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[Taupe]

Fun update: I've had no response from the next person on the list. I just contacted Pearofclubs, to see if he is still alive. Unless he answers within the next two days, I'll be jumping back into this for a second turn.

[QuQuasar]

How do second turns work here? If somebody new requests a go, do they get appended before or after the second turn folk?

Because I have free time and wouldn't mind running the place into the ground for a bit, but I have no idea where I'll be multiple turns from now.

[Taupe]

Right now nobody cares because nobody is playing because nobody is managing this fortress. If you seriously feel like playing, just go ahead. Jump in. Grab the save and play a turn. People might complain, but that's better than letting the thread sit idle after two months of inaction.

Like, I've contacted the next two players and they didn't respond. The next people are me (will play if you don't, altho I think I'm next in breadbowl or something), then the OP who died, Gwolfsky whom I believe is busy, and absolutely nobody else. That makes you the rightful claimant to the save, on the grounds of ''actually posting here since august''

[QuQuasar]

Alright, sounds good. Can't download the save right now, but I'll get to it later tonight and dorf myself and a Research Assistant as appropriate.
         
         
Prologue
         
Speech given by Dr. 'Quasar' Honoredglaze on the 28th of Obsidian in the main dining hall of Icehold
         
Gentlemen, ladies. If I may have your attention?
         
It is good to see you all alive in this frozen hellhole, uncouth and foul though you each may be. As I strongly doubt any of you have the education to know me, or my work, it appears introductions are in order.
         
I am Professor 'Quasar' Honoredglaze. I am what you folk would call a "natural philosopher" if you were capable of remembering words with more than two syllables in them.
         
Oh, yes? You in the back? Oh, you have heard of me?
         
Uh... y- yes, okay, that was me indeed, though I'd object to the use of the term 'crazy doctor'. I'm quite sane, I assure you. I check every day, using a customised methodology I developed myself.
         
And I'd also like to assure you, those "kidnapped orphans" you mentioned were never in any danger. All seventeen of them were in the control group, you see. Also, it's hardly kidnapping if they don't have parents, is it?
         
Regardless, I found myself here, in the company of you... uh... wonderful... people. Honestly, I could not have asked for a better outcome. Here, admist all these potential minions and/or test subjects of many shapes and sizes, free from such petty distractions as "the law" and "basic ethical standards", I may finally be able to advance dwarven knowledge into a magnificent new age, where SCIENCE rules over superstition.
         
So, it is in the interests of SCIENCE, and of providing a leader capable of eloquency for the organisation of this miserable hole, that I humbly offer my services as the new years overseer.
         
Also, I'm the only one who knows how to make the antidote. Agree or die.

[Taupe]

The gathered dwarves were confused. few of them fully followed the speech given by Dr. Lastname, and those who did weren't sure if it was a joke or not. Of course, in some fortresses, allegations of strange experiments and child kidnapping would make the voters think twice, but this was Icehold, where all of them had done something unstellar in the past. In the end, many of them turned their head toward saner members of the fortress, most notably the manager Honeymoon.

''Well, it's better than a baby'' she simply said, before people nodded their heads and began cheering.

[QuQuasar]

Excellent! The potential minions are cheering my speech and seem fully engaged. With any luck, my scientific ambitions may proceed with alacrity.

Mental note: the minion known as 'Honeymoon' displayed a pragmatic mindset and encouraged the others to my support, and so will be the first to receive the antidote.

Also, this table pleases me.



To know what one is capable of, one must first know with what resources one has to work. Naturally, the most important resource is the dwarven one.

Dwarves


There are 69 dwarves in Icehold, of whom 26 are children. An odd ratio for a glacial prison/death sentence, but perfect for my purposes! Children are similar to adults in most attributes, but being untainted by social bias and the chemical humors of puberty makes them most excellent test subjects! I daresay we can find many uses for the small ones in the months to come.

As for the adults, the most disgusting sample of the foulest, most uncouth cretins you could possibly hope to share a home with. They lack such basics as manners, politeness and a vocabulary in excess of double digits, although I suppose their lack of empathy is a point in their favor.

Resources


We have a comical amount of raw meat, for some reason, which seems fitting for these savage ignoramii, but very little in the way of drink. Following up on this, I found our most skilled brewer, one 'Oddom Clasppeaked' (with us for poisoning 11 nobles to death), weaving.



An abominable lack of commitment to fine alcohol! As my first order, therefore, I will have him cease all other labours and return to brewing. I assume this will endear me to the drunken rabble that occupy this place.

Maps

The final point of survey is the geographical makeup of the Icehold. For such a small fortress, it is disturbingly labyrinthine, and much of it's structure is given over to absurdities.

Why do we have a well beneath which lies not water, but an upright spike? Is it some sort of execution device? I must remember to test it.



Why has a small section of the graveyard been walled off and given to a young child for use as a bedroom? Could they be testing the effects of an increased awareness of mortality on young minds? If so, where's the control group? This is a terrible experiment!



Why do we have two rooms alongside the staircase filled entirely with Yeti-bone crafts? Does this serve some purpose? While I would certainly expect these cretins to give superstitious credit to the warding power of crafts against evil, surely even they could see that filling entire rooms with them might be overdoing it?



And this! Magma encased in ice? The fools! Don't they know that's not physically possible? It's clearly a mass hallucenation, and thus useless to my experiments.



Possible Avenues of Research

We have several avenues of research available. Obviously, the effects of exposure to extremes of hot and cold temperature is one. Basic research, but always worthwhile in order to verify that the laws of physics remain unchanged since the last time this test was performed. I will set aside a few subjects.

More interestingly, we have two forgotten beasts locked outside, both with notable poisonous abilities. One of them, a Stegosaurid, appears to be slowly rotting away, possibly from exposure to it's own blood.



The safe capture and containment of these creatures should therefore be a priority. We cannot afford to miss this opportunity!

Another interesting opportunity lies with the undead who plague the surface. Though they remain hostile, their robust nature and inability to feel pain makes it possible to use them in tests that conventional sapient creatures could not withstand. Perhaps more importantly, studying their method of motion might glean some insights as the mechanism of their reanimation. The clods will call it "dark magic", undoubtedly, but I remain convinced there must be a scientific explanation. Perhaps some sort of parasite, or invisible demon, manipulating the once living matter as if a puppet.

Ideally, of course, we would capture one of the necromancers themselves and converse. It would be a fine thing to speak with someone intelligent for once, no matter how unrelentingly hostile.

We shall see what can be done!

[Deus Asmoth]

It may be worth making a new thread to continue this fort, since OP hasn't been online since July.

[QuQuasar]

Experiment 1 – Testing of presumed execution device.
Apparatus:  Strange architectural structure discovered in the depths of Breadbowl, consisting of a multi z-level well built over an upright copper spike.
Hypothesis:  instant death.
Trial A:
Test subject: 1x stray dog.





Results: Subject failed to meet the copper spike. However, subject successfully met the walls twice on the way down, and the floor face first. Significant but not lethal damage to mouth and jaw sustained. Symptoms indistinguishable from an ordinary fall from height.
Note: An execution device that merely maims its subject? Pointlessly cruel and worse: inefficient! It is of no use to me.


One of the minions, "Asmel Clinchedgilds" (serial homicide), has fallen silent, stopped obeying orders and taken up residence in a jewelers workshop. It is of little consequence.





The kitchens stink to high heaven. Have these fools not heard of basic hygiene? No wonder Oddom didn't want to brew anything there.



But what do I care? It's not like I'm the one preparing the food.


Asmel produced an amulet called "Greatchurches". Congratulations, you superstitious moron.




Experiment 2 – Preservation of Dwarven physique via extreme cold.
It is well known that low temperatures and ice preserve meat and body tissue. However, it is also well known that rapid encasement in ice kills any creature unfortunate enough to be caught in it.
Hypothesis: Previous deaths were caused by the expansion of water into ice during the freezing process, crushing the subject. I will therefore be testing encasement within already-frozen ice, to see if a test subject can be preserved alive to be revived at a future date.
Apparatus: ‘Dwarf-mold’ made of ice, constructed on the surface, with door in the front allowing test subject to be removed, studied and (in the event of a successful test) revived.
Test Subject: Corpulent dwarven child, 7 years old, self-identifies as “Zulban Mobbedcaves”, son of "Atir Blizzardcrafts" (cruelty to animals, deceased) and "Adil Boltsclapped" (serial arsonist).



Report 1: Subject was brought to the surface. Significant quantities of vomit produced. Subject, unable to resist due to nausea, was easy to direct into ice mold. Door is now locked, and so the experiment begins. If my hypothesis is correct, I predict a gradual increase in hibernatory behaviour (sleep), leading to a state of stasis that can be prolonged indefinitely.

[Taupe]

This is needlessly cruel and underserved. Keep up the good work.

[QuQuasar]

Experiment 2 – Preservation of Dwarven physique via extreme cold.
Report 2: Subject "Zulban" has now been encased for a fortnight. The onset of stasis is taking significantly longer than expected. Subject cried for the first 2 days 7 hours, but has since been relatively quiet, with the exception of begging repetitively to be let out when it glimpses shapes through the translucent ice. As of sometime during day 11, this too has stopped.
       


Recent psychological evaluations have determined the subject is displaying an intense interest in the patterns of dried vomit on the door in front of it, presumably due to the lack of stimuli and ability to move.
       
         
Experiment 3: Observation of Manera Hunting Behaviour
The caged manera we have is a fascinating specimen, and we could potentially benefit from a careful observation of it's behavior. Of particular interest is it's unique method of stalking and ambushing prey. I envisage a future where hunting dwarves and their dogs creep silently along the cavern ceiling like spiders before dropping on unsuspecting prey.
Hypothesis: Test subject will be attacked.
Apparatus: 1x caged manera. 1x small, unused room near the primary dining hall, carefully sealed provide an absence of light, the manera's preferred habitat.
Test Subject: Dwarven child, 7 year old male, self-identifies as "Morul Cobaltweakened".


         
Note 1: Test subject was brought to the testing room by means of a ruse (was told he would be "meeting a new friend"). Obviously, subject was not made aware of the nature of the test prior to testing.
         


Note 2: Lever was pulled, and the manera was released. Test subject responded to the noise of the cage opening, fleeing to and cowering in the far corner. Manera took a moment to exit the cage and silently climb the wall, attaching itself to the roof.
         


Note 3: To my surprise the manera ignored the test subject, moving away from him and towards the door. Thankfully, it is locked and tightly sealed.
         


Note 4: The test subject stopped cowering and ventured into the center of the room. The manera turned and approached the test subject, who peered into the darkness nervously.
         


Note 5: Rather than engaging in the expected hunting behavior, the creature ignored the test subject, allowing the child to do as it pleases. The child in turn seems to have relaxed in the presence of the creature, and has named it "Mister Toothy".
         


Result: Abject failure. Not only did we not see any sign of hunting behaviour from the manera, what little behavior it did exhibit was completely incompatible with modern theories on predator-prey relationships! I can only assume this creature is entirely abnormal.
         
After an uneventful days worth of observation, I released the test subject. He has asked to be allowed to return some other time to visit "Mister Toothy".
         


       
Experiment 2 – Preservation of Dwarven physique via extreme cold.
Report 3: Subject "Zulban" has been encased for a full month. It appears the subject has lost a small amount of weight and is now merely "very fat" rather than "corpulent". This has given the subject some room to move in the mold. This is less than ideal for our purposes, but not enough to merit calling off the test.
       


Subject alternates between sleep (it seems stasis is at last setting in) and complaints of dehydration and hunger. We can only hope the onset of cryogenic stasis will outpace the subject’s metabolic requirements.



       
A 3-eyed rattlesnake of unparalleled size roams the topmost cavern layer. Generally I would be ecstatic at the presence of another poisonous beast to study, but the creature's ability to bite the heads off of live trolls is likely to prove an obstacle to administering it's venom to test subjects in a controlled environment.
       


Sadly, it may prove necessary to terminate it. I feel confident these thugs will be able to handle that much on their own, at least. And keeping our hopes up, it's possible one of them will get themselves bitten in the process. We can but hope!


A cyclops emerged from the raging blizzard outside. An unwelcome interruption that didn't even have the common decency to provide an opportunity for testing: a cyclops is little more than a large deformed human, after all. Hardly worth studying.
         
I asked the violent morons with weapons to kill it. One of them, Stakud Bomrekirtir (aka. "The Eye Stabber", notable serial killer), said she already did. By herself. While the others were still putting their boots on.


         
Excellent initiative that minion.
       

Experiment 2 – Preservation of Dwarven physique via extreme cold.
Report 3: Subject "Zulban" has been encased for a month and a half. Judging by previous tests performed in the mountainhome, it is likely the subjects metabolic requirements have it experiencing both extreme starvation and dehydration.
       


Subject also displays increased activity lately, fidgeting within the ice mold as if searching for something. Unfortunately, this additional movement seems to have retarded the onset of cryogenic stasis.

It is now exceedingly unlikely that the subject will achieve stasis before death.

[Taupe]

Generally I would be ecstatic at the presence of another poisonous beast to study, but the creature's ability to bite the heads off of live trolls is likely to prove an obstacle to administering it's venom to test subjects in a controlled environment.

Pure gold.

[QuQuasar]

Experiment 2 – Preservation of Dwarven physique via extreme cold.
Final Report: It became apparent that Test Subject "Zulban" was not going to enter a state of cryogenic stasis. I had it released, whereupon it fled in silence.




A spectre has been sighted! It takes the form of As Roofpunches (ghostly serial killer, deceased), and visits Sigun Meshochre (blasphemy, treason) in jail.



I'm not sure why Sigun Meshochre is in jail, or even why we have a jail in this place, and I honestly don't care. It is disturbingly meta, and my brain power would be better spent on this perfect opportunity to test a pet hypothesis of mine.
         
You see, a common dwarven superstition involves the paying of respect to the dead by means of engraving a slab. This is supposed to "lay them to rest" and prevent them from coming back as a spirit.
         
Rediculous, of course. Mere "respect", as a means of shackling the dead? No. Something else is going on here.

         
Experiment 4 - Testing the ability of engraved stones to restrain the dead
The occult power of words is well established in myth and legend: the power of names doubly so. It is possible that by engraving a dwarf's name into a stone slab we are not 'laying them to rest' as such, but instead trapping their consiousness within the slab, dooming them to a hellish eternity as an insensate, inanimate object, unable even to scream as their mind dissolves into insanity in the complete absense of both stimuli and agency.
Test Subject: As Roofpunches, (ghostly serial killer, deceased)
Procedure: The test subjects name will be engraved as poorly as possible upon a baldly generic stone slab, while the engraver concentrates on how utterly worthless the test subjects entire existence was, and how they were dumb and also smelled. The slab will then be 'installed' (read: dumped) in the refuse stockpile, next to a dead dog.




Hypothesis: This procedure will have the same effect as a complete memorial service, causing the disappearance of the test subject's ghost. This will lend evidence to my theory and, at the very least, prove that "respect" is not the essential catalyst for laying dwarfs to "rest".

Result:

SCIENCE, ladies and gentlemen!
         

Experiment 3: Observation of Manera Hunting Behaviour
Addendum: Apparently, Morul Cobaltweakened has been visiting "Mister Toothy" on a daily basis and holding extended conversations with it.



The child is clearly insane.


I informed some of the more violent of my idiotic minions of the large rattlesnake in the caverns, and told them they could do whatever they wanted with it. Sure enough, bloodlust won out over common sense or any sort of scientific endeavor. Truly these people are the dregs of the world.

Neblime, Deus, Stakud 'Eye Stabber' and Deduk, Baron of Boltblade gathered the rest of the militia and had Lorbam dig into the first cavern layer.




Immediately they were confronted with Shulmik tearing apart a large rat. The snake stopped, dropped the rat's corpse, and sniffed the air. There was a new scent in the caverns... it began to move, far faster than a beast of it's size should be able to.

The first to come upon it was a war dog. Things briefly went surprisingly well, the dog biting at the snakes wings and body, tearing the scale... until the snake retaliated, tearing apart it's legs, injecting venom, and biting off it's tail. If the dog survives, however, I'll be interested to see what happens to it.

Then Udib Citysneak (serial theft, trespassing), wielder of an adamantine spear, dived from the shadows, bashing Shulmik in the center eye and stabbing it through the body, before giving it a kick for good measure.



Shortly thereafter, I'm told, things dissolved into a melee, with the three speardwarves (Udib, Deduk and Stakud) piling on.



The snake is dead, and the upper caverns are now accessable.

Unfortunately, the dog that was bitten died shortly thereafter to it's wounds. No syndrome symptoms distinguishable from the obvious blood loss and disembowelment were identified.




Experiment 2 – Preservation of Dwarven physique via extreme cold.
Addendum: Zulban Mobbedcaves reports no longer being able to sleep indoors due to excessive heat, and instead returns to sleep in the ice mold every night.



That's two for two. Why are there so many insane children in this prison?

In fact, why are there so many children in this prison? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM? (I say this as a convicted serial orphan-kidnapper, of course)


Another Beast! And it's arrived from the same direction as Kor The Deep Holes to boot!


 
And that trap is nearly complete!



I may be able to capture both at once! Hahahahah!

Aaaahahahahahah!

MWAAAHAHAHAHAHA- *cough* *cough*

 *ahem*

Sorry about that, it happens sometimes. I'd like to take a moment to assure everyone I'm quite sane. I check every day.

[QuQuasar]

What?



The great beasts are territorial! Or maybe this is some sort of courting display? An incredible discovery regardless, but with an unfortunate side effect: I won't be able to catch them if they kill one another!

Arak vs Kor, slug vs ribbon worm. They are bruising and denting each other, but failing to tear the disgusting membranes that serve as skin.



Eventually, however, the clash of titans ends. Kor's mouth gets a good grip on Araks body, and...



I am disappointed. Arak never showed any sign of emitting any form of chemical, and died to a savage bite to the body, so it's abilities will forever remain a mystery. Kor breathed in it's own vapors, however.



No apparent physical response, but the creature is behaving slightly differently, bashing the rocks about it as if it cannot feel it's body.


Another dwarf, one of the weavers, has gone silent and claimed a clothiers shop. An irrelevant distraction. Get him to work or pick up the slack yourselves, I do not care.




I spotted Asmel Praisedcanyons (medical malpractice) having a fight with a helmet snake.



And by "fight" I mean "grabbing it by the head over and over until he fell unconsious." I considered sending someone to help him, but it looked like he was having so much fun I didn't want to spoil the experience for him by having someone else get the kill.


I may have made a slight miscalculation.



Asmel's dead, the helmet snake is called Gangrealms now, and it's biting dogs on the staircase.

And now it's dead too, after one of the dogs bit it in the brain. All's well that ends with less than a dozen casualties.

And I see Rimtar Oarwalked (homicide) is looting Asmel's corpse rather than burying him. An admirable dedication to pragmatism over useless sentimentality.


A woman has arrived. I am... astounded.



She appears young and attractive, but there is a sense of age about her, and her hair is as white as snow. She wears jewelry of her own kinds bone, and a carefully preserved crown of someone elses hair sits atop her own long, straight hair.

She holds herself with dignity: tall, haughty and arrogant. Some of the prisoners start to leer, at least until she makes eye contact, and gives them a smile.

That smile.

This one is different from that pitiful mayor we once had. This one is confident in her power. I do not doubt for a moment that she could kill every dwarf in this prison, should the whim take her.

SHE'D MAKE A BRILLIANT TEST SUBJECT. Shame we don't have anything in place to capture her.

I wonder what she wants?


Out of character:

We've got a diplomat, but I don't have any plot reason for us to have diplomats. And she's a vampire with two bodyguards. I'm *certain* there's an excellent tale to be spun here, but it escapes me right now.

If someone else wants to tell us what reason an awesome vampire matriarch like Esme has to come to a glacial dwarven prison of death, it would help.

[Taupe]

To vampires, this outpost would make an excellent food source. nobody will miss those dwarves. Hell, maybe the prison itself is the price our king pays for an alliance with the human civilisation. They give us something, he feeds her some useless prisoners. Hell, a predilection for children blood could definitely explain why we have so many children sent here.

[Deus Asmoth]

For some reason I was expecting her surname to translate to Weatherwax. I guess Granny never becomes a vampire no matter the reality.