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Author Topic: Should I pack up and leave Home?  (Read 6791 times)

Empiricist

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #30 on: February 22, 2016, 04:36:57 pm »

Is there any cheaper accommodation near your uni? Tried discussing it with IRL friends and seeing if it's possible to move in with them for a year?

Check the job market, maybe even visit some of the potential employers. I'm not saying go straight into interviews already, but just go to their offices and inquire as to whether or not they'll be willing to hire you with half a degree. Get a good idea of all your options. Talk it over with your therapist too if you haven't already.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #31 on: February 22, 2016, 04:37:40 pm »

All of those too...
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O.Wilde

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #32 on: February 22, 2016, 04:45:11 pm »

Or a recalculation of financial aid, or something.
Tell them about this. If you explain circumstances, and (possibly) get your mother to sign something saying she will no longer be financially supporting you, most schools will work with you on your aid package and stuff.
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Shadowlord

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #33 on: February 22, 2016, 07:03:07 pm »

Is there a less expensive school that you could transfer to perhaps?
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sirdanilot

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #34 on: February 22, 2016, 08:07:49 pm »

Best of luck with your situation....


- Isn't it bizarre that your mother has access to your bank account while you are over 18?! I find that absolutely bizarre and in any case it is a situation you should change as soon as possible in order to prevent you from being stuck in a position where you can't do anything due to not having access to your money.
- Do you have any friends who live near your uni? Would it be possible to move in with them? If not, would it be possible to look for a cheap 2 person apartment together with one of your friends?
- At this point in time I would not focus too much about taking 'revenge' of her throwing away your books. Of course it has hurt you emotionally and what she has done is probably illegal. But at this point in time you have many more urgent issues to deal with than starting a lawsuit over this, something you can probably not afford anyway and which will probably not result in anything useful other than escalating the sitaution further. 

Also something important: I would talk to you mother about that you want to move out, because of the difficult situation at home. Perhaps she is willing to support that, so hat the fact that you are trans is not so much 'in her face' anymore for her which will give both of you peace of mind. You are probably not going to be convincing her anytime soon that being trans is who you are and is okay, just as much as she is not going to be convincing you of her beliefs. So maybe you can both agree to go separate ways.
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Adragis

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #35 on: February 23, 2016, 01:45:33 am »

Can't do much other than give your standard affair of internet hugs. But I'll do it anyway.
Hope this all ends up alright, somehow.
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thincake

Empiricist

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #36 on: February 23, 2016, 01:47:45 am »

Right actually, yeah, go talk to staff from your uni and your professors about this. Get their opinion on how feasible all your options are in regards to living on campus, moving in with friends, or leaving early.
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RangerCado

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #37 on: February 23, 2016, 02:05:29 am »

I'll respond to you all in the morning, 8 hour shift at work. X.X Will get some messages out to my Profs though.

And... thanks for the support. Means so much right now. :)
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O.Wilde

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #38 on: February 23, 2016, 02:12:04 am »

Just stay strong, things will turn out alright in the end.
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Empiricist

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #39 on: February 23, 2016, 02:12:50 am »

Yep, we'll all be here for you! ^__^
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #40 on: February 23, 2016, 05:24:30 am »

Yep, we'll all be here for you! ^__^
^^^!!!
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Adragis

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #41 on: February 23, 2016, 05:26:19 am »

yis
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thincake

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #42 on: February 23, 2016, 10:14:29 am »

Yep, we'll all be here for you! ^__^

Just chiming in to agree with everyone. Even if I can't do anything to help or offer any advice, I can at least provide moral support. That has to count for something, right? Right? Probably not.
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RangerCado

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #43 on: February 23, 2016, 12:10:31 pm »

Is there any cheaper accommodation near your uni? Tried discussing it with IRL friends and seeing if it's possible to move in with them for a year?

Check the job market, maybe even visit some of the potential employers. I'm not saying go straight into interviews already, but just go to their offices and inquire as to whether or not they'll be willing to hire you with half a degree. Get a good idea of all your options. Talk it over with your therapist too if you haven't already.
I may have a friend or two up there I could crash with for a bit.

My Practicum is supposed to be in the planning stages next week so there is the big potential there as my Program head has stated that some people just get full hired by their practicum bosses. I'll look into a lot of that coming up. Good idea there. I'll talk to my therapist during out next session.

Or a recalculation of financial aid, or something.
Tell them about this. If you explain circumstances, and (possibly) get your mother to sign something saying she will no longer be financially supporting you, most schools will work with you on your aid package and stuff.
Problem is that the support is a good part of whats keeping me from getting into any bigger debt than student loans, and even those I'd rather not have more than I need.

-quote-
Addressed most of these already, still was confused as to why she had my password for my bank account but its been changed completely. I could talk to her about it but at this point we are at a kind of -as few spoken words to eachother as possible- stage so... I'll have to just let it be for now.

Even if you don't have advice, the moral support still counts. :) Its just nice to know that time away doesn't diminish the friends I've made here. *hugs you all!*


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i2amroy

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Re: Should I pack up and leave Home?
« Reply #44 on: February 23, 2016, 12:32:26 pm »

- Isn't it bizarre that your mother has access to your bank account while you are over 18?! I find that absolutely bizarre and in any case it is a situation you should change as soon as possible in order to prevent you from being stuck in a position where you can't do anything due to not having access to your money.
In many cases if your parent sets up your account while you are still under 18 that "teen" level account holds onto those attributes after you reach the age of majority (though some banks start to charge you monthly for the benefits at that point). Generally all you have to do to convert one over is go into a bank in person and speak with a banker after showing proof you are who you say you are, and ask them to convert it over. Do note that in most cases once you've converted one you will generally need to have/do one of these things to avoid a monthly charge:
1) Have a certain dollar amount constantly in your account (usually around $1500)
2) Make a certain amount of deposits per month (usually around $500)
3) Make at least a certain number of transactions on your card every month (generally around 10, but these generally don't have any limit on the value of the transactions, buying 10 separate $.25 candy bars will prevent the fee just as well as buying 10 $60 video games.)

So to sum it up, in many cases she doesn't actually have your bank account password. Instead what happens is that when she logs in as herself she can access and control your account just like she could when you were still under 18. This can be very useful for some cases (my Mom uses it to drop my bi-weekly chunk of living money into my account for free despite me being a fair distance away from her geographically), but can lead to potential problems if your relationship isn't the best.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2016, 12:34:22 pm by i2amroy »
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