Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[None]

Eh, one-on-one partnering is kind of the social norm and it's okay to have/set that boundary for yourself or expect that for others because it's socially implied that you could be crossing that boundary for someone else without their say (eg. the boyfriend). If someone has disentangling to do, they need to do it on their time, not yours. Scruples aside, it sounds like way too much problem and effort to be a component of someone else's breakup, and in someone else's shoes, I wouldn't want to inflict a hypothetical breakup of my own on a romantic interest.

If she mentions they're not exclusive or that they're poly, then the boundary's changed and it's open swim, right?

Never mind the wrath of jilted lovers, I don't really trust other people not to go on a violent tirade when they're crossed. I mean, I don't really trust other people to take their own health or others' health into consideration, de-escalate a problem, understand driving laws or things like right-of-way, or even vaguely to do the right thing, but that's kind of beside the point. People get shot dead for less, and as a small man, I'm not going to come out on top if someone comes at me, arms swinging.

Crushing on someone you're not supposed to sucks though. Been there a few times. It's difficult to choose sometimes how we feel, but it's how we act about it that matters, and you seem to have that locked down pat. Hah, now we're all dwelling on it for you, eh.

[Jopax]

Oh don't you worry, I've done nothing but dwell on it for the past two days (having stomach trouble that prevents you from sleeping gives you plenty of time for bad ideas). And while IP raises some good points in not dealing in absolutes and considering the other side as well, it all runs into the basic problem None has brought up (at least in my case). I do not wish to have someone else's breakup and heartache on my conscience. One of the cornerstones of my personal philosophy or code of ethics or what have you is to not cause harm for personal gain, because it's a shit thing to do. And when it comes down to it, I find it easier to endure some personal misery rather than inflict it on others.

And that's ultimately what it boiled down to, I don't know the guy, he might be a shithead he might not, but it's not my place to come in and wreck whatever they might have going, I kinda know how it feels and I do not wish that shit upon anyone.

[heydude6]

What, does any of you want only such a 'weak-willed', 'codependent' soul that will stay with you regardless of bad you treat them? Or do you really want to find such a ballsy giant of a (wo)man who ends relationships at first sight of trouble and has the means and the ego to repeatedly put themselves on the dating market? (see, hyperbole can be used both ways)

Edit: Original reply removed. Got way too personal about a time where I was less mature and made dumb mistakes. The takeaway still remains the same though.

An affair is not a relationship. Don’t take the former while hoping for the latter

[Il Palazzo]

Eh. Another girl, another time (another you), might have found you preferable. If there's one point I'm making here is that things vary. No point getting all dogmatic about relationships, is all.

[Great Order]

'if they were unhappy and looked for happiness elsewhere, then they'll start looking again if you make them unhappy too'.

See, I'd still see that as shitty. It's still a betrayal of trust and still cheating. If you've fallen out of love with someone, they're at least owed a "Sorry, I don't think I can sustain this relationship" rather than them banging someone behind your back and breaking up with you, leaving you cast adrift and wondering what the hell you did wrong and if you're good enough, while possibly leaving you fucked up to the point of needing therapy. This isn't a hypothetical, by the way, this happens.

And if you are so insecure that you can't tell someone that (With the exception of abusive relationships, in which case the abuser's got what's coming to them, although I'd advise a seriously different approach because abusers don't tend to take that well and can easily get violent about it) then get therapy yourself, or at least learn to not be so much of a coward that you make things worse for everyone. And in the meantime don't be in a relationship if you're not grown up enough to have the bare minimum human decency.

In case it wasn't obvious, I take an incredibly dim view of betrayals of trust. Never been cheated on (Predominantly because you need to be in a relationship for that), but I've had a few trust-related incidents that have had severe impacts on my mental health and self-esteem.

[Frumple]

Brought grandpa to visit grandma a bit in hospital today. She's... not doing good. Not actively-dying bad, but just... so incoherent, confused, etc. They've got her attached to the bed itself to keep her from getting up and falling yet again, had to nearabout staple the IV to her to keep her from removing it. Just can't keep coherency long enough or consistently enough to not be a danger to herself.

Hurts to see someone that was mostly functional just a couple weeks ago degrade this far, that fast... the slow degeneration of dementia is its own sort of hell, but I guess now I've learned the fast version has its own particular flavor of misery

[Great Order]

Sadly it's not uncommon when old people injure themselves to rapidly decline. The body's probably just about chugging along, and when something goes wrong it can hardly spare the resources.

Hope she recovers and has more time though, I know how rough this can be.

[Frumple]

... yeah, just got call from hospital, heart stopped early this morning. Were able to get it back going but she's low on blood and unresponsive even when unsedated. It doesn't sound like she's going to wake back up.

[Great Order]

Went to grab my phone and slammed my elbow into my 2 litre metal water bottle. Missed the funny bone, but smacked a little bone protrusion instead. Less immediate pain, more long-term pain.
EDIT: Continuing on the pain train, the epilator I ordered a month and a half ago arrived. Gave it a try.

Sucks about as much as I expected.

[JoshuaFH]

Woke up again from the same thing. Had a dream where I was convinced to go to a very large social gathering, like a Con or something, and I'm wandering around it looking for my friends, and apparently I just look like a slob and a loser, and I see the girl I was dating in highschool (but it was a bad time) and I'm immediately scared so shitless that I wake up immediately. I'm 33 years old, I last saw her like 15 years ago, but I feel like the spectre of this woman is going to haunt me until the day I die.

[bloop_bleep]

Bruh how is it that a high school relationship that ends with high school is this significant?

[Il Palazzo]

It's PTSD. It lingers.

[EuchreJack]

... yeah, just got call from hospital, heart stopped early this morning. Were able to get it back going but she's low on blood and unresponsive even when unsedated. It doesn't sound like she's going to wake back up.

Wow, that sucks

[King Zultan]

I was cleaning the battery compartment on this old mini laptop thing I have, and after quite a bit of work I managed to get it all clean, just for the spring to brake as soon as I finished.

[dragdeler]

Took me 31 years to realize I'm the kid that doesn't get picked up after soccer training. Walking home that's agency. Having your colleague give a shit and insist on driving you home, gets just more embarassing the more repetitive of an occurence it becomes.