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[Mathel]

Granted. He wields an axe and is opposed to life.

I wish to obtain a ring of invisibility.

[hops]

Granted. Because your eyes' pigments are now invisible, you cannot see because light does not hit on them. Nobody can see you when you walk into the path of a car.

I wish other sports also had hammy plotlines like pro wrestling.

[King Zultan]

Granted, now all sports are soap opera where it takes at least thirty episodes to play out one game.

I wish all soap operas to become wrestling matches to the death.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, it turns out the populace is quite entertained by this "sport". Now, to-the-death wrestling matches are held every day in the streets of every country in existence. As a result, said countries get taken over by tyrannical dictators. But the dictators have no one to rule over - they are the last surviving humans, having wrestled everyone else to death.

I wish for humanity to have an interstellar prospecting group composed of prospectors from all countries. Furthermore, said prospecting group is its own independent political entity, rather than being tied to any specific government.

[Ibid Straydrink]

Granted! However, it turns out the populace is quite entertained by this "sport". Now, to-the-death wrestling matches are held every day in the streets of every country in existence. As a result, said countries get taken over by tyrannical dictators. But the dictators have no one to rule over - they are the last surviving humans, having wrestled everyone else to death.

I wish for humanity to have an interstellar prospecting group composed of prospectors from all countries. Furthermore, said prospecting group is its own independent political entity, rather than being tied to any specific government.

Granted. Authoritarian regimes quickly buyout seats of power by offering valuable resources and leveraging debt. In a few decades, the stars are solidly under the ownership of conglomerations beholden to said regimes.

I wish for a hero to arise in the twilight of this age, and lead humanity into to a furiously nationalistic golden age, deposing eastern culture and establishing a pan-Earth neo-Greek state. Jack boots may be involved, as they always are, but the balance between personal liberty and duty to society are held in an equilibrium that exceeds all prior human civilization.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, happiness is at an all-time low. Soon everyone dies of terminal depression.

I wish to de-depress the dead.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, all corpses now float, therefore, not in depressions (holes) in the ground anymore

I wish for the ability to use nitrogen gas to synthesize nitrites and nitrates (this process is commonly called “nitrogen fixing” and is often done by various bacteria and fungi), and that those nitrates and nitrites can be used by my body.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, despite your body being able to utilize them, it turns out nitrates and nitrites are quite unhealthy for an organism as big as you. Soon you are quite ill.

I wish to put the dead - all of them - in one highly reinforced screw press.

[Mathel]

Granted. The screw press is too giant for Earth, thus is in space, orbiting Sun on a nearby orbit. All the current corpses (recognisable as such) have been teleported there, messing with people wanting to eat meat, police work and afterlives of religions that require corpses to be burried. However, nobody turned the press on, so it does not actualy crush the corpses.

I wish to upgrade IFM's press to hydraulic.

[King Zultan]

Granted, it is now a giant hydraulic press that still in space and you still have no way to activate it.

I wish for a way to activate the press so it'll squish all the corpses.

[CABL]

Granted, but the squishy gory mess from the crushed corpses floats in the space and blocks the Moon from being visible from Earth. It causes a wave of cranky conspiracy theorists to go out and attack NASA/SpaceX rocket sites/installations.

I wish for Linux to become as common as Windows.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! macOS, however, becomes more common than both.

I wish for an explosive time apple.

((Yes, I know this, the post before this, or both may constitute a necropost. Oh well.))

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, your time apple, when you bite into it, transports you either forward or backward in time. Eventually after eating the entire apple, you look around and find some writing that indicates you’re in the 1100s.

I wish the COVID19 virus gets eradicated, along with any mutations of it.

[Mathel]

Granted. All copies of the virus, along with their hosts, are suddenly atomised.

I wish to always know what would happen in the next hour if I would not act upon that knowledge.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but you end up never knowing the future as you always act upon future knowledge in some small way,

I wish for 68 million zebras to appear near me.