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[Mesa]

TL;DR: I'm 99.99% confident that I'm autistic (HFA or Aspergers, probably the latter) but it somehow doesn't feel right because 'self-dx is bad'. To be officially diagnosed in the next 1-2 months.

This might be sort of a 'I want to leave this somewhere so it's off my head for at least a while' thread, not exactly a 'help me b12' or 'venting' thread since I'm not particularly depressed about this issue or mad at it (in the way one would be horrified at the news of having terminal cancer or something to that effect).

Spoiler: Lots of rambling ahead. (click to show/hide)

Basically, the more I know about autism, or more specifically high-functioning autism and Asperger's syndrome in particular, the more I feel that I might actually have it. While I generally tend to be somewhat hypochondriac and self-diagnose myself with all sorts of disorders, I usually find enough counterarguments to said self-diagnoses to debunk them - case in point, while I sometimes have trouble concentrating on things (and thus was suspected to have ADHD when I was younger and more recently my mom suggested I may have ADD/ADHD-PI), it's not nearly bad to the extent of that, however it just doesn't apply to autism.

I keep stimming in many various ways (though flapping hands is not one of them, not that I recall doing that anyway) even as I'm typing this, I tend to have special, intense interests for short periods of time (in an ironic and meta twist, autism or more broadly 'any mental/neurological disorder I might be afflicted with' as one of my friends pointed out is one of them as of late; other notable interests of mine include Linux and previously games like TF2 and Awesomenauts, but they come and go fairly quickly), I have some degree of sensory processing issues (I hate certain sounds/loud noises/light touch, though I don't have as much issue with specific textures for fabrics or foods) and I'm not very verbal (and when I am, I stutter and stumble over my words) and in general communication can be sorta problematic. And let's not even mention how incredibly anxious social situations make me.
I don't really think I get full-on meltdowns per se, though I do lose my patience pretty easily over absolutely tiny things, though maybe I just can't tell a temper tantrum and a meltdown apart since I might just be prone to both.

And I've been exhibiting most of those traits for years without anyone really noticing or suspecting I might be autistic. Ugh.
Also, while I realize that online self-tests' credibility is average at best, the fact that all of them give me a score that further points towards the likelihood of me being an Aspie/autistic, it's hard for me to not just accept that as a fact that only really needs to be confirmed by an official.
(Although the fact that I don't exhibit all of autistic traits or don't exhibit the ones I do 24/7 makes me anxious that I'm just being overly paranoid, even though I realize that autism is a spectrum and not everyone experiences it the same way... Lovely.)

Now, I'm not asking anyone here for a diagnosis or anything - I've been to a psychiatrist last week (who is a really nice person which contrasts a lot with my previous psychologist who I went to last year a few time, whom I just couldn't seem to get much help from, but at the same time I wasn't as concerned with autism at that time) I do have a psychologist appointment scheduled for late March followed by another psychiatrist visit, all with the intent of performing a diagnosis.

(Granted, I seem to also struggle with a few other issues, namely depression and a few kinds of anxiety, but autism kinda seems like the underlying one.)

I'm not exactly 'afraid' of being diagnosed with either HFA or ASD (since I'm more than certain that I am not 'low-functioning' since that would have been far more obvious). Hell I would actually genuinely welcome a confirmation since it would just make so much about me finally make sense and not make me feel like some kind of oddball nerd who just happens to have a bunch of quirks and is overly sensitive. I get that I will still be the same person I've always been, but knowing what exactly I do or do not have would feel really relieving, even if it does mean that some things in my life might be different or more difficult than they would be if I were neurotypical (even if I'm not somehow diagnosed with autism, the fact that I'm at least neurodivergent is just downright non-negotiable by the looks of it).

...I don't really know where or how to end this. Do any of you B12 Aspies/autistics (because I refuse to believe that I'm the only one here who may or may not have that disorder) have any simililar experiences/stories/traits?

[Jimmy]

Whether it's autism, depression, bipolar disorder, social anxiety or any other mental illness you might have, if it fails to have a demonstrable impact on your quality of life it's likely best to be aware of the problem but not to let it define you. Mental illness is no different to any other medical condition, be it high hypertension, hypercholesterolaemia, anaemia, hyperglycaemia, gastroesophageal reflux disease or dermatitis. It impacts you as much as you let it define who you are and what you can do.

[Bumber]

The sensory stuff sounds a lot like it.

I personally get really irritated by people shaking their limbs in my peripheral vision. Some noises, like snoring and repeated mouse clicking, fill me with the urge to kill. Earplugs are my only respite. I also have terrible insomnia. When I get upset (but not quite enraged,) I shut down verbally and refuse to talk.

[TheBiggerFish]

Speaking as someone nominally on that spectrum (but I really don't care all that much that there's a label), you sound a lot like me.

[PyroDesu]

Personally? You sound better off than me (though not far enough off for me to declare you neurotypical, of course, even if I had that power). And I'll note that after extensive testing (>2 months, I think, of weekly cognitive tests, a 400-odd question inventory, and several sessions of just talking with them (or, in my case, answering questions, not really conversing)) by a psychologist who specializes in ASD, my results were vague - if I am on the spectrum, it's on the extremely high-functioning end. More interesting were the results of the cognitive testing, I think - determining the varying functions of my working memory, processing speed (unusually high and low, respectively), that sort of thing.

Take my words (and preferably those of others) with a grain of salt, though - no case is typical, and it's less of spectrum than a ballpark. Some symptoms may be completely absent while others are critical, etc. And if it's not significantly interfering with your life, then don't worry about it (this advice, by the way, makes me a hypocrite (I worry, and my life doesn't seem too massively interfered with), but it is nonetheless probably true).

[Arx]

I'unno. If it's not screwing with your quality of life, it's probably not an issue, is my general stance. Strictly speaking I have noticeable elements of both schizoid and autism, if you know where to look, but I have enough practice working around them and masking them where appropriate that it's not generally an issue. My psychiatrist couldn't tell until I explained how much of what I do is an intentional learned response.

I would like to point out that you're not going to have the doctor give you a printout and say, 'Yep, you're autistic. 100%'. I'm sure you're not really expecting that, but... do be aware. I spent eight weeks going for therapy, and came out at the end generally happier but with actually very little more knowledge than when I went in.

[Mesa]

Well something's definitely screwing with me when it comes to school, but I'm not sure if it's my presumed autism or a completely different issue.
While I don't really get emotional outbursts at school (meltdowns if you will) or elsewhere, often times all I want to do is hide in some dark and calm corner and just having to care about anything.
(I may have had something that in hindsight felt like a meltdown a few months ago though, while arguing with my mom.)

I have one more week off school but I'm the absolute least 'excited' to go back than ever. Most of my classmates are jerks who make me uncomfortable, either directly or indirectly by me being forced to put up with the shit they do in the same room etc; Recess is sensory hell and I don't even have earphones to douse it out with music (or any free space on my phone); I absolutely hate some of my classes and for the life of me can't focus or be at all interested in them , which naturally everyone sees as me being lazy or not trying hard enough; And in general it's horrendously stressful and draining me for a good portion of the day and week, I can't stand it anymore.
I've been to the school counsellor a few times but not even that seems very helpful.
 
And I doubt that anyone in my family would like the idea of me dropping out of school, even though there are times when it drives me up the damn wall (or indeed all the time).
Then again I don't know how much of this is related to the possibility of me being autistic and what is related to depression or anxiety or whatever, but it would seem that all people give a damn about is that my grades and 'motivation' are going downhill. 'Priorities'.

[FallacyofUrist]

Is self education/homeschooling yourself an option?

[Tiruin]

Now, I'm not asking anyone here for a diagnosis or anything - I've been to a psychiatrist last week (who is a really nice person which contrasts a lot with my previous psychologist who I went to last year a few time, whom I just couldn't seem to get much help from, but at the same time I wasn't as concerned with autism at that time) I do have a psychologist appointment scheduled for late March followed by another psychiatrist visit, all with the intent of performing a diagnosis.

There's nothing wrong with a diagnosis though Other than being diagnosed--there'd be counseling and otherwise in order to help you with what has been detected, as well as what is being self-reported.

I've been to the school counsellor a few times but not even that seems very helpful.

From experience and my studies into Guidance and Counseling, this depends on what and how you tell them :O If they find something they cannot personally handle to the best of their proficiency/profession, they will refer you to someone who can. And this is a good thing

[wierd]

Dont feel bad, I took the adult self assessment as well, and came out FOUR deviations outside the psychonormative score in favor of aspbergers. (this is in the "you should consider professional testing" range.

I dont really care, personally.  The world takes all kinds. If you feel you need a clinical diagnosis to show the world, to better live in it, then getting one will help you. Otherwise, it's just another label.

Be confident and at peace with yourself and how/what you are. Being different is not wrong. One can be an apsie and not be a raging douchehole. It just means you have quirks that make you bettter suited to abstractions, highly ordered/regimented life choices, and less suited to social interactions. If that is true, own it and everything else about yourself the same way you would your gender or your sexuality. 

[Tiruin]

Dont feel bad, I took the adult self assessment as well, and came out FOUR deviations outside the psychonormative score in favor of aspbergers. (this is in the "you should consider professional testing" range.

I dont really care, personally.  The world takes all kinds. If you feel you need a clinical diagnosis to show the world, to better live in it, then getting one will help you. Otherwise, it's just another label.

Be confident and at peace with yourself and how/what you are. Being different is not wrong. One can be an apsie and not be a raging douchehole. It just means you have quirks that make you bettter suited to abstractions, highly ordered/regimented life choices, and less suited to social interactions. If that is true, own it and everything else about yourself the same way you would your gender or your sexuality.

^ dis. :3
I'm friends with many people along the spectrum and all are very decent and polite folk Whatever that diagnosis gives--it does NOT hinder you from being a good person (because attitude and learning, and all that). What many people may misinterpret is when sensory stimuli go into the painful area, and which causes the person to react to it (and usually this is seen in behavior or tantrums at an early age).

A clinical diagnosis DOES help a lot however--the times are becoming better in understanding and detection, and following it up with aid on how to work with it and possibly detect other related and connected characteristics.

[TheBiggerFish]

Where is this test, anyway?  I'm kind of curious.

[wierd]

I used the one linked to by WIRED some time back.. but this one looks OK as well.

aspergerstest.net/

Remember, self assessments are inherently unreliable due to the unreliability of self reporting. Answer the questions as honestly and unabashedly as possible. As the preamble to the site points out, this is a good starting point if you suspect you are different in this way, but not the end of the road.  Like I said, I score way outside psychonormative on these tests. I have not been clinically diagnosed. Do I have Aspergers? Maybe, maybe not. I dont personally consider it necessary to have the official diagnosis, knowing I exhibit asperger like character traits to a significant degree is satisfactory to me. Your mileage may vary.

[Mesa]

Is self education/homeschooling yourself an option?

Sort of?
It's not exactly popular in Poland as far as I know, and I worry that people would just try to guilt trip me or dismiss it in ways like "Oh but you won't have ANY contact with your peers. Do you really want to become a total social recluse?" or "You'll be fine.".
^{(maybe I'm not looking at it right but even if I did manage to get it done, I'd still have to survive this semester 'the old way', which stresses the crap out of me.)}

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

Oh hey! Lots of people on the spectrum! I've been labeled like six things in my life. ODD, ADHD, Aspergers, etc.

Do I care? No. I have problems, I deal with them, and I'm now just as capable as any other student, maybe even more capable. Sure, elementary school was probably hell for my teachers sometimes. But an awesome person helped me, and I eventually figured out something, because I stopped. It's kind of funny, I don't know how I stopped.

What am I saying? (no srsly i forgot what i was saying) Oh yes! Don't let the labels get you down. I got help because of my labels, but I didn't internalize them.

Also, wow is there possibly a correlation between Bay12 membership and some form of Autism spectrum? Well, that'd be hard to test, because autistics or people who think they're autistic may be more likely to click on a link like this, and not everyone who is autistic would say it online, and it can be kind of iffy to know anyway, so we don't have good statistics in RL (heh, I just mean the average person), and anyway how could we tell how it relates to the national / local average? Maybe people from Indonesia have a 5% large chance of being autistic or something like that. (Nothing against Indonesia, I just as well could have stated Timbuktu or South Africa or Tennessee or London...)

geez i sound so autistic! jk Everyone has quirks, mine just happen to be like others' on the spectrum. I like numbers and statistics. I just took Linear Algebra. (I'm a freshman in HS.) See? Silver lining.

------

wow that was rambly. But I'm just saying, you might be spectrum, you might not be spectrum, it's ok either way. Don't internalize, get help if you need it, and sometimes a strong desire to focus on one thing can be helpful!

Spoiler: ohno (click to show/hide)

and I just focused on this for five minute and my paper's due in an hour nooooooo

Spoiler: and (click to show/hide)

and I don't care how anybody thinks I am on this forum because I've said I'm autistic. I just forget everyone's names anyway, and I'm betting nobody will use it against me or think of me in a bad way. This is Bay12, where people aren't asses to anyone who's different, right?