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Author Topic: SPACETIME YOGAQUEST - Turn 3.7 - update 16th Feb  (Read 27785 times)

IronyOwl

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Re: SPACEQUEST YOGATIME (6/8) - two more players?
« Reply #15 on: May 29, 2016, 10:44:25 pm »

Alright, fine. I can't seem to quite get over "The Bendiest Martial Art" anyway.

Name: Edith McKenzie
Colour: Mackerel. What, Salmon can be a color but Mackerel can't? That's racist. Racist against fishes! What were we talking about again?
Bio: Freckles. Buck teeth. Short, frizzy, 45-degree pigtails. Glasses reinforced against hurricane-force winds and anti-materiel rounds. When you name a newborn baby "Edith," you're probably not expecting much, and this little girl has most certainly failed to deliver. Other than voraciously reading (and writing, though we don't talk about that) the kinds of novels her mother doesn't want her reading and playing tabletop games with imaginary friends (actual games require talking to actual boys, from what she's seen), Edith isn't very good at very much. But that's about to change. Oh yes, that's definitely about to change.
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lawastooshort

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Re: SPACEQUEST YOGATIME (6/8) - two more players?
« Reply #16 on: May 30, 2016, 01:38:40 am »

Should we actually know anything about yoga?

Oh no, there is a sensei who will teach you everything you need to know.
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hops

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Re: SPACEQUEST YOGATIME (6/8) - two more players?
« Reply #17 on: May 30, 2016, 04:43:03 am »

PTW
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Re: SPACEYOGA QUEST TIME
« Reply #18 on: May 30, 2016, 04:49:02 am »

Colour: PM me a colour. The PM bit is important, which is why I underlined it. Don't include it here.
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lawastooshort

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Re: SPACEYOGA QUEST TIME
« Reply #19 on: May 30, 2016, 05:28:05 am »


A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…


The flyer for the community centre yoga class said to bring comfortable clothing, so here you are, on Saturday morning, looking about, wild eyed in your favourite superhero pyjamas. There's a whole bunch of other sixth graders here. You know some of them. You've seen all of them get punched at least once.

You wander over to a pretty cool looking poster on one of the walls, and join a couple of your friends in gawping open mouthed at it. It shows a yogaka in a traditional Ashtanga Yoga pose, jumping feet first through a ring of fire and performing the splits at half a dozen enemy ninjas, two of them falling to the ground bleeding from the ears before contact is even made.

”Wow… dude… I’m gonna do that some day…”

”No way, buttwad, look at this one… this one is AWESOME…”

You’re dragged over by the crowd to another two metre tall poster. You almost wet yourself with joy.

”Dude… that is TOTALLY a ninja…”

The poster shows a ninja, dressed all in black, totally countering the blows of a dozen enemy samurai by standing on his head and channelling the power of Iyengar Yoga. But you barely have time to imprint the image in your mind before you’re jostled over to the final poster.

”Holy crap dudes…”

”Is that…”

”Shit. No way. He’s killing seven bad guys by touching his toe. With one finger. That can't be real.”

”It totally can, dudes.”

…   …   …   …   …   …

You turn at this new and deeper voice. Crap! It’s the sensei! It's... it's like he totally appeared out of the Yogic ether, man. You gasp as he points at the poster depicting a Hatha Yoga eighth dan killing seven bad guys by touching his toe. With one finger. Blindfolded.

”You wanna do that? I can do that. That is the pressure point shamanic death Yoga of the Hatha. Hardest to master, but hardest to beat. Deadly in the right hands. In feudal Japan, practically every shinobi sensei had to master this. Anyway, time to start.”

Sensei walks to the front of the dojo and in a wise but manly voice addresses the room.

”Right! Well! Listen up, folks. I didn’t expect so many of you to turn up today, and I’ve only got insurance for teaching small groups at once, so we’re gonna have to whittle you down a little.”

He paces up and down as he talks, hair flowing in the Yogic wind like a hippy Norris. Suddenly he jumps into a totally fearsome pose with his arms outspread, and as he turns back to the rows of students the four or five nearest visibly quiver and back away.

”I'm gonna teach you three moves today, and then you're each gonna get the chance to put them into practice. There's three schools of yoga of interest to an American. This one is Iyengar Yoga – it's pretty subtle, mostly about avoiding damage and turning the enemy's strength against himself as hard as you can. It's popular amongst the ninja – always has been. To get into Iyengar Yoga, you can try fighting with this: the Tree Pose.”

He drops into a subtle sitting position, and suddenly Chuck, in the front row, passes out.

”This, dudes, is Hatha Yoga. The yoga of the shaman and of the shinobi master. It's about pressure points and concentrating your inner Yogic power – and then unleashing it in your enemy's face, with just your finger, or even your eyes. It's probably the only branch of any martial art to explode stuff with Yogic mind waves. If you like the sound of Hatha Yoga, try this first – the classic Deep Breath.”

Even more suddenly than before, he leaps into the air, legs spread wildly about as he bursts into a manic shout of terror. He lands with his legs flat on the floor. You notice you just wet yourself, but it's so awesome you don't even care.

”SHIT YEAH DUDES! This is POWER YOGA, the yoga of the GODS, man! Ashtanga Yoga is all about destroying the crap out of your enemy, dudes, and shit does it make you feel GOOD! The first move in Ashtanga Yoga you should totally try, if you wanna follow this path, is the Basic Splits. It's iconic. It was the first move I ever taught Bruce Lee, rest his soul.”

…   …   …   …   …   ...

Sensei gets to his feet.

”Right. So I've shown you the basic moves of the three main schools of yoga. Now, if you wanna be my pupils, you've gotta earn it. There's like twenty, or eight, or something, of you in here. I can take on four before I have to double my insurance premiums.”

He stares each and every one of you in the eyes.

”You know how to fight, right? Course you don’t! Otherwise you wouldn’t be here learning the awesome power of yoga, would you. Well, listen up.”

You feel that he is about to tell you something life-changingly important, and listen up.

”Fighting is the essence of Yoga, and anyone who says otherwise is a dirty communist. Fighting is fairly simple.

Life is divided into turns, dudes. Each turn of fighting, you can move and do one of three things:

Attack – specify an enemy. You roll d6. They roll d6. If you beat them, they take damage according to the difference.

Counter – you take on a defensive stance, and counter-attack the first enemy to attack you. They try to hit you. You wait. Then, if you're still standing, you roll d6. They roll d6. You add one to your d6. If you beat them, they take damage according to the difference.

Yogic Defence – you take on a Yogic defensive stance, and defend against all enemies that attack you. They roll d6 and try to hit you. You roll d6 and take it like a man. A shamanic ninja man.

You can also do Yoga, and combine it with one of the three above actions, although Yogic moves that are above your level of mastery can sometimes be dangerous. You can also talk, as much as you like, I guess.”


Sensei stares mysteriously into the distance, as if remembering his own brutal master in a moving and revealing flashback that shows what a sensitive kind of dude he is and that you can’t unfortunately see. He remembers you all standing before him and finishes his lesson.

”SO FIGHT! LAST FOUR STANDING GET TO JOURNEY ALONG THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUS AMERICAN YOGA!”

Anonymous Yogic Death Match is Go! PM me your actions. Or, you know, you can not PM them if you want an unending deathfeud, it's up to you. That might be fun too. Both are good.


You have all learnt – but not yet mastered, as you really have to perform a Yoga move in combat before you can say you've mastered it – the below moves:




Spoiler: Example move (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Burning regret (click to show/hide)
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lawastooshort

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Sorry - all actions are in as of yesterday, I'm just a bit busy being horribly ill.
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IronyOwl

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Sorry to hear that, lawas. May thoughts of naked flaming priests asking what the feck is going on here while their deathmatch buggy catches entirely too much air aid you on your way to recovery.
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The kitchenette mold free, you move on to the pantry. it's nasty in there. The bacon is grazing on the lettuce. The ham is having an illicit affair with the prime rib, The potatoes see all, know all. A rat in boxer shorts smoking a foul smelling cigar is banging on a cabinet shouting about rent money.

Toaster

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Oh man.  Posting to watch, for sure.    Damn my lack of forum time!
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
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lawastooshort

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Roll to Yoga - The Hard Rain of Yogic First Blood
« Reply #23 on: June 02, 2016, 04:18:18 pm »


A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…


Turn 0a

Quote from: Limegreen boy
Yogic Defense

[5] With a calm determined look on his face, Limegreen boy opens this new Yogic Era by standing very hard in the corner of the room.

Quote from: Red boy
Screech and leap awkwardly into the air, performing a powerful Ashtanga yogic splits, directing my savage destructive energy towards Pink girl and Violet girl.

[5; 1vs3; 5vs2] Ignoring this admittedly powerful opening gambit, Red boy emits a terrifying Yogic deathscreech, displaying his heroic martial artistry by seizing the initiative and unleashing his clumsy inner strength right in the faces of both Pink girl and Violet girl at once!

Pink girl, however, inadvertently ducks, throwing herself bravely in front of Red boy before popping back up again like an angry Yogic seal. She's just in time to see Violet girl, beginning to deploy a strident looking Tree Pose, reel from a violent foot to the chin.

Quote from: Violet girl
Violet girl will use Tree Pose in preparation for a counterattack. She will remain still besides.

[4; 4+1vs3] Violet girl looks quite severely damaged, but the inherent stable force of the Tree Pose enables her to riposte – she smacks the heel of her hand towards Red boy's flying groin, barely missing, but instead catching him a solid blow to the gut, which looks like it hurts almost as much as her face does.

Quote from: Pink girl
Dive in front of the Red boy and do tree-pose, counter-attacking anyone who tries to attack him or me.

Deciding that now or never is the best time to finally stop being awkward in front of boys, Pink girl takes Red boy's nearly-murderous splits as a Yogic Attraction Technique, and replies by doing a shy-yet-confident Tree Pose right back at him!

But noooo! Violet girl looks interested in Red boy too, so Pink girl activates Tree Pose – to devastatingly amateurish effect! That is to say, it goes wrong!

[6; 4+1vs4; 1+1vs6; 2+1vs1] She succeeds in bravely defending Red boy, smacking Violet girl around the ear, and can't control her Yogic instincts well enough yet to stop herself from also retaliating at Red boy, her new found crush and protectee. Whoops - but she completely misses, and then, realising she just attacked him by mistake, aims a blow at her own ear in penance!

Reduced to Zero Yogic Hit Points, Pink girl therefore smacks herself unconscious, but, rendering someone unconscious being one of the best ways to regenerate Yogic force, immediately revives herself back to One Yogic Hit Point!

Total Yoga!

"Punchbackius Hitreallyhardium!"

She is just in time to see Violet girl, in Tree Pose, and therefore poised to counter-attack her, spinning on her heels quite dramatically and throwing her fist right into Pink girl's throat.

[4+1vs1] Pink girl collapses unconscious to the floor and has difficulties breathing! Violet girl regenerates a bonus Yogic Hit Point!

Pink girl is out

sorry

Quote from: Orange boy
Splits, and attack Teal and Tomato.

[5; 2vs5; 6vs4] Meanwhile, far from the calmness of the bottom left of the dojo, and the violent murder of the bottom middle-right, the students immediately in front of sensei spring into action in quite an impressive, or at least enthusiastic display of their new art. They perhaps sense the chance to grab sensei's eye, in the figurative sense.

With considerable mastery, Orange boy does the splits, but is dodged by Teal boy. A satisfying crunch comes from Tomato boy's nose, however!

"I can't lose this," shouts Tomato boy, filling with righteous (and, it turns out, democratic) anger, "because I'm not a dirty commie. Democracy will prevail."

Yes! Tomato boy is manoeuvring into Tree Pose, and he's about to unleash his inner tree!

[1; 5+1vs2] But no! As he moves his arms upwards, he absent-mindedly lets go of his trouser waist, which he'd been holding up discreetly for the last ten minutes, because his trousers (that's pants if you are not British, and certainly not pants if you are) (there may well be other anglophone countries that call trousers trousers, but I'm not on expert on the subject, so I apologise if my linguistic note is not fully inclusive – I mean no offence) are far too big for him! They slip down to his ankles, revealing his bare knees!

Tomato boy hurriedly smashes a clenched fist into Orange boy's skull, all but smashing it apart. It looks like you can see bits inside it, but it's hard to tell.

Orange boy looks tremendously dazed.

Quote from: Teal boy
Come on baby, let's do the Splits at Tomato and Orange. No moves yet.

Before Tomato boy can bend to pull his trousers up – which he hopes to immediately do to avoid the burning shame he can feel creeping upwards from his toes – Teal boy's foot comes flying towards both him and Orange boy in a blur.

[4; 4vs4; 3vs6] But, perhaps secretly giggling at the partially naked fate of his opponent, Teal boy does not manage to connect with either foot. As he lands he tries to avoid looking towards sensei, feeling a little disappointed with himself, before turning to see if that's really Tomato boy's underpands.

It is!

Quote from: Tomato boy
I perform the tree pose, counterattacking the first two people who attack me (if it works). I don't move from where I am.

[1;2+1vs6] Caught between counter-attacking Teal boy and pulling up his trousers, Tomato boy half-heartedly tries, but completely misses his attacker, so quickly takes the opportunity to get dressed. He bends down, reaches the waist of his trousers, pulls... But doing so provokes an attack of dressed-undressed state changing opportunity!

[6vs6;3vs1] The surprisingly-alert-for-a-boy-bleeding-from-the-skull Orange boy quickly gets a crude knee towards Tomato boy, but falls off balance, and collapses to the floor, panting hard. And then the disappointed Teal boy sees his chance for redemption, wolloping a foot into Tomato boy's backside, and sending him, in turn, crashing to the ground, where he smashes his face off the hard dojo floor!

He looks quite seriously hurt!

Quote from: Green girl
Take The Deep Breath, and move to Space Middle 5.

[4]Meanwhile, at the left of the dojo, a faint gulp is heard, and Green girl moves forwards into the middle, and sits, outwardly calmly, down.

"Ommm........."


Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Yoga - The Hard Rain of Yogic First Blood - Turn 0a
« Reply #24 on: June 02, 2016, 05:34:37 pm »

HOW I MISS THIS

I WATCH ANYWAY
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((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

TheBiggerFish

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Re: Roll to Yoga - The Hard Rain of Yogic First Blood - Turn 0a
« Reply #25 on: June 02, 2016, 11:30:40 pm »

Can you copy the moves from post to post?
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Yoga - The Hard Rain of Yogic First Blood - Turn 0a
« Reply #26 on: June 03, 2016, 01:00:33 am »

I'll try to remember that very reasonable request, yes.

Edit: mis-spelt "yes"

Edit: Toaster/Xantalos, you are welcome to waitlist. You are both always a pleasure to have, and I plan on having my highest ever character kill count in this game, so perhaps the waiting will not be infinite.
« Last Edit: June 03, 2016, 02:53:30 am by lawastooshort »
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Sosoku234

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Re: Roll to Yoga - The Hard Rain of Yogic First Blood - Turn 0a
« Reply #27 on: June 03, 2016, 09:25:43 pm »

This is actually very funny indeed.

I hope you get better soon/today.
« Last Edit: June 03, 2016, 09:28:03 pm by Sosoku234 »
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Yoga - The Hard Rain of Yogic First Blood - Turn 0a
« Reply #28 on: June 03, 2016, 11:52:42 pm »

Oh I fully intend to waitlist, don't worry about that. I've just been consulting my muse.
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Yoga - Things Get Cagey - Turn 0a
« Reply #29 on: June 04, 2016, 05:36:22 am »


A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…


Turn 0b

Quote from: Violet girl
Take a Deep Breath, savoring the taste of having defeated our first romantic rival.

Having seen the first sudden and shockingly violent death of the day – when some of the students may have just imagined that they were attending a gentle yoga class – many of the contenders turn to the Way of Cautious Caginess in order to survive.

[4] Violet girl, therefore, is not unique as she seats herself upon the floor and takes a Deep Breath.

She is, however, unique in being the only surviving aspirant to Red boy's affections, and she struggles to breathe deeply in the excitement of this knowledge: in the space of five minutes, not only has she become cool, but a boy likes her! A real boy! A real boy!

Quote from: Teal boy
Take a Deep Breath and live dangerously with a Yogic Defense.

[4] Teal boy's thinking is less romantic, but has the same end result: he sits bravely down in front of sensei, and prepares himself to withstand his classmates' Yogic slings and arrows.

Wait – he thought yoga was unarmed combat?

Quote from: Red boy
Shaken with grief at the friendship/romance/tragedy play that unfolded all at once out of nowhere last turn, red boy retreats to the bottom right corner of the dojo mat and take a deep breath, steeling himself against the horrors of war.

[6] Having just assaulted his girlfriend and then seen her brutally cut down by a love rival, Red boy backs off from Violet girl's over-enthusiastic affections, and sits down unsteadily in the bottom right of the dojo.

He takes a Deep Breath, but breathes so hard he starts feeling Pure Yogic Power build up inside himself like a Yogic Volcano!

Sensei leaps into the air at the front of the dojo and shouts out, in a strangely altered accent, ”Red boy! No! Your grief is inhibiting your Yogic Control! You must let out your Yogic Power immediately or it might explode! With tragic consequences! Open the floodgates or burst, my son!”

Red boy stares open-eyed, and wonders how to avoid Yogic explosion, and what it might entail. He realises it must be a lesson he learns himself, in order to become a stronger yogaka.

Quote from: Tomato boy
Stay put, do Deep Breath and yogic defence. Humn the pledge of allegiance as a makeshift buddhist sutra. 

[5] Despite this horrifying warning about the dangers of Yogic Power, Tomato boy also decides the best path is to try to Breathe Deeply and access its source. He sits down as hard as thinks he can, and tries to breath as well as possible.

He realises that humming as Americanly as possible is probably a sure-fire way to control your breathing, and as he hums sensei looks on approvingly, and Tomato boy feels Yogic warmth spreading through his body.

Quote from: Limegreen boy
Move to Space middle 2, Tree Pose

[6] Limegreen boy is also unnerved by sensei's warning and Red boy's imagined impending fate – might he explode? Might his brain squeeze out? He's never seen a Yogic Dam burst! - and strides bravely but over-confidently forward toward the middle of the dojo.

He sticks his arms out and waits, entirely tense.

But no one attacks him, and nothing seems to happen.

Quote from: Orange boy
Tree pose. Aaaaaa.

And Orange boy also waits. He stands terrified in the corner, swaying gently as he waits for the end to come.

Quote from: Green girl
Move to space Top 1, and perform the splits at tomato and orange boy.

[4] But the end doesn't come! Green girl comes instead, flying acrobatically and Yogically (and extremely stretchily she thinks, in mid-air – thank goodness it didn't go wrong) through the air at both Tomato boy and the injured Orange boy.

[1vs3+2] Her left foot bounces off Tomato boy and, indeed, seems to fill him with greater strength than he had before; [5vs5] Orange boy also manages to avoid further injury by very slightly moving to the left. He initiates his Tree Pose Counter Attack, [2+1vs2] striking Green girl in the leg, but [1] stumbles as he does so, opening himself to an opportunisitc attack back, [5vs5] which strikes him firmly in the knee but bounces off without effect.

Taking the knee pain, Orange boy counter-counter-counter-attacks with his flailing Tree Pose, [3+1vs1], severely bruising Green girl's thigh, but not having the force left to finish her off.

Tomato boy regenerates One Yogic Hit Point

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