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[Spiderking50]

Updated sheet, going for a defender of the weak motif, still need power levels though.


EDIT: Here's a quick backstory:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Redacted.

[~Neri]

Give a good backstory reason and I'll consider going higher than Merchant.

[Spiderking50]

Threw in a quick backstory on the last post, I'll transfer it to my character sheet if accepted.

[SOLDIER First]

_{Hopefully this will start soon and my dreams can come true}

[~Neri]

You're describing merchant class Precog. Didn't need a backstory for it.

However I have a lot of things to pick apart in the backstory.

He did not have good intentions. He used his power over fire to take over the town and claimed his sister as his queen

Why? Why did he take someone in the first place? That generally results in getting killed by the person. Not to mention most villages have a large enough selection of combat oriented abilities. Just fire is pretty weak. Even a God Class Pyromancer will still die to a single spear.

Especially Oauk. But one person stood up, his mother wouldn't allow this animal to steal her daughter. The villain killed her on the spot. Oauk cried out as his mother died before before she hit the ground.

Again. Why did he target? This just seems like plotfuel. Also that would be baboon/fox. That would be pretty weird culturally. A fox would normally go for a canine or feline if it did have a fondness of other species.

Ouak didn't know what was going on, but he did know what he had to do. He took his dead fathers sword and its stealth on his back. He knew he had to try to stop this villain before he could do any damage. He knew he would likely die.

He attacks a random wanderer simply because they have an appearance similar to a creature in a dream. That.. Isn't a good sign of mental stability.

He confronted the monster and drew his sword. The villain laughed and threw fire at the boy.

The issue with fighting pyromancers is AOE attacks. Can't dodge when everything around you is on fire. Also throwing fire isn't common when you lack hands. Easier to just spear fire up from the ground.

Ouak could see all of it, every detail, all at once. He dodged the two balls of fire, and his sword was at the villain's throat. Ouak pressed lightly, and the villain began to sweat.

Again. AOE. Also how can you see someone with fur sweating?

Ouak felt the rage behind the overwhelming clarity. He was going to kill this animal before he could bring any harm. Right before he finished the deed, staring into the fear within the fox's eyes, his mother called out to him. That's enough. Ouak was filled with anger at this turn of events, here was the fox who would kill his mother and kidnap his little sister, yet his mom would save him from his hand.

Literally the only thing any villager would see is your character randomly assaulting a wanderer and the wanderer defending himself. Also again. AOE. There's a reason Shielders or Antimagi are used to counter Mancers.

Ouak kicked him down and said this, "I know what you are. I know what lays within your heart. I can see it. I can see you, and through you. You will never return."

Great time for the fox to roast you to a cinder. Too close to dodge. Too close to attack in time.

The horrified fox scampered away

Fiiiiiiire.

Ouak didn't know what had happened,

Yes he did. He realized one of his abilities was precog. Everybody has abilities.

[Spiderking50]

I wrote it in 4 minutes and know nothing of this universe. I redact the backstory and just take merchant class precog. Also, almost all mammals sweat, but it was a figure of speech.

EDIT: Or I can write a different one now that I have more time. But would like a more in-depth explanation of this world if my character's strength depends on my knowledge of it. He's supposed to be battle focused, so I'm not sure having more than a few minutes of precog is really important to his character though.

[~Neri]

Even without universe knowledge, it sounds pretty odd.

Anyways:

Why? What good does more than a few minutes of precog do? The issue is processing it all. Midbattle.

[Spiderking50]

Thats why I wanted focus originally, to be able to process things mid battle. The few minutes of precog don't help, he really only needs 10 seconds, but really he needs more than anything, to be able to react and process during a fight. Are you seeing what I'm going for here? What could he have that allows that? If anything.

[~Neri]

You would want Precog as a mental and Hyperprocessing as a physical. Focus just focuses on one task, not comprehending the data until an output is received but being able to run a hell of a lot more complex stuff than normal.

Hyperprocessing is comprehending all available data as good as possible. With some memorization traits cropping up with the later tiers.

[WillowLuman]

Here we go, probably made some mistakes and definitely needs more work. But what do you think?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Name: Axa
Age: 15
Species: Leopard seal
Sex: Female
Gender: Female/Indifferent
Physical Power: Speed
Mental Power: Charm
Physical Power Level: Merchant
Mental Power Level: Wanderer
Are you a Walker. No
Description: Axa is a large seal, though not overly so for her kind. She is dressed minimally, as too many accoutriments slow one down in the water, wearing a single, streamlined leather pouch around her neck.
Personality: A curious and restless one, Axa roams the coasts and seas of the world, collecting tales and songs, a sort of traveling bard if you will. She searches for good conversation, good food, good company, and all around good times, and prefers to be ever on the move. She's never seen another of her species, but it's not something she often thinks about.

[~Neri]

Any description of powers so I can give a relative classing?

[WillowLuman]

Physical: she can swim extremely quickly, and crawl faster on land than other pinnipeds, almost as fast as a terrestrial creature if need be. She can also jump on land to a limited degree. Using speed on land for any more than short bursts results in extreme fatigue later.
Mental: she can diffuse hostile intent, and increase the disposition of others towards her. Probably needs more conditions.

[~Neri]

Define extremely quickly. Double speed? Triple?

Mental sounds like a Wanderer Class.

[WillowLuman]

She can swim at around 60mph in bursts, and 25mph for longer periods. Top land speed is slightly less than walking speed of most similarly-sized terrestrial animals.

[~Neri]

I mean compare speed to a normal seal.