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Help me get better at DMing: is this game way, way too wordy?

Holy shit yes
- 0 (0%)
Slightly less long-winded would be better.
- 0 (0%)
No, it's fine as it is.
- 6 (60%)
I am dangerously insane and demand an excess of words. Double the length of each update.
- 4 (40%)

Total Members Voted: 10


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Author Topic: [ISG] Teovanth  (Read 22623 times)

Araph

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[ISG] Teovanth
« on: March 27, 2015, 06:30:42 pm »




A long...                     
long...
                    time ago

In the land of Teovanth
there was
a hero.


Known as Adonael by the men of Cennuth, called Mihr by the elves of Arbellon, the hero was a warrior of unparalleled skill and might. He wandered the land, uncovering lost magics and defeating insurmountable foes. When his final enemy awoke, an ancient and powerful being that slept beneath the earth, the nations of Teovanth rallied under his banner. The armies of men, elves, and dwarves checked the advance of the corrupted horrors that followed in the Old One's wake - but only just.


Alone on the summit of the mountain Vulwin, Adonael faced the Old One. Many things are said about the confrontation: that the gods themselves joined the hero in his battle, that Adonael tricked the devil into submission, that before their duel they spoke as old friends.

In the end, the skies broke and the land heaved. For three days and three nights the battle raged while the peoples of Teovanth waited in uncertainty.

And then all was calm.

The peak of Vulwin had been devastated. The dwarf mage Khelgor, Adonael's oldest and truest companion, was the first to reach the crater where Adonael lay. None but Khelgor know what words passed between them, but Adonael breathed his last that day. His remains were interred far within the dwarven mountainhomes, his spear and armor with him.

At great cost, the evil had been destroyed.


It now approaches seven hundred years since the day of that battle.




A young elf trudges along a snowy mountain path beneath a canopy of evergreen trees. This elf - Taliss Flame-Finder - is you.

For the past week, you've been travelling east on a mission from the archmage Taerel. As your apprenticeship to Taerel neared its end, he gave you one last task: to travel across the mountains to the edge of civilization and beyond with the goal of retrieving a seed from a specific tree of great magical significance.

So, now you're plowing your way through a wilderness trail towards a small pass in the mountains. You should reach the elven outpost nearby within the day, but for now you're stuck with only the sound of crunching snow and the wind in the trees for company.


Eventually, the trees thin out and the sky comes back into view. You can see the outpost's watchtower some distance away, as well as faint wisps of smoke. As you continue down the narrow, unkempt road, you're able to see the entirety of the outpost. There's not much to it. A couple of lodge buildings for the rangers and travellers, stables for the horses, and an outdoor forge for a farrier.

Upon arriving, you're greeted by a gruff, bearded ranger. He asks if you're heading through the pass. Turns out it's still snowed in from last months snowfall, but it should be clear enough to transverse within a week or two. There haven't been many travelers recently, so there's plenty of room to stay at the outpost.

You frown slightly. Master Taerel didn't specify that there was any rush, but you'd really prefer to get back to your familiar, comfortable homeland as quickly as possible. You ask the woodsman if there's any other way that might be faster.

He mirrors your frown. There are two other ways - technically. The dwarven bridge of Khalad Tal spanned the valley to the north of the outpost, which would let travelers cross over the valley and access the tunnels east through the mountains. The dwarves have never been on the best of terms with elves, though, and they've been locking down their territories for some reason. Travelers have been turned back by border patrols or gone missing; the ranger fears the dwarves are gearing up for war.

Or you could descend into the valley and make your way east that way, but there's a reason that both the elves and dwarves have cleared out or dug passes through the range. Beasts and terrors of the night infest the lowlands. As an unarmed pilgrim, it'd be best to wait it out and take the safe route.

You, however, are no unarmed pilgrim. You are an arcanist, trained in the magical arts and nearing the end of your apprenticeship. Which branch of magic did you study under Master Taerel?

1. Mentalism: Mentalists draw on the ethereal forces of the Rift to enact their will on the world around them. Their magic is recognizable by its tendency to be violent, unpredictable, and cause things to appear different than reality would suggest.
2. Geometricism: Geometrists draw or project symbols and runes to alter reality to suit them. Their magic is controlled, precise, and occasionally goes haywire and resembles a mentalist's work.
3. Spiritualism: Spiritualists use their innate energy to affect reality. In many ways similar to Mentalism, spiritual magic tends to be more controllable and precise, as the energy comes entirely from an internal wellspring.
4. Elementalism: Elementalists direct the forces of natures according to their will. The four elements (and a few others) are theirs to control.



You can take one of the dangerous routes or wait for the pass to clear. What do you do?




Spoiler: Author's Note (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: May 18, 2015, 02:45:04 pm by Araph »
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Generally me

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Re: Teovanth
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2015, 06:34:20 pm »

1 then 2 or 4 then 1

Also is this multiplayer
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Mlamlah

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Re: Teovanth
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2015, 06:36:55 pm »

Primary: Intrigue
Secondary: Horror

Setting: 2. Frozen peaks and icy winds. White forests of tall trees, still as the grave. The bite of the cold air on bared skin. The stout timber walls and stone buttresses of an indomitable people.

Name:  Taliss Flame-Finder
Gender: Female
Race: Elf
Occupation: Arcanist
Physical Description: A black of hair and blue of eye Elf,  proud in bearing but grim in countenance.

Edit: ehhh, why not, changing my vote a little.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2015, 07:16:06 pm by Mlamlah »
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The Froggy Ninja

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Re: Teovanth
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2015, 06:49:42 pm »

1,4,1.
Don't care
Female
Elf
Arcanist
Don't care

Araph

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Re: Teovanth
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2015, 09:20:01 pm »

1 then 2 or 4 then 1

Also is this multiplayer

Just double-checking: are you voting for SaS/horror and expressing no opinion about the setting?

And yes, it's technically multiplayer, but there's only one character. It's a suggestion adventure.

By the looks of it, we have two votes for SaS and one vote for intrigue in the primary category and two votes for horror and one vote for intrigue in the secondary category. For the setting, there's one vote for mountains and one vote for hills. Your current character choice is Taliss Flame-Finder, a female elf arcanist. Ideally someone will cast a tie-breaking vote for the setting before the first update, but if not then we'll just roll with it.
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The Froggy Ninja

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Re: Teovanth
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2015, 09:25:35 pm »

1 then 2 or 4 then 1

Also is this multiplayer

Just double-checking: are you voting for SaS/horror and expressing no opinion about the setting?

And yes, it's technically multiplayer, but there's only one character. It's a suggestion adventure.

By the looks of it, we have two votes for SaS and one vote for intrigue in the primary category and two votes for horror and one vote for intrigue in the secondary category. For the setting, there's one vote for mountains and one vote for hills. Your current character choice is Taliss Flame-Finder, a female elf arcanist. Ideally someone will cast a tie-breaking vote for the setting before the first update, but if not then we'll just roll with it.
It's more like one and a half votes for secondary horror and intrigue. I think he's indecisive.

ShadowHammer

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Re: Teovanth
« Reply #6 on: March 27, 2015, 09:26:03 pm »

Primary: Intrigue
Secondary: Horror

Setting: 2. Frozen peaks and icy winds. White forests of tall trees, still as the grave. The bite of the cold air on bared skin. The stout timber walls and stone buttresses of an indomitable people.

Name:  Taliss Flame-Finder
Gender: Female
Race: Elf
Occupation: Arcanist
Physical Description: A black of hair and blue of eye Elf,  proud in bearing but grim in countenance.
+1
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Araph

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2015, 10:32:01 pm »

The original OP has been replaced by the first update! You are Taliss Flame-Finder, professional wizard.
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flame99

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2015, 10:46:28 pm »

PtW, and contribute when I'm better rested.
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Peradon

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #9 on: March 29, 2015, 10:55:01 pm »

We are a Geometrist!

Go via the bridge of Khalad-Tal
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Andres

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #10 on: March 29, 2015, 11:20:28 pm »

The illustrations look excellent but why is Adonael left-handed in the first picture and right-handed in the second?

EDIT: Elementalism
« Last Edit: March 29, 2015, 11:23:13 pm by Andres »
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Araph

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #11 on: March 29, 2015, 11:31:34 pm »

The illustrations look excellent but why is Adonael left-handed in the first picture and right-handed in the second?

He's just that good. And thanks!
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Urist Arrhenius

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #12 on: March 29, 2015, 11:31:42 pm »

ptw
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Fallatus

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #13 on: March 29, 2015, 11:49:07 pm »

+1 Elementalism. Nothing quite brings fear and awe like those that control the uncontrollable.(And i ain't talking 'bout no comic books villain in control but not really in control shit.)
Besides, We're gonna need a bit of unpredictability, Plus its bay 12 to have an incredibly powerful form of magic that has a "tiny" chance at going horribly wrong.
Though if i can be as bold as to request: could our main study be in elementalism with a bit of side dish of spiritualism? you know, Just studying it a bit on the side whenever we had extra time. It is fascinating the power that comes from within, and certainly useful at times.
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Pencil_Art

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #14 on: March 29, 2015, 11:49:25 pm »

Amazing art.
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