I came out as kinky to my mother today.
To give some background: I've been going to the kink group on campus recently, and I've got really into the group, and I volunteered to help establish a club to be the group's public face, so we can put on events and bring in speakers, to help educate people about how to be kinky and safe.
I've only come out to a handful of people, mostly very, very close friends, and even then, it's really hard to come out. Y'all are an exception, cause this is the internet.
I didn't want to.
I didn't want to come out to my parents yet. Now was really not the best time. I wasn't ready. I hadn't even state to prepare mentally, much less physically (I had a whole PowerPoint envisioned, where I got to explain my kinkiness, explain who I am, and why I feel the things I do, and explain that there's no need to be worried, that I'm being safe, that I'm not immoral, that I'm not a bad person for being who I am. That's not really an option any more.
).
I let something slip about the club, and my mother grabbed onto it, and refused to let go. I explicitly said I wasn't interested in talking about it yet, but she continued to hound me.
When I refused to come out and tell her about the nature of the club I was starting, she switched tactics, and started asking directly if it was or wasn't X.
X was, in order, Bernie Sanders related, weed related, Jill Stein related, (I go to school in northern California. That's the sort of people up at school.) or "are you one of those 1000, 100, 50 Shades of Grey people?"
I knew that I'd have to come out at some point. Hiding this has already been eating away at me for years. I had to come clean at some point. Lying would just have made coming out on my own terms worse.
So I told her. I told her yes, yes I was. I explained that I was being safe, and that I didn't want to talk about this right now.
She got the message that time.
Please don't quote this. I'm not sure I want to keep it up. Just needed to tell someone.