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Help me get better at DMing: is this game way, way too wordy?

Holy shit yes
- 0 (0%)
Slightly less long-winded would be better.
- 0 (0%)
No, it's fine as it is.
- 6 (60%)
I am dangerously insane and demand an excess of words. Double the length of each update.
- 4 (40%)

Total Members Voted: 10


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Author Topic: [ISG] Teovanth  (Read 22988 times)

Andres

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #150 on: May 12, 2015, 01:47:59 am »

Rest, get a map from here to our destination, and buy some parchment for more magic maps. We could probably practice making the platform again or improving the design.

Repost. :P
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Fallatus

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #151 on: May 12, 2015, 08:38:01 am »

After you have done all the important stuff for your day, Try to replicate the hoverboard you made earlier but properly, From better materials and such, And integrate some additional enchantments so that it doesn't "break" so easily like last time.
We gun be travvelin in style.
« Last Edit: May 12, 2015, 08:39:37 am by Fallatus »
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Lord_lemonpie

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #152 on: May 12, 2015, 10:10:53 am »

Ptw, I love your art style!
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InZane

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #153 on: May 12, 2015, 10:29:31 am »

PTW
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I PTW anything that seems interesting

ATHATH

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #154 on: May 12, 2015, 11:00:59 am »

Ask if we can talk to that hunter-guy later about the cat.
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*slow clap* Well ATHATH congratulations. You managed to give the MC a mental breakdown before we even finished the first arc.
I didn't even read it first, I just saw it was ATHATH and noped it. Now that I read it x3 to noping

Prophet

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #155 on: May 12, 2015, 03:00:39 pm »

((I just realized this update that we are a girl. I really do need to pay more attention.  :P))
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

Araph

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #156 on: May 12, 2015, 03:50:51 pm »

((I just realized this update that we are a girl. I really do need to pay more attention.  :P))

That's mostly my fault, admittedly. Especially when the game started, I had a very shaky grasp of the differences in shoulder/waist/hip ratios between men and women, which led to a lack of clarity. Also, I didn't know how to draw bewbs. That was a problem.

Ptw, I love your art style!

Thanks! :D
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stabbymcstabstab

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #157 on: May 16, 2015, 11:56:30 pm »

Rest, get a map from here to our destination, and buy some parchment for more magic maps. We could probably practice making the platform again or improving the design.

Repost. :P

+1
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Araph

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #158 on: May 17, 2015, 10:40:59 pm »

Rest
+1

"You're welcome to stay while you recover from your fall." The reverend slowly heaves himself off of his stool and turns to leave. "Should you need help with anything, the servants of the gods are here to help." He gestures to one of the cathedral's workers replacing bed sheets near the end of the room before shuffling off towards the doors.

Exhausted from your travels and sleep deprivation, you quickly doze off.

When you awaken, the sun is still streaming through the vaulted windows. Or maybe it set and rose again - you're not sure. You slide your legs off of the bed and onto the floor, slowly rising to your feet.

A short, elderly woman comes bustling through the doors on the far side of the hall, carrying a stack of folded cloth and approaching your position far faster than her rotund frame would suggest.

"Oh, Sean said you'd be up soon - hello, dearie. What's your name?"

"Taliss, ma'am."

"Taliss, Taliss, that's a fine name. I'm Ilean, Sean is my husband, you've already met him. Up and about already, I see? Let's get you cleaned up, can't have you leaving here still covered in dirt and blood, no." She sets off back in the same direction she came from at an equally fast pace, talking all the while. You force your sore legs to keep up. After passing through several large rooms leading to a small hallway, she leaves you in a small, candlelit room with a washbasin, mirror, wooden bathtub, and a chest of linens.

"Now, we'll get you some water to wash up with in just a moment." She hurries out of the room.


You take the time to look at your reflection. You... got a little more beat up than you realized. As servants come in and out of the room with steaming buckets of water, you take a catalogue of your cuts and bruises. Nothing major, fortunately. Uncomfortable, but not dangerous.

"While you have a soak, I'll see about getting those filthy clothes cleaned, too."

"Oh, uh. Thank you."

Her face crinkles into a smile. The expression reminds you of Sean. "Oh, think nothing of it, dearie."



You (the reader) take advantage of the irregular nature of the forum game medium to skip through a nice, relaxing bath to a point in time when Taliss begins doing stuff again.



You (Taliss) stand near the door of the cathedral, taking the opportunity to ask Sean one last question before leaving.

Ask if we can talk to that hunter-guy later about the cat.

"If I wanted to speak with Alridh again, where could I find him?"

"The Hunters live just north of the town. You'll be safe visiting during the day, but stay in town once the sun falls."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks again for, well. Everything." You know that years from now, you will look back on this moment and lament over how poorly you thanked the reverend, just like that one dumb thing you said eight years ago to that one person who you only saw once in passing.

"Hospitality is sacred. We seek only to do the will of the gods." He smiles. "Farewell, Taliss."


You exit the cathedral and head back into the city.

buy some parchment for more magic maps.
+1

First order of business: more parchment. After some searching, you find a vendor in the marketplace with a stash of low-quality parchment being sold for a disproportionately high price. After some haggling, you procure five blank sheets of parchment for a few coins from your dwindling supply of money. You get the impression your indefinite amount of remaining currency will run short whenever it will be most inconvenient if you don't do something about it.

We could probably practice making the platform again or improving the design.
+1
After you have done all the important stuff for your day, Try to replicate the hoverboard you made earlier but properly, From better materials and such, And integrate some additional enchantments so that it doesn't "break" so easily like last time.
We gun be travvelin in style.

You make your way some distance beyond the town's walls for some peace and quiet as you begin to design an elaborate, over-the-top, and entirely awesome means of transportation. You recreate the runes from memory, make adjustments, consider options, and weigh factors before stepping into the ring once more.

The literal ring of runes, you mean. Where else could that phrase have come from?


IT WORKS, you calmly exclaim to yourself. The improved design seems to be much more stable. You carefully pilot your contraption up into the air, winding between trees and testing its balance.



Taliss added a new runic device to her repertoire!

                    :
Creates a floating, piloted platform of dirt that supports up to three people. The platform can travel with precision at speeds of up to 50 miles per hour. The platform lasts for ten minutes before gradually running out of energy.
Creation time: 2 minutes
Uses/day: 1
Prefab material: Silver or equivalent (This device can be stored on a material equivalent to or better than silver.)


What will you name your new spell?
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Andres

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #159 on: May 17, 2015, 11:06:52 pm »

Name it 'Flying Platform'.

It says that we need silver as a prerequisite for making it but we've made it twice now with dirt. Not only that but the instructions even specify to use dirt. What's with that?

Visit the Hunters and ask for Alridh.

Buy a shovel. Dig up some dirt. Put dirt inside of a pre-made ring of runes. Convert dirt into silver using Equivalent Exchange principles.

I think rune rings should be our signature form of magic. Anyone else?
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Araph

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #160 on: May 18, 2015, 12:07:38 am »

It says that we need silver as a prerequisite for making it but we've made it twice now with dirt. Not only that but the instructions even specify to use dirt. What's with that?

Sorry, I forgot the explanation. You can prepare the spell when you need it (which takes two minutes) or you can prepare it ahead of time on a silver (or equivalent) object and instant-cast it.
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Fallatus

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #161 on: May 18, 2015, 03:11:11 am »

"Flying Platform" is a bit too straight forward and simple, This is magic, We are practically enforced to name it something mystical and/or cool sounding.
Maybe something more like... Earthbound Flight?
« Last Edit: May 18, 2015, 03:16:17 am by Fallatus »
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sirboomalot

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #162 on: May 19, 2015, 01:39:32 am »

PTW
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Andres

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #163 on: May 19, 2015, 01:41:31 am »

Let's name it later. More suggestions/votes are needed for our actions now.
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Mlamlah

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Re: [ISG] Teovanth
« Reply #164 on: May 19, 2015, 05:20:37 am »

What about Skystone for a name? It sounds elegant enough to my ear.

As for actions...
Visit the Hunters and ask for Alridh.

+1, assuming that we have clear directions and it won't take up too much time. We should also ask around for potential work for a magic user of our talents.
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