it easy enough to avoid political/controversial conversations entirely by changing the subject in a subtle enough way, and finding an excuse to leave when the conversation gets so heated that subtleness is not an option.

In your case, I would advise forcefully changing the subject:

Grandpa: "Those gays have been smearing shit on people's doorknobs."
You:        "Did you get a call back from the office yet?"

If your grandfather has any kind of temper or desire to be the centerpiece of any conversation, I would advise staying away from this method as it will probably make things a lot worse. You are forcefully depriving your grandfather of your attention and turning his to a subject he doesn't necessarily care for, without the intricacies of attempting to stealthily ease the conversation off of its current topic. If he were to snap while you were experimenting with psychological tactics you borrowed from a neckbeard forum, try to find a way to end the conversation and avoid contact with him for the next few days.