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[Xantalos]

Granted. GamesWorkshop releases a series of board games centering around the Emperor having tea parties.

I wish that DF, when it gets to v1.00, it becomes reality.

[Devling]

Too bad you have no good skills and are used in the slave pits. 

(also FUCK yes EMPRAH needs his tea!)

I wish the EMPRAH had his tea.

[Argonnek]

Granted, the Executive Manager of Personnel Resources in Applied Harmonics receives his tea. It is poorly made tea.

I wish I could selectively choose to never make mistakes.

[Kestrel_6]

You gain no sense of when a mistake is going to happen, so you still make mistakes

I wish BattleMechs were real

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. You gain the ability to selectively choose to never make mistakes. Not that it matters, because The Devil possessed your body because you made a deal with him.

That has got to be the biggest mistake you've ever made.

Granted. They happen to land on top of you first, with you being none the wiser about their existence. In short, you don't know what killed you, and if they actually existed.

I wish I could transform into a large creature, save the world and the universe and everyone would say Hooray!

[Devling]

Then you die a painful, horrible death as you rot in a padded cell, your insanity warping reality, making you think you are large creature, saving the world, and everyone is saying hooray. They are not.

i wish ford teh inteernetz @ lulz plox

[Kestrel_6]

Granted. However, 4Chan becomes real. You doomed the world

I wish for an Omni-tool

[Guardian G.I.]

You get a broken, useless Omnitool.
I wish I had a human-sized radio-controlled Dalek (complete with mechanical voice)

[Trapezohedron]

I wish I had a great sense of order.

[Blizzlord]

Granted. You are now driven insane by the sheer amount of disorder in the world.

"I want to be a tree."

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. You become a Harold, specifically, the final stage. Your heart has been pushed deeper down the soil, with ants and queens dwelling inside, and everyone wants to get rid of you with burninating weaponry.

The rest of your now-useless set of organs have been pushed around, in different and sometimes easy to access, and hard to reach places.

Enjoy getting those exposed entrails getting plucked off of ya. They still feel pain.

I wish I were a Kaiju.

[Audioworm333]

Granted. A monster hunter comes along and destroys you.

I wish I had Skyrim.

[Blizzlord]

Granted. You now took an arrow in the knee.

I wish Diablo 3 gave fewer error messages (and to still be working afterwards). It broke my record for most errors encountered in a single game.

[Audioworm333]

Granted. It now only gives one error message, and it appears as soon as the game is started, causing it to crash.

I wish people stopped making stupid "arrow to the knee" jokes.

[bitesh]

Granted. You used to make arrow to the knee jokes, but then you took an arrow to the knee, which gangrened and you died as a result.

I wish a huge sack of weed dropped from the sky and landed 2ft from me, right now!