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[Mesa]

Granted. The original copy of Episode Three is in the very center, and with it Darth Gaben will be able to destroy entire worlds like ours.

I wish I was good at art.

[IronTomato]

Granted. You've got quite a talent for drawing butts!

I wish my classmates weren't so loud.

[Mesa]

Granted. They're so silent they never talk to you again, becoming mimes.

I wish mine were a bit quieter, too.

[Erils]

Granted. They're dead. Now they will be very silent.

I wish that my wishes stopped causing hate, death and violence.

[My Name is Immaterial]

They start causing young, pre-adolescent girls to appear and scream about [insert teen idol here].

I wish that these girls did not try to attract mates with a high pitched scream/squeal.

[Lenglon]

Granted, they attempt to attract them with unaimed gunfire.

I wish I had a nice big fluffy fox tail.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, you have a nice big fluffy fox tail, the fox said tail is attached to seems to be quite dead judging from the horrendous smell and the Fat squirming maggots.

I wish for better wishes in which to corrupt.

[Lenglon]

Lenglon throws away the unidentified dead fox hurriedly, after confirming that it isn't her pet one.
that... hey! that is so incredibly subjective! define "better"!
Granted?

I wish I grew a nice big fluffy fox tail.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. This is because you have the most extreme form of cancer ever observed and your DNA is melting like ice under a blowdryer. The doctors can't be sure how long it will be, but it looks like you'd better start writing a will.

I wish I was better at spying in TF2

[JackOSpades]

Granted, you are much better at spying in TF2 but you gained this power by sacrificing all your Hats, the game no longer recognizes you as a real entity and as such you are unable to interact with the game in any meaningful way.

I wish that game hadn't devolved to hat fortress 2 

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Your job is now to push a corpse in a cart into Hell, but still loose because the race to the top bit after the payload race is what matters, not the winner of the payload race. For Eternity. At least you get spells, though.

I wish to patent Lenglon's mega-cancerous tissue as "pink slime" and sell it to fast food corporations.

[Lenglon]

Granted, but I stop growing it anymore, there's no other supplies, and I'm not giving you my tail!

I wish people understood tone over the internet.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, people understand tone over the internet, they still struggle with Inflection however

I wish my laughter wasn't always maniacal laughter

[Lenglon]

Granted, you also have a mad cackle.

I wish I had a properly-cooked steak on a plate, hot and fresh and yummy!

[JackOSpades]

Granted, one sharpened piece of wood on a plate, the tip appears to be black and charred and the whole thing is still warm to the touch. and it's a good thing you asked for it too as night is falling and the other vampires are not too happy with the murder of one of their own, they seem to think you are responsible because your holding the murder weapon after all.

I wish I wish I had a fish