Welp. I'll just give a brief summary of last night's session. I arrived late, but apparently all that happened was that the Tree of Life was a trap and they got swarmed with succubi and incubi (one player kept and wore a pair of their studded leather chaps), they met Lilith and the dude who really wanted a dragon instead got a homunculus that needs to be fed around 500L of human blood to become an approximation of a dragon. Oh, and when they ate from the Tree of Knowledge they got to peek at the campaign notes, but all that they remembered was that it was a mythology pileup and we're allegedly supposed to kill God. Not certain whether I believe/trust them. When I got there we were just about to enter a storm of Archer Vice references which ended with us getting off the plane in Colombia and getting slapped with bomb collars.
Two of the guys managed to finagle their way into making off with 5 kilos of coke, and they went off to do the thing to get us out of the collars, namely bombing a stadium where Rick Astley was performing for a crowd of thousands. In a tiny Colombian town. That, in turn, agitated what was apparently a giant fucking sandworm. We spent the few minutes it took for it to full rise and then slam back down onto the city shopping, looting the corpses in the collapsing stadium, and in one case siphoning off their blood. One of the party members wrapped himself in shower curtains smeared with vaseline, then later used one of those to set a trap for another party member, baited with a splatter of his own blood, two stolen gold necklaces, and a quarter-pound of coke.
I spent most of my remaining money in that town on a bulletproof vest and a rocket-pistol. Also as of next session I am apparently going to be playing a Druid instead of a Monk because "we have too many monks" (two? in a party of 6-7). Not that it makes much difference, because apparently my cyborg arm won't get its damage nerfed and Druids are houseruled as bathroom chemists, so whatever.
Anyways. We ran off into the jungle with our map to El Dorado and stumbled across a tired old logic puzzle old man trying to figure out how to get his fox, chicken, and grain across the river. That took all of five seconds to resolve, which is when one of our party members approached a chucacabra. He tried to hide in a tree and got grappled and mauled. Two more had been hidden from view as well. So yeah.
The guy who'd made the lubed shower curtains lobbed a jar of hydrochloric acid at the grappled pair and hit both, nearly killing each and knocking them out of the tree. I fired my rocket pistol at the nearest to find out what it did, exactly. As it turns out, 2d12+6 in a 15' AoE. I missed. The firearm houserules the guy cooked up for missed shots set up a 20-section line between the shooter and the target, then you roll D20 to find out where the shots land. Meh.
So, I missed. I was also in the back of the party. That shot barely went 5', everyone got splashed. Yeah. Then it was the chupacabras' turn. They were houseruled monstrosities with, among other things, a life-draining attack. So the one that got burned with acid was back up to full. A length clusterfuck of a fight later, I and the Cleric managed to put one down for good and the other two damaged ones failed their morale check and ran. In a rare show of party solidarity everyone who was downed got healed, and the only other thing that happened was that the Cleric stole a book from the guy who triggered the ambush (who had stolen it from another party member who had acquired it from the Cleric). The Cleric's been TN since he helped the party's CE Antipaladin (the guy feeding blood to the homunculus) rob a bank, by the by.
That's all. No more sessions for a while, either. I have no words.