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[lawastooshort]

A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…

“HAHAHAHAHA, JERKOFFS!” shouts the leader of the seventh graders. First you look about you, at the dirty corners of the dead end in which you find yourself, and then into the eyes of your companions. Chuck trembles with fear. Joe is already crying. Randy’s cheeks are red with shame. You don't wanna die.

“FIRST YOU’RE GONNA DIE, AND THEN WE’RE GONNA TAKE YOUR DINNER MONEY, DICKWADS!”

Chuck wets himself.

The seventh grade gang approach. You fall to the floor and curl into a ball, waiting for the inevitable.

You never see what happens next: you're too terrified to uncurl and watch.

There’s a burst of screaming.

There’s the sound of a punch to the guts.

And the dull crack of a kick to the jaw.

Then there’s the sound of whimpering; the soft sob of… of a seventh grader crying? The hurried footfall of fleeing bullies? It must be a trap: Chuck and the others are dead! They’re surrounding you!

THEY’RE GONNA TEAR YOU APART!

…   …   …   …   …   ...

A few minutes pass. Suddenly the smell of urine gets stronger and you feel a foot poke your ribs.

“Dude. Dude. Get up man. They’re totally gone, dude!”

“Wh- what? B-“

“Dude. It was an eighth grader, man! He came out of nowhere and… and he knew… he knew…”

“What, man? Come on Chuck, what did he know, buttmunch?”

“Dude, he knew YOGA, man. It was the most terrible but awesomest thing I’ve ever seen!”

You notice Randy a few feet from the rest of you. He seems to be vomiting.

“But what’s up with Randy, Chuck? Did the seventh graders get him first?”

“No, man. No. He saw it all. He’s seen things he can never unsee, dude. Those bastards are in hospital now, man! THEY EAT DINNER THROUGH TUBES NOW, DUDE!”

…   …   …   …   …   ...

A couple of hours pass. You get home.

“Mom, can I learn yoga? There’s a class at the community centre Saturday?”

“Yoga? Erm… yeah… sure?”

And that is how your quest to master the ancient martial art of yoga begins.

THE FARTHEST JOURNEY

THE CLOSEST TO DEATH

THE BENDIEST MARTIAL ART

THE FATE OF THE GALAXY IS IN THEIR HANDS

SPACETIME YOGAQUEST

Spoiler: This is how to join (click to show/hide)

This isn't first come first served: I will choose 8 sheets I like, and anyone left over can waitlist. Although honestly if there's more than 8 people interested I've already done pretty well and should just quit there. After that there will be a selection round.

Anyway, as an informal guide, things I like include a good level of spelling and punctuation, cheese, realistic characters aged between approximately 11-12, and waterfalls. Take from that what you will.

Complete a character sheet, using the below as a rough guide, and the below the below as a copy and paste template.

Name: Don’t be silly, please. You’re a late-twentieth century resident of the US.
Colour: PM me a colour. The PM bit is important, which is why I underlined it. Don't include it here. Preferably pick a colour that’s nice and easy for me to type in bb code. And isn’t Lightblue. If it helps, I use the dark thingy forum scheme.
Bio: Why are you learning yoga? This is the the essential question; anything else you want to add to show off your good level of spelling and punctuation or your appreciation of cheese, realistic characters aged between approximately 11-12 and/or waterfalls is a bonus. Perhaps you want to describe the colour of your yogic leotard. Perhaps your favourite subject at school. Perhaps your friendships, or perhaps just your awkward painful embarrassments. Imagine yourself in the place of an oppressed pre-pubescent, dude. Imagine how it was back at school when you were 11 – imagine how life could have been had you been given the chance to access the infinite power of yoga. Imagine if you could have gotten one up on the bigger kids – the cool kids, the popular kids, the ones who were... who were good at sport. Who didn't know what a d20 was. Who didn't turn red if a member of the opposite sex talked at them. Yeah. This is the kind of crossroads in life your character is at.

Code: [Select]

[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Colour:[/b] [u]PM me a colour[/u]
[b]Bio:[/b]


[lawastooshort]

Reserved for world-lore and stuff

Current player list

Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Jarvis Palkin; Red Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves:
Hatha: The Deep Breath;
Iyengar: Tree Pose;
Ashtanga: The Basic Splits;

Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)

Richard Wensley; Red Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves:
Hatha: The Deep Breath;
Iyengar: Tree Pose;
Ashtanga: The Basic Splits;

Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)

Fisk Balck; Red Belt
Mind: 4/4
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves:
Hatha: The Deep Breath;
Iyengar: Tree Pose;
Ashtanga: The Basic Splits;

Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)

Edit McKenzie; Red belt
Mind:
Body:
Flexterity:
Moves:
Hatha: The Deep Breath;
Iyengar: Tree Pose;
Ashtanga: The Basic Splits;

Spoiler: Waitlist (click to show/hide)

Inaluct (Red boy)
Fniff (Pink girl
Wipeout1024 (Green girl)
TheBiggerFish (Orange boy)
Jerry Stalinsky
Nakéen
Lillian Pushkinski

Library of Yogic Moves
(all Yoga moves take 1 Mind Point to perform, unless they say otherwise, and unless they are above your Yoga level, in which case they take an extra Mind Point for every level above yours)
(all moves have been hastily reconstructed from the fading memories of millennia old Yoga instruction manuals, and as such are liable to clarification and indeed balancing)

Spoiler: Hatha Yoga: the Yoga of the Death Shaman (click to show/hide)

Beginner Moves:
- The Deep Breath – You sit down and breath very deeply, adding +2 to your defence roll when Defending - FREE to use.
Red Belt Moves:
- Peacock Pose – You take up Peacock Pose, which impresses all enemy in range so much they suffer -1 to initiative rolls next turn AND have to pass an opposing Yogic Mana Check to avoid being stunned (-1 penalty next action).
Yellow Belt Moves:
- Shoulder Pressing Pose – The first Yogic Death Touch move. You adopt Shoulder Pressing Pose, sending Yogic Mana into your enemy’s groin in melee. Counts as a standard melee attack, and if it hits the enemy must pass an opposing Yogic Mana Check or die.
 - Ocean Breath – Crossing your legs, you regain two YMP through the power of your deep breath. FREE to use.

Spoiler: Iyengar Yoga: The Yoga of the Immovable Object (click to show/hide)

Beginner Moves:
- Tree Pose – Striking a mighty Tree Pose, you can counter-attack two enemies at once.
Red Belt Moves:
- Plank Pose – You assume Plank Pose, which makes it quite difficult for the enemy to bend down and hit you. You can add x Mind Points to your melee defence to receive a defence bonus of +x.
  - Horse Rider’s Pose – You lunge forward with lightning speed. A Yogic attack on the enemy’s groin. Counts as a standard melee attack except the enemy gains no benefit from Defending AND it stuns the enemy for the next turn if it hits (-1 to all rolls).
Yellow Belt Moves:
- Yogic Parry – If you roll a 6 as your defensive melee roll you get a free counterattack (an extra one if already counterattacking). Takes one YMP. Automatic use.
- Wilting Pansy Pose – Curling into a ball on the floor, you regain two HP through the power of your deep fear. Takes one YMP.

Spoiler: Ashtanga Yoga: The Yoga of the Sword (click to show/hide)

Beginner Moves:
- The Basic Splits – You do the splits, and can melee attack two opponents at once.
Red Belt Moves:
- Yogic Critical – An attack roll of 6 when you melee gives double the damage. Needs one Mind Point available, automatic use.
- Extended Side Angle Pose – Filling your fists or even feet with Yogic Power, you can add x Mind Points to your melee attack to receive a bonus of +x to hit. Sometimes known as the Yogic Slap.
Yellow Belt Moves:
- King Pigeon Pose – In this Pose all except your groin becomes invulnerable (all hits hit your groin, stunning you for a -1 penalty to all rolls next turn but dealing no damage). Cannot attack. Takes one YMP per hit absorbed.
- Total Yogic Critical – A defender’s roll of 1 when you melee gives double the damage. Needs one YMP available, automatic use.

[SOLDIER First]

ptw

[inaluct]

Name: Albert Albert
Color:
Bio: Growing up in the warm haze of American suburbia atrophied Albert Albert at the pit of his soul. Always coddled, always the only child and favorite possession of his parents, his every sensitivity and tiny finicky need was protected, from his fear of bees to his need for braces. He was a boy, but like so many others, he was not growing into a man.

This all changed on one hot summer night, when he saw for the first time Conan the Barbarian (1982) and learned THE RIDDLE OF STEEL. A karmic waterfall opened within him, flooding him with visions of the future, should he not deviate from his course. For the first time in his entire life, he gathered his inner strength and committed himself to a goal. He would become a powerful and feared warrior, a mystical master not to be trifled with. Auric chakras sang an ethereal curtain of light around him as his third eye opened and he saw a glimpse of the great beyond. Knowing that yoga was the only way forward to true power, he begged his parents to let him sign up for yoga classes at the community center.

As the game progresses further and he grows more powerful, Albert Albert will begin to dress like and emulate the powerful snake wizard Thulsa Doom, and the symptoms of his schizophrenia will worsen.

[Sosoku234]

Name: Fisk Black
Colour: I don't see why you'd include this bit in the sheet itself, if we just PM it to you.
Bio: An average boy of 10 years old. He and his twin sister, Lucy, live at home with their mother, Sheila. His father died fighting in Vietnam. As a young lad, Fisk always aspired to be the man of the house. After a terrifying incident involving Lucy, a cold, and mistaken heart meds, he has striven to grow stronger and be the protector of his family. Yoga is the key to being the strongest.

[SOLDIER First]

Colour: PM me a colour. The PM bit is important, which is why I underlined it. Don't include it here.

[Fniff]

Name: Lilith Black (Christian Name: Mary Pinkerton)
Colour: PM me a colour
Bio: Lilith is the middle child of three sisters, born into a deeply religious family. She has begun her rebellious phase by stumbling into the occult. Due to her hometown lacking any witch covens, she's turned to yoga as the only (somewhat) satanic activity she could find; she also has a few D&D manuals that she likes reading when everybody's gone to sleep. Lilith's attempts at being a scary and edgy witch are hamstrung by the fact the only witches she's ever seen are the ones on the covers of those 'Hairy Potter' books that mommy likes barbecuing with all her church friends.

[Pancaek]

Name: Richard Wensley
Colour: pm'ed
Bio: Richard's parents, Jude and Calvin Wensley, absolutely loathe violence of any kind. They are vegan hippies, going to flower power rallies and other such things. In that respect, Richard is nothing like his parents. Instead he takes after his grandpa, Alistair Wensley, a veteran of world war 2. The now retired sergeant, a stern but loving man, has left a deep impression on the young mind of little Richard. He wants to be like his grandpa, strong and dependable. But his parents forbid him from doing any kind of dangerous sports. So, he hatched a plan to learn this yoga he heard so much about. It sounds just vaguely exotic enough that he could convince his parents that is a totally harmless kind of exercising to get in touch with your inner spirit.

As for Richard himself, he quite likes anything to do with World War 2 and birds. He also quite likes French cheeses, something he probably got from his grandmother. He's an overall quiet kid, though he wishes he could be more outspoken and social. Still, like grandpa says: "From a strong body comes a strong personality." His favourite colour is red, like the feathers of the Cardinal bird. 

[Harry Baldman]

Oh boy oh boy. I remember this.

EDIT: DONE

Name: Jarvis Palkin

Color: let's PM that, shall we

Bio: a bright-eyed young lad of 12 years, Jarvis is that boy you see staring off into distance, drooling a little as his quivering lips struggle to convey the magnitude of the imaginary explosions he is inescapably compelled to voice. If left to his own devices, his hands join in with sweeping motions. His sound effects library also includes whistling, humming, breathless singing and a stupendous variation of whooshes and fwips and kapows. That is, until he notices you staring at him. Then he just sort of quickly leaves in a skittish fashion.

His mom's in theater (his dad does work that requires a suit and provides money from what Jarvis understands), and the greatest moment of Jarvis' life was when she let him have a stage sword for his 8th birthday. It's been only downhill from there.

UNTIL NOW, Jarvis thought this Saturday morning. For this afternoon he shall learn the forbidden art of yoga. He hasn't quite figured out how that will lead to explosions, but that hasn't stopped him from imagining a great deal of them in anticipation regardless.

[lawastooshort]

Very nice so far, good work. I won't start before this time tomorrow at the earliest, possibly Tuesday depending on Monday's engagements.

It'd be a shame if we don't get 8 players sign up and so have to forego the anonymous yogic deathmatch selection phase but there you go.

[TheBiggerFish]

I, whoa, thing.

A'ighty.

Sheet incoming.

Spoiler: Aw, sheet (click to show/hide)

Name:Thomas Thomas Thomason LXXVIII
Color:PMed.
Bio:Thomas Thomas Thomason LXXVIII is the seventy-eight in a line of Thomas Thomases stretching back through the centuries on the strength of 'it's family tradition!  Shush!' when anybody tried to say otherwise.  As such, he is slightly affective of a British accent through sheer inherited ancestral-knowledge snobbery.  And suits.  He wears suits.  Why is he wearing a SUIT this kid must be INSANE.

His most treasured possession is his copy of the family tree, which has been greatly expanded through the years and also memorialized on the Internet.

He wishes he had been named Simon.

[lawastooshort]

Color:PMed.

Are you sure?

[lawastooshort]

Okay so let's say that's all 6 in for the anonymous yogic death match selection phase, and I'll start tomorrow evening if I'm not feeling horribly ill still. Tuesday otherwise

[TheBiggerFish]

Well then.

Should we actually know anything about yoga?

[wipeout1024]

Spoiler:  CHARACTER INCOMING (click to show/hide)

Name: Delilah Martinez
Colour: Pm'ed!
Bio: Born into a lower middle-class family, Delilah's life has mainly consisted of going to school, going home, finding her dad drunk on the floor yet again, arts and crafts, and going to sleep. That was, until a year ago. Her mom kicked her father out, and along with Delilah and her three siblings, moved to town. It's been hard, but Delilah has found comfort both in art and Yoga, as if it is the key to strength, it must also be the key to independence.