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[Kars]

kars was just an elf born in mistyscalds in -103
he picked up a sword and murdered an entire town of humans
the entire
town
of humans
don't give your swineherds swords guys
this is the kind of nonsense that happens
productivity goes WAY DOWN and murder goes WAY UP
anyway he goes to a dwarf fortress and decides to straight up kill a forgotten beast that spits acid and then he eats it
he goes to a goblin pit and chills there
but then he overhears a couple of goblins like haha joke's on that elf loser
we killed like 20 elves yesterday
and kars gets mad as hell
but now its basically as sour as possible for kars
because due to some hilarious curse from a mummy, he and his companions are laid up with an inability to hit anything
so the goblins are like VICTORY IS ASSURED
but actually victory is not assured
because KARS IS IMMUNE TO CURSES
WHEN YOU CURSE KARS HE JUST REACHES INTO HIS SOUL AND PULLS IT OUT
THEN DROP KICKS IT UNTIL IT TURNS INTO A CROSSBOW
AND SHOOTS YOUR DOG
JUST IN CASE

so he's literally THE ONLY DUDE IN THE WHOLE PLACE who can do anything to stop these goblins
and he just goes ahead and challenges EVERYONE IN THE GOBLIN FORTRESS
ONE AT A TIME
BECAUSE HE IS KARS AND SCREW EVERYBODY
oh man i dont think i mentioned
kars wields TWELVE WEAPONS

ALSO HAS TWELVE EYES
WHY TWELVE EYES?
BECAUSE TWO EYES ARE NOT ENOUGH TO WITNESS ALL THE MURDER THAT WILL TAKE PLACE
so anyway he keeps murdering them
and this goes on for a WHILE

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

THIS GOES ON FOR QUITE A FEW PAGES

but he gets injured finally and he's lying down and the goblins are killing his companions
and then he's like wait a second
i have two options
i can lie bleeding
like a SISSY HUMAN
OR
I CAN TRANSFORM INTO A VAMPIRE WITH THIS BLOOD I HAVE IN MY PACK
I CHOOSE OPTION B
and now its like a combination of footage from the Doom games and interview with a vampire

but with 10x more blood
it ultimately just results in these dudes running away from the fortress and leaving kars to hatesmash all their friends
and no one ever bothers the elves stupid jaguars again

so the moral of the story is

elves are the best race
the end

[StagnantSoul]

BURN THE HERETIC!

[Kars]

ELVEN SUPREMACY IS THE ONLY TRUTH

[NJW2000]

Hey, look up the killing spree succession game, when you have time, kay? Then you find out the subservience of meagre elves to even boring humans. If the current player is anything to go by, gonna blow treehugger Kars out of the water.

Pointy-eared toss.

[Kars]

Hey, look up the killing spree succession game, when you have time, kay? Then you find out the subservience of meagre elves to even boring humans. If the current player is anything to go by, gonna blow treehugger Kars out of the water.

Pointy-eared toss.

all I can say to this is lol

[StagnantSoul]

Hm... Wonder who can kill more, Kars or the Victorian walrus?

[NJW2000]

Challenge Accepted, treescum!

_{^{And yes, I am taking this way too seriously on purpose}}

[Kars]

if you thought death would spare you THINK AGAIN
KARS WHEN DOWN TO HELL AND HE MURDERED THE DEMONS
NOW HE WILL MURDER YOUR SOUL

[Max™]

I have a dorf girl with 2.5k named kills because I got bored after a while.

She's 2 years old.

[nomoetoe]

Hm... Wonder who can kill more, Kars or the Victorian walrus?

ME

[NJW2000]

But who can kill most creatively?

[nomoetoe]

But who can kill most creatively?

Kars. c:
I tend to only decapitate people.

[Tawa]

But who can kill most creatively?

I've tried several times to not!kill people by cutting each individual finger and toe off, then their hands and feet, then their forearms and calves, then their thighs and upper arms, then remove each ear, their nose, their tounge, gouge out their eyes, and knock out all their teeth before leaving, forcing them to wallow in freakish misery for ever, unable to hear, smell, see, touch, or taste.

They usually die of blood loss while I'm finishing off the last few fingers or toes.

[vjmdhzgr]

That's why after knocking them unconscious after the first few fingers, you then travel away and immediately come back to find them all full up of blood again. Meaning you can keep cutting limbs off again and again as long as you're careful. In my experience cutting two arms off is enough to kill someone most of the time, but not all the time, and cutting two legs off is I think always enough to kill one of the vanilla civilized creatures.

[Tawa]

That's why after knocking them unconscious after the first few fingers, you then travel away and immediately come back to find them all full up of blood again. Meaning you can keep cutting limbs off again and again as long as you're careful. In my experience cutting two arms off is enough to kill someone most of the time, but not all the time, and cutting two legs off is I think always enough to kill one of the vanilla civilized creatures.

Thank you for the advice. There is now an unfortunate cheese maker who is now effectively a torso-and-head shaped lump as a punishment for his useless profession.

It's a wonder he can still talk, he doesn't have a tongue anymore. Or cheeks. or teeth. Or anything, really. He doesn't even have eyelids now.